Phan stuff that gives me feels

its been wild. I always knew they were together lol like before the hid their relationship so its crazy

Wow I’m going through the messages I have on my Tumblr which I haven’t been on in AGES. Like seriously. It’s been probably 2 years at least since I’ve really been on this site for more than 5 minutes at a time.

I have a lot of messages about Phan, theories about Dan and Phil, people asking for the passwords to things and the vday video and all sorts of things. But this message stands out.

I still have 700 followers on this blog. I wonder how many of them are inactive, like me? Tumblr and Dan and Phil were things that I spent, at one point, the majority of the hours of my day focused on. It helped me to get through a serious bout of depression that I had in high school, which ended up causing me to drop out and switch to an online high school to finish my credits.

Even a year after graduating, I was still depressed, on Tumblr, not doing anything. I moved in with a family member, got a job, started college, and moved past that point in my life entirely. I still love Dan and Phil, occasionally (once every 4 months or so) I watch one of their newer videos. I still want to go to England, creep on them a lil’ not gonna lie. But my life is now centered around me and my future and my goals, not them or the internet.

It’s weird to think that so much has changed, but I’m glad it has. I will always care about Dan and Phil, and I will always look at them with an analytical eye, because so much of my time revolved around them and trying to figure them out.

Now I’m 21. Now I can drink and smoke and I’ve had relationships and I’ve been sadder than I ever have and I’ve bounced back and I’ve made my own doctors appointments and I bought a new car and I have good grades and everything in my world is pretty wonderful. I don’t have to rely on Dan and Phil, because they are not an escape for me now. I don’t need an escape.

That’s the only thing that’s changed, really, is that I don’t need them to hold me up like I did when I was in high school. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy discussing them, running this blog, watching their videos. I fucking loved it. That was why it was the only thing that made me happy. Now I look back on that era and I see a lot of other things that were bad, and it makes me sad, but Dan and Phil and this blog and my other youtube fanblog and my main blog are all the best things I had at that time.

On the internet/what he tries to portray:

Funny, quirky, friendly, introverted, relatable. Cares about pleasing us, but still is unashamed in what he posts. Massive fangirl, slightly self centered. People think of him as the embodiment of everything uncomfortable they’ve ever had to do (i.e., call a store on the phone, go grocery shopping). Isn’t close to his family, tries too hard to please people and doesn’t care about his own feelings nearly as much as he cares about the feelings of others. Just generally a very normal guy, but also a celebrity. Living a fantasy life.

What I think he’s like in real life:

Kind of an asshole, tries to be cool and do cool things but ends up being very obvious at trying to be cool and that makes him look stupid. Anxious around people who he thinks are cooler than him or more popular than him, but considers himself better than most people. This doesn’t mean he shows that he feels cooler than most people, but he’s probably thinking it on the inside. Kind of hates going on the internet now. Loves his family but has had some unresolved issues with them. Easily angered by his fans, doesn’t really feel as connected to them as the fans feel towards him, and once again, feels a sense of “I’m better than them”. Is pretty much fine in social situations, nervous and anxious an average amount and actually thrives off being in social areas. Doesn’t like interacting with people, but likes being around them.

Oh jesus christ

In the world he shares with us:

Hella sweet, curses a little bit but doesn’t want to because he cares about and respects that some people would not like to hear foul language. Cuddly, extroverted but won’t make you go somewhere if you don’t want to, respects personal boundaries. Childish, has a sense of wonder and doesn’t always see the darkness in the world that others see. Cares about his fans, loves sunsets and kittens, and could do no harm to another human being. Humble, bashful, enjoys what he does thoroughly and would continue making youtube videos even if he didn’t profit from them.

In the real world:

Curses regularly, like, ya know, an adult hahah. Thinks he’s a great person, so a big ego, but that’s balanced out by him also genuinely valuing other human beings. Very sexual, probably masturbates a lot. Likes to be out in public and interact with other people, but also enjoys sitting back in a crowd and watching the world for a bit. Darker than we think. Probably has been on the darknet a few/many times out of curiosity, maybe even a sick interest. Well aware of the world around him, not easily stressed out by day to day things (going to the grocery store, talking to a neighbor), but is extremely stressed out in general. Whether that is from his lifestyle or his own perception of the world, I don’t know. I feel like he can hit a wall with his stress, and when he does, he shuts down. Wants to make money, values his fans because they are real people who care about them, but also wants to fund his lifestyle in a way that he enjoys and yields a lot of profit. Little bit of a capitalist, wouldn’t want to give up his lifestyle, but he still values the world. He was probably bullied when he was younger, and he probably bullied others as well. Not pushing them, or insulting them, but putting them down by ignoring them and trying to show he was cooler than them. I think he’s grown out of that and can look at his past and realize he made mistakes.

In the world he shares with us, I’m making assumptions mostly based on his videos and how fans react to him. In the real world, I’m making assumptions based on his videos, and extensive research into his past friends and family. None of this research was conducted within the past year, so I may have a slightly more warped perspective upon my own reflection of him than what I initially found.

If any one wants to add to this, please do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just reblog it if u have a lot to say idk

2 NEED TO TEXT BACK ONE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE???????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kcwo_mhyqTw

she looovvveeesss youtubers hahah

but she’s younger than me so she likes everything I like(d)

I HEARD omg

I say that I won’t buy it or read it but I probably will buy it for my sister and then one day I’ll just pick it up and be like..... shit.... I need to read this entire book right now....