everytime i eat i feel guilty for doing it. like why do i even deserve to feed myself and enjoy it? since last wednesday i’ve had 4 meals. i had a taco bell breakfast burrito and hash brown, a b&c and half a quesadilla, half of in n out, and 1 farmer boys kids cheese burger. couldn’t even eat the fries. i’m getting lunch right now and going to my sisters for dinner and i feel sick about that.

ruining the relationship you had with “the one” is heart wrenching. gave up my entire life just for nothing. how could i be so selfish and disgusting??? i’ve never felt so alone and isolated before. i deserve all this but fuck. i know i’m strong but this is a little more than i can take. i know i need to sit with these emotions but knowing i’ve brought so much hurt to so many people makes me want to end it all. why do i get to live any sort of life? i don’t deserve good or love or care or compassion or any of that anymore. i wish i wasn’t so scared to do it. woulda been done by now.