I don’t even know what to do anymore man. I love them to death but this relationship is taking a huge toll on both of us. They barely talk to me unless I start the conversation, and when we do talk it’s just feels so dry.
I always feel like I’m being patronized in this relationship, I’m used to my interests never being taken seriously so you know I kinda just stopped talking to them, or really anyone except my two best friends about them, and when I finally felt like I was supported enough by them they lacked pretty much all Interest about what I was talking about.
I’ve been putting them on this huge mental pedestal for the longest time, and yk I’m just now realizing that they cannot fully provide me with what I need in a relationship.
I’ve cried probably every night about how bad it’s getting. I quite literally had to beg for a simple I love you a few days ago and I just don’t know what to do.
I get that not everyone can be a perfect listener and such but I hoped for onece in my life that I could have someone put in effort for me.
I’ve done so much for them and I feel shitty just giving it all up over something that feels so petty.
I also feel like a dick because I’ve broken up with them before and I know how much that hurt them and I don’t want to put them through that emotional pain ever again. But like, sometimes I need to put myself first.
Ever Since I was a kid I longed for some sugar sweet domestic relationship like the ones I saw in tv and movie, a relationship that I could truly be myself in, but now, it all kinda feels silly.
I feel like I’m portraying them in a horrible light right now but I can’t sugar coat it. I don’t feel like I’m even a priority in this relationship, I’ve been so desperate to get them to love me again but my efforts feel useless, I’ve been putting this relationship before literally every other thing in my life (eating, sleeping, doing the things i enjoy) i genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been THIS bad in my life. I’m being way too dependent on them but, not even a month ago we were practically the picture perfect couple.
I’ve done all I can and I feel so empty. If I’m not a boyfriend, if I’m not a husband, if I’m not loved by someone, what am I? My only purpose is to be someone who fixes problems for others, and loves others as much as I can.
I’ve gotten so bad that my favorite thing in the whole wide world (mash and the venture bros) don’t even help anymore, and on top of this, I’m getting gray hairs, and hair is literally just falling out cause of stress. I quite literally didn’t know I could get this bad, AND Ive gone almost fully nonverbal!
Like I can see my ribs, and I’m throwing up meals bad.
I’ve literally considered drug use because I need an escape THAT BAD (I haven’t taken any substances, yet)
I need to be there for them. If I’m not, I’m nothing
Losing them as a partner means losing them as a friend, and in all honesty, they’re all I have. Sure I have 2 other friends who mean a great deal to me, but they’re my entire world. I’ve written poems about them, I’ve made art for them, I’ve written letters that I’m too scared to send for them, I’ve done all a boy can do for them and I feel like nothing gets them to love me.
I feel like when they post about me, they make me out to be a horrible horrible man who is simply selfish and doesn’t love them in the SLIGHTEST.
But all I do is love them. I see their face in everything that I find beautiful
Genuinely id rather kill myself then lose them.
I need someone to save me but god I feel so guilty for asking for stability.
I genuinely feel like my whole wide world is ending
On top of this I’m still coping with a very very recent s/a
I know that they’re probably reading this rn. Hi babe.
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