ladybug. 🐞

Warnings :smut eventually, language, mentions of death

Jacob Fatu x black!oc

PLEASE MAKE SURE TO READ THE A/N at the end of the chapter, its actually important this time, and will help me produce more chapters for yall!

Emptiness.

Usually after coming home from a long tour Kenese felt grateful to get back to California, to her home with her dog, and her amazing bed.

But things felt lonely and repetitive now. Cairo was in Cancun for some brand trip, Jon, Josh, and Joe were in Florida up to God knows what, and for some reason, Jacob still hadn’t texted her.

Loneliness wasn’t a new feeling for her but repetitive loneliness was... and it led her to think about her environment. Maybe she had outgrown California life.

her having had lived there her entire life, growing up in a 1 story suburban at the edge of a cul de sac, and growing up in it until the time of her mothers death when she was 16, she had realized that a lot of the key factors in her life were repetitive and that needed to change..

The want for a new start wasn’t sudden.. She had told her ex-girlfriend about wanting a change but Anissa had convinced her that their relationship was already rocky enough and that a move would complicate things more.

So now, sitting in this moment she realized that she had spent most of her life catering to what other people thought they needed from her. Now with an entire month off from work, she decided that she has to take charge of her life and make the changes she wanted to make.

She sunk into the couch and got to brainstorming on where to move. “New York?.. no they got big ass rats down there.. Chicago? no… it get’s too cold during winter.. Texas? no.. it would just be like Cali…. Florida? Na- wait.. Florida…” She murmured, trailing off as she pondered on it longer.

She drifted in her thoughts for a few moments before an impromptu bark from her dog caused by the trill of the doorbell, broke her brainstorm. “who the hell is ringing my doorbell..” Kenese exasperated, heading to the door and opening it to see a delivery person holding a large bouquet of pink lilies and pink roses.

“Delivery for Kenese Rayan?” The delivery driver stated, reading out the card. “Oh I didn’t order these?” She questioned more than she stated. “Oh well theres a note from the buyer attached.” He said, quickly handing her the flowers before getting back in his delivery van.

She closed the door behind him and journeyed to her kitchen island, before sitting the flowers down and picking up the card to read the note.

“I didn’t forget to text you, texting is lil’ boy shit, I like going bigger. Hope You don’t mind, I got your address from your girl. Dinner soon? - J.F” She whispered, reading the note in awe.

As she went to pull her phone out to text Cairo, her phone started flashing with a call from an unknown number with a Florida area code. She opened her mouth to speak but got cut off by the voice on the other end.

“You got my lil’ surprise, mama?” The familiar deep voice spoke out. “I got it.. Thank’s big boy. Didn’t appreciate how you left me hangin’ though..” She teased.

“Well then I guess you’ll have to let me make up for it by taking you later?” He flirtatiously suggested. “Well then I guess, I’ll have to take you up on your offer, to see how you’re planning to make it up to me.” Kenese purred.

“Alright then, mama.. I’ll be seeing you later then.. be ready by 8:30, i’mma come swing by to grab you.” Jacob breathed. “Okay big boy.. see you at 8:30.” Kenese said slowly, before hanging up.

Kenese was good at a lot of things, but the thing she was best at was procrastinating. It was now 8:20 and Kenese was running around with her hair clipped up, setting powder still baking on her face, and one leg out of her bodysuit as Erykah Badu blasted in the background of the chaos.

She managed to get herself together by 8:27, checking her outfit in the mirror before answering the knock on her door. She opened the door and stepped to the side and let Jacob in, taking in his outfit. All black, chain dangling from his neck and large black sunglasses covering his eyes.

“Shit.. mama, you look so fuckin’ good.” He breathed out, eyes scanning up and down her body as he took her hand to twirl her slowly. “Thanks big boy, you look good too” She replied smirking.

“Alright, let’s go then mama.” Jacob said, gently taking her hand and leading her out the door towards the passenger seat of his car before opening the door for her.

As they sat in the car, they opted on not listening to any music, wanting to connect with each other first.

“So what made you get into wrestling?” Jacob quizzed, breaking the silence. “Well my mom died when I was 16, and we used to watch wrestling together all the time, and her favorite wrestler was Jazz and before she died she used to tell me that she wished that more women had the courage to break into male fields like wrestling.. So I started wrestling school at 17 and went up from there..” She expressed, as Jacob intently listened.

“ Thats respectable as hell , sounds like your mom was a good lady.” He replied gently. “ She was.. I just wish she was here so she could see me fulfilling her wish.” She sighed wearily.

“All your loved ones, are looking down and cheering you on, no matter what you think or how you feel in the moment… Your people are always with you in your heart.” He expressed, caressing the back of her palm with his thumb.

“Thank you, Jacob. I really appreciate you listening.” She replied, as the car pulled into the NOBU parking lot, slowing as Jacob’s eyes scanned for a park.

“Anytime mama, If you ever need to talk to someone about shit like this, let me know. I’ll be around” He said putting emphasis on the last part, as he parked the car and exited to grab her from the passengers seat.

As the walked inside the restaurant, Kenese shivered, slightly taken aback by the cold breeze of the lavish restaurant. Jacob immediately took notice her shiver and stood behind her and pulled her closer, as they were led to their table by the greeter.

Jacob slid into the booth first, still being observant of Kenese’s slight shiver. Kenese went to sit on the opposite side of Jacob, but her action was stopped by Jacob speaking up.

“Where you going mama? c’mere.” He instructed, curling his thick fingers to beckon her to come sit on the same side as him.She moved to sit next to him but yelped when Jacob pulled her on to his lap. “Oh well this is far better than my original seating plan.” She purred, feeling his breath on the back of her neck.

“You better chill out mama, we might not get through this dinner if you keep talking reckless at the mouth” He tilted his head down, leading into her ear whispering, as his hand two fingers trailed up her thigh teasingly. “Okay i’ll chill out.. only if we don’t stay for desert.. cause I have other things in mind for a dessert menu.” She breathed, leaning her head up to whisper in Jacob’s ear.

Jacob was about to respond but got halted by the server’s arrival to the table. “Can I get you guys started with any drinks?” The server suggested. Kenese had scanned over the drink menu. “I wanna get a drink, but they make these drinks hella strong here..” Kenese tilted her head up at Jacob indecisively. “We could split it..”He suggested.

“Okay, that works for me. Can I please get a hibiscus sour, and a water” She politely requested. The server nodded before trailing off to go grab their drink. “So im getting a feeling you don’t drink a lot?” Jacob joked.

She tilted her head up with an ‘are you forreal?’ expression on her face. “Boy did you forget all about how drunk I was, the night we met? And if you must know.. I’m more of a smoker” She giggled. “I could tell.” He admitted.

“boy, how the hell?” She replied, flabbergasted. “You too laid back for a 30 year old with a crazy ass schedule.” He jested. “Well maybe i’m just a Zen person!” She playfully scoffed.

“Yeah Ight.” He jokingly sucked his teeth in disbelief. “Whatever Jacob!” She playfully punched his shoulder before leaning closer into him. They chatted for a little while longer as they waited for their food to come out.

As the food came out, Kenese slightly lifted off Jacob’s lap to began eating but was paused by Jacob taking one of his hands from around her waist to grab her chopsticks out of her hand, clamping a California roll with it.

“What are you.. - Shh, open your mouth.” He cut her off gently, tilting her head up with his free hand as she opened her mouth, sliding the sushi in her mouth. “What was that for?” Smiling as she finished chewing. “Why would I let you make an effort to feed yourself when i’m right here?” He replied.

“well thank you, big boy.” She beamed, tilting her head back up as he fed her another piece of sushi. “This is bare minimum mama, don’t mention it.” He expressed.

He finished feeding her, before he began to eat his meal, finishing it quickly before moving on to hand her their drink for her to sip. As dinner wrapped up, Jacob paid the bill no questions asked. Something Kenese admired very much.

She had never been treated like this by any of her partners, let alone the first date. Everything was going perfectly on this date. Jacob even taking the liberty of carrying her to the car due to her being tipsy, even despite her protests.

