lonely but fabulous

Coming here to find you and kissing you in front of an entire club full of people is the easiest thing I have done in my life. 

Internalized Homophobia is essentially self-loathing and self-censorship, related to one’s sexual orientation. Almost all wlw and mlm have likely experienced it. With what we saw of Ander’s and Omar’s relationship in season 1, it would appear Omar is the one who suffers more from internalized homophobia. However, season 2 presented what I already suspected. Omar’s internalized homophobia is more attached to his familial expectations, by leaving that environment, he quickly adapted and began to express himself in a more “gay” way. While he definitely struggled from internalized homophobia, his was always more of a reaction to his familial pressure and external homophobia. 

Now let’s get into Ander. While Ander’s general grumpiness of the season can be attributed mostly to learning about Polo and keeping secrets from Guzman, he definitely had issues with Omar, not just as a result of those external issues. Ander knows he is gay. He is not ashamed or afraid for people to know he is gay. Where he struggles is in accepting the more stereotypical feminine gay self-expression. While the show does an excellent job of touching on the gendered expectations in Middle Eastern families, Ander’s story more subtly presents the issues with gender in Spanish speaking societies. Machismo. Machismo is essentially hypermasculinity, strong men who aren’t vulnerable. Men who don’t wear tiny gold shorts. Men who don’t hang out with other men in drag. Men who play sports. Men like Ander’s father. While Ander is okay with being gay, he does not want to be perceived that way. I think it goes much deeper then issues with feminity. He is scared of being vulnerable. Gay men who fit feminine stereotypes are inherently more vulnerable to judgment and violence. This manifests in his dismissiveness of Omar’s attempts to embrace this part of his identity and defensiveness at being called cute feminine names like “honey”. 

This is why I think their sex scene was so well done and so representative of their relationship healing and Ander starting to confront his own issues. While no position in gay male sex is the feminine one, since they’re both men, the position Ander took is vulnerable. 

Hey! I think everyone looks for different things in fiction. If the story or the couple wasn’t compelling for someone, that’s their reaction and end of story. People should be able to like or not like whatever they want based on entirely subjective criteria.

That said, calling it a lack of tension is just innacurate.

There’s been plenty of tension. Martino spent 6 episodes hiding his sexuality and a new relationship from his family and closest friends. He discovers his crush has a girlfriend in episode 2 and spends the next episode wondering if he imagined the whole thing. There’s an almost kiss at the end of episode 3 and episode 4 is a build-up to finishing it. He fights with his friends in episode 5, spends two weeks isolated and the next two episodes thinking Nico’s back with Maddalena, not knowing what to think of their time together. Episode 8 is, well, episode 8. And episode 9 starts with Maddalena telling him it was all a lie (which he sort of believes until the final clip) and discovering that Nico has a disorder that he doesn’t understand. Add to that his conflicts with his mother and father, his fight with Filippo, Eva calling him out on his bullshit, the whole affair with Emma and the fact he was outed by her and her brother to the whole school.  

The differences in relation to the og are basically the lack of the religious theme, Martino being more willing to pursue his feelings, and the fact that Nico and Marti are a lot more at ease with each other from the start and mutually aware of their attraction and intentions. And, of course, La grotta was less tense because there wasn’t the looming threat of a suicide attempt. 

So at most we can say there’s less tension in Skam Italia because of all this - but that doesn’t make it an inferior form of storytelling, just a different kind of story and relationship. Isak and Even have a lot more awkwardness and hesitancy in the first four episodes, and I loved that but I also loved the immediate connection and ease between Marti and Nico. The Romeo and Juliet theme throughout the og made everybody really nervous largely because we didn’t know how it was going to end and that changes everything. I mean, I was sure everything would work out because of the type of story they were telling, but still! We didn’t know what the next clip would be like and that was nerve-wracking. We have to remember we’re seeing the show through the lenses of people who know the og. If you show this season to someone who doesn’t know anything about the story, I doubt they’ll say there wasn’t tension. 

