I'm Not Right In The Head But I'm Not Wrong Either

But I dream about you

Kinda funny how my whole world still revolves around you

Even though you’re not a thought in my head

My eyes still glimpse you in my bed

Cuz baby I don’t drink about you

But I scream about you

Kinda funny how I’m still terrorized by you

Even though there’s not a drop of love left

I still taste you in things unsaid

So maybe we can go our own way

I mean, maybe I should leave and run away from this place that I create

Every pain, and every little struggle

Every piece never placed in the puzzle

Another fuckin night reading over my lines

We could scream, you could scratch while I’m biting your thighs

Carve your name in my back, choke me out, you can leave me to die

Everything breaks when it touches me

You can’t enjoy my company

Save yourself, yeah you should run from me

Runnin off that dope and off that ecstasy

Betraying all the parts inside this memory

You never should have trusted me

You hadn’t cooked in years, that fact just left my mind

There’s mold on my food

You’re with some other dude at 2am

I wish that I’d gone and left before long than paid the rent.

I’m always depressed

You say that you’re stressed

But you’re always undressed for a stranger now

Left my phone on the ground

Now look what you’ve found

A reason to beat me down

I couldn’t place the blame with her

I’ve been skipping breakfast lunch and dinner

Now I’m always getting thinner

As my faith begins to wither

I’ve got this feeling in my liver

That the drinks won’t make things better

Empty bottles in the winter

There I stood

At the shores of your selfishness

Waging war with the priorities you placed before everything else that ever fucking mattered

You were there, to stifle the drums of progress

You were there, basking in your limited perspective

Like the shine of the moon on your back

You never noticed your shadow after sundown

And now, you’ve left every intention, every promise and every destiny you swore was yours to keep

In the hands of someone you hoped was more responsible

You’ll take that money that I gave you

While it was only meant to save you

You spent it on another person who says he really craves you

Who has no other worldly interest but to try and not date you

So he never has to spend his money like me, just so he could play you

For that money that I gave so selflessly so your landlord won’t hate you

The time that I spent between enemy lines all so I could trade two

Of my last dollar bills if only I could make you

Smile for a fraction of a second and maybe get to take you

Back to my lonely castle on a hill where I could possibly try and persuade you

To stay with me forever where you’ll never be afraid to

Tell me how you feel and give you a place to

I can’t put back together

My body’s missing pieces

I wish I could remember

There’s a war inside my head

Foolishly I walked

For miles down

A road I knew would end

In misery and debt

Yet before the end was nigh

I laid down many more lengths of road

In an effort to justify

The lengths I had already walked

Having done so

I only prolonged the struggle

I began once I took my first step

Now I’ve discontinued construction

Disgraced the journey I began

You feel bad for the victim

I feel bad for the sinner

You feel mad cuz she’s with him, but you didn’t sit with her

Could’ve stayed behind to solve em

But you made another problem

Let your ego stay in the way, now there’s no room in your coffin

So certain in your intention, I thought you’d never get off them

We let it get away; unprepared for the cost

Oversold on the way, but that intention was never lost

Now you're jonesing for another

With your income on a stutter step

Nothing’s left

Took it all before you could spend your next

Pay check, paid debt, playing remorse tunes through a beat up tape deck

Here’s a blank check

Fill it out, we’ve got time, but yours still ain’t yet

Go and spend that last dime

Clinging on to faint breath

I was caught between your careless eyes

You were paralyzed

i had no disguise

When I twist my head by your surprise

You were pulverized

Insane to your delight

I was hanging from the ceiling lights

You were in disguise

You’re my poltergeist

Past the edge of not return, I was sacrificed

Always terrorized

I can be strong

I just don’t wanna hurt for long

Please

Tell me I can be strong

I don’t wanna be wrong

I wish I never held you

I wish that I could go back and save everything I would lose

You were bad for me

Now we’re history

Leaving holes in my side like I’m a ship to sink

I’ve got wounds that bleed

Seems permanently

I’ll just suffer in the side like it was meant to be

You so selfishly

Took the time that I had given and threw it all away

For addiction your subscription was to smother me

Choked my airways to submission or an ugly thing

Now I’m hovering

Just an inch from my neck I will bring harm to me

But you wouldn’t care

Because you never really had love for me

Sleep can’t kill off the partition so it’s just death for me

Please cover me

Closed casket faction, please make sure I’m buried deep

Cuz I’m getting used to being alone when I sleep

I wish I never loved you

You’re the first thing I want

When I wake up every morning

No glass of water could ever quench

The thirst for you I keep;

resonating within my chest

My candles have all burned out

Leaving messes behind

That I don’t think I will ever get to clean

I’ll sit in the dark and try to ignore the absence of light

I have squandered my existence

For a pocket full of empty promises

Such is my emptied delight

At the sound of your voice

Through the voicemails you left me

Cheap, hollow ghosts of a time when you would still talk to me

Those times are gone now, boarded their train and left for another adventure

One which I was not invited on

Standing on my tip toes

Peering through open windows

I swear I heard my name

I’m desperate and I’m heaving

Black crumbs from inside my lungs

Falling and tumbling over one another

My entrails intwined together from the sickness inside my eyes

Manifesting their corruption into every atom of my being

I am death, I am death, I am death

I cannot breathe another breath

Lest I cough out the rest of my insides

Pooling blood settles at my feet

It’s on my hands now

It’s on my hands

It’s on my fucking hands!

And no matter how hard I try

I’m weaker than I’ve ever been

I know that I should speak up when I’m by my friends

But everything I hold inside becomes a trend

Of hurting and planning of systems that damn me

I keep to myself while misunderstanding

Their pleading for plotting my attention demanding

The worst from the voices inside my head cramming me so full of sadness I can’t keep commanding

This smile wrapped face while my eyelids expanding

Them wider and tighter, see demons implanting

Ideas that in my head I see no withstanding

Hope on horizons, they’re never enchanting

When hope behind my lids goes needless abandoned

My lost cause about me, soaked rubble and family

The seed that in my head spread shallow transplanting

Potential successes or forceful romantics

I’ve got all these problems with no one remaining

By my side or future there’s no one left standing

Or sitting, or flying or lying to my face distressed in a panic you act like a mannequin

(when)

Faced with the issues, now you are just mad at them

Honesty wasted, now how could this happen then

Words behind closed doors spilled out into trafficking

Secret was knowledge that’s all that’s worth having it

Medicine fed within kept in your cabinet

Now stolen by robbers who run like their animals

Fumbling stumbling running from averageness

You’ve continued with this behavior sadly

Pursued my torture madly

Harassed my friends and family

But this time my character might be evil, yeah

In the back seat, with a bad beat

I can say a lot of shit sounding like I repeat

Everything that I hold inside, Time to do or die

I don’t want my son to see my when I cry

Gotta make it through this life alive

Can’t depend to have a person by my side

That’s alright

I was lonely in the first place

That’s the worst case

I’ve been feeling so out of mind so out of place

I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there

I wanted things to work out

I wanted us to be happy with your mother

I wish that I could have given you everything

But she’s on a different path, a different wavelength

And I’ve exhausted every last bit of my energy

In a vain effort to keep us all together

Now I stand to lose everything

So I’m leaving now