Slightly Off the Mark

Am I qualified to talk about gayism? I am not. For instance, I just used the term “gayism”, which so far as I know doesn’t exist. Hm. Just a sec, Google and I have a date …

I’ll be darned. That word does exist. It seems I’ve danced out onto thin ice already, so what the heck: I’ll strap on some skates. People speak about issues they aren’t qualified to all the time. I once heard a member of Congress use the words “fiscal responsibility”. Sure, they looked very confused, but they said it.

This might be a shock to my gay friends (I probably have more than I realize), but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about sexual orientation. What got me thinking about it a few years ago was the revelation that singer Barry Manilow is gay. This announcement was met with a communal yawn, followed by, “Just figured that out, did ya?”

Manilow married his manager, who is a guy, and who Manilow had a very close personal relationship with for three decades. It must be convenient, being able to hold work meetings in the Jacuzzi.

I live in a conservative area, so I was interested in what my friends and coworkers would have to say about it. The general consensus: “So?” Nobody cared, except for the occasional “If they’re happy, good for them”. Most average Joes really don’t care about your sexuality, as long as you’re a good neighbor. The people on both sides who have more hard line views are just louder, that's all.

I’m just the straight messenger, people.

(Oh, fun fact I just found out: The word "heterosexual", which many think of as normal, comes from the Greek term "hetero", which means ... different. "Cis", a word for being attracted to the opposite sex, comes from the Latin word cissexual, which means "on the same side of".)

Yes, I'm a friend of Dorothy, even when she's behaving badly.

Anyway, I’d rather not debate anything related to this other than Barry Manilow’s most awesome song. I love Barry Manilow (in an entertainment kind of a way), and I’m not afraid of telling anyone, but please don’t tell anyone.

I love his ballads. I love his energy, and one of my favorite albums (8-track!) as a teen was his amazing live album. I even love his medley of the commercial jingles he wrote.

By the way, I’m straight, even though my wife will tell you I’m sometimes a girl. Also, I love Boston and ZZ Top, and they’re not gay. They’re not, are they?

Yes, I heard rumors Manilow was gay. I wasn’t dating him, just listening to his music. You can question my taste, but sexuality doesn’t matter unless you’re picking out the right pickup bar.

One of my friends in high school was rumored to be gay. He had the stereotypical mannerisms, and you know how people make assumptions. I defended him, because you can’t tell what a person’s like on the inside based on his outsides. Besides, he and I were both in choir and drama club, and if that made him gay, then why did I only go to ball games for the cheerleaders? So there.

Turns out he’s gay.

How do I feel about him now? The same. I mean, he never hit on me, what do I care? And if he had hit on me back then, being the terminally depressed kid I was, I would probably have been more flattered than offended.

Let’s get back to my point, which … let’s see … oh, yeah. I suspect prejudice will end when we stress individuals, rather than color, sex, sexuality, or clothing, although some people wear some really dumb clothes, and can we at least judge them? Those things will always be there, but the world will be a better place if we don’t dwell on them. Are you gay? Are you straight? What do I care? I’m married.

So I came up with an idea—and I’ll admit I originally formed it several years ago. I’ve written a novel, a science fiction space opera. (And I'm still trying to sell it to a publisher, but never mind.)

Would you serve on a starship with this man? Me, too.

Now, I spend a large amount of time creating and assembling backgrounds of my characters. It creates a more rounded, fully realized character when you know about their icebergs: The stuff about them underneath, that you never read about in the actual story.

No literal iceberg involved. Keep up.

So I know their favorite foods, colors, and animals, childhood traumas, hobbies, vacation spots, whatever. For this SF story, I created a supporting character who’s gay.

No, I’m not going to tell you who that character is. I doubt you’ll figure it out, because it has nothing to do with the story. That’s the point. It's not a love story about that character. It’s just a part of who they are, and it has nothing to do with their actions or the plot.

See, that’s the way it should be in real life.

They might not even like Barry Manilow music.

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My grand-twins used to look like this:

Now they look like this:

Hunter on the left and Brayden on the right, and a short guy in the middle. Emily changed it to black and white and did the background, which came out really neat. Cool. Sick? Whatever the kids say these days.

Well, I'm just not on board with this. My grand-kids are supposed to be kids, not just turned 18. Nobody consulted with me.

Luckily for me, my younger daughter Jill's kids will, of course, stay kids forever.

