I Feel Like A Ghost

I am torn. I'm torn between my love for you and his love for me. No matter what I do we all end up hurt

Any feelings of love have deserted me.

Love is never simple or easy. But everytime you look at me and smile it's worth it. I'd go to hell and back for you, and I know you'll be right there next to me. You'll have my back as you always do, and I'll do anything to protect yours.

For the first time in a long time I find myself looking forward to something. Waking up to your sleepy cuddles and eyes every morning. Leaving notes on the pillow when I wake before you. Spilling stuff on our furniture and laughing it off because it’s replaceable but the love we’ve found isn’t. Walking the dogs with you. Holding hands when we’re old. The extravagant wedding that you want and though I roll my eyes I will save up every penny to make sure it’s the way you want it to be. After work conversations talking about our day. Forehead and nose kisses. Cooking together and food fights errupting where the dogs help us clean it up. Hanging the washing out with you. Listening to the million stories running through your head. Videogames and film nights. Taking you out to dinner and clinking my glass of wine with your fizzy. Seeing the world with you. Tramping and though my legs are burning we’ll get to the top of every hill and take in the view and I’ll kiss you like you’re the only thing that exists. Cuddling up with the dogs and though you have work to do, we’ll look so enticing that you leave it for the night and cuddle with us instead. I look forward to spending my life with you. I look forward to my life, for the first time since I can remember.

There's something peaceful about morning, just before the sunrise. When everyone isn't quite awake and there's a chill in the air. Someone is going to have the best day of their lives today, and I look forward to mine.

The problem with someone loving you  Whilst you don’t love yourself, is that, the lack of seeing eye to eye may cause alienation.

And so I found a new name To perk my ears, and we fell away from each other. Except you fell to her, and he was carrying himself and couldn’t carry me too. I fell and I fall and I  wish for the peace of splattering - Let me paint the ground a pretty red and pink

I said  was okay bur I’m not. I’m not .

No matter what I do you’re caught in the crossfire, and the only thing I want to protect is you.

I have loved before you, and a part of you believes that love still remains. But I will never wake up to your eyes and wish to see his instead, or hear his voice when yours feels like a language on it’s own. You are the only love I want to know, until the day I die. 

You won’t write poems about me until I’m long gone.

I’m scared because you have me even when I’m not pinned under you. You have me on the days I wake up to an empty bed, the side where you should be, so cold. You have me every time your name slips from my lips and is accompanied by a smile and my friends acknowledge but don’t understand. You have me in every dream of the future, because that’s what you’ve become. You’re my hope and my optimism. But when I see that flash in your eyes I can’t help but wonder if I’m just a decent fuck to you, and not half as much as you are to me. If I’ll never have you because you are free.

I’d been drifting for a year when you found me. I couldn’t see a future with me in it for such a long time until you painted it for me as we overlooked the city we’d both been drawn to. I was smoking cigarettes you despised as they took time away that you wanted us to share. I made you cry with my nonchalance and disenchantment with life, because you wanted me to need you too, and I was surprised that that was all it took to fall completely in love with you. I will spend my life (if that’s all it takes) to make you see that a future with you is all it will take to mend my shattered soul.