-

Sunlight peeked through the black curtains of the bedroom, giving light through the dimmed, masculine room. It landed on your face directly, earning a groan from you as you turned your body away from the light. The silence was relaxing, save it for the soft and comfortable bed that you’re on —

That’s when it sank into you. Opening your eyes slowly, you come face to face to the sturdy back beside you. Your eyes widened and you freezed on your position, slowly, you looked into your body and that’s when you realized that you’re left with nothing but your panties.

Embarrassment washed over you. You couldn’t believe that you just had a one-night stand — a drunken one to be exact! You’re not even the type to do casual sex! You groaned internally before you felt him moved beside you, completely startling you. 

But he didn’t wake up, he just fixed his position. So you quietly moved your way out of the bed, careful not to wake him up, and you were thanking the gods that he’s a heavy sleeper. 

Your hangover’s still had your head throbbing, last night’s drinks hitting you like a baseball bat which made you wince at every movement. You managed to find your clothes scattered around the place and shame was all you felt as you picked it one by one. 

You found your phone inside your sling bag on the floor, picking it up to see the missed calls and texts from your brother. You cursed internally, preparing from his lecture as you called him back.

“Where the fuck are you!?” Heeseung’s angry tone welcomed you, making you wince as you brushed your messy, bed hair.

“I don’t know but can you pick me up please please,” you plead, whispering as you tiptoe your way out of the bedroom. 

“Mama’s worried sick! What the fuck y/n —”

“Can you save all your naggings when you see me, I’ll send my location and fucking pick me up!” you whisper-shouted, cutting off the call and sending your location to your brother.

Heeseung 😛: Fifteen minutes. Stay put and I’ll call you if I’m outside.

8:43 AM

You let out a deep sigh before you started walking away from the long hallway. As you reached the living room of his place, your eyes went wide at the sight of the living room. It was huge and luxurious, with designer furniture and rare figurines on display. You also noticed a few formula one merchandise which made you curious about the guy you slept with. 

Unfortunately, there’s not a single picture of him on display inside the area, so you quickly brushed it off, since it was just a drunken one night stand, he’d forget about it just like what you’re planning to do.

You found the exit of the place, the hallways were exquisite and clean, and it just sinked into you that you ended up in someone’s penthouse. Oh well. You thought. At least he’s some snobbish rich guy. Your drunk self still has taste. 

As you rode the elevator down, that’s when questions started running through your head, adding more headache for you.

Where are you? Who’s the guy sleeping on the bed? How did this happen? It’s pretty obvious that you were black-out dead last night and was convinced that something happened but what led you to sleeping with him? 

You tried to recall last night’s events but the only thing you remembered was you buying another bottle of tequila and after that, everything was a blur. You don’t even know where he popped into the night.

Was the sex even good!? You mentally groaned when you felt your phone vibrate. Picking it up to see that your brother’s almost near. 

The lobby of the building had a few people on it when you arrived. Observing their proud faces and designer clothes, it is safe to assume that you ended up at a high-end sky building somewhere in the city. The front-desk agent gave you a small smile and nod which you reciprocated awkwardly before you exit the lobby.

You waited for a few minutes before you noticed the white ford mustang and familiar car plate of your brother’s, making you sigh in relief.

You smiled as you opened the door of the passenger seat, ignoring your brother’s stabbing glare as you put on the seatbelt. 

“Go on, nag all you want but a little disclaimer, I have a hangover so all your words will just fly away from my mind,” you stated as you rested your head by the window.

“You’re so reckless y/n,” Heeseung started as he drove away from the building.

“I am careful,” you replied, knowing that you’re also wrong. 

Heeseung chuckled sarcastically, “careful? Right, because if you’re being careful you would’ve ended up going home last night and not to some random stranger’s place.”

“Hey! At least you found me at some high-end building and not some cheap motel, alive and breathing if I may add.” you justified.

“Not my point but whatever,” Heeseung sighed, accepting defeat. “Just stay out of trouble, I know that you love to party but tone it down please, you still have a reputation to hold.”

“Yeah, gonna keep the family name clean,” you mocked. 

“I’m serious.” he warned and that made you shut up.

You’re one of the most-loved socialites in your country. The darling of the crowd, a head-turner at every formal event or dinner you attend. The sweet, youngest daughter of the Lee family — one of the well-known names in South Korea. 

You’re the life of the party. Always present at every party, fashion weeks, and formal events with confidence. Free days come in the form of luxury shopping and traveling around the world. Everyone may look at you as the young and spoiled, socialite of your family, but you didn’t care about it because honestly? It’s true though.

Your family lets you do whatever you want. Whether it involves your family’s business or just spending their money on luxurious items, you’re living the life. You don’t have a permanent job but because of your name and influence, you were able to earn money independently by collaborating with brands and luxurious houses.

Your parents didn’t force you to work for the family business since your older brother had already taken over the company. They told you that you’re free to do what you want as long as you don’t ruin the family’s name.

You’re careful. You were always careful about your image. It leaves you anxious even though you’re used to the spotlight. As much as you had the freedom, there are still consequences whenever you made irrational decisions, hence why despite shrugging casually to your brother’s lecture, you were nervous deep inside.

You’re not the type to do one night stands and all that casual sex and situationships. You hated those kinds of things. Love is a sentimental thing for you. That’s why you were nervous deep inside. You ended up at a stranger’s house, and based from his fucking huge penthouse, he’s not just any rich man — he probably had a reputable name in your country.

You’re curious about him. It left you pondering about his identity, but at the same time, you were silently praying that last night wouldn't blow up in a huge portion.

-

You don’t know why your brother was eager for you to go to his office on a Tuesday afternoon. 

You almost ignored his chat, but when it ended with a note of cutting off your credit card, you had no choice but to visit him. 

As you entered the office, you weren’t even able to greet him because he looked at you mad, like you did something unforgivable

“Look at what you have done,” he said with an angry tone. Heeseung took heavy strides before he flashed his phone screen in front of you. 

Lee Y/n and Park Jongseong caught leaving Royalty together — is it a new romance brewing? Or just a night of happiness? 

You freezed. 

No way. You thought. No fucking way, there’s no fucking way —

You grabbed his phone and scrolled through the article. Pictures of you being carried outside the club, by the lobby of the building, and when you were leaving the building. Your eyes widened. You couldn’t believe that they followed you and even waited for you outside the building. It was obvious that it’s you. They didn’t even attempt to hide your face! God, you couldn’t believe that you were smiling ear to ear in the first photo — like you were madly, deeply with the man who was carrying you.

Park Jongseong.

His name still gives chills to your body, and just seeing his face, which was smiling too, had your heart beating. You don’t know why your heart started acting like that. Was it out of nervousness? Pain? Anxiety? You were confused and stunned at the same time.

Out of all the men in this world, it has to be Park fucking Jongseong. Your secret ex-boyfriend. Your whirlwind semester romance. Your best and worst mistake. The guy that you gave your everything that the moment he left, you were completely nothing.

You wanted to curse him. Three years have passed and he’s still handsome as ever — more handsome than ever. He got rid of his rebellious silver-like blonde hair and ear piercings, and grungy, rockstar outfits and had it replaced with the more sophisticated and clean get-up, living up to the reputation of the old money Parks. 

Three years passed and he’s now back in South Korea. He’s here and that thought made you anxious. 

He’s here. In South Korea. Breathing the same air as you — you just felt your world ended. 

“I told you to be careful,” Heeseung warned, snapping you away from your thoughts.

“I was being careful! I didn’t know that there were paparazzis there! Why would they be invested to get a scoop from me!?” you questioned.

“You were out partying with other socialites. Royalty is a high-end club — damn it y/n! It’s not only you who they wanted a scoop from, it’s also them and Jongseong — do you even know him?”

Of course. Of course you do. You know him damn well. You know what his cologne combination was and every name of his guitar collection. You know that he’s allergic to flowers, that's why not once did you receive a bouquet from him when the two of you were together. You knew Park Jongseong too well, but unfortunately, you couldn’t say it out loud to your strict brother. 

“What’s with him anyway,” you crossed your arms instead. The last time you’ve heard from Jay was three years ago, when the two of you had a fight because he’s leaving for America.

You wanted him to stay, he wanted to go to America. He called you selfish and spoiled, you called him heartless, and perhaps, both of it were true because you two called it off that same night. Jay moved to America while you returned to South Korea, spending more than you used to in hopes that it’ll ease your broken heart. 

“His name is currently on-trend along with his twin brother, Park Sunghoon, formula one driver for Ferrari. Both of them are promising bachelors here. Charismatic and old money rich, Jongseong’s currently the CEO of Park Land and Leisures. And you? The sweet and darling socialite of Northern Stars Inc., just happened to have slept with him. You two are a fucking scandal at the moment,” Heeseung explained and you only rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like he’s married, oh my god Heeseung, he’s single! And so am I! What’s wrong with what we did?” you pointed out.

“People are still conservative y/n, one night stands and things like that are still scandalous, mom and dad are fucking furious at the moment,” he rebutted and your eyes widened.

“They knew!?”

“Of course y/n, they knew, your name’s all over the headlines and newspapers!” Heeseung argued before heaving out a sigh, eyes still leaving heavy glares on you. “That’s why I am proposing something.”

Your forehead creased, “what do you mean?”

A knock on the door interrupted your conversation, you turned around and from the glass door, you froze when you saw who it was.

It felt like a movie — a horror movie to be exact. It was like seeing a ghost, the ghost of your past to be exact. You became quiet, heart beating rapidly that it’ll burst out of your chest any moment now. With your throat turned dry and cold sweat forming on your skin, you were nailed from where you were standing as you watched Jay walk into the office.

He still looks as good as ever. Much sophisticated and clean, far from his rebellious and roughed image back then. You watched as he passed by you — completely ignoring you as he approached Heeseung with a smile and firm handshake while your eyes remained at him.

“Thanks for coming,” Heeseung greeted, making you snap out of your daze.

Jay chuckled, “no worries, we need to clean some rumors right?” 

His eyes landed on you. A frown on your face as you crossed your arms.

“Nice meeting you again y/n,” Jay greeted and you scoffed at his words.

Heeseung’s forehead creased, “you guys know each other?”

“No!?” you shouted defensively, panic starting to get into you. Heeseung raised an eyebrow before shaking his head out of disappointment.

“I guess you were really too drunk to remember that night,” Jay taunted and you scoffed at his words. You swear to God, he was testing you.

“Whatever, why are you even here?”

“Because of the rumor, of course,” Jay explained casually. “It’s going to be hard to convince the public that what happened that night was nothing, especially when they captured us in different locations. They even followed us in our building.”

“There’s nothing to worry about that, my family knows how to handle bad pr,” you rebutted. 

“Good for you, but I also have a reputation to hold on,” he stated.

You raised an eyebrow, “Why? Afraid to lose your hottest bachelor image, Mr. Park?”

“You’re right, Ms. Lee, I don’t want the public to see me as someone who’s a playboy of sort, casual shits like this aren’t my things.” Jay smirked casually.

You only rolled your eyes at his answer. He even had the audacity to taunt you? You swear if only Heeseung wasn’t present in this room, you would’ve kicked his balls out of rage.

“That’s why I’m here to resolve your problem,” Heeseung butted in. “Think of it as a punishment for your recklessness too y/n.”

You chuckled in disbelief, “a fucking punishment? What am I, sixteen?” 

“The proposal is simple. We convince the public that you two are currently seeing each other on good terms, date publicly and act the deal, then break up due to busy schedules.” Heeseung explained, ignoring your words and how your face distorted into confusion.

“You’re fucking kidding me.” You cursed.

“When do I joke about this kind of thing y/n? I told you to be careful, and these are the consequences of your reckless actions, so owe up to it,” Heeseung authoritatively stated, making you flinch at his tone.

It really was a fucking punishment for you. What do you mean you’re going to fake date your ex-boyfriend for the sake of the publicity? It was like the devil had possessed your brother that he resorted to that idea.

“How long?” Jay asked.

“Six months.” Heeseung answered quickly.

Six months? What a fucking joke — it’s the same length you and Jay dated. You don’t know if they’re playing tricks with you but one thing is that you aren’t pleased with the situation.

“What if I don’t want to?” you asked.

Heeseung glared, “and why the fuck not?”

“I don’t like him.” you pointed out Jay who only smirked at your comment.

“Why? You basically met him last Saturday, you two are barely strangers,” Heeseung pointed out. “Unless you two met prior to this one.”

You became quiet. You only looked away as you heard Jay’s soft chuckle was all you heard — making you even more irritated.

“It’s just six months,” Jay casually commented. “It’s not like we’re going to see each other everyday, Ms. Lee, we can set dates and public events where we’ll go together. We can also set boundaries too, since we’re just faking it after all.”

His words hurt you. You don’t know if the two of them were setting you up or everything about this was just a mere coincidence. But knowing Heeseung, if he knew your past with Jay, he would’ve confronted him about it. And yet, the two of them were seemingly civil, which leaves you completely hopeless knowing that as much as you oppose the idea, your brother doesn’t change his mind that easily. 

One thing for sure was that you had pushed your brother’s patience this time. He could’ve brushed it off. Casually deny the rumor or let it die down but he chose this weird publicity stunt just to tame your attitude. You groaned internally. In the end, you’re still at fault too.

“I don’t have a choice in this one, right?” you crossed your arms, as a defeated look formed on your face. 

“Mom and dad already approved this proposal,” Heeseung shared. “For once they hope that you’d tame your lifestyle now that you’re linked to Jongseong.”

“Just like how they threw me in Barcelona for that fucking fall semester,” you muttered under your breath, yet loud enough for your brother to hear.

“Just read the damn contract y/n, and hurry up, I have a meeting in an hour,” Heeseung grabbed the envelope from his desk and handed you a copy which you accepted in defeat.

You began reading the contract. It has a lot of terms and conditions that you skimmed through but basically, you and Jay are going to pretend to be dating for six months. Attending events together are a must unless the other party’s on an important schedule. There were no rules of skinships between the two of you, hugs and kisses are a must since it convinces the public that you two are real. Dates aren’t required but it’ll be good publicity for your relationship.

This also meant that you’re not allowed to date anyone and so does Jay. You don’t know why but reading it assured you somehow. It meant that for the next six months, the only girl Jay will be seeing is you and no one else. That’s a small win for you for sure.

Jay said earlier that you two didn’t need to meet everyday. Which is good for you. You just have to keep yourself busy for the next six months — maybe travel around the world or join a cruise ship, if it means avoiding Jay at all cost.

The idea was bright in your mind. You nodded at yourself before you placed down the contract at the coffee table.

“Fine, give me a pen, I’ll sign it,” you announced, making the two men look at you.

“That was fast,” Heeseung comments before going to his desk to grab a pen. 

“It’s just six months, I think I can manage,” you shrugged, completely signing the contract. You placed down the pen and glanced at Jay with a taunting smirk. “Let’s just say that we keep our relationship private, so that means we don’t need to meet in public and date outside. Let’s just wait for six months to pass by and then call it off, sounds good right?” 

“Y/n, wait —”

“Now, if you excuse me, I have a spa treatment with my girls, so goodbye to the two of you,” you gave them a teasing flying kiss before you walked out of Heeseung’s office, completely ignoring him calling you out. 

You could only laugh mischievously as you skipped your way towards the elevator. As you reached the area, you pressed down the button and while waiting, a hand grabbed your arms suddenly, completely startling you. 

“What the fuck — let me go!” you snapped your arms away from Jay who only looked at you angrily.

“We’re not done yet y/n,” he stated, making you raise an eyebrow.

“That’s not what you said to me three years ago,” you smiled.

But instead of getting irritated, Jay chuckled in disbelief, “oh my god, you’re still not over that, am I right?”

Your forehead creased, “dream on Jay, why are you even here? I thought you’re living your life in America.”

“I have a company to take over with, which from what I recall, I informed you about that one, but someone thinks that I am staying in America for good.”

“Because you were.” you sassed.

“Oh my god, are we really going to dump our issues here? We could settle this down —”

“No Jay, I am not going to settle this down. We’re done and we’re through, we made that very fucking clear that night.” You breathed out, feeling your heart getting heavy as you said those words. “And don’t you think just because I signed the contract doesn’t mean I wanted to act according to it. I am not going to show up to you Jay. Just being near you makes me sick.”

The elevator door rang. You didn’t wait for his answer. You went your way inside the elevator, pushing the close button in hurry as the last thing you saw was Jay’s disappointed face.

-

When did your love story with Jay even start?

Fall in Barcelona. One semester at a prestigious international school that specializes in business and economics. It sounds so preppy and nice to hear but you attended it by force. 

You were young. Living on your daddy’s credit card and older brother’s headache. Your mother enabled you and your grandparents loved their beautiful and only granddaughter. You get away with everything, well, almost.

It wasn’t a huge scandal that involved your name getting tainted and your company’s stocks going down. Your father was just sick of you partying and traveling around the world with no clear goal about your future. Sure, you have a degree in fashion merchandising, but the moment you got your diploma, you threw everything you’ve learned and just spent your life spoiled and loved. 

Hence, your cards got declined and you were forced to pack your bags and move to a foreign country just to study again. It was a punishment, you insisted, but your parents justified that in case you’re needed in the company, you have the basic skills about how business works. What a lame excuse, you think.

Of course, you’re not going to waste your parent’s money by not attending the semester. You’re actually fine with it. At least it’s in a foreign country. You’re living alone in a decent-size dorm room inside the university, and somehow, taking a crash course about something you’re quite interested in would be preferable than living the routine of your wild, youthful life. You still benefited from it since it was something productive and you also wanted to prove to your parents that you still have directions in your life.

Jay was a classmate of yours. He sticks out like a sore thumb from the whole section. He looked like he’s the one whose parents forced him to attend the semester rather than you.

Jay looked like a mixture of a rebel emo and a rockstar. Wearing nothing but rugged and baggy streetwear clothes in the shades of black and gray, and nothing else. Even his accessories were silver along with his almost silver-like blonde hair that looked like it’s been bleached a hundred times to achieve the shade.

It was easy to say that he did catch your attention. But you’re not the type to make the first move, and particularly, he wasn’t your type at first. Perhaps it was just a small crush, a fleeting feeling inside your stomach because despite his intimidating image, Jay was one of the impressive students in your section. 

It happened a month later. At a small gathering with your other classmates after class, you accepted it shyly, and unbeknownst to you, Jay was also there. The gathering was nice. At a restaurant nearby the school that’s known for its paella and wine. You conversed happily with some of them, and as an hour passed by, Jay had joined in naturally. 

The conversation started small. You didn’t even notice that it was just the two of you talking to each other later on. The wine had hit off, and the two of you were laughing your hearts off. He felt familiar — Jay reminded you of home given that both of you are from South Korea. You didn’t even realise that you were homesick until you had a talk with Jay.

He walked you home, the conversation and laughter never stopped and somehow, fall felt warm compared to its weather. He bid you goodbye with a smile which you reciprocated.

As you reached your dorm room, the smile on your face never left. Your heart was beating rapidly and you felt like a teenage girl experiencing her first love.

Jay entered your life naturally. The two of you became friends after that night. The sense of having someone you could relate to was the comfort that you needed in Barcelona. You’ve learned so much about Jay — his passion for music, love for cooking, and traveling. He was also a family man, the oldest among the two sons of the Park family.

He has a twin brother. A total opposite of him who chose his dream of becoming a racer. Jay was left to take over the business even though he had a liking for producing music. You also learned that he took the semester program so that he doesn’t have to do an internship under his uncle in America. His parents agreed with his deal and as soon as the semester ends, just like you, he’ll go home to South Korea.

You don’t know when it started. That crush of yours became deeper and soon, you could hear your heart beating rapidly than it should. Your cheeks warming just being near Jay, and the slightest actions that he does — placing you on the safer side of the road, carrying your bag, and dropping you off to your dorm building after class, makes you wonder if there’s a deeper meaning to it. You couldn’t even look into his eyes anymore.

You tried to conceal your feelings. Afraid to ruin the friendship — only for Jay to ruin it first.

The confession came unexpectedly. Really unexpectedly. At his apartment room after dinner. The leftovers of takeouts were still on his dining table. You were laying on his bed while he’s seated on the huge bean bag that he insisted was his couch, strumming his guitar named Tongtongie as he hummed an unfamiliar song by Bon Jovi. 

Then he stopped, stared at you for a while. The phrase, “I like you,” slipped out of his lips suddenly, your eyes widened and you almost fell off his bed out of shock. You hated him for catching you off-guard that night but you were happy because he has feelings for you — it was the easiest acceptance you ever did and the last thing you remembered was Jay’s blissful smile before he pulled you for a kiss. 

That night ended passionately. Tangled in the sheets and warmth shared with each other. You two weren’t each other’s first, but it felt so special than your past experiences. When you woke up next to him, looking at him who’s still in his slumber, the only thing you could think of was how lucky you were — and perhaps, it was fate that brought you to Barcelona so that you could meet Jay.

Your whirlwind relationship with Jay started. Suddenly, everything felt so right and there’s nothing in this world that matters except you and Jay. You two were on your honeymoon phase during the duration of the semester. Always together, crashing into each other’s place, and traveling to other cities as dates. Fights rarely happened and you two felt like you two understood each other the most.

The two of you didn’t hide your relationship from your family not because they won’t accept it, but it just so happens that you two are in Barcelona, you didn’t feel the need to tell your family about it and so did Jay. You were focused on your relationship with Jay. The codependency was there and it may seem sickening for others to always see you together everyday, but for the two of you, the world would probably end if one of you aren’t with the other.

Months passed and your relationship with Jay became deeper. More stronger and intimate. Promises were made and the future seems to be bright for the two of you. There are talks of ‘what-ifs’ and future plans, and one of them was that when two of you returned to South Korea, you’d tell everyone your relationship with Jay, and so will he.

Soon, the fall semester ended. You stayed for another month just to travel around Europe with Jay. Enjoying your time together before you two return home. Everything felt so right for you. It was perfect — way too perfect that the news that came after hit you harder than a bullet straight to your heart.

Jay wasn’t going to return to South Korea. He’s going to America to work for his uncle. To work. Not just a temporary internship but work. A stable job with stable income. Something that he needs to do before taking over his parent’s company. 

You were betrayed. Tears started to blur your sight as Jay casually told you the news. Destroying every plan and promises you two had. Your luggage was packed. Everything was settled. You were just about to wait for tomorrow to come for you to take your flight home, all excited and happy but Jay had to ruin it.

He insisted that your relationship could still work and his promises weren’t broken — just halted. You asked him when he will return to his home country. He couldn’t give you a definite answer and that was your cue.

You exploded and he was irritated. You two had a shouting contest, not one wanted to lower each other’s pride. It was messy, arguments became less logical and flaws started to be brought. In the end, you were a desperate mess as you begged him to stay with you. You were crying as you fell onto your knees and asked to stay with you.

Jay didn’t budge. He was mad at you. He couldn’t understand why you couldn’t understand that he was needed by his family? He’s doing this not only for his future, but your future together. He’s just going on a detour with his future — and you couldn’t understand that. He told you that not everything would go in your way just because you were spoiled growing up.

You slapped him right there. His left cheek burned and turned bright red, you called him every name you could think of like you didn’t love him for the past few months. Despite that, he didn’t say another thing about you. Jay just looked you dead in the eye and broke up with you. You didn’t fight for it, too tired and heartbroken that him calling it off didn’t hurt you anymore.

That was the last time you saw him. No goodbyes or closure. Jay left you there alone and devastated. The next day, you went home to your home country. Pale, depressed, and heartbroken. You acted like you were fine, but every time your family or relatives asked you about Barcelona, there was still a stinging pain in your heart. All you could think of was him.

You blocked him on every social media platform. Deleted every picture you had with him. Threw and burned every gift he has given to you, whether expensive or not — even the Cartier ring he brought you as a promise ring. You burned everything that’ll remind you of him — even the clothes you wore when you were in Barcelona. You did it in hopes that you’d get over him and heal your broken heart.

Three years had passed. You thought that you’ve moved on. You’re living your life now! You have a good reputation. Not a stable job but hey, at least your name has a price tag on it. You’re still a headache to your older brother but less tamer now. You didn’t date anyone around because of the trauma you had with Jay, you thought that it was better to keep yourself single for now. 

Now, fate seems to have other plans. Three years of moving on and suddenly you’re now going to be stuck with him for the following six months. Life could be cruel sometimes.

A week has passed and you’re in your bedroom. After last week’s fiasco at Heeseung’s office. You shut yourself in your room. Ignoring all the invitations your friends invited you, cancelling your treatment appointments, and just spending in bed rotting as you scroll through your social media.

The dating article of you and Jay had been confirmed by both sides. It was said that the two of you were seeing each other for almost a month. You two met in Italy wherein you attended the Milan fashion week while Jay was at the F1 grand prix to support his brother. An acquaintance set you two up and you two hit off right away. Yeah right.

The two of you agreed to keep your relationship a secret at the moment since you two are at the courting stage. It was also said in the article that Jay picked you up at the club wherein the paparazzis had taken photos of you and let you stay at his place which shouldn’t be anything malicious given that the two of you are seeing each other. You wanted to laugh at their lame excuses, and yet, it was still believable since the public believed it anyway.

They also stated to give respect to your relationship and the two of you would prefer for it to be private, which made you smile. That’s right. You thought. Keep it private, so you won’t have to act along with Jay in public.

You closed your phone and went out of your room to have your first meal of the day. It was ten in the morning. The whole house was empty except for the house helpers and the head butler. You gave them a simple greeting and smile before you proceeded to the kitchen to find something to eat.

“Ms. Lee,” you turned around to see a maid holding a huge box which stopped you.

“Another pr package? Could you place it inside my room? I’ll open it there, thank you,” you ordered with a smile.

“Of course Miss, it also came with a flower bouquet. Would you want to place it in a vase? It was quite big too.” she explained.

Having used these kinds of packages, you only nodded to her question. “Who sent them anyway?”

“It’s from Park Jongseong Miss.”

You stopped. Almost dropping the tupperware of your overnight oats as you heard his name.

“Throw it, I don’t care if it’s big — just throw it okay?” you ordered before eyeing at the box. “Leave that here. Next time, when you receive a package from Park Jongseong, just throw it okay? If it benefits you, you can keep it, just don’t give it to me nor inform me about things like that okay?” 

Shaking in fear, the maid nodded, “yes miss.” 

She placed the box in front of the kitchen island while you closed the fridge. Having no appetite anymore, you decided to open the sturdy box and to your surprise a dress was neatly folded inside.

But it wasn’t just any dress. It was a vintage Prada dress. You quickly placed the cover on the side and grabbed the dress. Placing it in front of you, your forehead creased as your hands trailed at the delicate piece. Clothes like these don't surprise you, but you were shocked that Jay had sent you this one.

Was it an invitation? I might be. You thought. There’s no way that Jay would send you a dress out of blue especially when you walked out of him last week.

“Miss, this came along with the bouquet,” your attention shifted to the maid who handed you over a small envelope.

You mumbled your thanks before eyeing at the envelope. It was small with a wax seal in the middle. You opened it quietly as your hunches were right — Jay has given you an invitation.

Save the date. — like it was a wedding or something. You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes as you eyed at the invitation once again. The logo of their company stood out on the corner while Jay’s signature was on the bottom right corner of the paper. You wondered what it was about but you guessed that it involved their company.

You decided to bring everything back to your room. Closing the door, that’s when you noticed the numerous missed calls from an unknown number.

Please don’t tell me this is Jay. You thought before pressing the number and letting it ring.

“Good, you picked up, I’ve been calling you for minutes now,” you closed your eyes out of frustration. You were right. It was Jay who called you.

“How did you get my number?” you asked.

“Heeseung gave it to me, since you walked out last week when we have a lot of things to talk about —”

“Wow, “a lot of things to talk about?” good call Mr. Park,” you sarcastically remarked. “When clearly, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Ms. Lee, I wanted to inform you that whatever we had in the past is in the past, there’s no need to bring it up. I am talking about our publicity stunt that involves our image and reputation.” Jay spoke with a formal tone and you are fighting the urge to curse him on the phone.

“Clearly, I don’t give a fuck about the publicity stunt,” you answered, smiling sweetly as you spoke. “And I made myself clear last week, we can just convince the public that we like to keep our relationship secret and there’s no need for public exposure and stuff.”

“This involves my family Ms. Lee, clearly they don’t know that we’re dating for the sake of publicity.”

“Then that’s a you-problem Jongseong, not mine.”

“Have you even read the damn contract or just skimmed it and called it a day?” Jay asked with an irritated tone. “It is implied there that if one of the parties doesn't comply with the contract’s conditions, they have to pay five billion won as a fine?”

Your eyes widened, “what kind of damn contract is that!? Five billion won!? Are fucking kidding me!?”

“Heeseung made the contract, he made sure that you’re going to comply with it, whether you like it or not. Your signed contract was notarized now by your family’s lawyer by the way,” Jay explained, and you swear to God that you could see his teasing smile over the phone.

“I’m gonna kill him and then I’m gonna kill you after.”

“That’s really nice babe but I still need to show up at my company’s housing project’s grand launching on Saturday — oh by the way, I hope you received the dress, the jewelry set should arrive this afternoon, wear it okay?”

“I guessed I’d just kill myself instead,” you answered instead. “And don’t ever call me that.”

Jay chuckled from the phone, “what? Do you want me to call you ‘wifey’ instead? I don’t mind though. We can settle with the endearments on Saturday, all right? I’ll pick you up at six this Saturday. Goodbye wifey.”

The call ended. You stood there frozen as your phone’s still on your ears. The silence deafened you as Jay’s words kept on ringing in your ears for a minute.

It’s been so long since you heard him call you that. That endearment that used to be so meaningful for you, now became something traumatizing to hear. You could have your heart tearing up once again as you bite your lips to conceal yourself from crying once again.

You don’t understand why Jay was acting like what you had in the past was just something light and casual — like you two didn’t end in a bad light and had many issues to talk about. You couldn’t comprehend in your mind how Jay talked to you like you were his business partner — as if he didn’t make you the happiest girl back in Barcelona.

But then again, this is Jay that we’re talking about. The same guy who left you for his career. He’s just doing this for the sake of his image and reputation. He’s not doing it for you, you convinced. You’re just a stain that almost ruined his image — nothing more and nothing less.

-

A black sleek Mercedes-Benz arrived at the doorsteps of your house by six in the evening. 

Upon the announcement of his arrival, that was cue. You grabbed your purse that matched the dress’ color, and with a few touches and perfume spray, you left your room. 

Jay was waiting by the living room, perfect in his three-piece suit as he checked his cufflinks last minute. Only did you get his attention when your Louboutin's clinked against the marbled tiles of your house’s staircase. Jay’s head turned quickly, eyes locked on you who’s walking downstairs.

His hand reached for you instinctively, and you quickly rolled your eyes as you ignored his hands, going downstairs on your own — it didn’t take too long for him to grab you by your arms.

“Oh my god, are you going to keep on grabbing my arms!?” you shrieked, tugging your arms away but his hold tightens. “Jay, you’re hurting me —”

“Could you please be professional for once and just go along with the contract?” he asked with a serious tone, making you raise an eyebrow.

“Unlike you Jay, I could never act professional when you’re around,” you stated. “Call me immature or whatever but do you think it’s easy for me to forget everything about us?”

“I am not asking you to forget about it,” he replied sharply. “Just for six months. Six damn months just go along with it. Just for the sake of our reputation, just do it. After six months, you can hate me all you want — loathe me, I don’t care! Just play pretend for once.”

Perhaps it was his tone that settled your anger down. The mixture of frustration and desperation. You hated that you quickly understood Jay despite all the hatred you had for him — just like you, he doesn’t like the situation too, but for reputation’s sake, he had no choice.

You wanted to lash out, to push him away, and tell him to fuck off, you don’t want to see his face ever again — but you signed the contract. You have to comply with every condition written there. 

For your family’s name and for your reputation. That’s all you had to look after, not your past with Jay or whatever lingering feelings you have with him.

Six months. Just six months. You could pretend that you two are okay, and he’s the love of your life — what a damn joke.

It’s a sickening play to act, but you had no choice. Everything was your fault after all. That’s why you lowered your pride this time, face softening as you look at him.

“Fine.” you said in defeat.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me Jay, don’t you ever thank me,” you dictated. “I’m doing this for myself.” 

The drive on the way to the convention hall was idly quiet. It was a silent truce for the two of you. The act had just begun and you’re internally praying for your frail heart to not be weakened by whatever scheme Jay will pull up from his sleeves.

Once you two reached the entrance, Jay had left his seat, giving the keys to the valet before opening your car’s door. You only gave him a glance before accepting his hand, his hold firm on yours, giving you the warmth that you’re in denial to accept.

“Ready?” he asked.

You looked at him before giving him a short nod. He removed his hand and placed it with his arms, you wrapped yours around it and with one last glance, the two of you went inside the convention hall.

The hall was bustling with people. Known names and wealthy businessmen gathered together for the grand launch of another housing project of the Park’s company. Press and reporters were also present, that’s why it didn’t surprise you when flashes of cameras welcomed you the moment you two entered the hall. 

Whispers became louder and the camera’s flashes became blinding, and yet, you kept your smile as your hold on Jay’s arm tightened. You could feel your heart bursting out anytime, your nerve coming all over you now that the attention’s on you and Jay.

Unlike you, Jay was calm and collected, wearing his usual formal smile as he looked at the cameras one-by-one before he tugged you towards the direction of his parents. 

“So this is the girl who swept your feet Jongseongie?” his mother started, eyeing at you with a smile. You felt intimidated as it felt like she was dissecting you.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Park,” you greeted with a soft tone. “I do apologize because of the trouble I caused —”

“Nonsense! Young love, and rumors, articles tend to be overexaggerated. I’m sure that what you and Jongseong had is real." she quickly brushed it off before giving you a genuine smile, making you chuckle out of nervousness.

“Nonetheless ma’am, I wish you could’ve known my relationship with Jongseong in a better manner,” you insisted.

The old woman chuckled once again at your words and instead of saying anything, she just pats your shoulder, “it’s not your fault sweetie don’t worry, I just wished Jongseong had introduced you earlier.”

“Mom, we’re taking things slow, it’s been just a month for us,” Jay justified. “Could you please excuse us now? I think y/n needs a drink.”

His mother eyed her son for a second before nodding. “Alright son, seems like you just want some alone time with her.”

Jay ignored his mother’s teasing tone before pulling you away from her — almost dragging you towards the wine section.

“She seems nice,” you commented.

“And interrogative,” Jay objected. “She’s just playing along, my mother almost fainted because of our scandal. She doesn’t believe that what we’re doing right now is real.”

You raised an eyebrow, “well, she has a good sense then, why not just tell her the truth?”

“Because she’s conservative, she believes in the sanctity of marriage and seeing me having a one-night stand scandal outraged her — why would I even have sex with someone I don’t even want to marry?”

“Right, why would you Jay? To someone you don’t want to marry?” you asked with a teasing tone.

He glanced at you, eyes glaring as he passed you the glass of wine which you accepted, electrified by the small touch of his skin, “you don’t even remember that night y/n.”

“And I could see that you were sober enough to know what happened,” you pointed out. “So why? Why would you sleep with me, knowing well of our past?”

“Have you ever thought that maybe it was you who threw herself to me that night?” he rebutted and you merely hummed.

“And you took advantage of it, right? I was drunk Jay, I was not in the right mind — while you? I supposed you’re sober that night since you keep on insisting that I barely remember anything.” 

Jay didn’t say a word, he only stared at you as he took a sip on his wine. You chuckled in disbelief as you took a sip of yours.

“So why?” you asked once again.

“We’re not having that conversation here.” Jay stated.

You smirked, “right, gonna play lovers first, alright hubby, what’s the next agenda?”

“Y/n.”

“What? You asked for this didn’t you?” you smiled.

He wasn’t able to rebut your words because someone had approached him regarding the formal opening of the event. He glared at you one last time, and you offered him a sweet smile before he decided to just follow the organizer of the event instead. A sigh of relief escaping you since you had won this time.

You were left to entertain your own. Some were friendly enough to approach and strike a conversation with you, knowing that your family’s a prominent name in the country. You’re used to these scenarios, so with a fake smile and sweet tone, you played nice in front of the public — just like what your family wishes you to do.

Conversations were mostly about you and Jay. Same questions; when did you guys meet, what did you like about him, and apologies for getting caught with the scandal. It annoyed you for a moment, but you just decided to brush it off and gave them the information that they wanted. 

Another hour had passed before the event had formally started. Jay was in front, a glass of champagne on his hand as he recited his speech about their company’s new housing project somewhere in Seoul.

Everyone applauded, while you stood there, eyes never leaving him. He looked so mature — so clear of his future. Far from the Jay you met in Barcelona. He knew the words that he needed to say and the words were eloquent and appropriate — far from your reckless and spoiled self, and that stung you for a bit.

It felt bitter. Seeing your ex-boyfriend achieving everything that he wanted. He’s the CEO of their company now. He has a bright goal for his company while you’re still hung up with your freedom — still hung up with your past relationship with him.

Now, watching him from a distance, you wondered what would’ve been if you weren’t that drunk that night. Maybe, you could’ve saved you and Jay’s reputation. In that way, you could’ve saved your heart from its incoming pain too.

“So, you’re my twin brother’s girlfriend,” you flinched when you heard a voice from your left side. 

There stood a man who’s pale as a ghost. Hair cleaned and bangs down along with his glasses, he was wearing a more leaned smart casual compared to Jay’s expensive suits. He was smiling at you, and you raised an eyebrow.

“Jay’s twin brother?” you asked.

“Park Sunghoon,” he introduced as he stretched out his hand.

“Oh, the racer,” you remembered before accepting his hands. “You’re quite handsome.”

“Thanks, I get that a lot,” he spoke and you smiled at his words. 

“More handsome than Jay though.” you clarified and he chuckled at your compliment.

“I have a girlfriend, for your information.”

You smiled became sweeter, more flirtier as you removed your hands from his. “Can I compliment you without thinking that I am hitting on you?”

“You said I’m more handsome than your boyfriend.”

“Why? It’s a subjective preference,” you insisted, casually shrugging. “Despite being more handsome than him, Jay’s still my type though. Hope that eases you that I am clearly not interested in you.”

“You’re weird, I wonder why Jay talks about you like you’re a goddess or something.”

“Now you’re exaggerating.”

“I know,” he smirked. “I hope you'll take good care of Jay.”

“What am I? His caretaker?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“Just looking after him. Do you know that he used to work in America?” Sunghoon asked and you shook your head as answer.

“Why? What’s up with America?” you asked.

Sunghoon leans close to you, your breath halting as you feel him too close to you. 

“Why don’t you go and ask him about what happened to him in America?” he whispered in your right ear before giving you a meaningful stare, making you confused as to what he meant.

“What do you mean?”

But Sunghoon only smirked as he glanced at your back, making you turn around only to see Jay walking towards the two of you.

“Well, I guess our conversation had been cut short, I hope I’ll see you around y/n,” Sunghoon raised his wine glass before walking away from you — just in time for Jay to arrive at your place.

“People are looking y/n,” he warned and you raised an eyebrow.

“I am just talking to your brother, if you see it with any malicious intent, that’s your problem,” you stated. “Unless you’re jealous.”

He scoffed, “I am not jealous. I am just making sure —”

“That my image is good? I care for it too Jay. There's nothing wrong with talking to Sunghoon. Was I the one who leaned close to him? No right? So don’t you think that I was doing something bad here, ” you refuted.

“Just be careful,” he advised once again. 

“I am careful,” you smiled at him sweetly. “It’s you who should be careful. Now, if you want to convince people that we’re a couple, give me a smile and kiss rather than throwing daggers at me with your stare.”

Jay’s serious expression softened for a moment. He heaved out a sigh before wrapping his arms around your shoulder, before you knew, his lips landed on the temple of your face. Murmurs began to fill the venue but you chose to ignore it as you stare at Jay with a devilish smirk on your face.

“See? It’s not that bad right?” you taunted.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he whispered to you.

“Not if you killed me first,” you whispered back. “But then again, you agreed to this idea, so you better suck it up, Park.”

