PlayerRed

People came and went. He smiled, putting on an outgoing, charming persona, the same one he displayed when he first arrived at Sunset Bird. The same one that slowly washed away when met with earnestness and sincerity. However, he had no use for his own genuineness anymore. Nobody stayed in his life long or got close enough—he made sure of it.

Baxter lived through the rest of his college years that way. It was better like this, he tried to convince himself. He was already so used to his act of suavity that he thought it would be easier. He made sure people liked him, but never enough to hold any expectations of him. The only expectations he had of himself would be determined by him and himself only. An occasional thought of it’s lonely would be swiftly brushed under a rug. He could deal with it in exchange for the protection of familiarity.

Holding an act for people was not something new to Baxter. It was tiring, but had become routine for him. He knew his parents would never approve of his feelings for Qiu. Despite being a few years older, he was hopelessly charmed by the ballet dancer. Baxter found himself clinging to the other boy in a way he had never clung before.

His parents never masked their dismay with Baxter’s friend group, nor their friendship, throughout the years, so they certainly would not have changed their minds just because of his feelings. So he acted. Baxter pretended his chest did not squeeze when he was near Qiu. He pretended to be disinterested in what his dear friends had to say. He distanced himself from everyone in Golden Grove. It made his judgmental and bigoted parents marginally happier, allowing him to live another day without confrontation.

Baxter had comforted himself with the thought of the new family that moved into Qiu’s cul-de-sac. The mother and child duo were quite charming, and Baxter had no doubt that they would keep his friends safe from criticism and happy, something he could not do himself. They had fit snugly into the friend group with ease, along with a bright-eyed, red-headed girl, easing Baxter’s worries. With that, he brushed the memories of his time with that party into a quiet corner of his mind.

Graduation came, but his parents did not, as expected. Baxter found that he simply did not care—why should he, when they never did? They had only sent him a simple bouquet of sunflowers and a plain card that had “congratulations” written in elegant handwriting. His stomach churned as he held the bouquet in his hands, the wrapper crinkling under his tight grip. Of all the flowers, it just had to be the one that bombarded him with thoughts of that summer. The summer he was greeted with a smile brighter than the sun. The summer he learned the warmth of keeping good company. The summer he chased after in his dreams.

Baxter found himself grimacing. The once sweet memory had turned bitter with each guilty thought he had locked away and suppressed. What started as tiny pinches of remorse eventually snowballed into stabs of shame and regret, all of which he stuffed deeper and deeper into the depths of his mind. As he lay in bed that night, he was suddenly hit with a pang of yearning. Baxter found himself unable to sleep that night, an uncomfortable nausea kept constant in his gut.

Baxter found himself back on the sandy beaches of Sunset Bird. He was quite proud of himself for finding a notable job as an event planner all by himself, without the influence of his family’s money or name. He was content with this new start as a recent graduate in a new destination. In the back of his mind, however, he wondered just why exactly he decided to settle for a job in the place where he committed his biggest regret.

He made connections here and there, but no longer cared to maintain any friendships. He remained professional and just the right amount of likable to all those he came into contact with. As the seasons changed and months passed, Baxter had hoped his longing for a warm summer would go away, but it never did. It clung to him like a constant itch that he could not reach.

It had nearly been a year since he moved to Sunset Bird. A cold gust chilled him to the bone, despite it being spring. He could never quite shake off the numbing coolness in his heart. Baxter thought back to the time his sunny, temporary neighbor had dragged him out to the beach with their friends. They had somehow coaxed him to at least dip his feet into the gentle waves, their soft hand never letting go of his elbow, anchoring him. He could feel the sun-heated water lapping at his ankles and the sand tickling the soles of his feet. He missed the heat that radiated from the sun and from their hand. He hoped the memory of it would be enough to ward off the biting winds that tormented him.

As desperately as he tried to cling to the sun-kissed memory, he was no match against the brewing storm. The warm waters churned and splashed, turning into a freezing whirlpool that dragged him further and further away from the surface. No matter how hard he fought against the violent currents, he was being yanked relentlessly to the ocean floor, just as he had always feared it would. He could no longer feel the safe, grounding hold they once had on him.

It hit him then. Summer took all the warmth and joy with them, leaving Fall with a chilly breeze and longing for something he could never reach. No matter who or what Baxter pursued, Fall would always be chasing after Summer. The thought settled like a deep, cold, unending pit in his stomach. Baxter clenched his fist, fingernails digging deep into his palms. The pinch was no comparison to the sudden ache in his chest.

The moment their eyes met, his walls dropped. He shook himself out of his daze—he was quick to guard himself again. What are you guarding? He asked himself. Memories from summer five years ago flashed through Baxter’s mind. He had nothing he needed to protect himself from. In fact, he would not be surprised if they had their walls up instead. He could tell from just a glance how deeply he had wounded them. He did not deserve them, just like he had first thought when he left them abandoned at his doorstep the night before he departed.

Forced to remain in their proximity to plan Jude and Scott’s wedding reopened many wounds—wounds he had created for both of them. Despite the hurt, he found their presence healing at the same time. As they practically relived their first dalliance, he found himself shivering less and less. Baxter found himself just as he did five years ago, greedily reveling in undeserved warmth and care. His chase was nearing its end. They were so close to his grasp, he was almost there. He knew if he did not end the chase himself, he would run out of steam and fall behind.

The wedding kept him extremely busy. He took much pride in how well it was going. The satisfaction of a job well done was just enough to keep his nerves at bay. Before he knew it, the wedding reception had ended, and he found himself face to face with the very person whom his heart had been orbiting the past five years. The sun was setting, casting a golden glow upon them as they reached out a hand, asking him for a dance. The light haloed around them as he spun them around, feeling lighter than he ever had been in the past half-decade.

