â if i did âplentyâ of anything, it was in me holding them back. â
he doesnât want to be saying this, but, at the same time, if he didnât, then why were the words spilling from his mouth in the way that they did? â how can you not understand that i let the relic get stolen? after all we did to get it? â something boils from deep within him, molten hot and thick like syrup. â itâs just been reassurance after reassurance. â he says, all while trying to hold back the burning sensation that wells in his throat, nails digging into calloused palms. â donât you hate it? how we take five steps forward and get kicked ten back? because of plans not panning out the way they intended to? because ofâ because of people like me who canât even imagine how theyâd ever be able to keep up with you all? â
another long inhale, it appears to almost be painful in its execution, especially with the slow, drawn out way he lets himself breathe out. something hurts, oh yes, something hurts, something that smells of pride, of something saline hidden in the corner of his eyes. â who doesnât by this point? whyâ â with an audible âfuckâ as the childâs voice cracks, he breathes in again, rubbing quickly at his face before breaking eye contact with the girl before him. â why wonâtâŚÂ âÂ
â ⌠why wonât anyone let me say sorry, ruby? â
and why wonât saying sorry make him feel any better?
       â  ... Of course I do.  â  ITâS  spoken so quietly and after such a long pause that it was easy to miss --- unless, of course, you were Oscar and you were expecting some kind of acknowledgment. The moment sheâd begun to hear his voice waver, she had to look away; she continues to look away, gaze firmly fixed on a crack in the pavement. If she looks up and sees him waiting for some kind of answer --- or worse, expecting a platitude --- itâll just make her eyes sting more than they already are.  â  Of course I hate it. Of course I understand what happened with the relic. You think I donât ?  â
     Thereâs a sharpness in her tone that she rarely uses with friends --- one she doesnât think sheâs ever used with Oscar --- but thereâs no stopping it. Each sentence, each reminder of what theyâve just been through --- and how far they came just to get kicked right in the gut, again --- is another hammer to the dam sheâs carefully built up. That dam which, incidentally, has been growing weaker and weaker ever since sheâs returned to Spirale. Sheâs already slung barbed words in her momâs direction, someone she hasnât spoken with since --- why not add to the list ?  â  How can I not know exactly what position weâre in ? What, you think... You think youâre the only one that makes mistakes ? Oscar --- half the things that went wrong in Atlas... They wouldnât even be going wrong if I hadnât screwed up before you even met us. Neo, Cinder, Tyrian... All the damage theyâve caused, the people weâve lost... If you wanna play the blame game, I promise you --- Iâd win.  â
     Her voice is level, but the sort of level that only makes one anticipate when itâs going to crack. She doesnât know how it hasnât already, considering how painfully tight her throat feels.  â  You saw how she fought... Iâve seen it, too. You honestly think any of us couldâve done any better against her ? If Iâd have had the relic, she wouldâve just come after me when I was alone, too... And she probably wouldâve tried to finish me off for her old partnerâs sake. Youâre not as far behind the rest of us as you think, so if you wanna apologize... Go ahead. But Iâm not gonna tell you what you wanna hear, I --- Iâm not gonna... Add onto the way you see yourself.  â