Jay didn’t say another word — not when his father tapped his shoulder, requesting his presence to talk to some business partner. Jay nodded at his father’s request and you’re sure that he was about to leave you alone, but Jay had pulled you along with him. His right hand snaked around your waist, holding you tightly as he leaned to your ears.

“Better put on a great show wifey,” his words sent chills down your spine. You only stared at him and the next thing was he had stolen a kiss from you. With a smirk on his face and the shocked expression of yours, it was easy to say who had won the argument that moment.

You weren’t able to refute his words. You stuck beside him as your persona changed into that sweet and darling socialite of your family, now in a more upgraded version of being Jay’s significant other.

The whole night, you stood beside Jay, like a trophy wife of his. Smiling and charming every businessman he talked to which left them impressed by your presence.

Jay easily went along with it. He felt natural with the way he held your waist dearly, the subtle kisses on your temple and forehead, and even leaning down when you wanted to say something — you two could pass as actors just for the show.

Never did he think that your insides were churning, every smile and gestures he made you want to throw up.

If this is what you’ll be doing for the next six months, you’d soon feel yourself slowly being killed inside — and yet, you suck it up. It was out of sheer spite. You wanted to prove him wrong that you could be professional and set aside everything you two had, just to prove to him — to everyone, especially your family that you could comply with the stunt.

The event ended before the clock struck twelve.

Jay dropped you off at your place. The whole ride was nothing but mere silence. Something about tonight felt so draining compared to the past events you’ve attended. You assumed it was because pretending was way harder than you thought, especially when you have to deal with your ex-boyfriend who seemed to be casual with the idea.

Thankfully, Jay didn’t bother you throughout the ride. He could’ve sensed that you had no energy to talk to him and he let it be. Drowning the silence of the ride with the music humming on the radio.

“Thank you,” Jay blurted out before you could even get out of the vehicle. “For playing along.”

You blinked, sinking in what just happened that night. You looked at him dead in the eye. “I told you to not thank me Jay. I am doing this for my own good.”

“You’re quick to dissolve the act,” he commented.

“It’s just the two of us here, there’s no need to pretend,” you mumbled before opening the door. “I hope tonight was enough for you, don’t call me or text me anymore, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“You know you have to put up with me for the next six months right?”

“Why?” you glanced back at him. “Why Jay? Why do we have to suffer in this pretend relationship when both of us are too angry at each other?”

“Who says I am angry at you?”

You looked at him for a minute. His expression was serious yet soft, and you almost fell for it. 

A scoff of disbelief escaped your lips instead, stepping out of the car before leaning down to look at him. “Jay, I hate you enough that I don’t want to see your face, and I am saying this again, I am doing this for my reputation, not yours, and I am not going to be at every event and public appearance you have. I hope this will be the last time we see each other.”

Jay didn’t say a word. The door slammed so hard that he had gritted his teeth at the sound. He watched as you entered your house and did not even bother looking back at him — leaving him there looking like a fool, as he brushed his hair out of frustration before deciding to drive away.

-

If only the contract had a one month validation then you would have peace.

Surely, it’s been a month since that Saturday event occurred. You were thankful that Jay was still a CEO nevertheless — which means he’s a busy man, and that also means he’s too busy to spare time for you. 

Jay didn’t text nor call you for a month, and you could feel relieved at the idea that your past isn’t haunting you — and hopefully, for the next few months, he won’t either.

You kept yourself busy. You attended events, went to brand launches, and spent your free time with just you and only you alone, like you used to do. Acting like you don’t have a boyfriend who is supposed to be there to carry your bag, to shower you with love in public, but whatever, you’re good on your own.

Perhaps a month was too long because it caught you off-guard that Jay showed up at one of the charity events you launched along with your friends, wearing smart-casuals and holding a huge bouquet of lilies on his hands.

“What are you doing here?” you asked the moment you’re in front of him, glaring at him whose nose was runny and red, a funny sight for you.

“Congratulations on the event, I didn’t know you’re the type to throw events like this,” he said before handing you the bouquet, way too harsher than he supposed but you know that he couldn’t breathe properly at that moment, so you accepted.

“You’re so performative,” you commented, eyeing at the gorgeous flower arrangement which should’ve flattered your heart but Jay’s continuous sniffing wasn’t helping. “Stop giving me flowers if it’s going to be the death of you, showing up would be fine — how did you even know about this?”

“A friend of a friend informed me that you’re one of the main organizers, which saddens me that you didn’t inform me about this.” Jay explained, making you roll your eyes.

“It’s a charity event Jay, you think that it’s necessary for us to show PDA when there are children dying?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Touchè.” he commented and you only groaned at his comment.

“Are you done? You could leave now, I am busy here and if you’re going to disturb me then —”

“Pack your bags,” Jay told you, halting your words.

“Excuse me what?”

“Pack something worth a week, it’s f1’s grand prix in Singapore this week, we’re going to watch it.” he explained.

“Jay, I have plans this week.”

“Already asked Heeseung to clear them,” Jay replied. “We’re going to support Sunghoon. Singapore is his lucky country.”

“Is this necessary? Would it be bothersome that your twin’s race would be overshadowed by us?”

Jay chuckled at your words, “the Park twins in one event? It’s a blast, with their girlfriends? That’s another headline to watch out for.”

“Is that really necessary?” you asked once again, groaning against his words.

“Just supporting my brother wifey,” he answered.

“You’re going to be the death of me Jongseong,” you mumbled back, and yet, you were left with no choice, knowing if you didn’t comply, you had to pay the fine. “Alright, this event will end around three, I don’t know what you want to do, maybe stick around and donate a huge amount — just don’t disturb me at the moment, I am busy.”

“I already did donate earlier, I’m just passing by,” he didn’t let you say another word when he placed a quick peck on your cheeks, completely catching you off-guard. You watched as the smirk on his lips became evident as he stared at you. “I’ll pick you up later at eight wifey, don’t worry about the expenses too, I had it covered.”

He left you there with jaw-dropped and a blushing mess. You badly wanted to throw the lilies back to him but you concealed it, changing your demeanor and pretending that what he did just made your heart skip a beat.

-

Singapore was heated — both from the weather and the grand prix.

You and Jay arrived at the day of the race, gathering attention from the media and crowd. You wore a muted red dress that’s thin enough for the hot weather, while Jay was wearing a red polo shirt with Ferrari's logo embroidered on the right chest area — a perfectly curated choice of outfit for the race and the stunt. You were holding hands with Jay as you plastered your smile as the media continued taking photos of the two of you. 

After a short interview about how you two feel about the race, you two moved towards the Ferrari team’s pit garage. Jay seemed to be used to the place, greeting the staff and team there with a smile and firm handshake, along with introducing you to them. You gave them your bright smile as they guided you to an area where you could monitor the race.

“Wonyoung!” Jay shouted, calling the attention of the girl who was monitoring the screen. She glanced at the two of you before giving them a smile and wave.

“Y/n this is Wonyoung, Sunghoon’s girlfriend,” Jay introduced as she waved once again.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she greeted with a smile which you reciprocated immediately. 

“It was nice meeting you two — wow, you’re so beautiful,” you complimented, making her smile wider. “What do you do for a living? You could be a model, you know?”

“Thank you, I’m taking law at the moment, but I’m also a professional ballerina,” she shared and that amazed you further.

“How long have you and Sunghoon been together?” you asked.

“About four years. We met in New York,” Wonyoung shared, before eyeing you and Jay. “You two are fairly new right? Sorry, Sunghoon talked about you two that’s why I knew.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” you assured before continuing your conversation with her. 

The race started a few minutes later. With the countdown going down to zero, all you could hear was the loud sprint of race cars towards the route for the following moment.

Unfortunate to you, you have zero knowledge about formula one and racing. Wearing earmuffs, you stared at the screen with your mind blank, only eyeing Sunghoon’s car that had an 8 placed on it, not knowing what’s happening as the announcer continued to ramble about the race. 

You aren’t used to this kind of event. It’s too noisy, too masculine, but Wonyoung, who was standing next to you, seemed to be used to it. Eyeing carefully at the monitor screen as her hands clasped like she’s praying for her boyfriend’s safety.

Your eyes would shift to her from time to time, feeling a small envy at how she’s maintained her long relationship with Sunghoon. Even after your short conversation with her earlier, you’ve felt that their relationship was a fairytale-like dream especially with how they met. 

While you? Here you are playing pretend with your ex-boyfriend. Jay was too focused on the race, too distracted that he’s being too loud and noisy — and it irritated you. 

“Jay, could you please calm down? You’re like a kid who ate a whole jar of sugar,” you nagged and Jay only eyed you.

“You don’t understand, Sunghoon’s on fifth — that’s his highest place in his career, if he could pass the others, he might have a chance of getting a podium.” he explained and yet, everything he said just flew past your head.

“Frankly, I really don’t understand Jay, you literally dragged me here just to watch Sunghoon’s race.” You reiterated.

“Could you at least act like you’re enjoying the race?”

“Jay, you know me, these kinds of things aren’t exactly my type of hobbies.” you pointed out. “What kind of boyfriend are you if you’re going to bring your girlfriend to places that she clearly doesn’t give a fuck about?”

“What kind of girlfriend are you if you couldn’t support your boyfriend’s brother’s career?” he spatted. “And stop frowning, cameras are everywhere.”

“Funny that you warned me about that when you’re the one who looks like an angry bird here.”

“Just shut the fuck up.” he commanded and you smiled at him.

“Or what?” you taunted, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you guys fighting?” you two stopped when Wonyoung’s voice hovered in the area. The two of you turned your heads towards her, who had a worried expression on her face.

“Just a small misunderstanding, y/n was just asking some questions,” Jay immediately reasoned out. “What happened?”

The girl seemed to be convinced, nodding as she shifted her eyes back to the screen. “Still halfway through the race, Sunghoon’s place is still fifth — just praying everything’s going well.”

Jay nodded at her words, focusing his attention towards the screen while you grumbled something under your breath as you tried to watch the race once again.

“Behave.” Jay spoke with an authoritative tone.

“You’re not the boss of me Park,” you sassed.

He stared at you for a second, ice cold that you flinched. 

But you were startled when his lips landed on yours perfectly. Loud and soft that it didn’t process in your mind what just happened.

“That’ll shut you up,” he smirked before shifting back towards the race leaving you alone.

You became quiet for the remaining moments — the only thing you were thinking of was how warm Jay’s lips were on yours. Kisses were still part of the contract, but you didn’t expect him to kiss you on the lips — in front of the public, if you may add.

It didn’t even process in your mind that the pit garage started to become more noisy and rougher as an announcement that felt deaf to your ears boomed through the whole place.

“What happened?” you asked. 

“Sunghoon just secured a podium after taking over Mercedes,” Jay explained, excitement written all over his place. “If he remains in his position until the final lap, it’ll be his first podium since he started his career.”

“Oh, is that great?” you asked, internally wincing at how dumb you feel right now.

“Of course, it means that his career won’t go to waste,” Jay shared. “It’s also a big slap to our parents that he’s on the right path.”

You nodded, eyes darting back on the screen. You don’t know how many laps are left in the race but Jay became louder, shouting encouraging words and curses as he watched his twin brother’s race against the other sports car. You only stood there watching as your eyes remained on the screen, still processing everything that’s happening.

Then it came. A shout. A string of curses as Jay and Wonyoung started screaming. The whole pit garage started to celebrate. Everyone was crying and shouting in happiness while you only looked at them confused.

“Oh my god!” Wonyoung shouted, eyes almost like a saucer and mouth opened wide. “Oh my god Jay!”

“Holy shit!” Jay shouted as he roughly brushed his hair, a deep exhale escaped his lips. “P1! He got a fucking p1!”

“Sunghoon won! He won — oh my goodness!” Wonyoung shouted, tears started to drip from her eyes as her knees weakened at the news.

“What —” you weren’t able to process everything when Jay hugged you all of the sudden. Your eyes widened at his action but you weren’t able to do anything but to let his whole body swallow you whole.

“Sunghoon won! He won this race y/n!” Jay announced. Lifting you up and spinning you around like a doll. That’s when it sinked into you why the team became more loud, more rougher as their cheer boomed inside the pit garage. 

You eyed the monitor. Seeing Sunghoon’s car drawing circles inside the track before getting out of the car. His voice was loud enough as he screamed for his victory. He removed his helmet out of excitement, running towards his team where he was welcomed with scream and cheers. 

Then Wonyoung went out of the garage, jumping in joy as Sunghoon ran towards her. Lifting her up as he gave her the most bone-crushing hug you have ever witnessed. You watched as Wonyoung kissed Sunghoon who reciprocated it more aggressively. Cameras started to swarm them — it looked like something straight out of a romance movie. Your eyes were on them that it hadn’t sinked into you that Jay was still hugging you, his hug becoming tighter as his head rested on top of yours.

“Fuck — holy shit —” you could hear his muffled sobs, which surprised you, that’s why you became concerned as Jay’s body started to shake.

“There, there,” you hushed as you rubbed circles on his back. “Sunghoon did great, he won.”

“I’m so proud of him,” Jay shared before lifting his head. You looked at him as his eyes were watery and red. Quipping a smile, you only cupped his cheeks, brushing it tenderly as you felt a sigh of relief escaping his lips which settled you down.

“I’m sure you are,” you only told him with a smile. 

“Thank you, thank gods — I,” you nodded at his stutters. Knowing it was hard to process his twin brother’s win, you let him crash down on you as you pulled him on a hug once again even though your heart was panicking deep inside. 

-

Sunghoon’s win was historic.

His name was all over the news and everything varied; his win, his victory kiss with his girlfriend, and of course, Jay’s presence in the pit garage along with you. Every article was filled with positive feedback from the public, and even your moment with Jay at the pit garage trended because of the sweet moment. 

After the race day, Sunghoon stayed in Singapore for another day. The twins had surprised you and Wonyoung with a double date, and you weren’t able to reject it since it’s a celebration of Sunghoon’s win too.

The Marina Bay Sands looked breathtaking by evening. You arrived at the dock around seven in the evening. The waters were calm as the night was filled with a chill breeze. You were wearing something casual for the night, not knowing what the Park twin’s plans were as the four of you arrived by the dock.

“What do you mean this isn’t a double date?” you whispered to Jay as the two of you were being separated from the couple, going to another yacht parked nearby.

“Sunghoon has plans,” Jay shrugged. “Just enjoy the night, think of it as a celebration of his win.”

“Right, but he’s not my boyfriend.” you objected.

“Of course, he’s your boyfriend’s twin brother.”

You scoffed, “you’re enjoying this too much hubby.”

“I like teasing you wifey,” he smirked before he leaned closer to you. “And don’t forget to smile, photographers are everywhere. You don’t want to make a scene right?”

You only stared at him before rolling your eyes. Jay chuckled at his win, grabbing your hands as the two of you were guided towards the yacht’s entrance.

The yacht sailed off. You enjoyed the breeze of the night as it flew past the waters and stopped somewhere in the middle wherein it’s far enough from the land yet still near to see a portion of Singapore. The night fell into a cool breeze, and thankful enough, you were wearing a long-sleeved blouse for tonight.

Jay led you outside wherein a table for two was set along with the candle lights and fancy wine. You stared at it for a second before Jay guided you towards your seat. He was chivalrous enough to push the seat for you before going to his seat.

“So, Sunghoon and Wonyoung are having the same thing?” you asked, eyeing at the yacht a few meters apart from the two of you.

“Of course,” Jay said. “We planned this after all.”

“Planned?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“For publicity of course,” he reminded, making you quiet before a bitter smile formed on your lips. 

“Right, of course,” you mumbled. “Then don’t forget your sweetest smile then Jay — like you’re hopelessly in love with me.”

“Do you really want it? You might fall in love with me again.” he tested.

“I’d rather fall out of this yacht than let it happen.” you told him with a smile.

“Then I’d dive in to save you.”

You scoffed at his words, “can we start eating now?”

Dinner was served a few minutes later. Despite the tension you two had earlier, you ate with ease. The food was great, a bit cold but you understand that it’s been sitting inside the yacht for hours, and since you were hungry, you ate without any complaints.

The two of you ate in silence — in an awkward, quiet silence since this has been the first time you two had gone out for a “date.” you ignore the way Jay kept looking at you from every minute. It had you wondering if he wanted to strike a conversation or maybe, he just wanted to check on you.

As the night became deeper, the tension started to dissolve as the plates became clean and the bottle of wine had been half-emptied.

“Did you enjoy Singapore?” Jay asked out of nowhere.

“It was okay,” you answered bluntly, since for the past few days, you were just at the grand prix with Jay. “I’ve been here a hundred times, so this is nothing new for me.”

“Even the grand prix?”

“I was totally clueless about it,” you stated. “I think I’m going to trend for looking bored inside the pit garage.”

Jay looks at his phone, smiling as he shows you the screen, “I think we’re trending for a different reason.”

You knew what he meant. You nodded at his words, “You were crying.”

“I was just overjoyed. Sunghoon’s been pushing himself hard just to get a podium — but a win? It was more than we wished for.”

“You’re proud of him.”

“I am, of course I am,” he only smiled and that made your heart skip a beat. “Thank you for comforting me too. That’s the reason why we’re trending too.” 

“Good job to us then,” you only said, hoping that your words didn’t feel bitter. “So what’s Sunghoon’s plan?”

“You’ll see.” Jay shortly replied.

“Does that mean we have to wait til it happens? I’m getting sleepy now.” you complained and Jay only chuckled.

He then glanced at his watch, smiling as the time ticked before looking up to the sky. “Just wait, it’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Just in time he had finished his words. A loud explosion of fireworks lit up the sky, surprising you. Colorful lights and fire hovered over Singapore's sky. A gasp escaped your lips as you stood up from your seat. Head staring at the sky as you watch the continuous fireworks show.

“Oh my god!” you shouted the moment your eyes landed on the other yacht.

“He’s proposing! Sunghoon’s proposing!” you shouted in excitement as you looked at Jay who only had a small smile. 

“I told you he has plans,” Jay stated, eyes on you who was watching the scene unfold. 

Your heart glistened in bliss as despite not hearing their conversation, you knew that Wonyoung said yes. The way she jumped in joy, hands covering her opened mouth before placing her right hand in front of Sunghoon. 

They hugged and Sunghoon pulled her to a loving kiss — and you became quiet yet filled with joy for Wonyoung.

“Wow,” it was the only thing you could say before sitting back on your seat. “It was so beautiful.” 

“Really?” Jay amusingly asked.

You nodded. Smile still wide at the thought. “They’re made for each other too — I just, gosh, being in love is such a beautiful thing right?”

Jay’s stare on you never left, his gaze softening as he replied, “of course.”

The atmosphere changed. Throughout the remainder of the night, the two of you talked like a couple who’s out on a date. None of your minds ever crossed what you two used to be. No one dared to ruin the atmosphere of the night. Perhaps just for once — the two of you wanted to set it aside, confined with the pretend relationship you two had — that is, if you two are even pretending at that moment.

Because you didn’t notice how Jay’s eyes glistened as he stared at you, or how you talked nonstop to him, sharing gossip and laughter as if you weren’t rolling your eyes at him earlier. The night shifted into this atmosphere that somehow felt peaceful for the two of you.

Even when you two had arrived back at the dock, the smile on your face never left. It even became wider when you approached Wonyoung who gave you a tight hug.

“It’s so gorgeous!” you complimented as you looked at the silver band with a huge deep peridot as the stone. 

“It’s my birthstone,” Wonyoung smiled. 

“It’s a Park tradition,” Sunghoon explained, his smile proud. “The ring she’s wearing is a family heirloom. It means that she’s part of the family now.”

“Congratulations,” you bid to Wonyoung again.

“I’m expecting you at my wedding,” she stated.

You only nodded at her words before you two looked at the ring once again, ignoring the twins who looked at the two of you with much fondness.

“Someday, you’d be in my place too,” Sunghoon whispered to his twin.

Jay bitterly laughed, “you think so?”

“Just hold on there man,” he stated before shifting his gaze back at you. “It takes time after all.”

-

Perhaps it’s the way he holds you — or the way Jay looks at you. Your heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore and all your anxiety starts to wash off.

