✧ . * lucky *⁠ .⁠ ✧

my beautiful baby who i'm naming untitled document

i can't seem to find my baby

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

probably feels good af to latch your jaws onto someone and not let go

I feel like this is what Robert Pattinson sees in his peripheral vision whenever he's doing an interview.

I wanna be bitten by a puppyboy not mosquitos ok

reading the wiki for the american psycho movie every single thing it’s saying about christian bale has me in tears …….. he literally wanted the role so bad he got that buff in two weeks, rejected every other offer for 9 months while the producers tried to get dicaprio to be patrick bateman bc bale knew dicaprio would chicken out, went to dinner with the director and the guy who wrote the novel IN CHARACTER apparently scaring the shit out of the novelist, took the role for $50k, and then made all his costars think he was a giant freak bc he never fucking broke character, and APARENTLY LITERALLY HAS CONTROL OVER HIS SWEAT GLANDS AND USED THIS IN THE BUSINESS CARD SCENE

It brings me comfort that, for a brief moment, Jared Leto genuinely believed Christian Bale was going to kill him with an axe

my body is a machine that turns glasses of water into drinked glasses of water5

hey check it out guys, free 5

My local convenience store uses a delivery app that's designed for food, and the check-all-that-apply rating widget has not been adjusted to suit the venue, so in order to give the delivery person a top score I'm obliged to tell the app that a 55-pound bag of sand "tasted delicious".

I live in a place with real winters and I can't buy sand in any random gas station, but that's probably because we have a community sand pile by the high school that anyone can come and get however much sand they want for free.

Oh, we also have free sand provided by the city government, but that has small amounts of road salt mixed in. If you want just plain sand (e.g., because you're sanding a sidewalk that's right next to a flowerbed or something and you're worried about runoff), you've gotta get your own.

Imagine having to say your unsalted sand tasted delicious. Bland sand, yuck.

CUDDLING IS SOMETHING YOU DO WITH YOUR TEETH

Organised crime? Nah girl I'm into disorganised crime. If a goon doesn't have ADHD they aren't getting hired

Cops can't stop us if they don't know what we're doing, and they can't find out if we have no idea either

Minions stop this post from reaching 1k

On it, boss! Gettin' this post to 10k, just like you said!

i have wig blindness. every time ppl are like “omg the wigs in this show are soooooooo bad” i almost never notice it. looks normal enough to me.

god it’s so sad living in an allocentric world. There are so many relationships that are so complex and nuanced that are all put under the label of ‘romantic’ and immediately all the intrigue is taken from it. Like don’t you realize that these relations are actually ENHANCED by the fact that they are not romantic or sexual?

NOOO DONT PUT THE CHARACTERS IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP YOURE TAKING OFF THE SEASONING!!!!