project hail mary is like i'll make you believe that friendship will save the world. i'll make you remember that our society rests on the backs of teachers and scientists. i'll make you see that even the most cowardly can be brave. i'll make you horny for sandra huller. thank you greatest scifi film of the last 10 years

[steals your baby immediately after his birth][raises him][trains him in the ways of an ancient martial art invented by cormorant fishers in 700 ad for 13 years][enters him in a tournament][he loses in 4 rounds] ok whatever. you can have him back

in some way i have failed every single social interaction i have ever had

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

the path to a fat ass and bountiful tits is paved in meals you should let me cook for you

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

*dirty talking* you’ve been a very bad boy and im just going to straight up kill you now

this lamb keeps trying to sacrifice itself even though no one really needs or wants it to do that

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99% of users on tumblr are some sort of gay as fuck animal

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit