10 Toes Down, 7 Souls Up

Before my eyes will finally see the truth in front of me.

Things either distort you or turn you into a song

Can you recall when all was okay?

I cannot.

But I do always recall

A distant drum

Silently guiding me along

If I could travel back in time I would cut off the tongue that turned knife and cut you so carelessly

If I could go back I would tie myself to the bed and show up as me instead

Not let my fears of being seen as unworthy of your love fan the fires of trauma that had been burning in the background of my life

If I could go back I would never have let you go in the first place

If I could go back…

But I cannot and the damage is done. You see me as an adversary while I stand holding all of this love

You see me as another pebble to cast away into the river of your past

While I watch my mountain erode away with the passing of the days

We can’t run from ourselves so much

That we hide in others as refuge

For the same monsters we run from

Is to let the blood drip on paper and with your fingers write a message to life and death

If they took my heart and made the blood let…

If they tied me from my legs to a post in some desolate island…

I would be able to show you how much I loved you with a look into my eyes and a kiss…

But if that is the case, my love, I’d ask God that when I die, I instead be trapped inside that illusion forever

And forego heaven….

After almost a decade

Why do your betrayals feel as if yesterday

How many times will I have to burn your effigy

Over the hot coals

Of my burning heart’s embers

How many lovers will pay the price that you left behind

I look up to the night sky

And whisper to the creator your name

My heart beats to the rhythm of your song

As if you put the strings there yourself

I cannot help my love for you

No more than the waves of the ocean can free themselves from gravity

No more than the sun can help chasing after the moon

I am tied to you by creation itself

Perhaps I am the mad man howling at the moon

Waiting for her to whisper back,

“You’re home.”

My beautiful angel

The blessing of your presence awakened a part of me that died before

My heart spilled into my thoughts

My brain the hostage of your intoxicating love

I desire but to taste every part of you that my creator so carefully crafted

Knowing one day

I clawed at the earth

Left my dreams behind

Grip slipped…

The end?

Never that - I don’t stop

I turned to the devil and he was afraid

Locked eyes and he turned away

The pain this heart carries

If it meant your smile and lips would lovingly whisper my name

She called out to me

Hand extended to the sky

Why must life get in between lovers

What is crueler? Life, or the thought of living without you.