hooked on a feeling

~ muted pastel dreams ~

Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite holidays for music. There’s really no better way to tell someone you love them than to give them a mix of love songs or write them a song or dedicate a karaoke ballad to them (as a note: don’t do this to me *cringe* - but someone will appreciate you!)

I’ve made many mixes on my Spotify account to signify luv in many terms. Check them out here:

Don’t Call It  A Crush (2014): This playlist is one that I put together with the woes and rollercoaster of emotions one may feel while crushin’ hard on someone. I tried to keep the angst really alive in this one, because well, frankly this kind of “crushin’” isn’t something I’ve felt since I was a kid. I’m in love now - so I’ve leveled up. Don’t worry - I’m cringing over that line, too.

madly, deeply (2016): This one’s a fun mix of indie pop, a bit of groovy house, and a touch of bump ‘n grind. It’s definitely on a lighter note than my 2014 mix, which feels almost sad. The focus of this one is to encapsulate the feeling of hangin’ with bae on those late night - AKA, this one gets a lil’ frisky. Like The Way - Eli & Fur is one of my favorite tracks in the mix by a house duo. This song reminds me of when me and my beau go out and dance until the early morning. (Genuinely, I do like the way he moves.) Later down the line, we have Woosah, which is a bit of a doozie. Jeremih knows how to bring the sexy vibes like no one else, and Twista’s verse misses no details in what’s going on in his bedroom tonight. Neither should you, take note.

needed u (2016): Alicia Keys brought life to me last year with In Common. So much so that it was necessary for me to whip these songs together for ultimate ~ vibes. ~ This one is kind of a mix between Don’t Call It a Crush and madly, deeply. It’s a perfect middle ground between feeling like you just got broken up with and you’re like really sad, but you kind of have hope that you’ll get back together? The question mark is there because I’m not sure how you will interpret it, but these are the feelings I had in mind while making it. While madly, deeply has more of the upbeat tunes, needed you pinpoints a feeling of we’re something, but I don’t know what. Fire & Desire is a major track on this one, and in general - obv. We start off ambient - build it up, and end with a lovely Joni Mitchell cover by James Blake. Just the mere fact that we end on James Blake should be some indication that I was in my feelings in the processes of putting it together.

L U R E (2017): We’re here. It’s 2017. I tried to make this playlist intuitively. Obviously, Mac Demarco makes an appearance, because I think we all want a man like Mac to love us. We go a lot of places in L U R E, touching on tracks that are about relationships more than ooey-gooey puppy love songs. That’s just where I’m at right now. (Remember, I’ve leveled up?) Nearing the end with Chance The Rapper’s Juke Jam, which I feel like is the perfect song to begin to wrap up the tone of this mix. We’ve got so much history, babbbyy. But of course, I needed to salt-bae (not a verb) some Alex Turner’s voice into it, because, sexual tension is both necessary and inevitable.

I woke up the morning of the Women’s March with a little sadness, as I’d known I’d be working through the day and unable to march with my community. The one thing that was particularly different about January 21st, 2017 is that it just felt different. I’m not one to go into energy mumbo-jumbo, but this day genuinely felt different. 

Firstly, the sun was out. Sometimes we Seattlites (can I even call myself this?? Yikes!) forget what the sun feels like. After a dreary week of grey and rain and cold, we got a few of rays to warm us all up for what was to come later that day. I got up the morning of and began my usual routine: walk dog, get coffee, Youtube, and laptop time. On this day, though, as I made my way to the park with my dog, I saw a woman and 3 kids in pink “pussy-hats” walking away. At this point, I started thinking about all the people who would be making their way over to the Women’s March and I had a strong urge to try to catch the crowd as they worked their way up to the starting point. I walked back home, grabbed my camera, and made the decision to GO. After all, this is history - or should I call it HERstory? - being made and I’m in this beautiful city filled with young, careful minds just like mine! And so, I began. 

As I made it up the hill, I saw women varying in age walking up with their signs of positive messages and witty tag-lines. At the same time, I also so their partners, their kids, and even their dogs doing the same. I snapped a few picture of the city to really capture how the energy was feeling that day, but also to encapsulate the feeling I felt when I saw all of these Planned Parenthood supporters, pro-choice, and all around pro-woman marchers putting on for me and all the women in the world who couldn’t be there to march alongside them.

Reluctantly, I headed back home to work. A few hours passed by and I knew soon they’d be closer to where I live and I HAD to be out there. I am a woman. I’m a half Filipina, pro-choice, pro-sex worker, supporter of the LGBTQ community, man-eating, pussy having WO-MAN. (Maybe not man-eating, but it just felt good to take that role on for the moment!) And I certainly believe in everything that embodies equality for EVERYONE. It felt like if I wasn’t here for my community, then who would be? We know now that at least 120,000 other woman and company would have been - but at this point, I didn’t know what the numbers were like and I just needed to be there.

The march was to end in Seattle Center which is where our beautiful spectacle, the Space Needle, lives for those of you who are unfamiliar. So I began making my way, again with my camera, and was genuinely astounded by the crowd. I took pictures of everyone’s signs and started marching with strangers who felt like friends. Every so often, there would be a roar from behind me made up  the women marching with me as if to say, “We are here for ourselves, for you, and for all the woman here who aren’t here today to fight and we won’t back down.” I wanted to yell in joy and from the utter affection I felt from everyone even though I came to conquer alone. 

Eventually, I worked backwards from where I met with the march so I could snap some photos. One of my favorites is the one with the young woman holding the sign that reads, “Boys will be boys held accountable.” Looking through my viewfinder, I saw her look at me knowing I was taking her picture. Knowing what her sign said and what it meant not only to her but to so many of the other women out there with us, it clicked.

All of the energy pulling me toward being at the Women’s March that day, it wasn’t just in the air. The energy was bursting from inside of me. I knew what I did on January 21st, 2017 was my choice and my prerogative. No one else was going to be able to write me into this phenomenon to say I promoted it. I would be the only one to say to all of the women after me that I was there and I am to be held accountable for all of the change that’s to come.