Jacob drove through the busy streets of LA, as Kenese slightly hung her head out the window wearily knowing that this dream date would be over soon, breeze blowing on her face as ‘Bad’ by Tiara Thomas, played at a lower volume.

Jacob took notice to her unusual silence, he knew that you didn’t have to know Kenese for too long to realize she was a chatterbox. “Everything all right mama? You need something?” He inquired, taking one hand off the wheel to gently caress her thigh as a sign of reassurance.

“Tonight was a great night, and I’m a little upset that It’s ending so soon.” She admitted, scanning his side profile as he focused on the Road. “You thought the night was gon be over once I dropped you at your doorstep? nah that’s not how I do things.. Plus, you were mentioning a lil something bout’ dessert earlier If i recall correctly.” He replied grinning, gold peeking out.

“Dessert is still on the table.. I just didn’t want you to think I was moving too fast.” She replied contently. “You can never move too fast wit’ me, i’m happy to go whatever pace you need me to go lil’ mama.” He smirked.

“Well then I guess I’ll have to invite you in for dessert big boy.” She purred, still scanning his bearded side profile, feeling a new but familiar sensation between her legs.

As they reached Kenese’s house, Jacob wasted no time eagerly going over to the passenger seat to carry her. Kenese violently fumbled through her bag at the door, in search for her keys just as eager as Jacob to get started on the dessert portion of the night.

“Yes! Found them!” She whispered triumphantly as she quickly jammed the key in the lock to open it. Jacob pushed the door open, and entered still carrying Kenese in his arms before placing her down and picking her back up so she could face him.

“Where’s your bedroom?” He whispered in her ear hungrily before moving his mouth to her neck, ravaging it with his tongue. “Upstairs. First door on the left.” She managed to utter out between moans.

He quickly kicked off his shoes, making a beeline to the bedroom, Kenese clinging onto his broad frame. As they reached the bedroom.

He carried her over to the bed, gently placing her on the edge of it before getting on one knee and placing her foot on it slowly drifting his large hands to her ankle to remove her heels.

He gently placed both shoes on the floor before bringing his large hands back to her foot. “Look at these pretty lil’ things.” He breathed out, teasingly massaging her foot. She leaned her head farther into her sheets as she spread her legs, toes flexing in anticipation.

He gently picked up her slender, tattooed foot as he brought her big toe between his lips, tongue swirling around it greedily as he sucked, causing a a soft moan to rip out of Kenese’s throat.

He then continued, moving on to the following toes, tasting each one with a teasing pressure until her foot was slick with saliva.

Finally content with his work, he lowered her toned leg, shifting upwards until his mouth reached the supple skin of her inner thigh, Trailing wet kisses higher as he reached the smooth skin above her entrance, taking notice to the jewelry decorating it.

“Fuck.. you got her decorated lil’ mama? you must be tryna take me out.” He breathed out. He paused to admire it, playfully flicking his tongue against it before inching lower, trailing his hands down to spread her folds before pressing his tongue against her swollen nub. “Jacob..” She whimpered in ecstasy, kneading her hands through his hair as she rocked her hips against his face.

“Shit, you taste so sweet mama, you got me hooked on this pussy.” He growled hungrily, continuing to ravage at her swollen nub with his thick tongue.

As he continued to hungrily work at her clit, Kenese quickly tugged him upwards, feeling herself beginning to unravel. Gazing upwards as he towered over her. She sunk down to her knees to pull his pants and his boxers down.

Before he could say anything, she laid him on the bed, teasingly crawling as she worked her way between his muscular thighs. “Couldn’t finish just yet, had to make sure I got my dessert too big boy.” She purred, teasingly grinning as she took him into her mouth.

“Fuck mama, I aint know you was nasty like this.” He hissed out in pleasure, her lips plump lips sealed around his shaft as she bobbed up and down, her tongue slowly swirling around the tip, before she dragged her tongue up and down the underside of his large member. “Take it all mama.” He breathed out.

She continued to work down his shaft greedily with her tongue, taking him all in as her nose brushed across the short curly hairs of his pelvis.

