The Art of Creating

Is it possible to feel isolated from yourself? 

I want to stuff my feelings with food, but this Friday I realised how much bigger my body has gotten without me even noticing. 

For fuck’s sake I did not even realise, my mirror broke ages ago so I can never see what I look like. I was living in leggings. I was feeling good in my body. 

But my clothes don’t fit. This weekend I realise how many of my clothes don’t fit.

On Saturday I wanted to look nice, instead of my leggings which all have a few holes in them (thanks doggo). I eventually found something, upon accepting that I will feel good in it no matter what, I put it back on and the button pops, can you believe, so classic... classic like the tears that I cried after that. 

I am waging a silent war - with my mind. 

And fuck me am I emotionally and financially burnt out.

You know what would be nice? 

Some fucking great food. 

I do not have the finances to buy clothes that fit. 

Beyla: beautiful, timid.

The Dark Series: 4

The Dark Series: 2

Essentially this is dependence. 

My tears fill my cup with the pills I drink, marred at its edges with alcohol. 

I hold it high in this cycle.