elastic heart

Police have asked me to make a statement about an assault that happened 6 years ago. I was so fucked up by 2011. The last 3 months of 2011 were hell and my life was changed forever. I became someone different and someone I had to fight to stop being. Now I’m a person I’m proud of. I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am today and I can’t have something in my past keep popping up like this. I have the opportunity to potentially ruin this persons future career but I can’t bring myself to open this up again. I need to move on. I can’t keep feeling fucked up and anxious like I have to constantly look over my shoulder. He literally lives in the next suburb over but I thankfully haven’t seen him. I’d probably throw up. I just feel so defeated and down when I should be feeling proud. I made it through some really fucking shitty times and even this year has been mentally draining and tough. I’m really strong and it’s okay to feel shit. I just need to remind myself I’m a survivor and my life will keep moving forward. Everything will be okay.

13 reasons why was pretty triggering, but I’m glad they didn’t cloud over the rape scenes. They were real and the way Jessica scrubbed her body afterwards hit me and the way Hannah lay there limp hit me. It’ll be 6 years this year and I’m doing pretty well. I still think about what happened most days, but I’m doing okay. I don't sear my skin in boiling hot showers anymore and I don't have nightmares every night. I'm proud of myself for moving on with my life, but I'm still disgusted by the people who changed my life forever and the "friends" who victim blamed me.

How my life has turned around so quickly is incredible. A fortnight ago I was sobbing on the couch because I felt trapped in my job and like I had ruined all chances of working my dream job. But come late January, I'll be working that dream job - trainer of diploma of specialist makeup services at the academy I once studied at. Monday to Friday teaching up and coming makeup artists - it's honestly a dream come true. No more retail, I'm finally onto the path I should be. We have an amazing new apartment, we both have awesome jobs, Jaime got a beautiful new car and we're both healthier than ever. Life is good.