fancy you 💖

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   all   he   wanted   to   do   was   stay   near   her   until   he   felt   safe   again.   somewhere   inside   of   him   he   knows   that   lingering   feelings   of   deeper,   romantic   affection   still   burn   for   her,   so   he   has   to   wonder   if   that   has   something   to   do   with   why   she   was   the   first   person   he   ran   to   after   being   threatened.   but   as   he   slides   into   her   apartment   and   wraps   his   arms   around   her,   he   lets   out   a   breath   –   she   makes   him   feel   safe.   she   makes   him   feel   whole,   and   alive,   and   purposeful,   and   maybe   that’s   unhealthy,   but   it’s   all   he   has   for   now,   “   i’m   sorry,   i   didn’t   meant   to   scare   you   I   just   –   “   he   feels   a   big,   wet   tear   fall   from   one   eye,   “   you   can   feel   me,   right   ??   i’m   solid.   i’m   here.   i’m   alive.”   i   didn’t   just   make   you   up,   did   i?   this   isn’t   some   desperate   dream   of   a   soul   trying   to   cling   to   a   realm he   doesn’t   belong   to   anymore…?

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   he’s   at   leia’s   apartment.   the   bizarre   encounter   at   the   library   is   fresh   in   his   mind   still,   but   he’d   left   the   library,   gotten   away   from   him,   and     and   driven   to   leia’s.   that   is   why   he’s   knocking   on   her   door   urgently.   spirits   can’t   knock.   spirits   can’t   drive.   spirits   don’t   have   carry   an   i.d.   he   pats   his   jacket   pocket   –   it’s   in   the   car.   knocking   again,   he   calls   out,   voice   cracking,   “leia   ??   leia   are   you   –   leia   answer   the   door,   please   !!   “   

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   “   i’m   alive   –   “   is   all   he   manages   to   stammer   out   after   a   long   pause.   if   he   says   it   enough,   it’ll   be   true.   if   he  keeps   holding   onto   life,   and   his   job,   and   his   friends,   then   he’s   alive.   a   single   tear   rolls   down   his   face.   people   who   aren’t   alive   don’t   cry,   right?   they   don’t   feel   such   intense   sadness   at   the   prospect   of   not   having   a   life,   “   i’m   not   dead.   you’re   not   ferrying   me   anywhere,   i’m   not   dead.   “   

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   the   world   could   have   crumbled   away   around   them   in   that   moment   and   namgi   wouldn’t   have   noticed.   he’s   to   fixated   on   the   man   in   front   of   him   who’s   desperately   pulling   at   something   the   librarian   doesn’t   want   to   remember.   mention   of   his   neck   makes   him   press   harder,   as   if   applying   pressure   to   a   wound.   “you   leave   her   out   of   this.”   his   jaw   sets.   leia   is   the   line,   “   i’m   not   a   spirit.   i’m   solid,   i’m   here.   “   you’re   solid   because   you   want   to   be.   he’s   not   sure   what   voice   says   that   to   him   –   it   sounds   like   his   own,   but   that’s   not   a   thought   he’d   allow   himself   to   have.   or   is   it?   he   rises   from   his   chair,   “   i’m   not   dead.   maybe   i’m   not   human,   but   I’m   not   dead.   “

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   “   why   would   do   you   both   say   that   ??   “   the   words   come   out   before   namgi   even   registers   them   to   be   his   own. his hand moves to his neck and he pushes against it,  “  he’d   say   stupid   things   like   that   too.   it   always   annoyed   me   –   i   have   work   to   do,   if   you’re   not   going   to   check   something   out,   could   you   kindly   leave ?? ”

