Note: Apology to those who stumbled onto this post before I finally managed to fix the HTML. I’m afraid I’m not very tech savvy. ;)
I’ve recently become obsessed with Shadowhunters. Malec and Jalec are two different kinds of love that fulfill all of my character relationship needs. So here is my first Shadowhunters fanfic, a little imagined scene set right after the events of 2x03.
Summary: After the events in Parabatai Lost, Alec is determined not to let Jace down.
In Alec’s world, things were still spinning. He was trying desperately to anchor himself, but he felt more and more like he had been pulled out of one nightmare only to be dropped in another—one that he didn’t have a clue how to wake up from. He felt as lost now that he knew where Jace was as he had when his brother had disappeared with Valentine. Because once again, Jace was nowhere near where he was supposed to be. And where he was supposed to be was by Alec’s side. Until Jace was back where he belonged, there was no way out of the nightmare as far as Alec was concerned.
He rolled over onto the luxury mattress that was way too soft for him. He looked at Magnus’ sleeping form beside him, and he thought about how this was not how he had pictured entering the warlock’s bed for the first time. Magnus tossed his head from side to side in his sleep, brow furrowing, breath quickening, eyes darting around behind closed eyelids. And Alec realized he was not the only one who was stuck in a nightmare.
Without thinking, he found Magnus’ hand in the dark and held on for dear life. It didn’t even come close to repaying all that Magnus had done for him, but it was all that Alec had to offer and it would have to do for now. Magnus quieted almost instantly. Alec wondered if perhaps the warlock could sense his presence the way he had sensed Magnus’ while he had been lost in his own nightmarish world. He liked to think that might be the case. It was a comforting thought. It made him feel adequate.
He left his hand where it was, his fingers firmly entwined with Magnus’, and he rolled onto his back. He stared at the darkened high ceiling in Magnus’ bedroom, eyes vacant and thoughts swirling. He felt too weak and too lost still to think straight, and so he didn’t try to. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and he willed himself to sleep. He could not afford a clouded mind nor a weakened body.
He was almost drifting off when the words came.
“Entreat me not to leave thee.”
His heart began to beat a mile a minute in his chest. It slammed over and over against his ribcage, violently enough that it actually hurt.
Jace’s words had stayed with him, and now they were coming back, demanding to be heeded. He had heard them before, of course; the day when he and Jace had taken their parabatai oath was forever engraved in his memory. But he had never heard them as loud or as clear as today, when Jace had come and rescued him from oblivion. He had never felt them as deeply, had never quite grasped the enormity of their meaning. He thought he had, but today’s events had shown him that he hadn’t quite known, not really. Neither him nor Jace had ever spoken the words like that before, with the same life-saving intensity.
Jace’s voice had gotten deeper than under Alec’s skin—they went past nerves and muscle and straight to the core of his being. Jace had saved more than just Alec’s life today. He had saved all of him, all of his essence.
And what was he doing? He was lying in bed, sleeping.
‘No way,’Alec thought fiercely. ‘No fucking way.’
He sat up and let go of Magnus’ hand. The darkness spun about him for a moment, but it was nothing that a few seconds of furious, rapid blinking could not fix. Gingerly, Alec slipped out of bed. He cast a quick look down at Magnus to make sure he hadn’t disturbed his sleep. He knew that if he woke now, Magnus would try to stop him, and he had no energy to waste on an argument.
But the warlock did not stir. It was a testament to just how drained he was, and Alec promised himself he wound find a way to make it up to him. Later. Magnus would have to wait; he had someone else to see to now.
Alec took a deep breath, gathered up his discarded boots and shirt, and walked out of Magnus’ home. His feet were unsteady, but his resolve wasn’t.
“For whither thou goest, I will go.”
“For whither thou goest, I will go. And where thou lodgest—”
The sound was forever burned into Jace’s memory, etched into his brain as indelibly as the runes on his skin. The terrible, devastating sound of Alec’s breathing rattling helplessly, convulsively in his chest. It still rang in Jace’s ears.
Jace Wayland had seen plenty of scary things in his life and lived through more than his fair share of terrifying experiences, but he had never been as petrified as when he had stepped into Magnus’ living room to find his parabatai dying. He was currently sitting in a cell in the most soul-sucking prison in this dimension, awaiting trial and sentence for treason he hadn’t quite committed, and still he was less scared now than he had been just a few hours ago.
There were screams in these dungeons—the Brothers may be silent, but the prisoners they guarded were not. And yet none of these sounds could begin to compare in horror to what he had thought were his brother’s last breaths. If anything, the screams were almost a welcome distraction; if he listened intently enough, they might just drown out the blood-curling sounds of Alec dying.
Jace leaned his head back against the damp wall of his cell and closed his eyes, and he tried to will himself to regain some of his bearings. He did his best to focus on the fact that while his own future had become more than a little uncertain, his parabatai would have one. But it was no use. The fear still coursed through his veins, pumping like dark adrenaline. It robbed him of all peace of mind—not that he had any idea what peace of mind felt like.
Jace wasn’t much for what ifs. He believed in what had actually been and what actually was. This time, however, he seemed unable to stop dwelling. The thing was, he wasn’t quite sure Alec had learned his lesson. As far as he knew, what had happened today may very well happen again. And then what? It terrified him, the lengths to which Alec was willing to go for him. What he was willing to give up without so much as blinking. How ready he was to jump all in without a second thought. To die. For him.
Jace used to think he understood their bond, but he realized now that he never really had a clue. He used to think he knew exactly how deep it went. He didn’t, not really. Alec had shown him today, and what he had seen terrified him. Because he may be cocky, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to believe himself worthy of the sacrifice Alec had proven himself more than ready to make. And because he couldn’t even begin to contemplate life without Alec. It just didn’t work that way. Jace didn’t work that way. Without Alec, Jace couldn’t even function, let alone live.
“Entreat me not to leave thee.”
Irrational anger began to spread across Jace’s chest. Because Alec had almost broken the oath. Alec had almost left him. And Jace couldn’t get the sound of his parabatai’s ragged breath out of his ears.
Alec’s body was indeed weakened. By the time he made it to the Silent Brothers, he was practically seeing double. The fact that he had made it this far without passing out or being noticed was nothing short of miraculous, so much so that he had to wonder if maybe some of Magnus’ magic had stayed with him. Everything hurt and he felt as though he was moving underwater, but still he pushed through. He may have been somewhat out of it when he had finally come to, but not enough that he hadn’t noticed Jace’s haggard appearance. He knew his parabatai had gone through so much worse to get to him.
He also knew showing up on the Silent Brothers’ doorstep in such a weakened condition may not be the best idea; they were hard enough to face at the peak of one’s shape. But it didn’t matter. He had to get to Jace. had to.
Alec took a deep breath to steady himself on all levels and stepped through the entryway masked as a rundown, graffiti-covered metal door in a godforsaken part of the city. He passed by the statue of the Angel bearing that ominous inscription.
“For Shadowhunters, the descent into Hell is easy.”
He snorted out loud and thought about how nothing was easythese days, not even eternal damnation.
Once he had stated his business, the Silent Brothers led him to Jace without comment or further questioning. They didn’t care that Aldertree may not appreciate him being there. They didn’t care about Shadowhunters internal politics. All they cared about was fulfilling their purpose, which currently was guarding the prisoners. And by the Angel, were they guarded.
The minute the Silent Brothers left him alone in the chamber where Jace’s cell was, Alec forgot about it all. He forgot about the pain and the weakness and the exhaustion. He forgot about everything but the wave of red-hot rage that washed over him and engulfed him almost completely. Because there was Jace, sitting in a damp cell like some kind of criminal. It drove Alec mad, that sight.
After a few moments of furious immobility, he somehow found it in himself to swallow the growl that had been mounting at the back of his throat, and he stepped forward into the dim light of the dungeon.
Jace jumped. Literally. One minute he was asleep with his back against the wall, the next he was scrambling to his feet, eyes wide as he tried to make sense of his brother standing there.
Alec walked up to the bars of the cell and wrapped his hands around the cold iron, hating it fiercely. His eyes scanned his Jace’s figure, looking for injuries. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Almost automatically, Jace had gravitated towards his parabatai, also stepping close to the bars and curling his fists around them. They were now standing close enough that Alec could see the play of emotions in the blue/brown of his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Jace cast a quick look around, but they were still alone. “You shouldn’t be here.”
Alec’s jaw twitched in anger. “Neither should you.”
“If Aldertree finds out—”
Jace blinked in surprise, and then a proud little grin came to carve dimples into his cheeks. “Okay then.” There was a pause, and the grin faded. Jace covered Alec’s hand with his own, both their fists curled around the hard metal of the bars like they were trying to anchor each other. “I’ll be all right. You know that, right?”
“I know.” ‘I’ll make sure of it.’ After a beat of silence, Alec noticed that Jace was eyeing him as critically as he had done to him when he had first stepped into the dungeon. “What?”
Jace arched a blond eyebrow. “You don’t look fine.”
Alec shrugged. He didn’t have any argument to offer. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it matters, damn it!” Jace let go of Alec’s hand and slammed it palm-first against one of the bars. He began pacing, like the caged tiger he was.
Alec gaped at him. “What’s with you?”
Jace rounded on him, blue/brown eyes ablaze in the light of the torches. “Why’d you do it?”
Alec frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“The stone, Alec,” Jace snapped, spitting the words out through gritted teeth. “Why did you agree to use it? Why did you go so deep?”
“It’s not like I wanted to go so deep, you know?” Alec snapped right back. “It just happened.”
“‘It just happened’?” Jace stared at him incredulously. “You almost died!”
Alec spoke in an almost challenging tone. He could feel himself crossing over to the defensive side, as he always did when someone he loved openly disapproved of something he had done.
Jace ignored the rebuttal. “Why did you do it?”
Alec couldn’t believe Jace was actually asking, but he answered anyway. “I had to find you.”
“Not like this, Alec. Never like this.”
Alec could read the real fear in Jace’s eyes, and he softened a little. “It was the only way.”
“I don’t care!” Jace all but roared. He grabbed the bars again, so tight that his knuckles went white. “Dammit, Alec, do you have any idea how scared I was? How lost I would be if—”
“I know!” Alec snapped again. “I know, Jace! That’s exactly why I did it.”
Jace blinked, taken aback. “What?”
Alec took a deep breath, but it didn’t do much to help him get his emotions back under control. “When you were missing, I…I felt like I was losing my mind. I had to find you, Jace. No matter the consequences.”
“The consequences matter, Alec,” Jace said quietly. He found his parabatai’s gaze and held it steady. “You matter.”
Alec’s breath caught in his throat. This was the kind of moment that up until a few weeks ago would have made him want to kiss Jace senseless. Right now, he just wanted to hug him. He took a deep breath and decided he would deal with that little epiphany later.
He cleared his throat. “I came here to tell you something.”
Jace frowned. “What is it?”
Alec gripped the bars tighter, mostly to keep himself upright as the world was once again threatening to tilt on its axis.
“Alec?” Jace clutched at his wrist. “Are you okay?”
Alec didn’t acknowledge the question. He met his brother’s concerned gaze straight on. “I came to tell you that whatever happens, I’m getting you out of here.” He grasped Jace’s arm in return. “You hear me, Jace? No matter what Aldertree and the Clave say or do, I’m getting you out of here. I promise you.”
Jace smiled. “I know. I know you won’t forsake me.”
“Never,” Alec said fiercely. “Trust me.”
“I trust you, Alec. Always.”
They grasped each other’s forearm tightly, cementing a bond that was already stronger than the iron of the bars that separated them.
And then, just like that, the world carried out its threat and lurched, and Alec was falling.
Alec had no idea where was up and where was down anymore. All he knew was that the blood was rushing and roaring in his ears, and that he had no strength, and that he was falling. He became dimly aware of something breaking his fall, strong arms catching him.
But Jace was locked in a cell, wasn’t he?
“No,” a mellifluous voice said from somewhere very close to his ear. “It’s me, Magnus.”
Alec blinked. Slowly, the world stopped its wild dance and came back into focus. He was half-sitting, half-sprawled on the cold floor of the Silent Brothers’ dungeons. He was slumped against Magnus, who was looking down at him with a mixture of relief and reproach in his silver-rimmed eyes.
In response, Alec blinked owlishly a couple more times. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to fetch you, of course.”
Alec sat up a little straighter. “How did you know where I was?”
Magnus rolled his eyes. “Believe me, it took no magic to figure it out.”
“Alec? Are you all right?”
Jace was watching him anxiously from his cell, where he was indeed still imprisoned.
Alec flashed him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine.”
Magnus scoffed. “You are not fine, Alexander. Your body is still recovering. You should not have come here.”
“That’s what I said,” Jace offered unhelpfully.
Alec glared at him and pulled himself to his feet with Magnus’ help. The warlock’s hand remained firmly under his elbow, effectively holding him up.
He met Magnus’ dark eyes. “I had to see Jace.”
The warlock gave a long-suffering sigh, but then he smiled. “Of course you did. Can I take you home now?”
“I’m not going back to the Institute.” ‘Not tonight. Not yet.’
Magnus gave him a knowing grin. “I didn’t mean the Institute.”
“Oh.” Alec felt himself flush.
From behind the bars, Jace cleared his throat. “Hello? Am I interrupting you guys with my captivity?”
Alec rolled his eyes. He gently disentangled himself from Magnus’ hold and walked unsteadily over to the cell.
“I’ll come back for you,” he vowed.
“Just take care of yourself.”
“I’ll come back for you,” Alec said again. He was not going to let Jace ignore the message.
Jace stared at him. He swallowed visibly and nodded. “I know you will, my parabatai.”
Alec nodded firmly in return. He let Magnus lead him away from Jace, but they all knew it was only temporary.
“Entreat me not to leave thee.”
And Alec wouldn’t. Ever. No matter the consequences.
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