a glimpse inside my head.

sometimes you must force yourself to let go when every pore screams to tighten your grasp.

I don’t have to be fixed for my journey to matter, and neither do you. I still struggle every day. I still think about dying… If healing is finite, I am far from being healed, but I am not broken. I am staying and I am fighting. Against all odds, I’m choosing to heal.

I wish we did something crazy for treatment. I wish i could tell you: ‘Today they strapped wires to my arms and sent electricity through me, and I smelled smoke and heard a crackle in my ears, and orange and purple spots appeared in the center of my vision, and afterward I had to lie down with a hot water bottle pressed to the back of my neck while I trembled and shook for a couple of hours.’ Because then you’d say: ‘That’s horrible! You were so brave! You’re working so hard to get better!’ But that’s not what I can tell you. Instead, I have to say: ‘We had ice cream for afternoon snack.’ And you’d say: ‘Mmmm! Ice cream!’ You say: ‘I love ice cream!’ There is nothing I can say to make you understand.

Puma Rescued From A Contact-Type Zoo Can’t Be Released Into The Wild, Lives As A Spoiled House Cat

“One problem with living as if your sadness takes up the whole world is that it never does—and the people who live beyond its borders often have needs of their own.”