Slowly, you’re convinced that you’ve grown adjusted to it. 

Got used to his hands wrapped around your waist, his hand holding yours — even brushing your hair. Got used to his hands, the kisses — cheeks, temples, and hands. It feels natural every time he does it that your heart doesn’t betray you anymore. It got so used to all of it that you’ve become numb at it.

You also got used to his dates and invitations. The big public appearance on important events or just a stroll by the park. You had the choice to refuse, make up a lie and convince him that you’re not feeling well. But you always say yes because in the back of your mind, if you don’t comply, you have to pay a hefty amount of money — as if it was even a problem in the first place.

“You okay?” your thoughts snapped out when you heard Jay’s voice.

“I’m okay,” you immediately replied. “What are we doing again?”

“We’re going to our family seamstress, we need to get your own dress for Sunghoon’s wedding,” Jay explained.

“Is this why you invited me over lunch?” you asked as you took a sip on your juice.

“You don’t turn down my invites though,” he rebutted.

“Well I don’t want to pay five billion won,” you said. “Why is it necessary for us to go and shop for clothes together when you could just have it delivered to me like the previous dresses.”

“Because I want us to match,” he suggested, and you raised an eyebrow at him. “And just think of it as a last gift for you.”

“So romantic,” you sarcastically replied and yet you let him be, because you’re used to this scenario. The dates that were always filled with bitterness and remarks. The way he smirks and you scoff at his words as the tension between you continues to leak and yet —  from an outsider’s perspective, you two are just a couple who’s in love with each other.

You two didn’t end up at the shopping district — Jay drove towards a farther shop outskirts. You raised an eyebrow as you ended up somewhere less crowded and in a more quiet street in the area.

“We have a custom tailor for weddings and important family events,” Jay shared as he opened the car’s door for you. “They’ve been making our suits and gowns for generations, that’s why I brought you here.”

“I’m not even going to be part of your family,” you stated and Jay bitterly smiled.

“I just want to give it to you as a gift.” he reasoned out. “Come on.”

The store was huge nonetheless. The first thing you saw were the hundreds of ready-to-wear gowns and suits on display. It was quiet, faintly smelled like fabrics and peppermint tea. You wandered at the photos displayed on the walls, seeing their creations and designs that left you in awe.

The two of you were greeted by an elderly couple who seemed to have known Jay since he was baby. With a couple of instructions and suggestions, Jay was being led by the old man while your eyes were still on the photo wall.

“Why don’t you try some first?” Jay suggested. “I needed to get my measurements done, you can go check out some of the gowns.”

“Alright,” you proceeded to skimmed at the rack, choosing some different gowns before proceeding towards the fitting room.

Every gown was perfect for you. The material, the design, and even the color. You badly wanted to take them all but you knew it’ll be too much to ask — you just needed the perfect gown for the wedding.

You returned to the rack a few minutes later before proceeding to grab a few more to try. You were so busy looking at the displays that you didn’t notice that the old lady had approached you.

“Try this one,” the old lady said, handing you a white one, making your eyes wide.

“Oh, I shouldn’t wear that, it’ll be disrespectful for the bride,” you said.

“Of course dear, but would you like to try?” she asked. “You’re here nonetheless, might as well try on the gowns you’ve never seen before.”

You stared at her before she insisted on the gown. Hence, you grabbed it without any complaints and returned to the fitting room.

The gown doesn’t even suit your taste. A huge ballgown that has an off-shoulder and long-sleeves, it felt too old and traditional for your taste and yet you were surprised how it fit you like a glove — that old lady picked the right one for you.

“You look gorgeous dear,” the owner spoke. “Oh, Jongseongie chose the right girl for him.” 

You laughed at her words, “thank you ma’am.”

“Should we show it to Jongseong?” she asked. You stood there for a second before you nodded to her request.

Jay was too busy with getting his measurements checked, not even noticing your presence as the seamstress helped you with carrying the train of the gown. 

You didn’t even need to call him out, the tailor who’s measuring him tapped him and pointed at you, and the moment he turned around, you held down your breath.

Jay — in a slow motion, walked towards you. Eyes wide and breath stolen by your mere presence in the white wedding dress.

“Woah,” he breathes out. “You…you look like a bride.”

“Thanks,” you shortly replied with a smile.

“No seriously,” Jay stated, eyes still on yours. “It suits you, you look ethereal.”

You laughed at his words, “using deep words now Jongseong?”

“You know that I like using deep words to compliment someone that I really like.”

“I know, it makes you more smart than you look.”

He smiled and before you knew it, he held your hand and kissed it gently — too gentle for the act as he stared at you like you’re on your wedding day and he’s your groom.

“You’d be the most beautiful bride the world will see,” he stated and your heart stopped.

Not because his words flustered you nor did you blush by his act, but because you found it ironic that he’s the one who’s telling you that compliment.

And yet, you didn’t have the guts to ruin the moment, so you gave him a smile and nod, “thank you Jay.”

The conversation was cut short. You found a cute powder pink gown for the wedding and not long after, they took your measurements for the alterations before you and Jay left the shop for some coffee and pastries back in the shopping district.

“You should buy the wedding gown,” Jay suggested making you glance at him.

“Where would I even use it?” you asked, laughing.

“For your wedding.”

“Really? You think I’ll still get married?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Someday,” he spoke, eyes gleaming softly. “It’s your only dream right? To have your own happy ending?”

“You’re making it sound like it’s a childish thing to dream for.”

“No, I always admired that for you,” he said. “You have everything already, it’s the only thing you wanted the most.”

“I could’ve had it,” years ago. If only you two worked out. But you only stared at Jay and he knew immediately what you meant. 

He took a sip on his drink, and you followed him shortly. Letting the silence pour between the two of you — a sudden halt in the conversation as you two telepathically decided that it was best to keep that afternoon quiet instead of letting the atmosphere turn sour by bringing up the past. 

And yet, it left a bitter impression on you. At how Jay could be so casual about inviting you on dates and events. How he doesn’t seem to be bothered by your past and everything he does were strictly in compliance with the contract, meanwhile your heart’s burning in ache just by being a few meters near him.

Still, you’ve adjusted to him — and you hated that he had swooned you in just a short span of time, internally cursing your poor heart for being too weak for Park Jongseong.

-

It didn’t help that a few weeks later, Jay showed up at your house for a family dinner — making you raise an eyebrow.

“Your parents invited me,” Jay shared.

“Why?” you asked.

“Why not?” it wasn’t him who answered but instead, your older brother. “They’re curious about Jay, they haven’t formally met him after all. Both of you are still the talk of the town at the moment.”

“Why? They both know that we’re pretending,” you justified.

“Yet, Jay managed to tame you for a bit,” Heeseung smirked and you rolled your eyes.

“That means I don’t have to act sweet towards you,” you snarled at Jay. “good, I’m getting tired of it.”

“You seem used to it,” Jay commented with a devilish smirk.

“Don’t push my buttons Jongseong,” you barked before going towards the dining room.

“Sorry about her,” Heeseung apologized to the younger male, while Jay only laughed.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it,” Jay assured and Heeseung raised an eyebrow knowingly, clicking his tongue as he pats the former’s shoulder.

“Used to it huh?” He spoke with a meaningful smile. “I guess you two got to know each other in just that short span of time.”

Dinner happened around seven in the evening. Complete course meals with rare delicacies and your favorite salad. The first few minutes were just for small talks, but when the wine started to be poured and desserts had sweetened everyone on their seats, conversations became endless, coursing through your pretend relationship and business-related topics.

“You’re a very fine man Jongseong,” your mother spoke with a smile. “Very charming right y/n?”

You chose to ignore her words, focused on your cake which earned a dead air in the table.

“y/n, mom’s talking to you,” Heeseung called out, making you glance at them.

“Yes, Jay’s charming — deadly charming I must say,” you said in a venomous tone. 

“Do you have any problems with Jongseong, y/n?” your father asked, raising a suspicious glance at the man.

“She’s just being stubborn again,” your brother justified.

“Wow, it feels like he’s your pretend boyfriend with the way you defend him,” you commented at your brother.

“Because you’re acting like Jay killed you or something — why do you even hate him?” he asked you back, and you suddenly became quiet.

Would it be a perfect way to ruin the dinner by confessing to them that Jay used to be part of your past? Perhaps, if you were feeling irrational tonight, you would’ve let that secret pass your lips, and hopefully, your parents would’ve understood why you had an attitude with the man sitting next to you.

But before you could even speak, Jay’s hands grabbed yours underneath the table. You looked at him who had a genuine smile on his face as he looked at your brother.

“Heeseung, it’s okay,” Jay interjected. “I know it’s not really ideal, our relationship you must say, I understand where y/n’s coming from and don’t worry, there are no hard feelings for both of us.”

“If Jay has no problems, then you shouldn’t be too stubborn y/n,” your father commented. “It’s embarrassing for Jongseong if you keep that attitude.”

“Clearly, he’s used to my attitude,” you spoke before standing up. “And clearly, I am not going to let myself be tamed by some guy just because of one mistake.” 

“Your mistake I may add,” Heeseung butted in and you groaned heavily.

“One mistake doesn’t define me,” you gritted before glancing at Jay. “and one mistake is enough for me to learn my lesson. I have enough of this.” 

You left the dining room. Your slippers striking against the marbled floor before Jay moved, standing up and excusing himself to follow you eventually.

“That’s quite a show,” Heeseung commented before taking a sip on his wine.

“Heeseung,” his father called out and he only hummed.

“Just trust me with this one dad,” he smiled meaningly. “Just be patient, Jay knows what to do with her.”

You don’t know how Jay somehow found you in your mother’s garden, by the bench nearby the orchid walls. Sitting with your arms wrapped around your knees, a thing you do when you’re worried. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, tone cold and angry that Jay was taken back.

“What the hell is your problem?” Jay asked as he approached you with his expression turned into confusion. “I thought we’re okay? We were fine weeks ago.”

“That’s the problem,” you pointed out. “We’re okay when we’re not supposed to! I should be loathing you Jongseong! Cursing you for breaking my heart and leaving me devastated.”

“You’re still hung up with that!? It’s been three years, you have to move on.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to move on, you don’t dictate that to me when for the past three years that’s what I’ve been trying to do!” you shouted at him, standing up just to face him with nothing but hatred. “Then suddenly, you’re here with this fake relationship stunt, and you’re acting like we’re okay and I hate you for thinking that you could casually enter my life again!”

“We’re in a damn contract y/n, I told you for six months just set everything aside. Just for six months.” he reminded.

“You think I could handle that? Do you think I can handle everything you do to me? Touching me, kissing me, and smiling at me like you’re still in love with me!? You’re so damn good in this pretend act Jay that I don’t even know if what you’re doing is real or not.” you rebutted.

Jay became quiet. He looked at you with a meaningful stare — and that immediately hit you.

“No fucking way.” you breathed out.

“I am not faking it,” Jay confessed. “Everything I do, it’s real.”

“Fuck you.” you sneered.

“y/n, I still love you —”

“No! Don’t finish that sentence, don’t ever say those words when three years ago you broke my heart.” 

“What do you want me to do then? Beg for your forgiveness? Say sorry for what happened that night? It’s not my fault that you couldn’t understand that I’m doing it for our future —”

“Because you knew! You knew that you were going to America and yet you made those promises! You acted like everything’s fine and then you fucking dropped the bomb the night before our flight! Why did you have to hide it from me?” you shouted at him.

“Because I was scared of hurting you!” Jay immediately interjected.

A chuckle of disbelief escaped your lips, “I can handle it, you hurted me more than you were scared of!”

“I didn’t mean to.”

You shook your head. “You promised me that once we settle here we’ll announce our relationship then we’ll get married after two years, but it didn’t happen Jay. You just made empty promises.”

Jay looked at you, his eyes softened, a much calmer demeanor than your angry ones. He looked at you with pleading eyes as he spoke, “those aren’t empty promises y/n. I am still planning to fulfill my promise.”

“Liar.” you dictated.

“I am here y/n, why can’t you see that!?”

“Because I don’t want to see you anymore Jongseong,” you shook your head once again. “You can’t just — can’t just enter my life again, swoon me with gifts and grant gestures. You can’t. It’s unfair.”

“Could you please understand me? Have you ever thought of hearing my side? Do you even know what I went through in America for the past three years?” he pleaded as he tried to get close to you but you immediately took a step back.

“No. I don’t want to. One was enough for us.” you dictated.

“See? You don’t even want to hear my side, now tell me, who’s the selfish one here?” he accused and your forehead creased.

“Is it bad that I want peace? That I want to save myself from hurting again? Call me selfish Jay but I don’t want any of us, not now, not even in the future. I am done with you.” you reasoned out.

“You know we can still make this work right?” Jay spoke. “I can see it y/n, don’t deny it. I know you. I know that your heart still beats for me.”

“I know! And I hate that you still managed to capture my heart even after breaking it.” you confessed. “I hated everything about us because it feels so terribly wrong to still be in love with the man who ruined me that I became nothing. Do you think it’s easy Jay? No, it’s never going to be easy for the two of us.”

“Then we’ll get through it, through hardships, we can make it work this time, alright?” he convinced once again, hands finally getting a hold on you as he pulled you close to him.

“I love you Jay,” you confessed, tugging yourself away from you. “But I love myself more, and I don’t want to be hurt again, and not from the same person all over again.”

Jay was left in daze the moment you confessed those words. He stood frozen as you gave him a soft yet pitiful look, a desperate plea to let you go. He didn’t say another word but instead, let you walk away from him.

-

A knock on the door interrupted Heeseung’s focus on his switch yet he didn’t bother raising his head.

“Heeseung?” you peeked from the small gap of the door, eyeing your brother who’s in his house clothes, playing his switch like a kid — a usual scenario when he’s on his free day.

“Can I come in?” you asked and without sparing a glance, your older brother nodded.

You closed the door of his room and lay beside him, staring at the ceiling of his childhood room which still has glowing stars stuck on it — the same glowing stars that comforted you whenever you had nightmares back when you were just a kid.

Somehow, it gave you a sense of relief. It’s been two weeks since you walked out of Jay. Two weeks of silence and it is eating you alive.

You knew it was Heeseung who started the commotion. It was your brother who started the idea of a pretend relationship in order to save image. Somehow, you wanted to blame your older brother for everything, and yet, you still found yourself running towards him when things became too overwhelming for you.

After all, he doesn’t know about you and Jay. 

You have a few months left. You convinced yourself that you can do it and you’d do it out of spite to prove everyone wrong. But fuck it, you don’t need everyone’s validation. The only thing you wanted now was peace in your mind and heart, and continuing your fake relationship with Jay would just tear you furthermore. You couldn’t find the courage to face Jay anymore. Your insides couldn’t handle the feeling of just being near Jay.

Two weeks and you’ve been locking yourself inside your house. Sleeping, eating, and doing nothing — just like what you did when you returned to Barcelona. What a funny deja vu. You thought. What’s more ironic was that it’s because of the same person again.

“Are you here to bother me or do you want to talk about it?” your thoughts snapped away when you heard Heeseung’s tone. Not angry nor annoyed, somehow authoritative and brotherly that your heart frailed for a second.

You gulped at his words, tears started to flow from your eyes as a small sob escaped your lips. “Heeseung — Jay —”

“What about him?” he asked, still playing his game.

“I used to date Jay,” you confessed. “And — and remember Barcelona? I met him there and we dated for months and he broke up with me and it was a really bad breakup. Now the fake dating isn’t helping me at all because I feel like I love him again when I’m supposed to hate him and now I’m scared because I don’t want to get hurt anymore.”

Your cries echoed inside the room. Your older brother was still in his game, still focused for another minute, letting you cry on his bed before he let out a deep sigh. His game was finished, he closed his switch and placed it on the table before shifting to you.

“I know.” Heeseung simply said.

Your crying stopped. Looking at him before sitting up from your position, “wha — what? What do you mean?”

“y/n, I know you and Jay are exes, but not before the scandal,” Heeseung shared, quipping a small smile. “I knew it the day you signed the contract. I followed you two by the elevator and I saw you two fighting.”

Your eyes widened. “You were there?”

Heeseung nodded, “yeah, I was curious why Jay followed you and I witnessed the scene. Right after that, I kinda snooped into Jay’s profile and information and later on, I discovered that he also entered that same fall semester in Barcelona, and I just kinda connected the dots after.”

You stared at him with your eyes still wide before you cried loudly once again. Your brother merely chuckled as he rubbed circles on your back.

“You looked like you went through hell when you returned,” your older brother added. “You barely go out, eat, and you even burned some of your stuff. I didn’t ask you about it because it looked like you were traumatized during your stay there.” 

You didn’t say a word but instead you cried once again while your brother chuckled at your childish behavior. He continued to rub your back softly while you let the tears fall from your eyes.

“I’m sorry for causing trouble during our dinner, I was hoping you’d tell the truth to us — but I shouldn’t have pressured you to do so.” he immediately spoke and you only shook your head.

“No, it’s my fault too, I should’ve told you about Jay — even when I was in Barcelona,” you explained.

“Do you want me to pull the ‘older brother’ act and scare him? I haven’t brought it to him that I know about your relationship, I supposed that you two will eventually fix it,” he asked.

“No, I — I don’t know, Heeseung, I just hate him,” you told him. “I hate how he casually entered my life again when the only thing that I’ve been trying to do was forget him.”

“So your feelings came back?”

You nodded as an answer. “And I hated it. I hated that I had fallen for him once again,” you confessed before sniffling your tears. “How can I not? Everything felt real. Us, our pretend relationship, it felt so real and nostalgic for me Heeseung. It’s like Barcelona all over again.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you two used to date, I should’ve prevented it but the contract was already sealed,” Heeseung softly apologized and you shook your head as an objection.

“It’s not your fault Heeseung, things just didn’t go our way. We were planning to tell everyone once we return here but…he left me for America.” you deeply exhaled as you sniffed your tears in. “Now, he’s here, asking for another chance and — and I’m scared that he might hurt me again.”

“It sounds like you wanted to give him a chance, you’re just scared of falling apart again,” Heeseung pointed out. “You know love isn’t always going to be perfect right?”

“I know, I know there will be hardships and challenges,” you mumbled. “But there’s still a part of me who’s afraid.”

“Of getting hurt? It’s pretty normal.”

“Yet I don’t want it to happen again. Once is enough, you know? Why would I give the guy who broke my heart another chance?”

“Because you love him,” Heeseung stated, making you face him. “And even if he had ruined you, if you love him enough that you could forgive him and give him another chance. You’ll live y/n. I know you, you’re stronger than you think.”

With your brother’s words, your heart eased for a bit. You nodded to his words, “can I think about it?”

“You don’t need to rush your feelings, you’re still hurting after all.” Your older brother spoke before giving you a hug. “If it helps, you could lay low — which reminds me, how many months left in the contract?”

“I don’t know, I don’t care about it anymore Heeseung, I don’t want to be near him anymore.” you answered.

“Alright, don’t worry, I’ll handle it,” your older brother assured. “For now, rest, all right? I’ll take care of your contract with Jongseong.”

“You’re not going to punch him aren’t you?”

Heeseung merely chuckled. “Nah, just a few kicks and maybe threats —”

“Heeseung!”

-

The past months moved in a blur. It became an unsteady series for you — filled with fear and anxiety as the time ticks you still couldn’t process everything that just happened to you.

It didn’t help that now, you’re on your way toward Sunghoon’s wedding. Wearing the powder pink gown Jay had delivered at your footsteps a few weeks earlier.

It was his only request — to be his date at his twin brother’s wedding. After that, you two will call it quits and after a month of silence, the two of you will officially call it off to the public. He won’t bother you anymore and your heart, like you wished to be, would be at peace now. 

“You’ll be okay,” your older brother comforted the moment he parked the car in front of the entrance. It wasn’t crowded. Only closest friends and relatives were invited to the wedding. It eases you a bit that there’s less people to put on a show to. 

“Thank you.” you mumbled to him.

“Just enjoy the rest of the day, alright?” you nodded to his words. “Jay will be driving you home later, would that be okay?”

“Okay, thank you Hee,” were your last words to your brother before you stepped out of the car. You watched as he drove away from the place, leaving you alone with your anxious mind and cold, sweaty hands. 

But becoming too anxious wouldn’t help you at all. You decided to enter the venue, informing Jay that you have arrived. He had reserved a seat for you but for now, he couldn’t be with you since he’s helping with Sunghoon’s preparation. Good. That thought relaxed you for a moment.

You kept yourself entertained while waiting for the ceremony. Looking around the ceremony hall wherein photos of the couple were on display in the hallway, filled with arrangements of white baby breaths and powder pink roses. Your smile becomes wider as you look at every photo — love has always been a beautiful thing for you, and attending Wonyoung’s wedding was still something you look forward to.

A few minutes later, you were guided to Wonyoung’s room to give your congratulations. The bride was glowing in her immaculate white gown, smiling as she accepted your gifts before taking a smile. 

“You’re nervous?” you asked as you sat beside her.

She merely shakes her head, “not really, I am confident that he’s the one that I wanted to marry after all — I hope you have that same confidence with Jay.”

You meekly smiled, “thank you.”

“Someday, it’ll be your turn,” she whispered to you. “And I hope that I'll be invited.”

“Of course you will,” you lied, smiling at her genuinely before giving her one last hug.

You returned to your seat when the event planner announced that the ceremony will be held in a few minutes later. Soon, the hall was filled with people — friends, families, and people who had witnessed the couple’s love grow.

Sunghoon and Jay entered the venue first. Sunghoon stood in front of the altar with Jay beside him. Immediately, it was noticeable that the groom was nervous, but your eyes were on Jay, and in that minute, your heart skipped a beat.

In contrast to Sunghoon’s white suit, Jay was wearing a black suit, with a pink rose pinned on his side. He was calm and relaxed as he stood beside his twin, easing his nerves as any moment now, the bride will be entering the hall. 

A familiar love song from the 80s started to be played by a violinist. The crowd stood up in sync as the door opened, revealing Wonyoung in her wedding dress. Smiling ear-to-ear as she slowly walked in the aisle.

Everyone was in awe. Wonyoung was glowing like a goddess, eyes locked on her future husband who’s waiting at the end of the aisle. But you couldn’t even stay your gaze at the bride. Every second your eyes would shift to Jay — hoping that your eyes would meet. Wondering if he had seen you or was he keeping his distance like you asked him to. 

The ceremony started. The vows were simple and the kiss was breathtaking. The newlyweds were smiling ear to ear as everyone stood up to applause and congratulated the couple. You shed a few tears at the love you just witnessed.

You clapped your hands as the couple kissed once again in front of you, your eyes shifted to Jay once again and just like you wished for — your eyes met.

Jay looked at you softly. With a nod, he mouthed, “thank you.” and you knew what he meant, so you just gave him a small smile as you returned your gaze to the newlyweds who cheered at the celebration of a new chapter in their life.

The reception was more glamorous — loud, and fun. The couple had changed into more comfortable reception outfits as they did wedding traditions like their first dance and of course — throwing off the wedding bouquet, which Wonyoung insisted that you should join.

In your relief, someone else had got it. You watched the fun fold further as the night deepened. A few minutes later, you decided to grab a glass of wine since you were feeling parched.

“Enjoying the party?” you turned around to see Sunghoon standing in front of you.

You smiled at him. “Of course, congratulations Sunghoon.” 

“Soon it’ll be your turn, you know?” Sunghoon smiled, and your smile turned bitter.

“That’s too good to be true,” you answered, knowing that after tonight, you and Jay will part ways.

“Why? Can’t forgive him after what he did to you at Barcelona?”

You flinched at the mention of the place. Your eyes wide at Sunghoon who flashes a smile. “What? You think I don’t know you two are just pretending? He’s my twin brother, he tells me everything.”

“And here you are telling me that it’ll be my turn.” you commented with an eye roll.

“You know he was planning to propose to you back then?” Sunghoon shared. “He always rambles about you, how you’re the love of his life and all that romantic shits, telling me that he can’t wait to go home and introduce you to the family — he’s so hopelessly in love with you, you know?

“I know because I’ve witnessed it, Sunghoon. But shit happens” you stated. “Telling me this wouldn’t convince me Sunghoon, this is the last time we’ll be seeing each other.”

“You’re the only one who makes him happy,” Sunghoon added, tone softer than usual. “And I am saying this as his twin brother, you’re the only one he truly loved. You don’t know how depressed he was when he was in America. I couldn’t even meet him because he’s just working his ass off —”

“Just to forget about me? I did the same thing here in Seoul. If that’s what really happened, then our breakup was hell and we’re just not meant to be.” you insisted.

“I didn’t mean to disregard your pain,” he acknowledged. “But things like that always happen in relationships. Wonyoung and I? We had a bad breakup two years ago. We didn’t talk to each other for months and it was the worst season in my career. But we made it work, because we love each other.”

“How?” you asked, words almost whispered. “How did you make it work, knowing that you have hurt each other?”

“It came naturally, we’ve talked, we settled down, love works like a miracle, you know?” he spoke with a smile before glancing at his wife who’s dancing with her father.

“I wish it was that easy for us.”

“It’ll be easy for both of you, love is still there after all.” Sunghoon assured. 

“Even if the love we had is killing us slowly?” you asked.

“It’s not love if it kills you,” he pointed out. “Maybe what you two had back in Barcelona was just a mere infatuation. Now, three years have passed and maybe, what you two have right now is the love you two deserve.”

“Now you’re confusing me,” you chuckled. “If that wasn’t love, then why now?”

“Time heals everything. You two settled down, set aside feelings for this pretend relationship — does it ever cross your mind? Despite hating him and everything, you still went here? Because deep inside you still care for him.”

You only stared at him, and Sunghoon smiled at you softly. “He deserves a chance y/n — so do you. It’s never too late to fix everything.”

You watched as Sunghoon turned his heel away from you. You stood there frozen as his words lingered in your mind. You mindlessly took a sip on your wine before turning around — only to bump into Jay.

“You okay?” he asked as he held your arms. You stared at him before nodding. This has been the first time you two have been together since you’ve arrived.

“I didn’t stain your suit, didn’t I?” you asked worriedly as the glass of wine remained in your hands.

“You didn’t, don’t worry.” Jay assured. “Were you talking to Sunghoon earlier?”

You nodded, “he knows about us.”

“Yeah, I told him. I told him way back in Barcelona.”

“Oh.” you breathed. “Why?”

“I just couldn’t help it,” Jay confessed. “Not when you’re something that I am proud of.”

You remained quiet to his words. The two of you stood there as the tension between the two of you arose. Quiet and suffocating before Jay cleared his throat. 

“Do you want to dance?” Jay asked out of nowhere, making you look at him. 

Then your eyes shifted at the couples on the dance floor, dancing in their own world. Feeling the romantic atmosphere of the event. 

“Of course,” you took his hand, you let it be — you knew that this will be the last time for you two after all.

Jay held you close — too close for your preference, too close for your poor heart because if only, you weren’t so angry and hateful towards him, and all of this was just for a show, then maybe you would’ve been savoring the moment.

Both of his hands were wrapped around your waist, while yours were resting on his shoulders only, but you let yourself fall for his warmth, hence, you rested your head on his chest. Hearing the soft faint of his heartbeat as well yours. 

The two of you danced around in circles, it would’ve looked stupid on the outside but for you — maybe for Jay too, this was the only way you two could be this close without the past lingering on your mind. Without any hindrance of each other’s feeling because the second Jay released his hold on you, you sighed in relief, looking at him with eyes almost glassy which made him give you an assuring smile.

“Thank you,” he said with much gratitude that your heart shrivelled in pain. To add to that, he kisses the top of your forehead leaving you speechless.

You wanted to ask him why he had to do that? But you had no energy to confront him anymore, too tired to deal with everything you and Jay had. That’s why the only thing you did was smile bitterly at him.

The night ended with a glamorous firework display. Sparklers were given to each guest as they waved for the couple’s exit. With one last kiss for the night, the newlywed had driven off from the villa using Sunghoon’s Ferrari.

“Let’s go?” Jay asked, making you glance at him. His right hand opened with a soft smile on his face.

“Okay,” you muttered before accepting his hand. The newlywed had left. Everyone was either leaving or going back to their room. It’s time to go home.

It meant that the night had ended — you and Jay had officially ended.

Jay’s hold tightened onto you. The whole villa was still a beau for you as you wandered around. Eyes looking around as the two of you seemed to be darting further from the open field.

“Is this where your car’s parked?” you asked, and Jay chuckled at your question. 

“No, we’re going somewhere.”

“Somewhere?”

Jay stopped, “think of this as our last goodbye.”

His words stung, and yet, you faintly nodded to his words. This is the last time you two are going to be together, might as well endure everything he had prepared for you.

You let Jay lead the way, walking further and further until you two stopped. 

“Jay? What is this?” you asked, eyeing at the small helicopter parked downstairs on a wider cemented lot.

Jay only smiled and tugged you downstairs. You were appalled, speechless as the two walked towards the vehicle. You watched as Jay talked to some men with a smile and nods, a few handshakes before they handed something to him.

“Let’s go?” Jay asked, and you weren’t able to do anything when he helped you enter the helicopter. 

“Wait — you can drive?” you asked, noticing that it was Jay who sat on the driver’s seat. He casually closed the door. Putting your seatbelt and ear muffs on you before putting on his.

“Yeah, I got my license in America,” he proudly said.

“What? Why?”

“I told you, I’ll fulfill your promise,” Jay said and you weren’t able to say another word.

You watched as Jay turned on the engine with much skill. Pressing unknown buttons and keys in front of you before you heard the noisy turn of the helicopter’s rotor blade. Slowly, the vehicle was being lifted in the air while you held onto your seat tightly.

“Can you really drive?” you asked once again, too nervous for the sudden ride.

“Of course, just trust me,” he smiled at you. “I’m not going to put you in danger after all.”

Your tensed body relaxed for a moment. You sat there as the helicopter slowly rose from the ground until you could see the villa becoming small from your vision. 

“Hold on tight,” Jay whispered to you and you let out a small yelp when the vehicle moved faster yet smoothly glided through the sky. The moon beamed in the peak of the night along with the stars that scattered throughout the horizon.

You kept on glancing at Jay who’s relaxed as he controlled the helicopter, driving farther and farther from the land until you could only see nothing but the deep blue sea that’s pitch black in the night yet you were appalled at the view.

You two were up in the air for half an hour before Jay landed at a small island, completely surprising you. A villa that has the same exterior as their country villa welcomed you, the lights were on but the whole place was surprisingly quiet. 

“Where are we?” you asked, eyeing at the area.

“Our private villa,” Jay shared as he helped you get down from the helicopter. “This is supposed to be for Sunghoon’s honeymoon but Wonyoung has a schedule in Paris, so they decided to just go there for their honeymoon.”

“Then why —”

“I asked Sunghoon if we could go on behalf of them.” Jay spoke. “You told me one time that you wanted to go here, remember? When I show you some photos from when I was a kid. Well, we’re here now. It’s very beautiful here during the daytime.”

You became quiet as your heart started to race again, betraying you as Jay guided you inside their villa. It was huge and spacious. Its interior was a vintage coastal complementing the cool waves outside. You wander around the space as Jay watched you from a far, a smile on his face beamed.

“It’s beautiful here,” you whispered, looking at Jay.

“We always make sure it’s well-maintained and clean, every summer, we’d have a family reunion here for a week, everyone in the Park lineage would be here to enjoy a week of vacation.”

“Sounds like a dream.” you whispered. Settling down on the couch as Jay remained on where he was standing, eyes on you as the silence deafened the two of you.

“Can we talk about it?” Jay opened up. “Please?”

You knew what he meant. You don’t want to talk about it anymore but perhaps, it is for the betterment of your peace. A closure you could say, since when tomorrow arrives, the two of you would go separate ways.

“Okay, I’ll listen.” you said in defeat.

“Thank you,” Jay merely nodded, hands clasped as he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry for hurting you. I know I shouldn’t compete but I was hurt too. I was devastated when I went to America. Drown everything by working, day and night, I didn’t stop — it was unhealthy for me, but I did it just to forget about you too.”

“I’m sorry for lying to you and hiding it from you, I was scared that I might ruin our moment. I don’t want our happy days to feel like it should be something that we should cherish because it’ll come to an end — you were so happy, and I was happy that you were. I don’t want to ruin it.” he explained and you only stared at him who held a bitter smile on his face.

“It’s my fault, mostly it’s mine. I’m sorry and I know that I’ve hurt you enough but please, you’re all I want,” Jay whispered, begging as he looked at you with tears in his reddening eyes. “I still love you y/n, there’s not a day where I think of you and if you’re doing fine.”

He then approached you, propping on his knees that it caught you off-guard. “You don’t know how much it kills me whenever you looked at me with nothing but hatred and coldness in your eyes — it fucking kills me that it’s my fault that you couldn't look at me the same way anymore, but please — I still want that future with you.”

A tear dropped from your eyes as you stared at him. You couldn’t bear to see Jay crying. You were hurt by him, and he was hurt by his actions too. Maybe Sunghoon was right. Maybe what you two had was just a mere infatuation. You two were immature back then, too stuck in the honeymoon phase that when the real challenge came, it ended badly.

And it’s not too late for the two of you. Not when everything that happened for the past few months were clear signs that both of your hearts still yearn for each other. 

You’re just too scared. Too afraid to be hurt by Jay again. 

And yet here you are, heart weakening at the sight of Jay who was crying his soul out in front of you. You didn’t say anything but instead you pulled him out from his place and wrapped your arms around him, head buried on his chest as you started to cry in his arms. Jay’s arms tightened his hold on you. His body twitched at every sob he emitted, holding it back as he kissed the top of your head.

“I’m sorry, I was selfish too,” you apologized. “But it really, really hurt me, Jay.”

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry, okay? I’m going to make things right, for us,” Jay promised. “I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here for good — for you. No more lies, no more acting, I want us to be real this time. I want you to give your full trust to me.”

“Prove it to me Jay,” you asked him. Looking up to meet his eyes, both yours were puffy and red as your lips shook from crying too much. “I want you to prove to me that this is going to be real. We’re going to be real and there’s a future that awaits us.”

Jay didn’t say a word but instead, leaned close to you. His lips landed on yours so perfectly that it felt heaven was placed down on you.

He moved his lips to get a better taste of you. Deeper, hungrier — yet, there’s no rush. You two have the whole night — the whole future to make the moment last. 

From there, you kissed him back, with the sense of longing craving for him, you reciprocated his kisses as you snaked your arms around his neck. You tugged him closer to you, feeling his body against you — you could only moan softly, it’s been so long since you two were this close.

Both your worlds fell apart. Jay didn’t want to miss any chance anymore. He grabbed you by the waist and carried you bridal style, earning a yelp from you as he ran his way towards the nearest bedroom. 

He placed you down on the bed gently before hovering over you for another heated kiss. Soon, the temperature became hotter. Sweat started to bead as the soft hum of the ocean waves served as a background for the two of you.

Jay’s lips never left yours as he took off every piece of clothing he wore, mindlessly threw it away  before he separated and pulled you to stand up and turn around.

His breath was fanning down on your neck, sending you goosebumps as his hands trailed on the zipper of the dress that you were wearing. Gently, he pulled it down as you shrugged off the strap of the dress until you were left with nothing but your undergarments.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jay admired, kissing your nape then towards your shoulder as his hands trailed on your arms before wrapping it around waist. His hands pressed on your stomach, caressing every skin his hands could reach. You could only throw your head back to his touch as his lips continued to leave kisses on your neck while his hands reached your breast, cupping it gently, he playfully teased your perked nipples which made you moan softly. 

“All mine, all of these — are going to be mine,” Jay possessively said before he lay you down to the bed once again. Your back hitting softly against the mattress, you watch as Jay crawls over you, eyes locked on yours as a soft smile formed on his lips.

“And I’m going to be yours, wifey, you like that right? Make me yours?” he teased and you weren’t able to say another word when he kissed you once again. Soft and steady before he separates and kisses you on your cheeks, down to your jawline — until it goes slowly down your neck and shoulder. 

“I can’t believe I lost you,” he whispered against your skin. He looked at you whose eyes were red and stained with mascara, yet you still the most beautiful girl in his eyes. “I’m gonna make it up to you — even if it’ll take years or decades — just let me prove to you that you’re the only one I love.”

“Jay —” a whimper escaped on your lips as his lips travelled on your breast. His teeth grazing on your nipples before biting and sucking it making you moan louder than you should’ve. Jay hummed at the sound as his tongue swirled around it playfully before giving attention to your other breast, repeating the same action that had you whining heavenly at the pleasure. 

Before you knew it, Jay's lips travelled down to your stomach, soft and careful as he looked up to you who’s holding her breath. His hands hold the panty’s waistband and you only nod as a signal, with that, he tugs it down with his gentle hands leaving you bare in front of him. 

He kneeled in front of you, hands on your thighs as he stared at you lovingly, “always so beautiful for me. My prettiest girl,” he kisses your inner thighs, soft, peppered kisses as an act of devotion to you. His hold became firm as Jay spread your thighs wider, giving him a clearer view of your cunt. 

The kiss was slow — too slow for your own good. You whined at his actions, wanting more than he could give, but Jay was savoring his time. The kiss was then replaced by his tongue. Giving your cunt a huge stripe before giving full attention to your throbbing clit.

“God, you always taste heavenly, so sweet for me,” Jay swore before he latched into your pussy once again. This time, his tongue did the wonders of teasing your core, lapping onto it messily as he pushed his head deeper. His mouth and chin smeared with your slick and his saliva as he became hungrier than before while you writhe against his mouth. 

Jay devoured you for minutes. He didn’t stop, not even when you were crying your hearts out as the stimulation had become overwhelming to you. He wanted to see you writhing in pleasure, it turns him on to see you being pleasured by him. Jay’s grip on your thighs tightened, ignoring your heel that sinked deep on his back as his mouth continued to invade your cunt that’s been sensitive for the past few minutes. 

He felt your hands on his hair, tugging a handful making him look up to you. Your breathing’s unstable, sweat beads on your body, glistening against the moon’s reflection. He could only smile at the view before he kissed your throbbing clit. 

“You’re going to cum aren’t you?” he asked and you barely nodded. 

“I want you inside me,” you breathed, almost a mumble. “I want to cum with you inside me.”

“You’d have that later wifey,” Jay smiled. “But let me savor my moment of proving you my love.”

Another cry of pleasure escaped your mouth as Jay lowered himself to your cunt once again. This time, he’s in a rush. A more desired plea to make you cum in no time. He laps in between your labia upwards your clit, sucking that little bud harsher before using his tongue to protrude your entrance. 

It was too much for you. Your legs started to shake on his hold as Jay continued eating you out until that coil in your stomach snapped. Your back arched naturally as you writhe out of his hold. Jay didn’t stop, but instead, became more hasty, more sloppy than before, drinking all the juice his tongue could taste. Moaning loudly as he finds himself drunk in your pussy.

“So fucking good for me,” he stated as he removed himself from your cunt. He wiped off the excess using the back of his hand before he crawled over you. You let him kiss you, whining at the taste of your own juice from his lips.

Jay’s kisses became torrid, asserting dominance as he pushed his tongue to enter your mouth. Licking every inch of you as you couldn’t do anything but to let him devour you in the most animalistic manner. 

“Jay — I need you, right now,” you whispered the moment the kiss broke off.

“I know love, I know,” he softly hushes you with a kiss, making you whine. “Do you want to be on top? Ride me just like before or —”

“No, I just want you close — this close Jay, please,” you begged and only a gentle kiss was all you received. 

Jay pulled down his brief, revealing his hard and girthy length, already red and beading with pre-cum. He kneeled in front of you whose legs already spread, he grabbed the back of your thighs and pulled you close to him. You watched as he spat on his palm before stroking his shaft. Gulping at the sight, your heart started thumping out of nervousness. 

“Just relax for me,” he gestured, free hand brushing your hair as his right hand nudged his cock on your entrance. Stroking it up and down, and circling on your clit makes you whimper.

“Good girl, look at me, alright?” Jay ordered and you looked at him. His eyes were calm, lifting your worries before the fat head of his cock started to penetrate your entrance. You could only suck your breath hard as your hold on Jay’s arms tightened.

Jay slides his cock inside with ease. You were so warm and wet for him as he buried it further, ignoring the muted whines escaping your lips. He sheathes in fully, glancing at you whose eyes were searching for his — eyes began to water as your nails dig deep on his skin.

“Comfy?” he asked.

“I’m so full,” you confessed, biting your lips as your warm walls pulled his cock tightly. “So full — Jay, please move.”

Jay complies. He started to thrust in and out of your cunt, finding a pace wherein you could feel him all the way to your cervix. It wasn’t rough that it had you curling your toes — but it was enough for you to feel him take you all over again. It felt euphoric just by the sheer thought that you had Jay this close once again.

All those years and pain started to fade away, tears started to swell as Jay captured your lips again, igniting the heat in between the two of you. It felt surreal. It hasn’t sinked into you that Jay’s within your reach again — proving his love and devotion to you in the most intimate way.

If this was a dream, you don’t want to wake up — but the moment he breaks off the kiss and looks at you, cupping your cheeks so dearly that tears trailed down your eyes that’s when it sinked into you — Jay’s here and he’s not going anywhere. 

He smiled softly before wiping off the tears from your eyes, kissing your temple so gently and lightly before resting his forehead on yours, his hips started to move faster and soon the tranquil feeling was replaced with the intense pleasure on your core.

“Jay — ha! Ah!” moans started to break out of your lips. Jay was fucking you good underneath that you couldn’t help but to thrust your hips upwards, meeting his movement in the middle, creating more pleasure and friction on your cunt.

“Fuck, that’s it — fuck, you’re doing good for me, wifey,” Jay assured as his strokes become more rough, more eager to meet your pussy in between, his right hand trailed on your left hand, intertwining with your fingers, assuring you further as you continued your movement.

“So good — hhhh, Jay! Jay!” you shouted as your right hand held onto his shoulder tighter.

“I’m right here — look at me wifey, ‘right here alright,” he ordered as he pushed his cock deeper in you, pushing your hips down the mattress as he continued to rail your pussy with much intensity.

“Gonna cum — want to cum,” you mumbled in between your whimpers.

“Just cum wifey, I got you,” Jay whispered to you, kissing the shell of your ears. 

Jay changes his angle, finding your g-spot that had you arching your back instinctively, that’s when he knew. He continued pounding at the spot, right hand squeezing your hand tightly, burying it down on the pillow as his free hand held on the headboard for balance. The bed squeaked due the intensity, banging against the wall as Jay thrusted deeper inside you, hungry to feel you come underneath him.

In a glimpse your orgasm came, along with a broken moan and cry as your pussy clamped around Jay’s cock, squeezing him tight as he groaned against the sensation. He didn’t stop his movement, not when he could feel your warm juices lubricating his length more, the squelching was so obscene inside the room but it only made him go animalistic. 

“Gonna cum, ‘m going to,” Jay stated in between his raspy groans, eyes locked onto yours as he removed his hands from the headboard and rested it on the side of your face.

“Inside Jay please,” you ordered. Ignoring how he’s making you oversensitive all over again, you found strength to wrap your legs around his waist, locking his position on you which made him cursed under his breath.

“Don’t — I can’t —”

“Please Jay,” you begged, hands finding their way to cup his face. “Want to feel you again, please?”

He didn’t answer you but instead, placed a long, deep kiss on your lips which you responded immediately.

“I love you,” he whispered against your lips before resting his forehead on the crook of your neck, you wrapped your arms around him, coddling him dearly as he repeated the words like a mantra.

“I love you too Jay, so much, so fucking much,” you confessed as you felt his lips biting down on the skin near your collarbones.

Jay comes in no time. His groan muffled against your skin, biting down harsher earning cries from you. Hot cum spilled inside you, painting your walls white, Jay continued pumping inside you, thrust becoming slow as his energy dies down due to the high.

With the last drop of his semen spilling inside your cunt, he kisses the bite on your skin before lifting his head up to look at you.

Then a cry — that ugly cry of yours when things get too overwhelmed started. Jay was surprised at first but he instinctively lay on his back before pulling you to his side.

“It’s okay, I’m here, I’m not going to leave you,” he whispered, hands drawing circles on your back as you cried on his chest.

“You’re not going to leave?” you asked in between your sobs. “This is real right? This isn’t just nothing right Jay? You’re not going to leave me? I don’t want to be hurt again.”

“I’m sorry for hurting, I really am,” Jay apologized once again. “But I’m here now, I am not going to let you go. See? I’m here wifey, just cry it all out. If you’re still mad at me, punch me or slap me, I deserve it.”

“Sorry,” you whispered to him, nuzzling against his skin. “I’m sorry, I’m being spoiled and weak again, I just — this is real right Jay?”

“Of course, this is real wifey,” he assured, planting a kiss on top of your head. “We’re going to be okay alright? Just be with me, okay?”

You hummed, your emotions finally calming down as you felt Jay’s faint heartbeat. “Okay.”

With that one word, Jay’s body felt relieved. He continued rubbing your back before removing himself from you, startling you who looked at him who quickly gave you a comforting smile, “just trust me okay?”

He gets up from the bed, grabbing the black coat he was wearing earlier before scrambling inside its inner pocket.

“Jay…” you were speechless the moment Jay returned to bed holding a small velvet box. You were reluctant to accept it, but with Jay’s patient expression, you grabbed it from his palm, opening it and revealing to you a ring with your birthstone as its centerpiece.

You knew what it was. You looked at him with teary eyes as he smiled at you, hands grabbing the box, taking out the ring and placing it on your ring finger — to your surprise, it fitted perfectly like it was made for you.

“We’re you planning to?” you asked.

“Of course not during Sunghoon’s wedding,” he answered. “I just — I brought it, just in case, you gave me another chance.”

You looked at the ring in front of you, the sheer size of the gemstone was nothing but mesmerizing for you. You always dream of this day. To have your ring finger occupied by the most exquisite engagement ring you could ever have. You’d never thought that that day had finally arrived.

“I am doing this, not because I wanted to fulfill my promise three years ago,” Jay started, hands trailing at your delicate ones. “But I want it to be a new start for us, a stepping stone for our future. I know I can’t just say forget everything about our past, but I hope this is a second chance for us.”

“It is Jay,” you assured, nodding before your eyes started to water again. “It is — thank you, I can’t believe — I love you, I love you so much Jay. I love you enough that I forgive you about everything.” 

Jay gave you an assuring kiss on the forehead. Light and gentle before he pulled you to his touch, letting you sob incoherently as his warmth gave nothing but comfort to you. 

“Thank you y/n, I love you too — we’d start anew, you don’t have to worry about us anymore.”

-

Morning swept through the thin curtains in the form of salty breeze and ocean waves. It kissed your skin, gently and yet, the warmth of the man beside you was no match for the morning sun.

You opened your eyes slowly and steadily. Hair falling through your shoulders as Jay’s peaceful, sleeping face was the first thing you saw. You were resting on his arms thrown over the pillow. His other arm around your waist like he doesn’t want to let you go. 

The wave crashed behind the background. Everything was serene and like a dream — but you knew, everything was real when you felt the cold band of your engagement ring on your ring finger. 

Your hands crept onto Jay’s face. Tracing his face gently, afraid of waking him up as you ponder what happened last night — everything felt right suddenly for the two of you.

And it was as if he heard your worries, Jay’s free hand grabbed yours, intertwining his fingers as he placed it on his lips, a smile forming before he hummed.

“Good morning wifey,” he greeted as he opened his eyes. “I could get used to a view like this. Feels like I’m in paradise.”

You chuckled at his words, “well, we’re in paradise hubby.” 

“Paradise is anywhere with you,” Jay pointed out, chuckling to his words. “Want to go out and take a dip?”

“That sounds nice — but I don’t think I have proper clothes to wear,” you reminded, remembering that both of you are naked under the sheets.

Jay only hummed, his smile becoming menacing before he grabbed you by your waist, standing up from the bed as you let out a startled yelp.

“Jay — oh my god, Jay! We’re naked!” you shouted as he had tugged the sheets along with you. 

“It’s just the two of us here, don’t worry wifey,” he assured, walking towards the exit of the bedroom where the beach was in full view.

“What are you planning — Jay, I swear to God!”

But your words fell deaf when he ran quicker towards the waters — and before you could’ve processed everything, you felt your body splashing into the cold, morning sea.

Your scream echoed in the small island the moment you two rose from the waters. You were gasping for air while Jay laughed beside you, both wet and a mess from his action.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you!” you shouted, splashing water on him who’s still laughing hysterically as his arms wrapped on your waist tighter.

“You were panicking,” he teased.

“Because you suddenly carried me into the sea! You know I don’t know how to swim Jay,” you stated and quickly, you were shut up when his lips landed on yours.

“I’m not going to let you drown of course,” he smiled. 

Despite rolling your eyes on him, it wasn’t hard that you were flustered by his actions. The only thing you could do was slap him in the chest as you stare at him.

“You brought our blanket along with us,” you pointed out.

“We have a lot of blankets — and rooms, we could stay here as long as you want.” Jay explained and you became quiet.

“I don’t have any clothes Jay.”

“Already prepared a bag for you, thank your brother wifey,” he said.

That made you raise an eyebrow. “You and Heeseung planned this, didn’t you?”

“I did, I just asked permission from him,” Jay shared. “He has a pretty good kick, you know?”

You hummed, “He used to do Muay Thai, I hope you got what you deserve.”

“It’s worth it, now that I got his approval,” he shared before you a quick kiss. “And I got my second chance from you.”

You only smiled as you looked at him — a better view of his face now that you had held him this closer and longer. 

Even after years have passed, he’s still the Jay that you’ve loved. He’s still here, smiling at you, looking at you lovingly as his hold on you tightened. Your right hand caressed his cheeks, he kissed it softly, just right above the ring he gave you last night, and that assured you further as your heart convinced you he’s the right one for you.

“Do you even remember the night that we had a one-night stand?” Jay asked, making you tilt your head confusingly.

“Still a blurry memory to me to be honest.” you answered. “What happened back then?”

“I was invited there by my friend, and then I saw you — dancing and heavily drunk,” he chuckled. “And I don’t know why, but I had the urge to approach you and then, you didn’t even recognize me, but you know what you told me?”

“What?”

“That I look like your first and last love,” he smiled. “And that you’re not going to love anyone anymore if it wasn’t me.”

“Well, you’ve changed drastically, I probably didn't recognize you,” you pointed out.

“And that is because you’re too drunk too.” Jay added.

“What happened then?”

“We danced, and kissed — and you wanted more, almost begging me, and maybe I just missed you so fucking much that I agreed.”

You only stared at him, memories still blurry and hazy, you wanted to remember — wanted to know more of that night.

“I’m sorry if I took advantage of you,” Jay apologized. “I’m sorry for the mess it led to.”

“I don’t care anymore,” you simply said. “Well, it did lead me back into you. It really was a second chance for us.”

“I know, and I’m glad Heeseung decided to pull a publicity stunt for us.” he grinned and just that thought made you smile.

“You enjoyed it too much Jongseong,”

“Well, I wasn’t pretending the whole time after all.”

You blinked for a second before smiling at him, “I know.”

“No more pretending?” he suggested and you only hummed.

“No more — and lying, no more.” you added.

-

The life of a CEO wasn’t always beautiful.

Running a company, despite inheriting it from your parents who had inherited it from their parents up to their parents, wasn’t that easy. But you’ve learned the hard way. Having to grow up being exposed to the world of businesses and investments, you knew what to do and what not to do the moment your parents passed down the title on you.

The answer was simple: discipline. You just need discipline to keep your company stable. Your office hours and working days are completely fixed and sorted based on agendas. Some may say that you’re too organized and there’s no way it won’t work — but it did for you. Three years had passed, and you kept your parents’ company stable in terms of its net worth and reputation. 

Three years may be short, but it was enough for your young age. Some may say that you're a privileged nepo baby whose parents passed down the title to you without any hesitation, but you’ve been preparing this ever since you were a kid, and you wanted to prove everyone that despite the nepotism you received, you still worked your way up to be respected as one of the well-known CEOs in South Korea. 

You were an icon. Your name was in every business section in newspapers and magazines. One of the promising young billionaires in your country. Beautiful, charismatic, and intelligent. Youngsters look up to you as an inspiration.

You’re also well-known for your fixed and organized schedule. It never fails to be brought up in your interviews and talks. But you brushed it off with a laugh, stating that having a fixed schedule and routine helps you in running the company without any faults.

Mondays would be your weekly recap of last week’s updates and accomplishments. Just light tasks and internal meetings to ease up the following week. You’re focused on the internal employees inside your office, accommodating as many concerns as you could within the eight working hours.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays were heavier. External meetings and business events would be entertained. You run these days with bitter coffee and tooth-rotting cakes to keep your energy throughout the day. These are the days where you work overtime, thinking that it's better to work overtime, so that you’d be able to keep the other days free on your schedule.

Thursdays were last minute schedules. Unexpected emergencies and moved meetings due to unforeseen circumstances would land here. They’re heavy, and sometimes, you’re required to work outside your office. Meetings with potential clients and grievances which leaves you drained before the clock strikes five.

Lastly, on Friday — it’s your favorite day because Fridays are your half-day.

You’re only available during Friday morning, in case any important documents or updates are required, your employees could squeeze a few minutes on your Friday morning for that, and once the clock strikes twelve, you turned into a modern-day Cinderella and had left the building.

No one questions why you do half-days during Fridays. Well, that’s the perks of being the company’s boss. 

Today was no different from the past Fridays you had. Your desk computer had turned off, your desk tables were clean, and you just zipped your office bag before you pushed your desk chair inside your table. 

Your smile was wide as you closed your office lights. Stepping out of your office, your heels clanked against the marbled tiles of the twenty-fifth floor of the building.

“Goodbye Sunghoon, see you on Monday!” you cheerfully bid to the man who was startled by your voice.

“Hold up missy, it’s only eleven-fifty,” your executive assistant-slash-best friend, Park Sunghoon stated, making you stop to turn around to him who made his way out of his desk.

“It’s near twelve, let your boss be ten minutes early for her half-day,” you sassed and Sunghoon laughed at your comment.

“I think I forgot to tell you that you have a scheduled online meeting with Mr. Wen at two-thirty this afternoon,” Sunghoon informed and your eyes went wide.

“What did I tell you about external meetings? You know I’m not available during Fridays for that,” you nagged and yet, Sunghoon’s teasing laughter echoed inside the floor.

“I’m just messing with you,” he teased and a smack on his arms was all you could give.

“Bitch,” you muttered, rolling your eyes.

“I know you’re eager to go home to them,” Sunghoon smiled before giving you a huge paperbag which you didn’t notice that he was holding.

“What the hell is this?” you asked as you received the paperbag.

“Coloring materials — books, crayons, pencils, all sorts. Heard my godchild’s great at drawing,” he smiled. “Got to make sure my ‘best godfather’ title won’t be snatched by Riki.”

“You spoil her too much,” you commented as you looked at the inside.

“It’s nothing,” he shrugged. “Now go before your employees get a glimpse of you and hold you back.”

You hugged Sunghoon one last time before leaving your office. As the elevator closed, your smile became wide along with your heart thumping out of excitement

Every Friday, you’d travel five hours to a small town outside Seoul. 

To say that it was a small town was an understatement. The humble town of Seonyangdo resides on the west sea. A warm beau during summer and a cold comfort during winter. Seonyangdo was a quiet town with a few people living in the small village. They're a knit-tight community who knows everyone that they’ll know whether you’re a tourist visiting the place.

It was your safe haven. You didn’t mind driving for five hours every Friday to travel to Seonyangdo. You couldn't. Especially when the long baywalk of the sea welcomes you after passing by the bridge that is considered as Seonyangdo's entrance. You’d arrive there just in time for the sunset, welcoming you with the warm breeze of clean and salty air. The orange and pink hues of sky would be your guide as you drive towards your exact final destination.

You parked the car in front of the house. The small wooden gate was already open. Staring at the small humble house in front of you, you couldn’t help but to feel giddy and excited to see them again. 

As you're busy grabbing your things from the passenger seat, you hear the door of the house open, making you turn around with a smile. 

In Seonyangdo you weren’t the CEO of the largest construction firm in South Korea. You were just you. A simple woman living peacefully in the small town — a mother, to her four-year-old daughter who could compete with the sun in terms of brightness and gleefulness. 

“Mommy!” her voice was high-pitched as she excitedly ran towards you. You closed the door of your car quickly before proceeding to hug your daughter and lift her in your arms.

“Hi baby,” you whispered, kissing her hair that smelled like salt air. Her shirt’s wet which alarmed you. Quickly, you placed her down to the ground. “Aely, you’re sweaty, were you playing outside while waiting for me?”

Your daughter nodded excitedly. “Dada said that I could play with Kino and Yuri at the beach today because I got five stars, look ma!” she shows off her hands, huge stamps of red stars were painted on her skin, which made you smile as you held her tiny, chubby hands.

“Oh, my baby is so smart!” you kissed her cheeks once again before brushing her hair. “Let’s go inside now alright? Have you changed into a comfortable one, what do you say?”

Aelia nodded eagerly before she ran off inside the house once again, passing by Jake who was standing in front of the door, watching the scene earlier fold.

“Hey,” he greeted with a lazy smile.

“Hi Jake,” you smiled back.

Ironic to your well-disciplined and sophisticated reputation today, you used to be a young and reckless fresh graduate years ago.

You’re not going to let yourself be thrown into your parent’s company as soon as you receive your diploma. You wanted to enjoy your freedom as an unemployed young adult. That is why after your graduation, you packed your bag and chose the smallest, most strange yet beautiful beach town in South Korea.

That’s where you ended up at Seonyangdo. Seonyangdo was small and wasn’t a tourist-catching town. It was less crowded and hidden, but their beach was a gem in the west. Its population was less than five thousand, which made you even more content with your chosen destination.

Seonyangdo was Jake’s hometown. That’s where you met him, at night, at the local beach bar that stood idly by the bay. The moment you walked into the bar, your eyes were already on him.

To say that he was hot was an understatement, Jake looked like the gods themselves had carved and brought to life. He wore a simple white shirt with the sleeves rolled back, exposing his strong and lean muscles and arms. Along with his unruly, jet-black hair and soft puppy-like smile that greeted you when you entered the establishment — that’s when you had set your goal to at least get his attention.

It was easy for you though. Jake was a natural flirt but a gentleman at least. He entertained you throughout the whole night. Took care of you like you were the only customer there. He didn’t let you drink too much alcohol and even though you could afford to buy the whole bar establishment itself, he gave you half a discount to every cocktail you ordered.

You spent your days in Seonyangdo with Jake. It was a summer fling, you insisted, but you couldn’t hide the fact that there were butterflies in your stomach whenever he’s beside you, laughing, smiling, and acting like it’s only the two of you in the room. 

Oh but the two of you were young and wild. It was obvious that you two were eager for more. The sex was too good and intimate — too intimate for a summer fling, but you two didn’t care because what mattered was how close you two were every time you two did it.

Which shouldn’t surprise you when you found out you were pregnant a month after you left Seonyangdo. Your world crashed. It can’t be. This wasn’t part of your plan. You were only twenty-two. You were young and had a clear view of her future. Getting pregnant wasn’t one of them.

You had options. A lot of options. You knew that your parents would be very disappointed when they found out that you got pregnant, especially when they’re preparing you to take over the family business. You could’ve simply got rid of the fetus and moved on with your life — but you didn’t, because something was holding you back to abort it.

That’s why you packed your bags, lied to your parents that you wanted more time for yourself before working for their company, and drove to Seonyangdo for Jake.

Fatherhood at a young age wasn’t part of Jake’s plan either, but as you confessed to him that you’re pregnant and you were planning to keep it, all he could think of was to make sure that the baby would grow up with loving parents and a happy family.

You were just planning to inform Jake about your pregnancy. But as soon as he took responsibility for it, you decided that it was best to hide your pregnancy in Seonyangdo. Hidden, cared, and loved not only by Jake but also by the townspeople. They didn’t mind the news, but instead, they were overjoyed that a baby would be arriving in their community. Nine months later after an enduring labor, your daughter was born.

Aelia was born during summer. At the time of one in the afternoon where the sun beamed at its brightest. It was significant, the older folks said. 

She was the brightest warm for you and Jake. Aelia was the splitting image of you. Everyone can see it but when she smiles — she got her father’s puppy-like smile. Everyone cooed at your daughter and small family. It felt right for you and Jake. You remained in Seonyangdo for another year, wanting to take care of Aelia and live a simple, mundane life with Jake. 

But your small town life came to an end at some point. Your parents are now eager to have you work for them, forcing you to go back to Seoul, leaving Jake and Aelia in Seonyangdo.

Jake knew what life awaits for you in Seoul. He’s not going to let Aelia hold you back from achieving your career and future. That’s why he was willing to hide Aelia from your world. He was fine taking care of her on his own, assuring you that he had the townspeople of Seonyangdo to help him when you were hesitant to leave. You two compromised. You promised to visit them during weekends despite the tiring travel because you're not going to let yourself be an absent mother to your own daughter.

Three years had passed and you had adjusted to your setup with Jake. The three of you were an open secret in Seonyangdo. Everyone in the town knows that you were a well-known figure in Seoul, but for the sake of Aelia, they kept their mouths shut for her safety. 

Jake’s house was small, enough for the two of them — for the three of you every weekend. Back then, he was renting a small room nearby the beach, but ever since Aelia came, he moved into a bigger, cozier one for his daughter’s well-being.

Something about his house felt like him. The mismatched furniture, the small kitchen, and potted plants outside. It feels cozy, like a home for you to come to.

“Thank you,” you warmly said as Jake placed down the plate of curry in front of you. 

“It’s nothing,” he shrugged as he returned to the kitchen. You started digging on your food, and you couldn’t help but to feel relaxed. Nothing beats home-cooked meals. You didn’t care if it was instant curry blocks along with some uneven chopped vegetables. Something about the way Jake always prepares home-cooked meals for you every Friday night eases your heart.

It feels welcoming. Hearty you could say, it couldn’t beat those expensive meals you eat at high-end restaurants in Seoul. In Seonyangdo, you could let all your walls down. There are no people watching your every movement. There were no fake smiles and personalities to tolerate. You don’t feel controlled in the small town, which is why you consider it as your safe haven.

“It’s pretty!” Aelia shouted from the living room, and hurriedly, her small steps made its way towards you. “Mommy, thank you!”

“Baby, Uncle Sunghoon got that for you,” you told her as soon as you noticed what she was holding — the box of crayons that Sunghoon had bought for her. Her eyes smiled wide as she stared at the box.

“It looks expensive,” Jake commented as he stared at the box.

“Really? I didn’t know, Sunghoon just gave it to me, along with some stuff,” you told Jake.

“Typical Sunghoon,” Jake chuckled. “You have to take care of it, Aelia okay? Don’t break it immediately.”

Aelia nodded, “can I use it now?”

“Of course sunshine, you can use it now,” Jake ruffled his daughter’s hair which made the child shout in glee before stepping out of the dining room, leaving you and Jake in a comforting silence.

“Hungry?” he asked, eyes locked into you who continued eating.

“I wasn’t able to eat lunch,” you answered. 

“Of course you don’t,” Jake laughed. “Excited to see Aelia?”

“Obviously,” you rolled your eyes.

“What about me then?” he teased.

You didn’t answer but instead you placed down your utensils. Your plate was clean and not a single grain of rice was left. “Thanks for the meal Jake,” you spoke before standing up and going towards the living room.

Your relationship with Jake was blurry. You don’t know what’s the label between the two of you but one thing for sure, you two are prioritising on raising Aelia. 

You told him that you didn’t mind if he dated other girls, and he as well, doesn’t mind if you date other guys too. But it never crossed your mind to look for someone else. You were too focused on your career and Aelia to find love — and it seems like Jake thinks the same way too.

Both of you never crossed each other’s boundaries. It was as if the two didn’t have a blissful, youthful summer love affair. Perhaps you two are too afraid to destroy the setup. You knew about co-parenting nightmares. Emotions blinding each other and realizing that you two aren’t compatible at all. It scares you that Jake might not be deeply in love with you and everything you two were just something fun and casual for him.

That’s why three years later and you let your feelings for Jake be buried somewhere in your heart. It’s hard to deal with your feelings, and you’re not scared to admit that it hurts to feel that there is still that fluttering feeling that ignites in you whenever he’s near or whenever it was just the two of you.

There was not a day where you thought of what would happen if you’d crossed the line.

But for Aelia’s sake, you never tried to. You chose to give her a complete family rather than have your love be reciprocated by Jake.

-

Saturdays for you are family day. You make sure that you spend your day solely for Aelia. No phone calls, no messages or emails. Your phone’s on a “Do not Disturb” mode and sometimes, you would even leave it inside your bag.

Today, Aelia wanted to go to the beach. The sun’s out but not too hot that it’ll leave you irritated, while the breeze was cool and fresh, which was a perfect weather for a family outing. 

You parked your car by the roadside. Turning off the engine, Jake had already left his seat, going towards the trunk to take out everything you brought for the outing. The cooler, a basket full of homemade sandwiches and snacks, and of course, Aelia’s donut floater.

“Mommy can I swim now? Please?” Aelia excitedly said as you helped Jake with carrying the bags.

“A minute baby, we have to put a sun screen on you,” you told her, but it seems like your words fell deaf to your daughter’s ears as she raced towards the seaside. 

“Aelia!” you shouted and before you could move, Jake had placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Relax, the waves are small, she’s used to the water,” Jake casually said but that didn’t remove the ease on your heart.

“Still, you know how dangers lurk around somewhere.”

“It’s not, let her discover things.”

“So that explains why her legs are full of scratches and wounds?” you raised an eyebrow.

“It’s part of being a kid,” he argued.

You didn’t say another word. Jake raised Aelia himself. They lived in Seonyangdo wherein there were less vehicles and people walked. Nature is part of their town and dangers were seldom compared to living in the busy streets of Seoul. She had a different childhood from you after all.

After finding a good spot and placing down the beach mat. Aelia and Jake dived into the deep water first, leaving you alone to look after your things.

You watched as Jake taught Aelia how to swim, his wide smile beamed against the warm sun. He guided Aelia while the little one struggled to kick her feet against the salty water. They laughed and that makes your heart giddy, hearing their laugh and the calm waves of the sea felt relaxing after a week of hard work.

You smiled at the scene. Their smiles really mirrored each other. Day by day, Aelia is now slowly resembling Jake — bright, hyper, and enthusiastic. Moments like these will always remind you that you were lucky that Jake was Aelia’s father.

You find yourself reading a novel that you’ve been trying to finish whenever you have free time. The beach only has a few people around, enjoying their free time to swim and relax. Jake and Aelia continued playing in the sea while you were left in your own world, enjoying your “me time.”

“Mommy, mommy!” A few minutes later, Aelia left the water. Running towards you with excitement which made you place down your book before grabbing her small towel which she rejected immediately but instead, she grabbed you by your arms, pulling you with all her strength.

“Mommy, let’s swim!” she said as she continued tugging your arms while you chuckled at her actions.

“Baby, no one’s going to look after —”

“Switch with me,” Jake butted in. You didn’t even notice that he’s standing next to Aelia. Your eyes darted on his thin white shirt that wasn't able to hide his strong chest and carved abs. Jake stood there with confidence and his signature smile as he brushed his wet hair. 

Fuck. You almost drooled at the sight. It was the same Jake Sim you fell in love with when you were twenty-two.

Perhaps you stared at him for too long that Jake had to call you out again, snapping you out of your thoughts while he only chuckled.

“Alright — just a minute,” you stood up from your place, brushing off the sands from your legs before you removed your shirt and shorts, leaving you in a one-piece swimsuit. 

“Still pretty as ever,” Jake wolf-whistled and you glared at him.

“Shut up,” you said despite your cheeks turning red. You pulled your daughter and the two of you proceeded to submerge into the cold water.

“This is nice,” you hummed as you let your body float on the salty surface. Meanwhile Aelia was relaxing on her floater, following your pose on her floater.

“I want to be like this forever mommy,” Aelia said which made you hum.

“Really sweetie?”

“Yup! I want us to stay in the water forever!” she excitedly said, making you chuckle.

“Baby, we couldn’t do that, our hands will wrinkle,” you said before returning to your normal position, you swam towards your daughter who’s smiling widely in front of you. You couldn’t help but to smile as you booped her nose out.

“But I want to be with mommy forever,” she pouted and that thought only made you chuckle softly.

“We’d be together baby okay? Mommy’s not going anywhere,” you said before giving her a kiss on the head. “I love you, Aely.”

“Aely loves mommy too!” she shouted and proceeded to give her a hug.

You spend the following time teaching Aelia how to float. Guiding her as she attempts to float while your hands are underneath her back.

“You’re doing good, Aely, that’s it! Don’t be tense! Just feel the water —” you stopped your words when you heard a loud laughter coming from Jake’s direction.

But it wasn’t his laugh. The voice was feminine, making you stop to glance at Jake’s direction and the view made your smile drop.

There’s a woman talking to Jake. She was wearing a two-piece bikini set that was too skimpy for her body. You watched as she laughed so hard that she’s throwing her head back.

Jake was smiling. Arms crossed, showing off his defined arms that you always had the urge to bite — his stare remained at the girl as he talked to her so casually that it felt like two former colleagues reuniting and having an idle talk.

And that makes your blood boil suddenly.

Then it happened, her hands on Jake’s chest — you almost forgot that you’re holding Aelia. You watched as Jake didn’t even falter by her action and that made you scoff internally. 

You suddenly grabbed Aelia by her waist, carrying her out of the water, which left her confused.

“Baby, can you stay on the shore for a minute?” you asked. “Mommy just needs to bring dada so we can swim together, alright?”

“Okay!” she answered without any hesitation.

Aelia stayed on the shore, letting the small waves hit her body as she sat there, while you made your way towards Jake and the girl.

“Jake,” you called out, making them turn their attention to you.

“Yeah?” he asked casually like he wasn’t flirting with the girl.

So you smiled at him sweetly before you wrapped your hands around his arms before leaning against it. “Our daughter is looking for her dad right now, she said she wanted us to swim together.” before you darted your stare at the girl, giving her a small smile. “I’m sorry but we have to go.”

“Oh! I was just asking directions to the bus stop —” 

“You’d see the waiting shed for the bus if you walked for ten minutes from here to there,” you stated, pointing the wrong direction before giving her another smile. “Hope that helps, bye!”

You didn’t even wait for her to say another word. You pulled Jake away from her, feet stomping against the warm sand.

“Jealous?” Jake laughed. 

“I don’t want Aelia to see her dad talking to another woman, she’d think you’re unfaithful,” you stated.

“Hey, for the record, you did say I can date another woman,” Jake pointed out, making you stop.

“Well did you?” you asked.

“No.” he answered back and somehow, that eased your heart.

“Good, then lets just keep the loyal parents image for Aelia,” you concluded before you proceeded to drag him to the waters where Aelia was shouting in joy to see her parents together.

-

The day passed by in a glimpse. Suddenly, the sun was slowly setting down as you packed your things inside the trunk of your car. 

A simple dinner of kimchi jjigae and side dishes were served as soon as you arrived at Jake’s place. Aelia lets out a loud yawn a few minutes after she finishes her meal. You volunteered to tug her to sleep while Jake was left to clean the table and dishes.

“No more bed time stories baby?” you asked before you could even grab the storybooks on her bookshelf.

Aelia shakes her head before rubbing her eyes. “Just…want, mommy.”

“Of course Aely, mommy’s going to be here,” you said before you sat on the edge of the bed. Brushing her hair, you hummed a soft lullaby that you heard when you were a kid. You sat there for a few minutes before Aelia had drifted to sleep.

You looked at her softly. Smiling wide as you could see her resemblance to you.

“Goodnight baby,” you bid before kissing her hair. You turned on her night lamp and closed the room light before leaving the room.

“She’s asleep now,” you announced as you walked towards the kitchen where Jake had finished placing the plates inside the cupboard.

“Tiring day?” he asked with a smile.

“She’s so hyper,” you commented. 

“Of course she is,” Jake proudly said. “She’s always hyper whenever you’re around.”

You hummed at his words. Leaning against the counter, you watched as Jake grabbed two cans of beer from the fridge. He hands one to you which you accepted without any questions.

The two of you stood there in the kitchen. Silence emitted inside the place as both bodies felt weary from the beach today. You two were a few feet apart, quiet and settling down with the distance between the two of you.

You heard Jake chuckle all of the sudden, you turned your head towards him who’s smiling ear-to-ear.

“I just remembered the scene earlier,” he shared before giving you a teasing look.

“What’s so funny about it?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You were jealous,” Jake teased.

You scoffed, “jealous? Excuse me Jake, I was just making sure Aelia doesn’t see her dad talking with another woman.”

“Sure y/n, use Aelia as an excuse,” he smirked before taking a sip on his beer.

“You’re so infuriating,” you mumbled. “Letting her touch you — ew.”

“I just had the charm,” Jake casually said.

“Sure you do.” you laughed sarcastically.

“Yeah well, that’s why I got you pregnant —”

“Oh my god, can you stop with that?”

“Well it’s the truth,” he laughed.

You didn’t answer anymore but instead, your eyes remained at him. Jake’s smile was wide — almost teasing. It was the same boyish smile that you fell in love with years ago.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” he teased but your gaze remained.

“Do you ever regret it?” you asked with a serious tone, and for the first time ever since Aelia was born, you had asked him that question.

Jake’s smile faded, expression shifting into a confused one. “What?”

“Getting me pregnant?” you asked.

But Jake, with an assuring gaze and fond smile spoke, “if I regret it, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

You nodded, shifting your attention on your can, you took a small sip as the atmosphere became quiet — somber you must say. It had you wondering if it was your fault.

“Did you regret it?” he asked you back, startling you.

“Getting pregnant?” you asked.

“Keeping Aelia,” Jake clarified and you quietly stared at him.

A small yet soft smile formed on your lips, “never. I would never regret keeping her.”

“That’s good,” Jake sighed. “Glad we’re on the same page then.”

“We were young and reckless, but there’s not a moment about us that I’d ever regret Jake,” you opened up.

“Us?”

Shit. Your eyes widened — you just opened Pandora’s Box. You and Jake never brought up that summer. You think it's awkward, especially when it resulted of Aelia.

But tonight felt different with the beer and your jealousy seeping — you wanted nothing but assurance from him.

“Yes, us — whatever we had, I’d never ever regret it,” you confessed and everything almost slipped from there.

Jake stared at you for a good minute. His eyes gazed darkly as he placed down his beer can. You remained calm, leaned against the counter as you held a staring contest with him.

“Do you?” you asked in the midst of the silence, watching him walk closer to you, closing the distance between the two of you — your breath hitched and your heart started beating fast.

“No.” he answered too quickly that it meant he didn’t have to think twice about it — and that thought had eased your heart.

“Good.” 

The first kiss was breathless. Jake took action first, grabbing your face with much force that you basically bumped into his lips. Still, you didn’t care about it, you reciprocated it with the same energy. Arms wrapping around his neck, you pulled him close to you until you found yourself trapped against the kitchen counter.

“We — we shouldn’t do this,” you reminded him as the two of you separated, and yet your arms were still around his.

“But we want to,” Jake rebutted, and you didn’t object at all but instead, kissed him once again like you were starving for his taste, because just like what he said, both of you want this.

Your relationship with Jake was blurry. When Aelia came into your life, you two agreed to prioritize being a parent to her. Aelia was a catalyst for you two to mature quickly and be responsible young adults in a snap.

But tonight was different. Suddenly, you’re that twenty-two year old girl who flirted with the bartender in a small town. Your actions were rash and maybe you could blame the low alcoholic drink you just drank, but in your mind, you knew that you were just hungry for Jake.

Maybe it was jealousy that’s talking. It left a sour taste in your tongue seeing that girl flirt with Jake. You had that urge — to claim him yours.

Or maybe, all the years of yearning for him all broke down tonight. It was an itch that you’ve been wanting to scratch. The years of silently loving him and wondering of crossing the line — you had enough of it. You wanted Jake and now that opportunity gave you a moment to be alone with him, you jumped into it.

Jake didn’t stop, but instead he grabbed you by your waist and placed you on top of the counter. Placing himself in between your legs, he had you drowning in his lips and moans. His hands finding its way on your nightgown, cupping your breasts against the silk cloth as his long fingers flickered against your erected nipples.

“Always so gorgeous for me,” he whispered, hands attempting to yank it down when you stopped him.

“Aelia might wake up,” you told him.

He raised an eyebrow. “You just told me that she’s fast asleep.”

“That doesn’t mean she might not wake up any moment.”

“Being careful, aren’t we?” Jake teased. “Do you want me to stop or —”

“No.” You quickly replied. “I want — I need you Jake.”

Jake hummed, smiling teasingly as his hands rested on your thighs.

“You need to be more specific love.”

“I —” you gulped. “Need your cock — please, fuck me again.”

Jake didn’t answer you but instead, he kissed you once again, taking your breath away as his kisses became more aggressive, more hungrier than it was.

“You’re crazy,” he whispered to you. “Want me to fuck you here? Right here?”

“Need you so bad please,” you begged, a small whine escaping your lips. “Need your cock daddy.”

Jake cooed, “mommy’s cock hungry? Does she care if her daughter might walk into the kitchen all of the sudden?”

“Jake —” you weren’t able to finish your sentence when Jake licks a stripe on your throat, earning a gasp from you. He began leaving small kisses on your neck downwards your collarbones which left you whimpering by the soft touch.

“Come on love, your words are rules here,” he hummed against your shoulders, his smirk evident knowing that a few caress and touch from him had you melting.

“Fuck, use me Jake, I don’t care — fuck me til I can’t walk, breed me. I don’t care!” you exclaimed, earning a soft chuckle from him.

“Easy right? Mommy’s going to get what she wants, don't worry,” he kisses you once again. This time it was much softer, much delicate and careful — like he was tasting every inch of your lips, and that only swelled your heart with pride.

His hands find their way to slip inside your night gown. You could feel the warmth of his hands going upwards your stomach, caressing the stretched skin of your tummy which made him chuckle darkly against your shoulders.

“You were so beautiful carrying Aelia,” Jake said as he stared at you with longing. “Fuck — you’re so round and swell, and — I might fuck a baby in you again.”

His words sent chills to your body. You could feel your core getting warm and wet as you bite your lips in an attempt to hold any sinful sound you could emit.

“You want that? Make you a mommy again? Fuck you dumb and breed you ‘til you’re leaking with my cum?” he asked.

“I want it,” you eagerly replied, not caring about the consequences afterwards. It felt deja vu. The same question and same answer years ago. “Jake please — put a baby in me again. You’d love it. Imagine Aelia as an older sister. That would be cute right?” 

Jake was stunned. He didn’t hesitate anymore and just grabbed the ends of your nightdress before shoving it up to your waist.

“You planned this didn’t you? You wore this flimsy dress just to get fucked again, right?” he taunted, hands immediately circling on the wet patch of your panties which made you shudder against his touch.

“So wet and eager, I can’t wait anymore,” he tugged your panties down, exposing your wet pussy that’s glistening with slickness. His fingers slid down on the entrance, which made you throw your head back at the sudden contact with his slender digits.

“Doing great for me love,” he whispered to you hands guiding your thighs to be spread wider. “Why don’t you help and prepare daddy for your pussy?”

With his order, your hand reached his pajama pants, his cock already printing against the soft fabric. You didn’t think twice but to tug his pants down along with his brief. Jake’s length sprang free, hard and already leaking with pre-cum. You could only gasp at the view as you spit on your palm before wrapping it around his cock.

“Good girl, so fucking good for daddy,” Jake cooed as he inserts one finger inside you. Your walls clenching against his fingers as he slides it in and out, which had you throbbing on the counter. 

You stroke his cock faster — more eager and aggressive as you squeeze hard at every chance you reach his tip. Your thumb played with his slit, making him hiss at your action. Before he could react more, you tugged his shirt to pull him to another heated makeout session that intensified the tension between your bodies.

