Am I to become profligate as if I were a blonde? Or religious as if I were French? Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous (and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable list!), but one of these days thereāll be nothing left with which to venture forth. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Why should I share you? Why donāt you get rid of someone else for a change? Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Even trees understand me! Good heavens, I lie under them, too, donāt I? Iām just like a pile of leaves. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā However, I have never clogged myself with the praises of pastoral life, nor with nostalgia for an innocent past of perverted acts in pastures. No. One need never leave the confines of New York to get all the greenery one wishesāI canāt even enjoy a blade of grass unless I know thereās a subway handy, or a record store or some other sign that people do not totally regret life. It is more important to affirm the least sincere; the clouds get enough attention as it is and even they continue to pass. Do they know what theyāre missing? Uh huh. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time; they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away. Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them still. If only I had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I would stay at home and do something. Itās not that I am curious. On the contrary, I am bored but itās my duty to be attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the earth. And lately, so great has their anxiety become, I can spare myself little sleep.
Meditations in an EmergencyĀ BY FRANK O'HARA


















