Definitely N̶o̶t̶ A Trash Blog

But yeah all the pants were as low as you can go and every fucking t shirt had a butterfly or empire-waist and peasant shirt nonsense. If it didn’t have a butterfly, it instead said Angel or Princess in rhinestones.

Also can we talk about LAYERS? whyyy was everything layered like this, especially those dumb shrugs that were a tiny useless piece of cloth that covered nothing but your shoulders.

Can’t forget about those juicy track suits either

And the notes talking about frosty eyeshadow and craft glitter everywhere is no joke. All of this shit could be bought at your local DEB or Gap and every look was layers upon layers of DISASTER.

The girl grave robbing and selling human bones online

The white american girl who pretended to be an interracial lesbian couple living with hiv in india, just so she could write hamilton hiv fic

The girl everyone thought was the native lesbian writer of my immortal, who wrote it to find her brother, but it turns out she was white and lied about her backstory and probably didn’t even write the fic

Russian Chaos Agents

all or nothing

beastmilk jewelry

bone thief

cancer scam

child slavery

cole sprouse’s social experiment

confusedtree

constablefrozen

cybersmith

dashcon

evilfemme

firebolting

freebleeding

glitchedpuppet

hiv hamilton fanfic

homestuck bucket video

homestuck sharpie bath

komaeda kin finger hoax

leelah project

lifting community

“made her eat the doodoo”

medicine switching murder

memeufacturing

miss officer and mr. truffles

mod silver

my immortal author hoax

needle-filled cookie

piss jello

russian agents

toe necklace

unliscenced therapy

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly … .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

This piece has been largely well received (and some people were straight-up relieved to see this perspective!), but the few people so far who disagreed with an aspect of the post seem to have zeroed in on its major mistake: The word “toxic.”

Toxicity exists in relationships and it can exist in behaviors. It shouldn’t be applied to people though. The people who have criticized me for carelessly doing that are right.

If a person gets the idea that they, fundamentally, “are toxic,” they have no incentive to try to be better and may believe they’re poisonous. Which is already a feeling some people struggle with; they think they ruin everything and spoil everyone, and they aren’t just saying that to people they love to manipulate them into dispensing comfort.

Rebecca Sugar described Spinel as “a toxic person” and as ridiculous, and the reason she went there is that she straight-up expected an unrelated person to pay for her pain–and was willing to spend all her resources to hold someone else accountable for something that had nothing to do with them. I can’t agree that the terms she chose in some of these interviews were the most appropriate or the kindest, but please do note that SHE (and I) did not equate Spinel’s behavior to specific mental illnesses. I’ve seen some people who are trying to find happiness and stability and better coping mechanisms acknowledge that they have BPD or anxiety or abandonment issues, and that Spinel reminds them of themselves. Identifying her behavior as incompatible with love and life is not the same thing as slapping an illness label on her and discarding her as irredeemable.

I want to be very intentional with how I speak about this as I largely came to this from Steven’s perspective–and as a person who has had to work through trauma that came from relationships with people like Spinel. I do NOT want anyone to take home the message that any person, mentally ill or not, “is toxic” fundamentally and cannot improve or find happiness and healing. I do NOT want anyone reading this to believe that the only way to relate to a person with coping problems and lashing-out tendencies is to isolate them and throw them away. I do NOT want anyone to perceive this piece as justification for being cruel to a traumatized person, or as framing such people as obstacles and lessons and “things” instead of the fully fledged people they are–people who also deserve happiness.

Like Spinel, they do not get to demand the terms and the providers of their happiness, or hurt people uncontested if they refuse to provide. But everyone I’ve heard from KNOWS THAT. And everyone I’ve seen in the notes who relates to Spinel acknowledges that her behavior wasn’t justified. We can reject the behavior and we can even reject the relationship if we need to. We don’t need to label the person as a biohazard and package them up to be thrown out so they don’t hurt anyone else.

In 1857,  Elisha Otis, of the Otis Elevator Company introduced the Otis Elevator Brake, now a standard component of all elevators. He advertised it by getting in an elevator, riding it to the top, and then ordering that the cable supporting the elevator be cut.

When the elevator is held up by the tension in the cable above, that same tension holds the braking mechanism in a position where it doesn’t touch anything. But if the tension goes away, a spring is released which causes the prongs of the elevator break to thrust outward, locking into a row of teeth running down the side of the elevator shaft and making the elevator completely immobile until repaired.

You can be trapped in an elevator, but you cannot fall in an elevator.

Except that you don’t actually have to participate in intellectual discourse any time some fucko on the Internet tells you to.

Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????

Zuko: *speaks*

And then it hit me.

Iroh: *sitting in a teahouse at a paisho table* Iroh, deadpan: I must capture the last airbender.  Iroh: It is the only way to make sure the powe rof the Avatar won’t be turned on the Fire Nation. Iroh: Only then will I be redeemed in the eyes of the Fire Lord for my failure at Ba Sing Se. Iroh: … Iroh: Anyway, it’s your turn.

‘The prince in the iceberg’

‘Avatar Zuko’

‘The Old Master’

‘Imprisoned’

‘Zuko’s Master’

Who did this?!

Episode 1 Part 1

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Ep 2 Ep 3  Ep 4

Bonus: