the one pink ribbon that holds me together

OP turned reblogs off but as someone with a crazy wicked scar that's been called "body horror" a few times, I really wanted this on my blog

“He’d grown up in a time and place where people like him …well, they just didn’t have love songs.”

The train car was overly warm. Inej was confident of this fact because the other four people sharing the car with them seemed to be shedding their layers along with her.

Jesper and Wylan were left in just their waistcoats, Nina had taken off her shawl, and Matthias, in a show of very casual behavior coming from him, had rolled up his sleeves.

Kaz, on the other hand, was sitting stiffly beside her, his gloves and coat still firmly in place. If anything, his arms folded tightly across his chest seemed to suggest that he was cold.

He was next to the window of the car, his body as close to the wall as possible and staring resolutely out the window. Inej allowed him the space, keeping herself a safe distance away from him, closer to Wylan on her other side.

But, taking note of how odd he was looking, she tapped her knee briefly against his.

Only obvious enough to call his attention, not that of the others.

When he looked over to meet her eye, she raised a brow in question.

Are you okay? It said.

In response, he closed his eyes for a moment too long and swallowed thickly. He jerked his head slightly to the side.

No. Don’t feel well.

For him to do anything other than nod dismissively and turn back to the window was saying something in and of itself.

She cocked her head an inch to the side.

What’s wrong?

She realized he was shivering.

With two fingers, in a way that seemed casual, he tapped his head, his stomach, and his bad leg, trailing the hand along his body as if he’d just wiped his forehead and then let his arm drop.

Head, stomach, leg.

She wiped her hand across her forehead and raised a brow.

Fever?

He nodded briskly.

She tapped her finger against her lips.

Sick?

At first he shrugged. Then shook his head.

Not sure. Not yet.

She frowned at this, which, for the first time, caught Jesper’s attention. Everyone else was still talking amicably, laughing and joking quietly while they waited to return home.

She shook her head at Jesper, begging him to turn his attention elsewhere. He did, thankfully, seeming to understand. 

He was likely noticing the same things she was.

Inej bumped his shoulder with hers. When she caught his eye, she glanced down at her shoulder.

Rest.

He hesitated, then shook his head. He swallowed again, his eyes dropping to her bare shoulder.

She nodded in understanding. She grabbed Nina’s discarded shawl from the bench next to her and draped it over her exposed skin. 

She repeated the gesture. 

I’m sorry. Better?

He nodded hesitantly and shifted a bit to the side, allowing his head to settle against her shoulder.

He was burning up, she realized. She was grateful they only had an hour left before they were back in Ketterdam.

She tapped his bad leg softly and gestured discreetly toward the empty part of the bench across from him, next to Jesper.

Jesper scooted slightly closer to Nina without looking over at them.

Kaz sighed and lifted his leg up onto the bench, stretching out his bad knee.

It didn’t take long at all for him to grow heavier. 

She knew he hadn’t slept for days. Missions always took a lot out of him, especially when he felt obligated to keep an eye out the whole trip. She'd offered a few times to take watch, but he declined every time. 

As he dozed off next to her, Nina and Jesper both caught her eye, confused and concerned looks on their faces. 

Inej just shook her head, pursing her lips.

Don’t worry, I’ve got him.

With Nina’s shawl between her hand and his skin, she held his head lightly against her shoulder to keep it from dropping as he fell more deeply asleep.