Lilli is a power pack, who puts her energy into cheerleading and annoying her siblings.

Willa likes to torment dogs, and just started junior cheerleading herself.

Zander isn't old enough to figure out who he wants to torment yet, but he'll get there.

Then there's Zander's little brother, who we won't be introduced to for another month or two. All but the first of these are from gatherings the step-grand-twins didn't make it to, so I don't have any new photos of them. Maybe next time!

Chocolate fun.

You can find us talking about books, family, weather, and other things that aren’t politics here:

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Way back in 2006 the Klu Klux Klan distributed flyers on cars around town, during our annual Chain O' Lakes Festival. The more I thought of it, the more I was reminded of a quote from the movie "Two Weeks Notice":

“You’re the most annoying person on earth.”

“Well, that’s just silly – have you met everyone on earth?”

I don’t know everyone on earth. I don’t even know everyone on American Idol, so I don't like to saddle any group with a character trait. But in the case of the Klan, I’m willing to make an exception.

The Boys in/of White visited Albion in 2006 with their cheerful message of hate and intolerance. You could say they skulked around, since no one actually saw them placing flyers on all the cars (except the black ones). However, since Albion is mostly white, you can see how they could blend in. Very few people of color join that organization, despite the KKK’s nifty free dry cleaning policy.

Now, let’s be fair to the Klan. All they want is a safe, free society for themselves and everyone else who’s exactly like them. Really, how are they any worse than the Nazis, or the Nation of Islam, or anyone who yells "death to (your choice of country here)"? It’s all in perspective: Hitler was nice to animals, and Saddam Hussein used to sing lullabies to small children before having their parents tortured.

My wife, who's part Cherokee, finds this sign amusing. It should be noted the streets were there long before Adolf came along.

Besides, this particular flyer targeted only homosexuality and illegal immigration, so hey – I guess nobody else has anything to worry about, huh?

In some ways, the flyer’s not too different from many others you might find under your windshield wipers. There’s an invitation to subscribe to their newsletter, “Thoughts Under the Hood”, for the low, low rate of $16 a year:

“How to find a good home in an all-white neighborhood! A guide to throwing great parties without letting the riff-raff in! Part 3 of tips for removing blood stains from white clothing!”

Let’s hope no one mixes that newsletter up with “Thought IN the Hood”, which is an entirely different animal. Talk about embarrassing.

There’s also a request for donations, because “We’re not funded by the government” (Finally, the government does something right). They need extra money for hair gel. No, seriously – two hours of burning crosses on a hot night can give a person a serious case of hat hair.

My grandfather didn't slog his way across Europe so these bozos could pull the same crap over here.

The flyer declares: “Notice there is family morals that need to be brought back to our family.” Family morals, but apparently not grammar. How sad. Well, they say Abraham Lincoln was a lousy speller.

Um, maybe this would be a bad time to bring up Lincoln.

Some of the flyer actually made me chuckle, in that ironic way I have just before throwing small objects across the room. The KKK, of all organizations, actually mentions the Pledge of Allegiance? You know, the one that says One Nation – Indivisible – With Liberty and Justice for All? What’s more divisive than the Klan?

Okay, the Presidential race, but otherwise, what? Oh, sure, college basketball – could we get back to the point?

Here’s the part I like the best. This KKK flyer, which is dedicated partially to an anti-gay rant, starts with “The Cape Crusaiders rides once again in the state of Indiana.”

Come on. Everybody knows Batman and Robin were flaming homosexuals. Whoever wrote this thing was having some fun with their Klan buddies, maybe hinting at what he thinks they should really be doing under the sheets.

Maybe we have something in common. I’m against illegal immigration, I’m a patriot, and I think children should be taught family values and good morals. I’m just like those Klan guys in so many ways, including a poor grip on grammar, with one little exception: I think –

No.

I KNOW — every single person should be judged on their own merits. Their accomplishments, their failings, their crimes, their contributions to or damage to society. If I changed the color of my skin (I’m told that’s now possible), I’d be the same person. Except darker. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to understand the common sense of that.

Or, in the case of our Men in White, a brain donor.

Speaking of skin color, I find it highly ironic that, at the top of the KKK flyer, is a picture of the American flag – along with the words, “These colors will never bleed”.

Ironic. And sad, because these brain donors didn’t see the irony.

The flag works better with all the colors.

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 I'm about to tell you a story you won't believe. Like all my stories about things that actually happened, it actually happened.

