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I’ve never wanted to stay before. I’ve always wanted to leave. Be on the run. Go. Move. Never get stuck in one place, with the same person or people, for too long. None of that steady and stable stuff has ever served me well.
If I’m the one who’s moving forward – making all the decisions – constantly bouncing from place to place – then I’m never the one left behind. I’ve suffered through that feeling once and I promised myself I’d never go back there. I’d do everything in my power to ensure that I was never left again.
People think you cannot control your own destiny, but I disagree. There is plenty I can control. Sure, some things still have not gone completely according to plan, but I am able to manage and handle quite a bit on my own. I’ve done just fine thus far.
There’s still something inside of me that wants to be rooted. Grounded. Connected to something.
Anything.
Someone.
Anyone.
No matter how far down I try to stuff those feelings, they always come back up.
Especially when they are least expected and most unwanted.
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“The ghosts of our past lives still dance within these halls. Do you feel them?” she murmured, turning her head to look at him. He wasn’t even sure how she heard his approach. His footsteps were near silent, but then again, Beatrice never did let her surrounding go unaware. He believed she would always have the upper hand when it came to that.
“When we were kids, I never would have imagined there’d be a day I saw this place lying in ruin,” she continued, kicking a piece of rubble on the ground.
He placed his hands in his pockets as he gently shook his head. “This place was falling apart at the seams back when we roamed the halls, don’t let time trick you.”
The tone of his voice irked her. Who was he to tell her how to process her memories. Without facing him, she responded. “Maybe so, but Vestin had a way of making these stone walls feel warm and full of life.”
“It was a facade that could only last so long,” he scoffed.
Her eyes flashed rapidly from hurt to anger. “Need you go out of your way to be cruel? Was it really that horrible to grow up here? In this place?”
He sneered at her misplaced longing. “You think this was a proper home for children to grow up in? For God’s sake, Beatrice! They picked us abandoned children up off the street. They experimented on us — turned us into monsters, and you’re really going to sit here and reminisce?”
“And you’re going to tell me you have no fond memories here?” Her voice rose with her anger. “Memories of playing hid and seek? Of sitting in the foyer in front of the fireplace while Vestin read to us? Of the rainy days spent down at the pond hunting for frogs? None of those trigger anything inside of you?”
He crossed the room and stood before her, her back now pressed against the stone. “And you’re telling me you’ve forgotten how they strapped us down to tables at age 9 to inject our bodies with God knows what? Or the trials they put us through as children? You’re telling me you’re choosing to ignore that with each passing year, there were fewer and fewer of us left?”
Pushing past his fuming figure, she sat down upon the old wooden stool abandoned in the hallway. “We wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for them. We wouldn’t be who we are today if it weren’t for them,” she replied with a silent resilience in her voice.
“Maybe you’re right; maybe we would be dead had they not taken us in. Or maybe you would have gotten the chance to live a normal life. One where you were seen as a human being instead of a monster. Maybe you could have finally been able to have the family you so desperately crave.” He shook is his in disbelief, exasperated that she still clung to this place. “Because this here — this fortress in the middle of the fucking woods? This was not a home. And these people, Beatrice? They were not your family. I am not your family.”
The fire within her burned relentlessly before finally creeping to the tips of he fingers. The light illuminating from her hands caused the shadows in her eyes to dance. “Go to hell, Anders.”
A wicked and taunting grin spread across his face. “Still can’t control it? Even after all these years?”
“Don’t act like you’re any better than me. I felt the flames radiating off of you the minute I expressed an opinion different from yours. But me? I have more control over them than ever before.” She smiled as she let the flames engulf her.
“You may claim they were not my family, that you aren’t. But despite how you feel, this place and the people here are our origins.” She willed herself to burn even brighter. “I guess now we’ll just have to wait and see who’s the hero and who’s the villain,” she mused, walking out of the place she grew up and away from the boy she once loved more than anything.
very short story i wrote awhile back! if you like my work please check it out! i need the motivation to start posting more of my new content on there lol
i know you're not super active in the fandom anymore, but since it was recently writer's appreciation day i just wanted to pop in and say how much i appreciate your writing.
i love blake so much, she feels like such a real and raw character- i absolutely love how you incorporate her struggles with anxiety into your writing it makes her feel so much more real. also her relationship with ethan!! they are such polar opposites on paper but they work together so incredibly well in real life i absolutely adore these two ❤️
also blake's humor!!!! her humor is forever elite and no one can convince me otherwise.
i hope you're doing well beautiful!! i miss you <333
hsjfhkjsd you’rE GONNA MAKE ME CRY
i love and miss you so so so much! i hope you are doing well too!
i am still writing but nowadays it’s more poetry and short stories. but i think Blake will forever be my favorite character i’ve created
This like is on my main blog, but I don't care, because it's Open Heart related.
Way back when I started liking Open Heart, I ended up on Tumblr looking at the Ethan x MC tag, as you do, and I remember coming across fics by one @parkerattano. I ended up falling in love with Blake, as well as the way Parker wrote Naveen, because I love him so much. Parker's portrayal of Naveen is actually one of the reasons why I adore him as much as I do. So, speaking as a HUGE fan, this may be a small thing, but to me, it means a lot. Thanks Parker. 💓
GIRL OMG🥺🥺🥺 i’m literally not active anymore on any of my blogs but i happened to check tumblr the other day & liked your reblog (who doesn’t love fall and pooh bear??). ANYWAY this is literally the SWEETEST MESSAGE EVER OMG. i haven’t written any for the fandom in like a year but this is making me want to write something!!
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hi my fandom friends! i miss using tumblr but have found myself no longer reading choices (at least right now!). i want to move on to other writing projects as well as making a blog where i can post random things without feeling bad that it’s not choices related. that being said, mutuals, please follow my new personal blog @fenniwedd and my new writing side blog @offolkloreandfairytales where i’ll be posting chapters of the novel im working on!!!
im not abandoning this account. im sure i’ll get sucked back in to open heart and be writing fanfics again this summer :) but the friends ive made here have become a big part of my life & i’d love for yall to continue to listen to my mindless ranting on another blog :)
but for now, shoutout to the best alter ego ive had for the past 4 years. part of me will always be parker attano (god that sounded cheesy)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming