Patently Useless

“Edible toy figures constructed of breakfast cereal” - Look Mommy, I drowned the cereal monster in my milk!

“Water unicycle” - Seriously, how has unicycle water polo not taken off as a sport?

“Tan-Thru Sunglasses” - for those who worry about tan lines around their eyes (do such people exist?)

“Tamper resistant institutional shoe and method” - Good for prisons and airports!

“Seeing With Your Hand” - AKA the Google Glove

“System and method for enticing users to a web site” - yes, Google Doodles are patented

“Method for patent purchase and pursuit of patent infringement via mobile device” - for the patent troll on the go

“Promotion of peace, love and understanding through the global proliferation of snowpeople system method and apparatus” - It’s always a good sign when the inventor feels the need to explain that his patent is not a joke

“Staircase” - And got a design patent on their stairs for good measure

“Glass Support Member” - Yes, Apple patented the glass staircase in its stores

“Doll having conductive outer skin areas and internal battery supply” - Mattel gets one step closer to their Frankensteinian dreams for Barbie and Ken

“Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force” - AKA Method of torturing pregnant women

“Ballistic resistant body covering” - Superman’s underwear on Krypton?

“Method of stopping a stolen car without a high-speed chase, utilizing a bar code” - What could possibly go wrong with a barcode scanner remotely shooting out the tires on a car?

“Animal toy” - In a post-apocalyptic world without trees, dogs will still be able to play fetch

“Device for moistening the adhesive coating on postage stamps and envelopes” - It’s a sponge... it’s a tongue... it’s a sponge-tongue!

“Glasses with subliminal message” - Mind control glasses: coming soon to a Google Glass near you...