 There was a storm coming in, which is not at all unusual during an Indiana summer. A tornado warning had been issued for Kosciusko County, which is the nearest county to our west, so I went out to take some pictures and video of it coming in. The two photos you see here were only enhanced a little--all the light in the sky was from the lightning.

I headed out back wearing sweats and slippers. I figured, what did Mother Nature care? She'd smite me, or she wouldn't. When the storm got closer we went inside to watch the various weather people, while I sent Facebook messages out on my and the Fire Department's Facebook pages. My small attempt to help.

Here's the YouTube version of the video, if it can't be opened here.

Since I'm no longer active as a firefighter, weather has become a spectator sport, and like any good spectators we had a snack. Rice, chicken, beans, and cheese.

Hm ... I just now noticed the two photos that came out anywhere near good are almost exactly the same, even though they were taken minutes apart. Sometimes night lighting just isn't good to me.  

We'd been watching the national weather channels and local radar, then went to local channels as the storms grew closer. Then something crawled across my hand.

My mind instantly went to one thing, and one thing only: Spider.

But it wasn't. Even as I shrieked and threw the bowl into the air, my mind said, Bee. Oh, okay.

And then, because naturally my hand came slapping down, accompanied by bits and rice and beans, it stung me.

I'm allergic to almost everything nature provides, with the exception (thank goodness!) of food. I'm allergic to spider bites. I've had reactions to mosquito bites, when I get enough of them at the same time. Pollen and mold are my sworn enemies. However, allergy doctors do not normally test for bee sting allergies, unless the patient has had previous reactions. I haven't been stung by a bee since I was a teenager.

But they assumed I was allergic, because of, well, everything, so they gave me an EpiPen to have close by, just in case. It was in the house. Somewhere.

The bee was all black, and crawling on the floor, and I dispatched it with extreme prejudice because I don't like pain. Then I had to decide what kind of bee it was. "What did it look like?" Emily asked.

"Um, a black smear across the carpet."

"Well, there's something still crawling down there."

It was an earwig, which I also dispatched, while keeping one eye on the TV. What the heck? Was the bee carrying an earwig? But no, the answer soon presented itself: They'd hitched a ride on my slippers when I came in from the back yard. Looking for shelter, but all they found was death.

This kind of bee, according to my sources (um, Google) tends to nest in yards and has pretty much the same venom has a honeybee. In other words, I was about to die in a most dramatic way, while a storm raged outside.

At least I managed to catch my bowl, with most of the food still in it. The cheese held everything together, as usual.

But I didn't need the EpiPen. I had, as I usually have, a localized reaction, instead of systemic. The spot on the inside of my finger turned red, swelled, and my whole hand itched for awhile. As I write this, three days later, my finger is itching like crazy, but otherwise all is well.

 That's more than can be said for Illinois and Indiana (and other areas), which, like the bee, got smeared under Mother Nature's giant foot. Tornado touchdowns were confirmed in two surrounding counties, but all we got was a thunderstorm warning, as the storm was starting to lose power. It was still pretty darned photogenic, as the weather has been, lately.

 Still, I think next time I'll take all my pictures from the porch.

Weather is a common theme in many of our books. Check them out here:

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The last thing I thought would happen with Hoosier Hysterical II: Crying Out for a Subtitle is that I would run out of space.

Yet a few days ago my planned 53,000 word manuscript for Hoosier Hysterical II: The Wrath of Corn hit 59,610 words. This is a problem. I wanted it to be close to the length of the original Hoosier Hysterical: How the West Became the Midwest Without Moving At All. I also wanted it to have a cool subtitle, although not as long as the first one.

But wait, there's more: I got my word count wrong. Despite the length of the subtitle, the original Hoosier Hysterical weighed in at only 43,023 words, not the 53,000 number going through my mind. I didn't catch it until the sequel's rough draft was finished.

There's a lot of research involved, and I made the mistake of deep-diving. It turns out a few little details at the top of a biography aren't nearly as interesting as all the stuff that comes between the "B" and the "D".

No, that's not the code for bondage: It's "Born" and "Died". Get your mind out of the black leather.

People I planned to spend a few paragraphs on ended up taking whole chapters. Meanwhile, I had no idea how many people of note have connections to the Hoosier State. Did you know Ian Fleming's first pick to play James Bond in the movies was a singer from Indiana?