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻  “   well,   i   am   just   an   intern   so   …   “   he   begins   to   say,   but   he   lets   the   sentence   trail   off   as   the   other   continues   at   his   rapid   speaking   pace.   he’s   making   namgi   uncomfortable   in   a   way   that   he   can’t   quite   put   a   finger   on   –   as   if   he’s   somehow   dangerous.   the   librarian’s   gaze   flicks   around   briefly   to   see   if   he   can   catch   sight   of   anyone   else   on   the   floor   who   might   be   of   some   aid   if   something   goes   wrong   in   this   conversation,   “   hoetaek   …   ?”   the   name   rings   something   in   namgi   that   makes   him   feel   worse.   the   librarian   flinches   involuntarily,   realizing   a   second   later   what   he’s   done   before   straightening   up   and   smiling   again,   “   um   –   y-yeah.   yes,   i   remember   someone   with   that   name   he   was   uh…strange   guy.   always   seemed   a   bit   distracted   and   rushed.   he   took   out   a   lot   of   books   about…well,   like   you   said,   death   in   different   cultures.   also   some   history   books,   things   about   joseon   era.   i   can   pull   up   some   of   his   past   loans   if   you’d   like   to   take   out   something   he   did.   “   he   says,   moving   his   rolling   hair   closer   to   the   computer.

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   “   …   i   remember   the   day   leia   flew   in   with   her   boyfriend    “   he   pauses,   his   mind   going   back   to   the   general   chaos   of   what   was   happening   around   then.   he   only   knew   so   much   about   the   details   –   of   ancient,   angry   beings   and   his   father’s   connections   to   it   –   but   all   he   really   cared   about   at   the   time   was   harper,   “   we   were   all   gathered   up   in   the   living   room,   terrified   because   you   were   gone   at   a   time   when   things   were   dangerous.  you   know   how   dad   is   …   he   wants   us   to    be   happy.   given   the   chance,   he   probably   would’ve   been   fine   with   you   gone.   it’s   just   because   of   when   it   happened.   we   didn’t   know   if   someone   had   targeted   you.   “

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻   casey   and   loss   had   never   paired   well,   but   the   divorce   had   been   particularly   difficult.   throw   harper   disappearing   on   top   of   that,   and   he   remembers   a   lot   of   nights   spent   in   bed   just   staring   at   his   phone   trying   to   pretend   his   family   wasn’t   crumbling   apart.  it   didn’t   take   long,   however,   for   him   to   realize   that   harper   was   hit   the   hardest   by   the   whole   ordeal.   casey   could   only   be   upset   at   his   brother   for   a   short   while   before   he   transitioned   to   patiently   waiting   for   him   to   come   back.   so   when   he   did,   he   was   elated,   forgiveness   already   given,   “   you   need   to   forgive   yourself,   hyung.   we   all   forgave   you,   it’s   like   you   won’t   let   yourself   believe   that   …   "

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻  casey’s   shoulder’s   dropped,   head   tilting   to   the   side   a   bit   as   he   sighs  as   if   to   say   ‘  really? this again ?’  .   this   sentiment   has   been   common   ever   since   harper   had   come   back.   as   many   times   as   the   youngest   had   tried   to   reassure   him   that   all   was   fine,   somehow   that   doubt   would   rear   its   head   again,   “   you   came   back   didn’t   you?   you’re   not   terrible   then.   “

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻  “   i   think   at   the   end   of   the   day,   dad   can   decide   if   he   wants   to   go   on   a   date   or   not.   leia   still   feels   bad   because   of   the   conversation   we   had   at   the   café.   we   made   our   plans   to   give   dad   back   something   but…you   know   noona.   “   the   younger   shrugged   a   little,   “   she   always   has   to   go   above   and   beyond.   “

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻  namgi   gives   a   small   wave   to   leia   as   she   walks   away,   thanking   her   again   for   the   coffee   and   snacks.   he’s   just   lifted   the   cup   to   take   a   sip   when   someone   approaches.   with   a   good-natured   smile,   he   parts   his   lips   to   speak,   only   to   be   silenced   by   the   very   sudden,   somewhat   accusatory   sounding   question,   “   um   …   “   he   lets   out   a   small,   breathy   laugh,   “no,   i’ve   been   working   here   for   a   little   over   two   years   now.   i   alternate   between   this   floor   and   the   main   floor   on   different   days,   so   maybe   you   just   missed   me…”   though   he’s   not   sure   why   it   matters,   “   can   I   help   you   find   something   ??   “

°     ♡     ╱     ⋯     ⤻  “   depends   on   if   you   consider   noona’s   determination   to   make   everyone   fall   in   love   as   ‘getting   in   trouble’.   she   went   to   get   an   anniversary   gift   for   her   boyfriend   and   used   that   as   an   excuse   to   talk   to   the   jewelry   store   lady.   she   wants   to   set   her   up   with   dad.   “