Old Man Hotter's Hole

HE LOVES HER.

He loves her.

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i'd like you all to know about my new book King: you wrote another harry potter book? awesome! Rowling: no itsss not a harry potter book Barker: oh jesus not another cormorant shrike Rowling: ITS CORMORAN SSTRIKE Rowling: AND NO

Rowling: this book is called 'the women who won't wheeshhht' Barker: women who won't wee or shit? Rowling: no that'sss not what i sssaid Rowling: that'sss not what i sssaid and you know it!!

Rowling: [muttering] think you're ssso sssmart well you won't be laughing when you hear from my barrissster Barker: what was that? Rowling: nothing

Barker: so the women who won't wee or shit Barker: is that why there's no toilets in hogwarts? Rowling: no!! Rowling: that's unrelated!!! Rowling: i've come up with a new retcon for that Barker: oh boy i bet its a doozy Poe: clive

Rowling: they removed all the hogwartss toiletss because the PC police were going to force them to let transs women ussse the ladiesss room Rowling: so instead dumbledore bravely removed all toiletsss Rowling: a great man, dumbledore Barker: and that's when wizards started just shitting themselves? Rowling: yesss

Barker: anyway Barker: the women who won't wee or shit King: are you King: are you committed to that title, joanne? King: cuz now that clive's said it King: i really can't not hear it

Rowling: i've got 10 thousand copiesss already printed! Rowling: i can't make changess now Rowling: look itss just gonna be cheaper to ssue anyone who makess fun of it Barker: who makes fun of the women who won't wee or shit Rowling: that'sss it!!! Rowling: you're on my lissst!!!

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have exccciting newsss Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked

Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne? Rowling: it's for being one of the 36 people whossse presssence ssstopsss god from dessstroying the earth King: Lovecraft: Koontz: Poe: Barker:

Barker: how exactly are you stopping god from destroying the earth Rowling: well, obviousssly it's becaussse Rowling: god is a big cormorant strike fan Rowling: i mean, duh Rowling: that's my legacy Rowling: and, you know, the transssphobia

Rowling: i don't need you lot anymore Rowling: from now on, i'm going to be sspending my time with my intellectual equalss Rowling: fellow sssinai recipients like famous rapist conor McGregor, famous nazi Christopher rufo, the zodiac killer, and Anonymous UPenn student

[later] Rowling: hello fellow sssinai award recipients Rowling: how goesss it? Ted Cruz:

Rowling: how goess it, fellow sssinai recipients? Chris Rufo: we were just talking about how black people have smaller thinking bones than Aryan supermen Thomas Sowell: it's true! we do Sowell: ya know, we were really so much happier back in the slave days