Or that not only Garfield, but Clifford the Big Red Dog, Raggedy Ann, and Little Orphan Annie were born in Indiana, along with the infamous Dick and Jane from the early reader books? Or that Ohio may have birthed more astronauts, but we educated them? Or that the Governor of Indiana saved President Lincoln from getting kidnapped?

Neither did I.

56,000 words doesn't seem like much: George R.R. Martin’s last Game of Thrones book had so many words that, if laid end to end, they’d reach the orbit of Jupiter. Still, that's a 13,000 word difference, and yes, I counted them individually. I've often wondered if the reason my second Slightly Off the Mark humor book didn't sell as well as the first is because it was much longer; now I'm facing the same thing.

So here's my plan: I'm going to divide this book up into two. One would concentrate on people, the other on items, inventions, and events. For instance, Katherine Bailey was born in Marion and died in Indianapolis, so she would be here. The incident in which President Van Buren’s buggy overturned in Plainfield, after he vetoed a bill that would have improved the road, would be in Hoosier Hysterical III: Here We Go Again.

Or whatever it ends up being called.

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When I was walking home from work Saturday night I decided to take a few photos of the Chain O' Lakes Festival rides. It rained (a lot) earlier, as kinda/sorta shown in this photo I took during the storm.

That's when the rain just started coming in; it turned into a real gully-washer for awhile. During the Festival, the only choice of weather is usually either wet or hot. After the sun came back out, we got the hot part.

This one was when the rain was coming down harder, and some lightning drove everyone off the rides. A lot of them came right back as soon as it lightened up, though.

I didn't have a lot of hope for taking pictures outside. I don't traditionally have a lot of luck with nighttime pictures using my iPhone. Not only that, but it was so humid my lens started fogging up.

But honestly, I kind of liked the effect. It kind of smeared the color out in a way I liked. Maybe I'll try to post the video I took on here too, although I really have trouble with video.

The last two are essentially the same photo, with the rides changing color between them. I'm a big fan of color and light. I'm not much of a festival goer anymore, but I do like watching them. Unless there are clowns with balloons.

Notice the double exposure effect. Not on purpose, although back in the film days doing something like that was a huge pain.

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 There are two ways to approach a summer blockbuster Action/SF movie: Compare it to "Citizen Kane" and snipe at everything you think could have been done better; or buy the cup, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

We bought the cup.

"Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu" is set after the end of the original trilogy at a time when the New Republic is trying to eliminate the last vestiges of the Galactic Empire. It's also, of course, a spinoff of "The Mandalorian" series, and if you're a Star Wars fan you'll see plenty of callbacks and Easter eggs. The non-Star Wars fan can still watch and enjoy the show, which explains enough of the universe it's in to keep things straight. Sometimes franchise movies are good at that; sometimes, not so much.

Pedro Pascal plays Din Djarin, a member of a cult of Mandalorian warriors who never remove their helmets. In fact, we only see Pascal's face in one scene, which begs the question: How do we know it's not a stuntman in that armor the whole time? Well, we don't, although how different is that from an animated show? Darth Maul is Darth Maul in every medium.

This is the way. On a related note, Grogu was done with live-action puppetry at the urging of the legendary Werner Herzog, who saw the efforts to go CGI and said, "You're cowards. Leave it." He was right.

 A former bounty hunter, Djarin has adopted Grogu, formerly known as "Baby Yoda". (He's not: Yoda, at this point in the story, has passed on.) Grogu is a Force-wielding baby, less than a hundred years old and not yet talking. That kind of makes him Djarin's apprentice, and Heaven help everyone if he ever gets his hands on a lightsaber.

The Mandalorian used to find people for gangsters, but he's given that up and now works for the New Republic, tracking down Imperial bad guys. When the local New Republic leader gives him his new assignment ... it's to find someone for gangsters, who say they have information on Imperial movements. His quest is to rescue the son and heir of the now deceased Jabba the Hut, who turns out to be not all that eager to be rescued.

(By the way, Sigourney Weaver took on the role of Colonel Ward because she wanted to act with Grogu.)

Things go sideways, of course. A lot.

 Which brings us back to the only important question when it comes to a movie: Is it entertaining?

(I know people disagree on that: It seems like the Oscars usually go to movies that I find wildly un-entertaining.)

But yes. "The Mandalorian and Grogu" is a slam-bang thrilling adventure with just enough humor, and also just enough pauses in the action (I'm looking at you, Baby Yoda), and doggone it, isn't he cute? The movie also has one of my favorite cameo "appearances" ever: I actually blurted his name out loud when it appeared on the opening credits, and I don't do that.

