shadows, stirring

Saga’s action made Aphrodite place his arms against the other’s chest for balance when he was pulled closer, and the hand at his neck did not quite bother him, albeit it did catch him off guard. He had held back a gasp, and despite the anxiety he felt within him due to the uncertainty of Saga’s actions, the following compliment still managed to make him feel warm inside - and the evident proximity didn’t help at all.

His statement made Aphrodite glance downwards; he should have known better than try to conceal the truth, but he had his reasons. He didn’t think Saga minded enough to go farther to dig it from him. 

“My pride was torn into pieces,” his voice was low and calm, and he remained looking away for a little longer. “And what remained from it has to comply with being ruled by a little girl that knows little about anything, for she’s Athena and there’s no questioning about it.”

Aphrodite’s fingers closed lightly around Saga’s wrist without any intention to pull his arm and hand away from his neck. And when their gaze met again, he seemed to search for something in the hues of Saga’s eyes, though he didn’t exactly know what was it himself. Perhaps comprehension, understanding.

“This situation bothers me, it frustrates me.” He wasn’t used to admit his emotions in such a manner, but he had been requested to. Once more, he looked away. It was difficult to speak looking into Saga’s eyes at such proximity.

"Yes. That's right," The words came unbidden. "Everything has been torn down, and must be built again from the ground up-- even my pride. They've turned on me, made me the enemy, dressed me in the colors of the Underworld, and yet everything that I've done was for--"

You've gone too far. The more he spoke, the more he seemed to have been raising his voice. This was something unbecoming. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting Aphrodite go, settling himself back and away in more than one sense of the word.

Certainly they had affected Aphrodite as well, but he understood that the scars which originated from it were far deeper in Saga’s skin than in his own.

If there was anything he could do to soothe such feelings and ease these sensations, however, Aphrodite would do it. He would do anything in his power to make Saga’s heart feel lighter, if possible.

“It is as you said,” Aphrodite started, meeting Saga’s gaze. His inquire had made him silent for a short while as he thought carefully about his answer; it wasn’t something he had given much thought. 

“This place is yours, and mine. My feelings or opinions have not quite changed from before. I comprehend everything a tad better now, that’s for certain. But those occurrences managed to alter little my views on the matter.”

It wasn’t like Aphrodite’s wounds did not bother him, however. It was difficult to leave everything behind, in the past. If he regretted his attitudes, perhaps it would be easier. But he didn’t. He was grateful for Athena’s naive, unconditional love, but the devotion and concern Aphrodite held for Saga was greater.

By contrast, Aphrodite offered no resistance whatsoever, and always told Saga exactly what he wanted to hear. But, there was an emptiness to that, too. Aphrodite was, indeed, a perfect pawn this way, but did Saga even have need of such things? You are the justice I believe in, but Saga was struggling to redefine what that was.

"That won't do."

He reached out and grasped at Aphrodite, hand wrapped around his throat, fingers pressed to his jawline-- It was a firm touch, but not choking. He dragged him closer, and tilted his head up so they could see each other clearly. What are you looking for? You won't find it anywhere. This world is too small for you.

‘You and I are the same’, he had said. Saga had just… compared himself to him? His face grew warm, a reaction that did not happen often. He could only hope the faint flush across his cheeks wasn’t visible. 

Aphrodite was speechless for a moment, something that wasn’t usual coming from him either, unable to prevent the discreet smile that appeared on his lips, though it was also rather sheepish.

After years and countless battles, all Aphrodite desired was to fight for him, to prove Saga he could be great and worth it. And Saga had recognized his strength, even after his moments of weakness and failure. 

Ah… He would always be a leader in Aphrodite’s eyes. 

“It would be a honor to work with you,” he said slowly, bowing courteously his head.

There was nothing else Aphrodite needed to question; he comprehended at last. If Saga did not dwell on it anymore, there was no reason for him to do so, either. It was about time he’d let go of the past.

"I have lost," he said, to nothing in particular. They were heavy words, and they stirred a heavy, heavy feeling within him. "And, I have lost much."

There were many scars left behind from all those years, some undoubtedly impossible to heal completely. Saga himself felt that something had left him with a gaping hole, from a long period of time in which he'd been struggling. It made him uneasy. He'd fallen quite far, and been left very exposed. He was so tense, sometimes, that he thought that someday he'd simply find himself stuck in place.

"But, this place is mine," he continued, and there was nothing uncertain about it-- not about this. "... and yours. For however many times I'm dragged back into this world, I'll continue to do what's necessary."

And if the leaders of this new order falter, it came, just as a whisper from the back of his mind, then I will be here to carry it, as ever.

"... Strong as they are, and just as they are, Athena and those boys are still children, all raised away from the Sanctuary," Saga spoke over those thoughts. "But, I believe Shaka has been doing his part to alleviate even a little of this dissonance." He had seen Shaka at Athena's side a few times, nonetheless. "What I haven't asked, however, is how you feel about your place in all of this, now."

“No,” as if he could ever come to resent him. Not even a little, not even if he wished so. “That’s not it.”

This… insecurity was so unlike him.

“It was quite the opposite.”

A discreet sigh passed through his lips. It was time to get off his chest once for all.

Aphrodite held his gaze, but now a serene expression adorned his countenance, even if his brows were slightly furrowed.

“I know things in the Sanctuary are not as they were before, I know you are no longer its ruler and yet…”

There was no easy way to say this, was there?

“And yet, the only thing I resent is… failing you when I was supposed to assist you, to make you victorious.” He stopped for a short while before proceeding, folding his arms before his chest.  “… I do not have any kind of resentment towards you. What I feel for you has never changed,” his voice was low, always smooth as silk. “I followed your commands because I believed in them, and trusted you as a ruler. I would do everything again and again, if required, if necessary.”

It was incredible how pathetic Aphrodite felt, and how even more pathetic his words sounded to him. But he felt his chest lighter, and he could breathe again.

"I don't blame you, Aphrodite," Saga said plainly, just so there was no misunderstanding. "You've always followed me without question, even having seen and known more than anyone else. You cannot shoulder this failure alone, when my decisions and my ideals weren't strong enough to carry us to victory."

Ah, I see. He remembered the echo of a mutual understanding as he'd faced that girl and those boys that followed her, the Saints that had also come to the same conclusion. For once, all of his thoughts seemed to be in one place. It had been perfectly clear, then, that if he lost, he was going to have to accept it.

“S-Saga…” It was even difficult to look him in the eyes. Harder than before. Aphrodite’s gaze glanced elsewhere for a moment so he could regain his composure. “Yes… Indeed. It’s been a while.”

It was the first time he felt so uncomfortable before Saga’s presence. It was like he was nothing but a child again, nervous, unable to think properly even after all this time… How unbecoming.

Aphrodite bit discreetly his lower lip, finally gazing his greenish eyes. He couldn’t play dumb with Saga, not him of all people.

“… Is there anything I may do for you?” 

“Don’t.” Saga shut down that question quickly.

It was hard to say what their dynamic was now, after everything, but they couldn’t just slip into old routine. Saga wasn’t the master of the Sanctuary, and he wasn’t the steadying hand leading them out of the Underworld, either. Not right now.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said plainly.

Of all people. Not his own thought. Of all people, you.