Ive got therapy today but it’s been a hellish 2 weeks without my meds … apparently the re-order online system broke down and nothing has been sent, but nobody bothered to check LOL! So crazy. Brain zaps from cold turkey-ing is no joke… I’ve been loopy, tired, nauseous, and particularly more emotionally unstable throughout these past few days.
I scare myself a lot; I don’t rly know how I feel about the ugly side of me. I know I’m a huge mental health advocate but whenever I see these parts of myself slip up in my mind’s eye, I feel disgusted to see the “manic” or “unstable” parts of myself— my darker side.
Since I’ve been in therapy and on meds (for the most part Lol…..) my self awareness has heightened a craaazzyy amount, more-so than when I Wasn’t on meds/therapy. I can almost instantly catch myself in mental anguish and it’s a battle back-and-forth with myself to get a grip or to not overreact; or not to lash out when I know that it’s my brain acting up. It’s scary to see
I don’t talk abt how scared of myself I feel too often because what I fear more than just scaring Myself, is scaring other people away with my instability…. I’m not even that unstable that’s the thing 😭 but my mind makes me feel that way whenever I’m stepping out of line from my “perfect” persona. I’d hate to make others feel weary or uncomfortable by my darker side; I Hope that I don’t make people feel that way…
Lots to talk about in therapy today. Enjoy these flower pictures I’ve gotten while working 👼 I feel like me and flowers have a lot more in common than what meets the eye
amandla
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