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Okay true confession, I was totally joking about squibjoon because I’m a butthead who has some unresolved feelings, but I actually 100% agree with the houses that Namjoon sorted them into when he was asked this question irl! 

Jin // Gryffindor: Man oh man was I glad Namjoon chose Gryffindor for Jin. As we’ve seen more of him, I think we’ve been able to see more and more of this, but think about it. “Daring, Nerve, and Chivalry.” An awkward boy doing remarkable things that are totally out of his comfort zone. Going into the JUNGLE on an adventure, going on tv shows all by himself, really putting himself out there with his sense of humor, blowing kisses at strangers, taking on his own projects like Eat JIn. He is not some passive pretty boy along for the ride, he is a bold and daring pretty boy who is doing amazing shit.  And CHIVALRY come ON who was the ONLY member of Bangtan who asked that girl why she was crying in the elevator on Rookie King?? He’s got (nontoxic) chivalry and boldness out the ass! 

Yoongi // Slytherin: I say this in the absolute best way possible, because I think this is an important and admirable role to play. I think that he’s willing to do what it takes to accomplish his goals, both professionally and personally. In that Slytherpuff Vmin post, I talked about Slytherins and their undying loyalty to their people and only their people. I think Yoongi is a classic Slytherin in this sense, intense and protective and private about his relationships with the people he loves, ready to do what he has to do to protect them and help them succeed. I also think that Yoongi is so savvy and cunning, like he managed to find immense success through the means that worked best for him, that he had great instincts for the things that would help Bangtan prosper, even if those instincts differed from the traditional way of doing things. He’s fucking clever in a street smarts way. I also think he has some of the rawest and most tangible ambition of all of them.

Hobi // Hufflepuff: Like I said in my Slytherpuff vmin post, Hufflepuffs are my favorites. Why? Because they can be the most courageous, most intelligent, most driven people around, and yet what they choose to prize most is fairness, kindness, loyalty, and hard work. That’s Hobi! In every fucking sense! Not only has he worked his ass off to become a better rapper, producer, singer, etc, Namjoon says that he really takes the lead with teaching choreo and is kind of a de facto leader. He is 4000% in this for the good of the group, 4000% working his ass off to be the best that he can be for the good of everyone (fans and members specifically), 4000% kind bubbly and charming to not only his members but to everyone he meets, and 5000% human sunshine, kindness, and compassion. He reminds me so much of Cedric Diggory! The golden boy. Beautiful, brilliant, talented, but manages to stay kind and grounded above all. 

Namjoon // Gryffindor: This makes every bit of sense to me, especially since this is where he sorted himself. He’s brilliant obviously, but Gryffindor has had some of the most brilliant witches and wizards of all time. Just think Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hermione. Brilliant as they are, however, it’s not what their heart prizes most. Boldness and bravery. Taking on the world, leading his group through what must have seemed like an insurmountable challenge, having the sole, terrifying responsibility of being the designated English speaker for the group on HUGE platforms. Chivalry. Think less of a shining, patriarchal knight and more of a “justice for all and defenders of the weak” SPEW-type of chivalry. He makes bold political statements that aren’t necessarily the mainstream where he lives, he wants justice and equality in the world, and he’s willing to fight for it. He’s a little brash, he’s made some mistakes, but at his core he is an unquestionably good man trying to make the world a better place.

Jimin // Slytherin: When Namjoon chose Jimin for Slytherin I remember everyone was so shocked, had such a hard time reconciling the negative reputation of Slytherin with that of angel Park Jimin. And he is an angel, to those who have earned his love and trust, but he’s a fuckin scrapper, dude. Not to mention Slytherin =/= evil! I went into more detail on that Slytherpuff post, but to sum up 1) he fought like hell for the last spot in Bangtan 2) he is ride or die with his people and his people alone, and 3) he is very fucking cunning. Remember when they said Jimin googles himself the most? I guarantee you he monitors himself online, sees what’s being said, modifies his on-stage behavior for maximum effectiveness. He’s so smart and so driven and so intensely loyal to people who have proven themselves to be worthy of his intense loyalty. Again, think Kim Taehyung. Like Yoongi, I feel this really raw ambition within him, this need to prove himself, a kind of hunger. Tiny, soft, adorable, polite, and a total fucking Slytherin. Think Dolores Umbridge, except not actually the human embodiment of evil. 

Taehyung // Hufflepuff: Like Hobi, he’s all of the things that the other houses are, he’s so bold and brilliant and driven, but like Hobi, it’s his kindness compassion and loyalty that shines through, man. He’s such an open and accepting person, makes friends everywhere he goes, is so kind to people and so open and non-judgmental, so unquestionably loyal to his friends and especially his family. It’s like this big, warm presence whenever he enters a room. If you watch him in fan signs, I think he more than maybe anyone really goes out of his way to make the person in front of him feel like he is really very genuinely happy to see them and really very genuinely grateful to them. He likes to make people feel special and loved, and that is such an incredible skill to have! I think he has a tendency to assume the best in people, and sometimes I think people could take advantage of that. Which is why I’m so so glad that he’s got SlytherJim on his side to look out for him. 

Jungkook // Ravenclaw: What I think most people assume about Ravenclaws is that they’re all just bookishly smart, just trying to make good grades and be top of the class. Nah man, Ravenclaw is about LEARNING, about ALL kinds of learning, and Jeon Jungkook wants to learn the whole entire world! He wants to have a million hobbies and he wants to master them all! He wants to learn languages and learn skills and just consume all of the knowledge that this world has to offer! I do think he has an extremely intense drive to do well, but with him, I feel like that drive comes from a very personal desire to just be good at things, not to necessarily rule the world, but just to prove to himself that he is the best at (insert skill/hobby/talent here). And wit? Jesus he’s so fucking funny. I feel like people don’t realize that to have a good sense of humor you’ve got to be witty and smart and quick on your toes, and Jeon Jungkook is so. fucking. Funny. 

“A few years ago, I was crying and whining at my mom and sister while I was really drunk. I asked my mom and sister… it wasn’t long after we’d moved. I asked them if they were happy. I got drunk and woke up my entire sleeping family, like some ahjussi. It had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. They both woke up and told me they were happy. But I was so envious at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. Because it wasn’t like that for me. I told them while sobbing: I want to be happy too. Then I felt like I’d done my mom and sister wrong. But from then on, I started contemplating about happiness. For about six months, I pondered specifically over what I would need to do to become happy. I think that time of transformation has come. I think I need to be happy, now. I must become happy. I am going to be happy.”