Noticing him beginning to come undone, she clamped her mouth around him tighter as his body tensed up, as warm spurts began shooting down her throat. “Shit, Kenese” He exclaimed as an absolutely animalistic sound tore out of him.

“Sorry baby, you just tasted so good.. I had to suck everything up.” She teased, greedily running her tongue over her lips to collect the rest of his cum that landed on her plump lips, as Jacob watched in awe.

He slowly lifted up, getting stopped by Kenese placing her hand on his broad tattooed chest, before crawling up further and swinging her leg over one of his hips straddling him as she wrapped her hand around his large wet member placing a condom on it, and directing it to her slippery entrance before plowing down in one smooth motion.

“Oh my fucking God, Kenese” Jacob breathed out as she took control, beginning to ride him, hips rolling in sloppy circles as his eyes trailed to her large perky breasts bouncing up and down, matching the patterns of Jacob’s brutal thrusts.

“Shit Jacob, you feel so fucking deep like this!” She exclaimed, throwing her head back in bliss, as Jacob moved his large hands up to grip her waist, as she placed her hands down on his chest to steady herself. “Fuck, you so tight mama.” “Keep riding this dick baby, take control.” He groaned out.

She leaned closer into him, as she tilted her face into his neck, and began assaulting his neck with her tongue, her piercing brushing his pelvis with every rhythmic roll of her hips.

Feeling herself begin to cone undone, her pace began to quicken as her thighs tensing as she bounced with more force, feeling him go even deeper, meeting her every bounce.

“Shittt yes! Just like that” She whimpered, her tight walls clenching around him. “Fuck! I’m close Jake!” “Me too baby, Me too.” Jacob nodded back.

Her movements became more sloppy and erratic as she slammed down repetitively, her pussy clenching around him, As she felt Jacobs body tense up, hot wet spurts filling between her legs as a moan ripped out of Jacob, his now sweaty chest rising up and down as she continued to ride.

“Hold on a little longer baby, i’m about to cum!” She exclaimed, clamping around him even more, bouncing up and down as her orgasm ripped through her in waves, clear liquid gushing down her legs.

As she finished cumming, she leaned down and laid her head on Jacobs chest exhaustedly. Instead of immediately pulling away he moved his hands down to grip her chin, pulling her in for a gentle but passionate kiss.

He tapped her thigh for her to lift up slightly, as he eased his half hard cock out of her, as she whimpered from loss of contact. He wrapped his arms back around her, pulling her close as he gently ran his calloused hands across her supple skin in soothing strokes.

“So you’re a squirter huh?” He leaned down smirking. “That was my first time, so you must have been doing something right ,big boy” She beamed, moving her hand up to caress his face, pulling him in for another kiss.

“As much as I would love to lay here with you in my arms, I gotta clean you up baby.” He softly reminded her, as she gently nodded watching him go to her bathroom to fetch a rag.

As he made his way back from the bathroom, he stalked over to her gently spreading her legs as he brushed the damp rag over her still sticky entrance and her thighs before placing a light kiss on her tattooed hip bone.

After getting cleaned for what felt like forever, Jacob finally slid back into bed with her, pulling her closer, and peppering light kisses across her hairline until she drifted into sleep.

A/N : Okay guys, we finally got smut this chapter!! p.s I’m not the type of chick to engage in slowburn, and after that summerslam entrance I was dying to write smut.👀👀 btw, what do you guys think of Kenese and Jacobs dynamic so far? Im dying to know!! Also please note that I will be forming a masterlist so you can access all the chapters so far! Also feel free to ask any questions you want to know about Jacob and our oc, or give any requests to what you’d like to see between them. Just to let you guys know as well, yall missed a little hint in chapter 2 to something thats gonna become a conflict later in the story, so give her a reread and make your predictions on what my hint was!

and then there's ko

Synopsis: Staying may be easier, but it isn't always the answer. Pairings: Zilla Fatu x Black!Fem oc Disclaimer: this is a piece I published last year September, from my Wattpad story. I wanted to introduce some of my previous writing to you guys before actually committing to sharing my new pieces, advice and feedback are greatly appreciated💗! WARNINGS: mentions of depression, angst, infidelity, and strong language.

