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thank you for all the times i felt loved by you.

been a while

The year is ending and it seems like I've found myself in a place of anxiety. Have i accomplished enough? Have i been the person I've always wanted to be? What do i have to look forward to? This year, I've had my fair share of rejection and heartbreak, sometimes things are tougher than they seemed, but also somehow i seemed to find a balance in between. I sought solace in another individual. I know things never end well whenever i get emotionally attached to someone, but I'm betting my chances, since I do long for human affection after all. I'm not sure where things will get me in the future. I'm scared of being alone, being thrown out, feeling hurt and abandoned. I'm scared of a lot of things but I'm trying to understand things from a broader perspective, which somehow is giving me mixed feelings. I'm not sure what i should feel at a certain time, and if my feelings was valid. I guess at the end of the day, I'm still just as fragile. Maybe today is just a bad day, maybe I'm having my period soon, hence I'm being so sensitive. Anyway, I really hope the new year will be better in a lot of ways. Here's to wishful thinking.

I take back what i say about liking the ability to feel things, i cry every time i feel things i should probably seek help

I'm crying a lot these days im such an emotional mess haha

lately... I've been feeling quite a lot of different emotions. I felt content, grossed out, disappointed, and also tingling feeling at times!! who knew feeling things could be this good? Felt empty almost all the time and I'm glad I'm recovering and finally feeling different emotions at times. Always grateful for positive personal growth!

I hate crying. Because once i cried i can't ever stop crying. Even when I'm done crying, i always have that double breathing noise that gave it away. If there is a way to make me not feel anything at all please let me know.

This period of my life has been very confusing. I hate hate hate myself. I am terribly insecure, i don't have any motivation in life. I feel so stressed out about university and all that. I really wished i was just a little bit more confident, love myself more but it has been incredibly challenging. I hope this period passed by quickly and give me more room for some growth, change and love.

Hello, again. I ramble and vent on here and no one would even know which is kind of the point. I don't like to be out in the open to the world, i don't want people to read me like an open book, hence i am pretty closed up despite being an extrovert. Having a little piece of yourself closed up to the whole world can be one of two things. It can be a closure as no one will be able to know too much about you; or it can be a ticking time bomb isolating yourself from opening up your feelings. Alone, closed up, isolation; never in a million years would i use those words to describe myself. I guess i just feel kind of empty most of the time. Nothing really excites me, i am tired of being someone who have so many emotions, yet feels none.