Also, because the show takes place in a country a lot more homophobic than Norway (as indicated by Filippo in his speech and reinforced by Marti in the final clip) I think it’s lovely to have a relationship that isn’t fraught with doubt in terms of mutual attraction, that Martino doesn’t hesitate to pursue Nico and that they (mostly) don’t face rejection by their family and friends, but that what stands in the way are Nico’s fear of hurting Marti and reluctance to be open about his disorder and ultimately lose him, and Marti’s tendency to put his foot in his mouth and hurt people he loves. Not that homophobia isn’t an issue, because Marti’s fear of coming out to the people in his life permeates a good portion of the season, but as far as Marti and Nico are concerned it isn’t the main hurdle in their relationship - which makes it a story about two boys who fall in love and grow and learn together. And by having complex characters who go through this massive personal development unrelated to their sexuality you make a same-sex relationship incredibly relatable and help normalize it, which is really great everywhere but specially in a very homophobic society.

i feel like their storyline was more about honesty and trust, and in the end, i think it was shown how much they’ve opened up about that and truly let those attributes guide them. let’s not forget their ride was also about understanding (especially marti) and acceptance (especially nico).

martino found love, because he understood that nico’s mental health was not a hindrance to nico’s genuine love for him. niccolò found love, because he accepted that people could and would truly love him despite his mental health. both were afraid not to be seen. what i’m meaning to say is that they found a love that could last, because they chose to confide in each other. they chose to be honest with each other and they chose to put trust in one another. which doesn’t mean they weren’t heavily fond of each other or already in love before they came clean. love - both platonic or romantic - is hard work at times, too. it’s the constant reassurance of feelings which only comes through, if people tell each other what’s in their hearts.

sometimes it’s not easy to trust, because we are afraid of deception or may it, because we are afraid to lose someone. and so we distance ourselves in order to protect ourselves from any more heartbreak. and isn’t it wonderful, how a boy like martino, who was so afraid not be loved back genuinly, found someone who loved him back just the way he hoped? and that a boy like niccolò, who was afraid not to be accepted the way he his, was truly accepted in the end? that martino actually loved him back, too?

we’ve experienced this season through martino’s eyes who struggled to identify himself. he didn’t tell the truth at the beginning. like he said I told a lot of lies to many people. he also didn’t trust his feelings. tried to hide his true identity. only as he started to understand that he is who he is, and that his identity is nothing to be ashamed of and absolutely has no need to be changed in order to please him or/and the people around him, he began to accept himself more and more. nico helped him understand that as well as his friends. both relationships had its ups and down, mostly because martino wasn’t honest with himself nor with them.

i didn’t need for martino to be told that nico saw him the first day of school. is it nice to be told something like that? absolutely. personally, i think what’s even better or equally worth is that the people in marti‘s life did in fact see him. all the time. they were worried about him constantly and even for him. marti understood that at the end of the season. as audience we saw marti at the beginning of the season and so did the people around him. it was marti who didn’t see (it).

i think skam italia has created a beautiful storyline in another timeline or parallel universe - however you want it. in the end, i do believe nico saw him from the start and so did marti. it doesn’t matter to me if it was on the first day of school or not. the radio meeting started at the beginning of the school year and that’s where they met. it’s basically when marti’s season starts. it’s the beginning of their journey if you will. it’s their non ti ho mai visto - I’ve never seen you before. you see? “I’ve never seen you before. but now I do. now I see you.”

so, actually skam italia showed us the whole I saw you the first day of school without having a character say the line. we, the audience, saw it. and i believe marti came to the same realization.

at the end of the season, marti said sono io. if that’s true, then marti x nico siamo noi. it’s marti’s story (that’s me) and it’s the story of marti x nico (that’s us). they both saw each other from the beginning, but now that they know each other’s hearts, they truly see each other.

invece adesso… che ne so, magari a scuola mi prendono in giro, se esco mi rischio le botte, però almeno… sono io.