Listen while ya read🖤

Zilla and I have been together since we were basically kids, I've known this man since kindergarten so I knew him and everything about him to the T.

Or so I thought…

Lately, he’s has been very distant, claiming he was wrapped up in work and training—just lying to me in my face like I don’t know the ins and outs of his schedule. This was a non-normal kind of distance, something I never would've expected from my husband, and this was not only unusual to me but it was also suspicious.

"How did you get that way?"

Every time I look at him or even speak to him, (which I barely do anymore) he's either too caught up on some bullshit on his phone or he just seems very "mind quiet" in a way, which is normal but not when you can't even look nor speak to your wife.

Zilla was always affectionate and always displayed all 5 love languages with me. words of affirmation, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, and the one I crave the most; quality time.

There was a familiar feeling that greeted me every time I failed at distracting my mind, My conscience had been eating me alive these past few weeks, I keep having dreams of infidelity, or another woman whose face I can't see, but her voice— I know all too well. something about all of this is familiar, it's gotten to the point where I can't eat or sleep. However Zilla has failed to notice, an indication that he doesn't care and it's obvious.

"How did it get this way?"

I decided to finally confront and face the problem, I didn't want to believe anything was going on with anyone else, but I just can't shake this; vile cruel, and familiar feeling.

I made my way to the bedroom of our beautiful shared home in hopes of seeing Zilla, but as suspected he wasn't there. I took a deep breath before making my way downstairs to the living room, and there he was sitting at his desk on that damn phone.

"Baby," I called out for him but was greeted with nothing but silence, I sighed in return I hated repeating myself, and not only that but I was right in front of this man. Am I really that invisible?

“Zay.” I called out a second time expecting a response, but was left feeling disappointed.

“Isayah.” I called out again tapping the back of my hand gently against his chest, but this time with bass in my voice that showed that I wasn’t fucking around.

"What do you need to talk to me about y/n? And Stop tapping me like that, that shit hurts." He snapped in a harsh tone without looking up from his phone.

This nigga dramatic as hell, I barely touched him.

I rolled my eyes and let out a deep exhale before responding.

His tone irked the shit out of me and honestly threw me off, but I need answers—now.

"Can you put your phone down so I can talk to you?" I responded matching his harsh and nonchalant tone.

"Just talk, I'm listening."

He really finna piss me off now.

"But you're not, listening would be you giving me your undivided attention and showing some respect." I quickly snapped looking dead at him and waiting for a response.

I watched in annoyance as he tapped away on his phone before setting it down, who the fuck could he be texting?

I then pulled up the spare gaming chair Zilla bought me last Christmas when he taught me how to play, and sat in it. I glared at him, and with exhausted eyes, I was trying to understand what the problem was— although my gut had already told me weeks ago.

"What's going on with you Zay?" I asked him in a now soft tone. Maybe I was just tripping and he’s going through it behind the scenes as well, hopefully me being more gentle will help.

"What do you mean?" He carelessly responded. His hands laced loosely in his lap as he returned my eye contact, but seeming uninterested like I was disturbing his peace or something.

"You've been distant with me, we don't have basic conversations anymore, you've barely said "I love you" to me, and you won't even look at me or touch me,"

I explained as my voice cracked at the final sentence I spoke, but my sadness was quickly replaced with irritation while I watched Zilla break eye contact and stare at his phone, almost as if he was awaiting a text from someone.

Silence, something I hated when we'd have talks like these, it was almost as if he was spewing up some type of excuse or lie. I absolutely fucking hate uncertainty, this the type of silence that makes you go crazy and overthink. I sat forward resting my elbows on my knees, pressing my lips into a thin line as my leg began to bounce and I just stared at him. My hormones have changed so much throughout the past few months, and the doctor did say that the new medication would give me mood swings. Maybe I’m just tripping for no reason—

Suddenly his phone lit up, chimed at the sound of a text message from another, and my stomach began to toss and turn. he quickly picked up his phone and began tapping away; as if I wasn't just speaking to him about how I felt.

Then and there I felt something in me just snap, i had been holding everything in. The sadness, my overthinking thoughts, handling all of the stress on my own. I genuinely couldn’t do it anymore, I mean I’m coming to my OWN HUSBAND about my feelings and I get disrespect in return.

"Isayah is there someone else?" I blurted out as I fidgeted with my wedding ring, my chest rising and falling in anger and anxiousness while I stared waiting for my answer.

"Jasmine, what are you talking about?"

My stomach formed a knot at the sound of another woman's name, Jasmine? AGAIN? That same bitch I caught him fucking around with years ago, before the marriage and all this fame came into play?? My face turned into pure disgust as I sat back in my chair watching the gears turn in Zilla’s head when he quickly realized what he had said.

“I- fuck that was a mistake-“

I ain’t mean to call you th-" He quickly attempted to save himself by giving me some sorry bullshit ass excuse.

I shook my head and snapped almost immediately.

"I don't wanna hear that shit Isayah! After all these years I've spent forgiving you and forgetting what you had done, you turn around and cheat on me again and with the same trifling ass bitch?"

I shouted in rage as I made my way into the kitchen to get away from him, but of course, he followed after me still spewing lies to get me to come down.

"Baby it's not what you think I swear!"

Zilla gently grabbed my wrist in an attempt to get me to understand and look his way, but to me it felt rough. Everything I was feeling felt rough.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

I shouted harshly pulling away before my knuckles clashed with his chest, delivering a blow. Tears began to form in the water line of my eyes, no matter how much I tried to make them go away, they just wouldn't I had reached my breaking point.

"Y/n let me explain," Zilla groaned through the pain of the hit attempting to grab my hand, despite my efforts to deny his touch.

I stood with my hand on my hip, unable to look at the man I loved my whole life. Why would he do this to me? Right now when I’m going through it the most? How could he do this shit period?! In this moment, I found myself feeling many things. Anger, disgust, disappointment, and hurt.

"How long?" I asked fully defeated at this point, I was feeling so many different things—so fast to the point where I felt like I was going to spiral.

"Y/n come on-" he pleaded with me to hear his excuses.

"How long?" I asked again locking my eyes with his, my eyes and overall face said what I couldn’t in the moment. I just wanted my answer

"Y/n baby, let me talk please—" Zilla continued to plead as he moved inches closer to me

"HOW FUCKING LONG ISAYAH??" I shouted as I threw the closet object at him in a state of rage. A mug I assume from the sound of crashing glass that followed behind.

He dodged it, of course he did.

He was testing my patience at this point and I refused to let this shit slide again. The silence between us became louder as he hesitated to answer.

"4 months, almost 4 months now."

Four months, 122, A hundred and twenty-two days.

"You say you're seeing someone else."

"Who can love you better than me?"

"I'll leave you two alone."

Everything just began to hit me at once, he promised to clean up his act since the first time with Jasmine. We were kids at the time— but it's been five years since then. I put my all into this relationship, I held this man down when he was behind bars. I mean we have a kid now.

TWO KIDS AT THAT, I HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO AYLA TWO MONTHS AGO.

I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, like my world was ending. It all started to make sense now, the coming home late claiming he was with Jakob, the distance, the late night phone calls, the random love bombing, the dreams, the running straight to the shower right after getting home—because he smelt like her.

My whole world shut down, everything around me was silent, his pleas, his callouts for me, the distress in his voice. It's like I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, everything I needed to say verbally was gone, my mind did all the talking for me.

"Baby say something please." None of his pleads meant a damn thing to me.

"I'm done." I finally found the words to speak, there was more to say but the words "I'm done" were the only thing my body allowed me to say.

"W-what? Y/n- mama you don't mean that." He's so fucking delusional.

Those words triggered a switch in my mind, I slipped my wedding ring, and promise ring off of my finger and threw them both at him.

"Give them to her, I don’t want this shit no more." I mumbled making my way upstairs, this shit was ending TODAY.

Those rings ain't mean shit to me anymore, and I was foolish enough to stay the first time, but it was all for Junior, my son, my heart, my baby. I wanted him to have that fully present father, that two-parent household I never had, I wanted to fix things, all for the sake of my son and his future.

"You messed up a good thing."

But I just can't, I’ve been putting everyone and everything above my happiness and mental health. I matter too, and it was time I realized that.

I don't want my babies to think that it's okay to settle for someone who can't remain faithful.

"So there's no coming home."

What about Junior? I don't want him dogging out someone's daughter who has nothing but pure intentions. And Ayla? I don't want her to think that this is love, what kind of parent would I be setting a terrible example like that?

Postpartum was killing me from the inside out, and I need love and support. I hadn’t been myself at all and I’ve really been struggling, This isn't love. Staying in this marriage was adding onto the emotional baggage, this was hurting me.

"I can't tell where your heart is."

"It's nowhere, it's nowhere to be found."

Everything I was doing right now was based on impulse, my body was moving on its own. No thoughts to guide me, just on auto pilot. I was packing bags of my things and my kid's belongings.

"Y/N PLEASE JUST LET ME EXPLAIN!"

All I could do was shake my head and laugh

fix things??

Fuck I look like Bob the Builder?

Besides I tried already,

I'm gone for real this time.

"Boy remember my face, while you're out there all alone."

The next thing I know I was downstairs dragging my bags to the front door, of the home we once shared. The home that made me feel at peace, the home we dreamed of when we were broke sitting on the floor of our old studio apartment we could barely afford.

"Made your decision”

"You gon regret it for the rest of your life."

"Now there's a consequence."

"Y/n please don’t do this to us, what about Junior and Ayla? Don’t do this to them y/n." He pleaded and asked with concern, I hated that pitiful and “I’m loosing the best thing that ever happened to me” look he had on his face.

Crazy how this selfish mothafucka was thinking about our kids, when he didn’t even consider the family he had at home when fucking that other bitch. I had spent this past 5 years since giving birth to our son considering everyone else’s feelings BUT MINE, that shit is dead now. I can’t be a good mother to my kids if I can’t even get my own shit together.

He had no right to be hurt right now, he put this one himself. Ain’t no damn mistake when you repeatedly put that much effort into doing what you did.

“DO WHAT TO US? YOU BROKE THIS FAMILY APART! YOU DID THAT ON YOUR OWN!”

“YOU THINK IMMA SIT HERE AND HAVE MY KIDS WATCH A NIGGA DOG ME OUT?”

Every word, every shout, every syllable that came out of my mouth just flew. I couldn’t take it nor control it anymore, I’ve been by his side since the sandbox. Accepted him as my boyfriend when I was just 15, then he went away, I waited—I was so naive.

“They may not be old enough to understand now, but if they ask in a couple years I’m not lying for you. My babies not gon think that this is a some “perfect” love story.”

I hated that helpless look his displayed, that strong confidence and aura he usually held was now gone. He hadn’t said anything, it was my turn to talk.

"I can take care of MY kids just fine, you can see them whenever you please.” My voice was strong for once, no tears getting in the way of me breaking my silence.

Despite the negative thoughts due to my postpartum depression, I know that I'm a good mom. I'm the best mom that I could ever be to my kids, And I damn sure don't need a man to keep me sane.

All I could think about was how glad I was that the kids were at his mom's house and not here to see all of this.

"See, I don't need you." 

I loved Zilla, he was my world, my husband, my lifeline, my baby daddy, and my best friend all in one. I hated how much I loved him in the moment, I also hated how part of me still wanted to stay.

"And I don't want to, want you.

"If you step out the door,"

"I won't wait up for you."

Thank you guys so much for reading! Again, this is an old piece I freshened up and brought here from my wattpad. This is a pretty emotional story so I do apologize 💀, you will notice in the future though that my stories are all inspired by songs.

I would like to thank one of my fav mutuals @piinkbenjamins for helping me figure out the picture layout, (Ya girl was struggling🫩) also @cursed-carmine for the dividers!

And everyone else from my last post that sent encouraging words to help me get started on writing here💗!

lemme know lemme know

Well I'm a black writer so I write purely for my black queens, hope this helps !

lemme know lemme know