Five Historical Figures Who Were Really Watermelons
President Benjamin Harrison was the 23rd president of the United States, but recent documents reveal that he never spoke, nor moved of his own volition. This in combination with his green complexion and subtle, refreshing flavor suggest he was in fact a watermelon.
Benedict Arnold is one of history’s most famous traitors. But did he act because he hated America, or because he was really the fruit of a vine-like flowering plant? Historical photos suggest the latter.
Jane Austen. Author, or watermelon? Though her body of work suggests the former, new genetic evidence from her grave reveals that she was in fact a specimen of Citrullus lanatus. Records of her autopsy revealing many small black seeds also confirms the suspicion.
Peter Sellers was a popular actor and comedian in the mid-20th century, but careful analysis of his films proves that he too was a watermelon. A particularly revealing close-up from the movie Being There clearly shows his green stripes and pink interior.
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, or was he? Buzz Aldrin may have been the first man to walk on the lunar surface if new allegations of Armstrong’s watermelonhood prove correct. The most telling evidence is his famous quote, of which clearer radio recordings show he said, “One small step for a Watermel- I mean MAN, one giant leap for waterm- Er, MANkind.”