It's basically a space western, and that's a compliment. Apparently some people have been complaining that it's just like an episode of The Mandalorian TV show. That's also a compliment. 

It's the best Star Wars movie since "Rogue One", coming from one of the best Star Wars series ever. Naturally, that depends on who you ask, because being agreeable is how I roll. This is my way.

 My rating:

Entertainment value: 5 out of 4 M&Ms. My rating system, my rules.

Oscar potential: 2 out of 4 M&Ms. There is Academy Award worthy work going on here, but this movie has zero chance of snagging one of the big categories. Still, it has an outside chance of putting Star Wars movies back on track.

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To help celebrate this year's Chain O' Lakes Festival in Albion, I thought I'd post some photos from previous festivals. (As always, this is Indiana--there are at least three more Chains Of Lakes that I know of in other states, in addition to the dozen or so Albions.)

 The original celebration was called the Albion Street Fair because, well, there was no Chain O' Lakes State Park. This photo even calls it the "Lawn Street Fair", and as you can see, the Noble County Courthouse lawn is being well used. A few years ago, someone used a metal detector to find a few coins there that might well have fallen from some of the pictured people's punctured pants pockets.

 What does one do at a street fair in the early 1900s? Well, there were acrobats, tightrope walkers, and of course, food and games. It got pretty crowded in the downtown during these festivals.

 At one point Albion's Street Fair happened in September ... or maybe it was a second town festival? It's not like people were home watching The Price is Right. The truth is, I can't trace the lineage of the original town celebrations directly to today's festival until after these older photos were taken.

But there were still rides--the Merry Go Round and the Ferris Wheel, for instance.

The Ferris wheel photo was taken in 1909. There were three photographers operating in Albion at the time that I know of: Joseph M. Harkless, John Inbody, who worked out of Ekhart, and M. C. Beck. Harkless passed away in 1909, so these probably weren't his. In any case, a lot of photos were taken around Albion that year.

Then there were the Chain O' Lakes Festival parades, of course. I hate the word problematical, so for this Campfire Girls photo I'll just stick with "politically incorrect". I'm guessing it was taken in the 20s, but it's a pretty wild guess.

 In any case, it wouldn't be a parade without horses. We're jumping forward some for this photo, which is from the Grace Leatherman collection, as is the next one.

More forward jumping brings us to this photo. The photographer had a bad habit of not writing down dates and should probably be whipped for it, but I think I took it in the late 80s. 1980s. Which, my aching body tells me, makes it awfully close to historical.

I've posted this last one before, but I added it now because it's one of the few parade photos I know of that actually has me in it. I was a last minute replacement for the Color Guard, and had absolutely no idea what I was doing--that's me on the right, shouldering an ax in a way I usually wouldn't.

After you’ve enjoyed the Festival, look us up online:

·        Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

·        Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

·        Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

·        Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

·        Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

·        Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

·        Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

·        Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

·        Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

·        Audible:  https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

 If you should be near Albion during the Chain O’ Lakes Festival, drop in on the fish and tenderloin fry at the fire station Wednesday, June 3rd. This has been an annual tradition for many decades, with proceeds going to equipment and training for the Albion Fire Department.

(Indiana, for those of you near other Albions. I've been past the Albion firehouses in Illinois and Michigan, for example.)

It’s from 4:30-7:00 p.m., with a price of $15 for adults and $10 for children 8 and under, and it’s darned good food for a good cause. Way better than what they would give you across the street at the jail. I assume.

The AFD is at 210 Fire Station Drive, on the east end of town.  (It's traditional, when a town has a Fire Station Drive, to build the fire station there.)

Imagine this, but full of people.

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Meanwhile, ask for a copy of Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights, a Century or So With the Albion Fire Department. You can still get the Albion Fire Department's history for just $9.99. Live a little, throw in the penny ... if you can find one. After all, it took me 25 years to write.

Okay, so I wasn't writing the entire 25 years.

(I don't actually know if they have any copies at the firehouse, but last time I checked there was a whole box full. If they've run out, I have a partial box of them here at home, for pickup or delivery. Or, you can get the e-book version for $2.99, by following most of the links below.)

I'm not saying you can get that book in all these places, but most of them:

·        Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

·        Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/search?attributes.contributorId=13727646

·        Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

·        Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

·        Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

·        Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

·        Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter