triggirlspost

It's my 7 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

I am now in your past phase era and it never gets better being around with the people who doesn't like having you around, people who is only nice to you when you are facing them but when you turned around they say mean things to you, people who stay away when you needed saving because they cannot see the way you see the world. In short, people like me.

I now see where you are coming from, why you act the way you act before, I am now starting to understand the things I should have known before.

I am writing this message in hope that this status will reach your timeline and read this, because it may or may not brighten your night.

I will not bite around the bush anymore, for I am writing you an indirect apology that has been pending since the day I started getting flashbacks.

I am sorry, for it took me years to realize where I did you wrong.

I am sorry, for I kicked you when you are trying to kiss me in the face.

I am sorry, for I punched you behind after you get dressed.

I am sorry, for I keep on kicking you because I blame you for the things that you have done to me without understanding your side.

I am sorry, for I stepped into your foot fingers and did not say I am sorry.

I am sorry, for I kept on banging your locked door when you told me to wait.

I am sorry, for all the things that I have done to you.

I am sorry, for I may be one of the reason why.

I will not use the "I am just a kid" card, because it will invalidate all of the things that I say.

I hope you find peace and not look back to the past, for it will destroy your present and future.

And when I say that, "When I think of Taylor Swift, I think of you too."

It's true, because you are the reason why I love her now.

Thank you for introducing Taylor to me. I now understand why you like her so much before.

It was August 22 that a cat was descending the stairs towards a room 12 apartment when my father opened the door and of course, I am so happy even though I didn't get to sleep because we have a wedding to attend and it's 4 AM in the morning and my father and I played with the cat using a plastic and on stick of walis tingting and we had fun because s/he is so energetic.

Some days passed, I sleep early because I was so eager to see the cat first thing in the morning because folklore wasn't allowed inside the house, because my mom is scared of cats which I understand because she have third eye and cats have this strong sense around their environment and it's scary, but nevermind.

And then one of our neighbors threw a small party, because someone have a birthday and it's a kid and which normally there will also be another kid around and folklore got stressed out and died.

The next morning, I woke up and I looked for folklore and I tried to, "pwspwspwspwspws" it but it didn't show up because later did I get informed by mother that it died and her opening was, "H'wag kang magugulat, patay na yung pusa. Naandun sa ilalim ng hagdanan." And it was so epic that my emotions got mixed up, I felt sad, angry and regret all at the same time and then I became once again numb.

And then, I went to tiktok to watch @nothanksalex and as I go back to her old videos... I read this comment and I have never wanted so bad to cry and laugh at the same time, because it was too accurate for me.

I didn't get to spend more time with folklore, because August slipped away into a moment in time, 'cause it was never mine and you weren't mine to lose.

I will remember I had you.

Ps. I did name the cat after Taylor Swift's newly made album.

I've been patient and understanding.

I've been trying my best to stay out of the way.

I've been trying to hold back.

But is it too much to ask that... atleast for once, you'll understand where I am coming from? Is it too much to ask that I also want the treatment you can give to other kids? That I also want your gentleness and I want your understanding side? And when I burst out so bad, you want to hurt me. I just don't get it.