You want to anoint something? Conjure something? You want to bless something or thwart something?

Elizabeth Gilbert is interesting to me only in that she can talk about herself ad nauseam without seeming to know anything about the topic at all.

I hope next year I respect myself enough to not try to grow dahlias again.

I cleaned out my mom’s inbox today. Taking the week off to recuperate.

It’s not so much that I get into these situations as it is the fact that I manage to get out of them.

I could get so much more done if I didn’t have a body.

Why do you want my opinion? What do you plan to do with it?

On one hand, this is an extremely dumb topic. On the other hand, I have cleared my schedule and am prepared to bicker about it for the foreseeable future. Refreshments will be served at the argument.

Noticing bug damage on a plant one day, going out the next day and seeing that a spider has moved in overnight.

OKAY I love you too. Whatever.

Whenever I have a jalapeño cheddar bagel, I briefly remember what it’s all about.

You think you’ve seen it all and then somebody trots into a funeral service in Louboutins.

One grapefruit Lacroix away from a more peaceful iteration of myself.

Can’t lose the plot if you never had it. I guess.

Reviewing my mom’s bloodwork the way one reviews a child’s report card.