Baxter had so much to say, but they all caught in his throat as they slowed their dance. He managed to get out a proper, genuine apology for the way he had left things, at least. Unfortunately, he still had responsibilities as the event coordinator that dragged him away with a promise to talk later. They left him with a smile he did not realize he had missed so much. Baxter turned away quickly, hoping they did not catch the flush on his cheeks.

Later that night, Baxter let out a sigh of relief that he did not even realize he was holding when he led them back to his apartment. Settling down on the couch in the lobby of his apartment, he chuckled. With them nearly snuggling him on the seat, he fondly recalled the cabin trip they both took that fateful summer. Now older and wiser, Baxter was even more determined to set things right.

They talked. Well, Baxter talked and they listened attentively. For once in his life, he no longer felt like he was running. He had slowed to a jog, then a walk. It was nice.

He bared his soul wide open to them, told them everything, all his desires, turmoils, and hopes. Finally, he felt free—free of the chase he had set himself on. Their hand had made its way onto his at some point, and his heart stuttered at the gentle warmth. Oh, how he had missed them.

There was a certain melancholy in their eyes that Baxter so desperately wished to ease. However, they reassured him that their heart ached for his inner conflict, not theirs, accompanied by a gentle squeeze of their hand. He smiled.

His chase had finally ended. Instead, they now walked side-by-side. They were no longer running in two separate seasons, but together in the liminal period in between. Baxter spent years staring at the back of their head, praying they would turn around and spare him a smile despite how cruelly he had left them. Now, he was able to admire their profile. He drank in the image of them, basking in the warmth of the fireplace, eyes kind and gentle, greedily—he vowed to himself then and there that he would never let them go again.

Baxter slept more easily that night, knowing he had properly made amends with them. The thought of them sleeping peacefully just a door away made his heart thump. He made a promise to them and to himself that from now on, he would continue making up for the five years of grief he had caused.

They spent all day together, and Baxter found himself wishing it could be every day, even when their moms had given him a well-deserved talking to. It made him appreciate them even more, and he was glad they had parents who worried over their child like such. Baxter was surprised at how easily their moms had accepted him despite it all. Although they were stern with him, it was clear they cared for him as well, even knowing that they had hurt their darling child. 

He now understood where they had gotten their empathetic nature from. They had heard him out and accepted his apologies with such ease, despite his five years of icy abandonment. Baxter hardened his resolve, silently vowing to himself that he would protect their heart of gold, no matter what.

Baxter assured them he did not expect anything more than friendship when he had made amends. However, he secretly hoped for more. Baxter knew he was already receiving more than he deserved for being friends with them again, and he would never push for anything more, but he knew his yearning would never cease. Although his chase had ended, the longing remained.

He was glad they had accepted his offer for a dance that night. They danced together briefly at the end of the wedding reception, but it had been cut short due to his duties as the event planner. Baxter hoped to make this dance something more personal. As they spun around the office studio, Baxter could not take his eyes off them. Their smile shone so brightly it hypnotized him.

At the final beat of the song, Baxter dipped them low. They held that position, and Baxter found his eyes darting between theirs and their lips. There was a fiery gleam in their eyes that made Baxter’s stomach flip and his heart pound faster. He felt his face warm and gently tugged them into him, out of the dip. He let go of their waist reluctantly with an excuse to get them both some water.

As they settled down on the couch in his office, Baxter decided he could not hide his feelings any longer. He still would not put any expectations on them, but he knew he could no longer keep bottling things up and hiding away.

Baxter confessed. He confessed again how he never meant what he had said when he left five years ago. He confessed how they were a constant on his mind and how leaving them was his biggest regret and mistake. He confessed how his heart had stayed with them despite having left Sunset Bird. He confessed how he had wanted to kiss them just moments ago.

His heart skipped nervously at their laughter. However, they quickly eased his nerves and worries with a deep kiss. Baxter’s heart fluttered. His breath hitched as they bit down gently, and his hands flew up to cup their face. They both panted when they pulled apart. Baxter saw just how wide their pupils had blown out, and he was sure his was matching theirs.

Both of them were giddy and giggling as they tucked each other into bed, lying side by side. Rather than the sleepless nights he had grown used to, Baxter went to bed that night sleeping more soundly than he ever had. He dreamed of summertime, splashing around in the ocean and sharing ice cream. He also dreamed of fall, strolling under the golden leaves together hand in hand, of winter and huddling under a blanket together, sipping on hot cocoa, and of spring, lying on the dewy grass, watching flowers bloom.

Waking up next to them was a delightful surprise. Baxter had almost expected to wake up all by his lonesome, mourning the pleasantries of the previous day. Despite not being a morning person, Baxter found himself content being awake. He silently admired the way their hair fell against their face and how the warm sunbeams gave them a golden glow.

Baxter had found himself loathing summers the past five years. For a long time, he had trapped himself running and running, chasing after a warmth he thought he would never find again. It led to a grudge against the summer heat, as it only served to remind him of his remorse.

Now, as he marveled at their sleepy state, Baxter found that he favored the sunny season. It had brought them to him, and he would not let go this time. He finally found that fire he had been searching for again. It burned bright, fiery, and passionately as his own personal sun in the form of his now lover. Baxter was done running, he was done chasing—there was no longer a need to, since he had found his sun again.

thanks for reading!! hope y'all enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed writing it (o˘◡˘o)