Dreaming of Perfection

I’ve been binging for basically a whole month straight, terrified to weigh myself. Open to suggestions on how to break this cycle cause all I can think about is cutting

Today I tried on jeans that haven’t fit in like 4 months and they fit! Not even tight, they actually fit! So trying to look for positives. I’m starting over, tomorrow will be better. I will not binge

I’m not even hungry so why can’t I stop eating!!!

Kinda proud of how much I lost, had a few days where I really fucked up but I made progress

29 - I don’t really know, I think most people are beautiful in some way or another I just don’t really think I am

28 - I mean I’d like to have it, my legs are so fucking fat at the moment I can’t picture ever actually having a thigh gap

Day 27 - not super well, at home I mostly just stay in my room avoid the temptation because I feel like if I do start eating I can’t stop until I’m sick

Day 25 - the first time I tried to purge I was 16 and in the shower I had a breakdown because I couldn’t make myself throw up. The first time I was successful was much later and was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever done

I gained mostly due to recovery and issues regarding binge eating The full story of my time in recovery is complicated but the weight gain really fucked me up