not making it past eighteen (✿◡‿◡)

ch111 (first kiss) also clued me in to how mins body and personhood is not just weaponized but violated in other ways, so during my reread I catalogued each time ppl touch him - most times r . sudden and one sided, such as ppl hugging, kissing, smacking, or putting a hand on him …

im not counting combat, such as training between sayeon and min, or combat w wolhye, etc. so sayeons first “punch” where she tricks min in the first five chapters or so is not here lol, but it is an important characterization moment: if min is fairly opaque due to his lack of internal monologue, then his speech tends to be honest, except in cases where it is necessary to lie. min doesnt speak much, so the times he does speak tend to indicate either his honest thoughts (“im sorry for cutting off your hand. i didnt want to do it”) or maintaining his cover as samin commanded him (questioned about samin: “i dont know who that is.” arguably he might be honest bc he knows her as red more than samin)

when min doesnt have anything honest to say, he keeps quiet. such as when iseul asks him early on his name and what his goal/dream is and min just says his name (sayeon talks abt world peace!<3) or when iseul asks whether min knows sayeon from before, and min doesnt answer until a dozen chapters later. these questions r some of the only times min is treated as a full fledged person w thoughts and emotions of his own. samin and sayeon both use him as a tool, samins gang understands him better but tend to condescend to him (see below lol), cell 3 is wary (or hates him in taehos case). juni mostly dgaf. ryujin doesnt talk a lot to him - notably calls him sayeons attack dog lol. no wonder he was making banana bread for iseul day 1

As for the screenshots and touch: the most positive physical touch seems to be with iseul, who pushes taeho away and touches mins shoulder as .. protection? and also hugs him and says he loves him LOL. jungwoo (silver, samins group) is being playful but min kind of looks pained. pink hugs min only after she denigrates him (“you’re a puppet, booooring”), and it seems more to assuage her guilt than something that would make him feel better lol. i wouldnt be surprised if hes not super fond of either jungwoo or pink, despite the fact that all of them share the role of samins second favorite (sayeon is always first!!) the fortuneteller lady is more neutral..? i dont think he was expecting the cheek thing but he cooks dinner and helps her get to bed so.. I guess he likes granny? but what i rly wanna get into is samins hold

mins past as a victim of trafficking implies either a lack of physical affection/touch, or experiencing violating, traumatizing physical touch (as in, being strapped down and operated on, but up to and including sexual abuse). he doesnt flinch back, though he does seem to freeze, as in the assault scene (first kiss). probably he grew up with very little positive and affirming physical affection. he may or may not be touch starved, but does not generally react to it. So when samin squeezes his cheeks, refers to him as a cute child, and promises him a Family, i think the physical affection is part of why he gets attached to her. shes the cloth mom LOL she provides affection even as she treats him as a tool and denies his personhood. i think paralleling sayeon holding his face the same way - explicitly threatening, demanding loyalty and obedience - reframes samins own hold into something more foreboding. holding a head in place, unable to move, restrained, caged. samin and sayeon r capable of great brutality and gentleness, sometimes both at the same time! sayeon only ever exchanges blows w him in training, while treating him as her attack dog!

re: sayeon, she also seems touch starved (sleeping w a plush rabbit, deriving comfort from being punched by ryujin..) so I find the resonances btwn min and sayeon fascinating. sayeon rejects samins kindness, a loving touch and a scarf around her neck. min watches. min would do anything to be sayeon, to have a scarf wrapped around his neck by family. Sayeon avoiding samins affection and min craving it…. physical affection being an important part of child development, and both either being denied of positive physical affection or forced into unwanted physicality. samin being at least partially the reason for both of them being the way they are….

the other samin touch is from the most recent chapter (124), where samin puts a hand on the umbrella min is holding, while saying she’s counting on him.. again, a light but loving touch. Cloth mom doing it again while sharpening min into her own personal knife. she sucks <3

So combining everything: min does not talk often, min does not have his own internal monologue, mins interiority is explored thru the voice of others (flashbacks) or thru fairly ambiguous cues like facial expressions. mins body is used as a weapon, and his own desires and thoughts are deemed unimportant, unheard and unvoiced. when not used as weapon, min is touched by other ppl in what i would argue r largely neutral to negative ways, in neutral to negative contexts. his body, agency, autonomy r all violated. the ongoing arc has been the tension btwn this reality and mins own burgeoning emotions and ideas - the desire to protect iseul, the desire to disobey sayeon, the desire to make samin happy. disobeying will have consequences, but it might also lead to a min who more openly voices his thoughts, who initiates touch or physical affection, and who has his own internal monologue. im very curious how things will go!!

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FAST PASS CH128 SPOILERS

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so with all that said I find it delightfully wonderful that samin is also mins Voice in his internal monologue. Even in his head the way he speaks to himself is thru her, he is not afforded a voice… not even in his own head… samin is a person in a way he is not.. his self talk is samin denigrating his actions, forever…. WOW!! GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HIM