“Always so feel good for me — fuck your squeezing my fingers tight, what more if I fuck you with my dick?” he taunted. His long, slender finger played inside you, scissoring and curling your g-spot which made your legs twitch.

“Found your spot huh? Do you want to cum using my fingers mommy?” he asked as he fastened his pace.

Eagerly you nodded, “please! Want to cum on your fingers.” you begged as you continued stroking his dick harder, hoping that you’d give him the same energy as he gives to you.

“Fuck — that’s right baby, make me cum too,” Jake ordered as he could feel his body tensing with the way your hands fisted his dick. His breathing became unstable. He found himself thrusting against your fist while his right hand continued abusing your pussy.

You came first. Legs shaking and closing against his arms as an unstable whine left your lips the moment Jake finger-fucked your g-spot harshly. He didn’t stop when you told him to, but instead, he fastened his pace more, making you wince at the overwhelming pleasure.

It didn’t take him a while before Jake reached his high. He groaned against your shoulders. Almost losing his balance as your hands continued to stroke his dick, releasing the thick, warm liquid that spilled on the floor and on your hand.

Catching each other’s breath, Jake was first to remove his fingers out of your pussy, making you whimper of the sudden loss, but he merely chuckled before he grabbed the kitchen towel to wipe off the cum on both your hands.

“Want more?” he asked, and you only nodded.

Jake kisses you once again before he spreads your thighs once again, revealing your sensitive, twitching pussy from the previous orgasm. He looked at you once again and you eagerly nodded as a go signal.

Jake slides inside with ease, and yet, your walls get ripped by his girthy length. Your hands reached to get a hold on his arms as Jake peppered you with kisses to divert your attention from the pain.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, and you whined as an answer. “Well, you’re fucking tight mommy — tighter than ever, couldn’t even take daddy’s cock that well?”

“Careful please.”

Jake hushed you quietly, with a much slower pace, he started thrusting inside you, wherein the first thrust knocked the air out of your lungs.

“You’re so warm and — fuck,” Jake thrusted once again. “You birthed Aelia and still so tight — always tight for me love,”

“So — so big, daddy,” you mumbled between your moans. “Faster please, I can take it.”

Jake started to fasten his pace. A precise thrust that bumps into your spot at every movement. The kitchen was filled with nothing but the sound of bodies slapping at each other. Both of you were too immersed with the act as both groans and moans were the only thing that left each other's lips.

If it wasn’t enough, you wrapped your legs around his waist, locking him deep inside you which made him chuckle before tilting your head for a kiss. You hold him close to you, arms around his neck, playing with his hair as you respond to his kisses. Meanwhile his arms hold your waist for balance while he continues to thrust inside you.

Sex with Jake has always been like this. The obvious small details that give away that you two weren’t just lusting for each other. The kisses weren't just for pleasure and the way both of your bodies moved was not just for the sake of getting off. It was obvious that there’s more than that — unspoken feelings, wanting more than what you two have. A deeper intimacy that is scary to say outloud, hence, you both let your actions do it.

This was the first time you two crossed the line ever since Aelia was born. Something shifted and perhaps there was a trigger — a desire. A hunger to be claimed by Jake and be assured once again that you’re the only girl that he’ll have his eyes on.

Your possessiveness reeked with the way you snatched him away earlier. Jake was right, you were jealous, and of course, you were too prideful to admit it. Scared that it might scare him away.

So feeling Jake inside you. Chest to chest as both your lips raveled onto each other, assured you. It gave you hope that there’s still fire igniting between the two of you. And though you had no plans of igniting it more, all you wanted was to keep it alive.

The two of you found your rhythm. Brushing against the spot that made your toes curl, he lifted your waist wherein you weren’t sitting on the counter anymore. The new angle was much better and his dick kissed your cervix much deeper. It became more intense and raw that you couldn’t help but to arch your back out of pleasure. He kisses your bare skin, worshipping you like a goddess while you fall under his touch.

“Jake — ah! — gonna cum,” it didn’t take a while for you to feel the heat pooling inside your stomach. Your hold on his nape tightened, almost tugging his luscious hair which earned a soft groan from him.

Jake was moaning against your skin, he could feel your pussy tightening against his dick. It made him shudder under his breath. Your warm walls engulfed his cock as he continued his precise movement, not wanting for the heat to die down.

“Want to cum mommy? Cream my cock before I spill my cum on you?” he taunted before he thrusted deeper inside you.

“Jake! Jake —” you started to babble his name. Eyes shut as Jake fucked you until you were a whimpering mess, you couldn’t even answer his question, you were too cock-drunk by how he moved inside you.

“Open your eyes,” Jake ordered. “Look at me love. I want to look at you while you cum.”

With tears in your eyes, you opened your eyes. Looking at his raven-colored ones, you couldn’t help but to bite your lips as the heat in your stomach became more intense. You were holding your whimpers as you stared at Jake’s eyes and you cursed internally — he looked at you so soft and gentle, that it felt like he was making love with you instead of just a reckless sex. 

“Go on mommy, cum on my cock,” Jake stated and that was your cue. Your pussy tightened and your orgasm came crashing down. You bit your lips harder to conceal the moans, scared that Aelia might wake up from the noise, while Jake started to chase after his high.

“Fuck — going to cum too,” Jake breathed. Resting his forehead on your shoulders  as he fastened his thrust inside you. You were still coming down from the high but Jake wasn’t stopping. You could only do nothing but cry as Jake continued using like a fuckdoll for him.

“Fuck! Fuck!” he shouted before he released his cum inside you. Jake couldn’t help but to place you down on the counter, his breathing heavy and unheavy as he sloppily thrusted inside you, making sure that there’s not an ounce that would spill out of your pussy.

“So…warm, fuck,” you whispered against his head which made him chuckle darkly. 

“So good, so good for me after all this time,” he whispered back and you didn’t say anything. The two of you sat there, catching your breath as the high slowly dissolved between the two of you.

“Mommy?” the two of you were startled when the door creaked and closed. Light footsteps against the wooden floor became loud making you push Jake out of you. 

“Fix yourself!” you whisper-shouted before you jumped out of the counter. Hurriedly, you tugged down your night gown and fixed the fallen strap while Jake pulled up his pajama pants, cursing softly that his cock was still aching hard even after the act.

“Mommy?” Aelia was rubbing her eyes when she entered the kitchen. Voice droopy as she holds the brown dog plushie her Uncle Riki gave her.

“Hi baby, nightmares?” you asked casually, trying to act normal even though you could feel something dripping down your thighs.

Aelia shook her head. “Are you and dada fighting?”

Both your and Jake’s eyes widened. You let out an awkward laugh, “why — why would you think of that baby?”

“I heard shouting, and you were screaming dada’s name,” she said innocently, making you groan while Jake chuckled in amusement. 

“No, no, baby, we weren’t. We were just talking, sorry we were loud, I guess we got a bit drunk and got carried away,” Jake vaguely excused. “Do you want to tug you back to bed, baby? Mommy needs a bit of air to breathe due to the drink.”

Your daughter let out a yawn instead. Too drowsy to argue, she turned her heels and left the kitchen. 

The silence beat into the two of you. With the high of the act coming down, your mind washed over the fact that you two crossed the line.

“We shouldn’t have done this,” Jake started and for a moment you were quiet, before you nodded.

“Right. I guess it was the beer,” although it was such a lame excuse to blame it on a can of five-percent fruity alcohol, you two were convinced that it was just that — not because of the pent-up feelings you two had for each other.

“Let’s just forget about this,” he suggested. Tone formal and calm, acting like this was just a one-night stand for the two of you. “For Aelia.”

Right. It should’ve hurt you when he said those words. But then you remembered — you two are focused on your daughter.

“Of course,” it was the only thing you could say before nodding. “For Aelia.”

Jake nodded. Convinced as he let out a deep sigh. “I’ll tug Aelia back to sleep, I’ll return —”

“It’s okay Jake, I’ll clean myself up,” you told him. “It’s my safe day today too, don’t worry about knocking me up again.”

Although your words felt teasing from your perspective, Jake’s blank expression didn’t falter, he only gave you a nod and a simple, “alright, goodnight.” before he left the kitchen, leaving you standing there while you could still feel him inside you.

It could’ve felt more intimate for you, but now, all you could feel was how pathetic you were for him. Resorting to such brass action that might lead to another unexpected incident again.

-

Sundays are your lazy days.

Literally, lazy days. Jake lets you sleep ‘til noon (that is if Aelia doesn’t barge into your room because she wants to eat breakfast with you.) or maybe if you’re feeling productive, you’d play with Aelia or help Jake with the chores.

Today’s Sunday was different. You’re lounged casually on the couch, watching some Disney Pixar film along with Aelia — which she abandoned to color on her new coloring book. You didn’t mind at all, since you’re midway into the film

But your peace was disrupted when your phone rang all of the sudden. You knew that ringtone. It’s for emergency emergency purposes. The type of calls that you need to answer or perhaps a sign for you to pack your things and return to Seoul.

There were only five people who you placed on that ringtone; Jake, Sunghoon, your parents, and younger brother. So when you picked up the phone, you were already guessing who decided to disturb your peaceful Sunday.

“Hi dad,” you greeted. Pressing the pause on the remote control, you excused yourself and went out of the house to get a better signal.

“Where are you? I contacted Sunghoon and he said "you're out of town, what for?” he asked.

“Just somewhere, why?” you asked him back.

“You’re supposed to be here helping us, it’s mother’s eighty-fifth birthday, have you forgotten?” your father lectured, which made you groan lightly.

“Right, right, I forgot, I wasn’t —”

“Forget it, just be here, your grandma’s expecting you. Wearing something formal, this is a formal event.”

The call ended without any goodbye. Just a short order from your father which made you stand there frozen, a bitter smile forming on your lips as you stared at your phone’s lockscreen.

Usually, you’d go home after the sunset. It’s a bit late in your perspective but it didn’t matter to you if you arrived in Seoul late-night. Especially when you only have the weekend for your daughter — you wanted to make the most out of it after all.

You had no choice. You couldn’t ditch your grandmother’s birthday. All your relatives will be there and it would be suspicious if you’re absent and you’re just somewhere in South Korea.

So with an apologetic smile and sorry, you informed Jake and Aelia that you need to go home early due to an emergency. Aelia was quite fussy about it given that it was just eleven in the morning, but Jake brushed it off, knowing that these circumstances couldn’t be controlled. 

You placed down your bag on the backseat before closing it. You returned to Jake and Aelia who were patiently waiting for you to bid your goodbye.

“I’ll return on Friday okay? I’m sorry that I have to leave early,” you sincerely told your daughter who did nothing but to accept your hug. 

“Mommy, can me and dada visit you next time in Seoul?” Aelia asked the moment you two broke out the hug.

“Why would you want to go to Seoul sweetie?” you asked her back.

“Because that’s where you live and I want to live in your house, dada said it’s huge and tall on the top of the building,” your daughter explained, stretching the words 'huge' and 'tall' along with her raising her arms.

You gave Jake a glance but he only shrugged, “she was curious.”

“Maybe next time sweetie okay? You get to visit me instead,” you smiled, cupping her soft cheeks before giving it a soft peck.

“You promise?” she asked, raising her pinky finger which made you stare at it for a minute.

“I promise,” you swore before intertwining your pinky finger with her. You don’t even know when you’d allow her to visit you in Seoul. Maybe when the time’s right, you could show her to the world. But not right now, maybe someday — and hopefully, that when that day comes, she’d understand why. 

You hugged her one last time before you glanced at Jake. He only gave you a small smile which you bitterly reciprocated with a fake one. Ignoring the small pinch in your heart after last Saturday night’s act.

You went inside your car, rolling down your car window, you looked up to Jake who had carried Aelia in his arms. 

“Drive safe there, text me when you get home,” he reminded and you nodded to his words.

“Alright, I’ll be going now,” you bid. “See you next week?”

“See you.” 

“Bye mommy!” Aelia shouted once again. You gave her a smile before you turned on your car’s engine.

Jake watched as your car disappeared from his sight. It always feels bitter to watch you drive away from their place. It was a constant reminder for him — your place was in Seoul, not in Seonyangdo. He knows that his hometown was your safe haven, but it will never be your home.

“Dada,” Aelia called out, tapping his cheeks which made him hum in response.

“What is it baby?” he asked, placing her down but Aelia shakes her head.

“Does mommy love me?”

Jake became quiet. He stared at Aelia whose eyes gleamed with innocence. His throat got stuck, not knowing what to say as his eyes remained at his daughter.

He didn’t expect that Aelia would question your love for her. He doesn’t understand why, but it hurts him. Jake could feel his heart shattering into pieces.

Sure, you weren’t there when she lost her first tooth, or when she won first place in a drawing competition, but you were trying — he could see it. You drive five hours every Friday just to be with Aelia. You tried to make sure that you’re attentive to her and everything she loves.

You never, ever tried for once, neglected her, so hearing those words from his daughter, he wondered what Aelia sees in you that made her ask him that.

“Why — why would you say that? Mommy loves you of course, she’s just busy, okay?” he stuttered. His hands held onto his daughter’s arms a bit tight while his eyes widened out of panic.

“She’s always away, does she not like living here? Is Seoul much prettier than here?” Aelia asked once again.

“No, of course not baby, I just —” Jake wasn’t able to say anything but instead, his lips turned into a straight line. In a minute of silence, he carried Aelia in his arms as he let out a sigh. “She’s busy working for you okay? She needs to save money so that you could have a bright future. When you grow up, you might follow in her footsteps and work in Seoul in her office, do you want that?”

Aelia’s curious expression beamed into a bright one. “I want that! I want to be like mommy when I grow up!” she excitedly said, making Jake nod. 

“That’s great baby,” he spoke as he delicately placed a kiss on top of her hair. “Tell that to mommy when she visits you okay? Don’t worry sunshine, Friday will quickly approach without you knowing. Okay?”

“Okay!” 

Jake smiled at his daughter, brushing her soft hair, all he could about was her question earlier. Wondering if this was now a sign for him to change some things with your setup.

-

“You look like you haven't slept for years,” Sunghoon commented the moment you entered the floor. Monday arrived and somehow, it felt heavy for you to return to your office. 

“Tell me about it,” you groaned. “I need coffee right now.”

“Some hot americano or some iced mocha latte with two pumps of salted caramel syrup and extra ice?” your executive assistant asked.

“The latter, thanks,” you said without any hesitation.

“How’s your weekend by the way?” Sunghoon asked as he followed you inside your office. He sat casually at the long couch nearby while you went straight to your desk.

“It was alright, beach day during Saturday — by the way, Aelia loved your gift for her,” you started.

Sunghoon grinned, “that’s great to hear. Ordered your drink now, it’ll arrive in twenty minutes.” He glanced at you once again. “You seemed stressed for someone who just got home from Seonyangdo.”

“No — I just, we had an event last night because it’s grandma’s birthday,” you leaned against your chair. “Turns out it’s just a blind date for me in disguise.”

Sunghoon laughed. That mocking laughter of his that wants you to throw him out of the building. But you couldn't do anything as the headache throbbing on your head wasn’t helping.

“How’d it go?”

“Fucking bad — dad tried me to setup with someone in his forties! Oh my god, he was so awful too, bragging about his divorce with his wife! It sounded like he was the problem.”

“Well he was.”

“I’m just tired of them setting me up on blind dates. They’re eager y’know? They’re telling me that I’m at the appropriate age of marriage and no one would want me if I reached my thirties,” you ranted.

“Sounds like to me, that they just want you to settle in and give them grandchildren, they aren’t getting any younger either.”

You heaved out a sigh, “they brought that up too.”

Sunghoon didn’t answer. He looked at you warily as you gave him a knowing smile before you leaned on your seat, “you know it always makes me wonder if I reveal to the public Aelia.”

“Are you ready for it? The criticisms, the comments, and hate?”

But you faintly laughed, “I’ve learned to ignore those shits growing up, I think I can manage it — but Aelia and Jake, I’m still trying to protect them.”

“Do it when you’re ready then,” Sunghoon advised.

“What if I told you that I am not?”

“What’s holding you back then? Jake?”

A thin line formed on your lips. Nodding as you remember that Saturday night. The mixture of heaven and reality that happened that night. The blissful ignorance you two danced on later on Sunday — Jake was the only thing that was holding you back.

Jake was also your secret. He was the man who knocked you up. The father of your daughter. You admit that his social status and job isn’t going to be pleasing to the public’s eyes. You could’ve not care about it, but you don’t want Jake to be the target of harsh comments too.

Maybe, there’s a part of you that wants to tell the world that the three of you are a happy family — not just a co-parenting setup. It sounded selfish on your part but you knew that Aelia’s too young to understand your relationship with Jake. In her eyes, you two are together. A loving parents who loved her dearly, when that’s even far from reality. 

“The situation’s still unstable,” you admitted before glancing at your best friend. “Me and Jake, I admit Sunghoon, our relationship’s still blurry and that’s holding me back.”

Sunghoon groaned after hearing your problem, “then confess?”

“I did.” you confessed and before Sunghoon could react, you got him first, “not verbally, but we — something happened to us last Saturday.”

“Oh my god,” Sunghoon complained. “You two fucked again!? Did you really confess to him or did you just miss his dick?”

“Don’t worry about it, he told me that we pretend it was nothing after cumming inside me,” you brushed off quickly. “Clearly, we’re prioritizing Aelia, so that means that we’ll have to stick to our setup.”

“That quickly!? Wow, suddenly he’s a responsible man,” your best friend sarcastically commented. 

“It’s fine — it hurts, yes, but it’s fine. It was a reckless act too, so it was a good thing he snapped me out of it before I fell for him harder.”

Sunghoon whistled slowly before he stood up from his seat, “no more confessions?”

You shook your head as an answer.

“And when Jake wanted to make some changes with the setup, what then?”

You blinked to his words. Quiet as you shrugged, “I’m okay with it, he’s still Aelia’s father after all.”

“Even if it means telling the public about Aelia? And may I add — this doesn’t mean that he wanted your co-parenting setup with him?”

“We'll cross that bridge when we get there.” you stated and Sunghoon stared at you for a moment before a chuckle in disbelief escaped his lips.

“That’s what you said to me when you told me you were pregnant and I asked you what’s your plan with the baby,” Sunghoon pointed out, like it was a nostalgic thing that happened.

“Don’t worry, no more stupid decisions after this,” you convinced and Sunghoon only stared at you with an unconvinced expression before he left you alone inside your office.

-

You didn’t expect that what was only a conversation with your best friend would happen too quickly — within the same week.

It was Thursday. You were in your office sorting some documents and contracts that you needed to read before signing when a visitor came.

A knock on the door made you lift your head towards the sound. The wooden door opened, revealing Sunghoon who had a soft smile on his face.

“Someone wanted to talk to you,” he informed and before you could say another word, Jake entered your office, making you stop.

This was the first time Jake has ever visited you in Seoul. He looks rough, wearing a black leather jacket and gloves, which meant that he drove all the way from Seonyangdo to Seoul just to talk to you. Something rare for him to do so.

You felt your heart stop for a second — you’re used to calls and messages from him, even during emergencies. But this one — something about his visit to you tells you that there’s more to it.

“Where’s Aelia?” you asked as you stood up from your seat. Eyes darting behind him while your word carried with fear.

“Don’t worry, she’s in Seonyangdo, Riki and Rei’s taking care of her for the day,” Jake casually replied, which made you sigh in relief. 

“That’s a bummer, I miss her,” Sunghoon butted in and Jake chuckled at Sunghoon’s comment.

“You can go visit her in Seonyangdo, you know?” Jake suggested.

“I would, if only y/n doesn’t have me working overtime,” your assistant teased, earning a glare from you. 

“Anyways, can you give us a moment for a while, Hoon?” Jake asked, and your best friend gazed at you.

“It’s okay Hoon, it may be something important,” you convinced.

Sunghoon smirked, “alright lovebirds, want me to close your security camera for a while?”

“Hoon!” 

Sunghoon laughed softly before he left with the door closing in a soft shut. You stared at Jake for a second before you moved once again.

“You didn’t say you’re visiting, I could’ve prepared some food for you,” you stated, going through your desk’s drawers where you keep some snacks for yourself.

“It’s okay, I don’t want to take much of your time.” he insisted, making you stop as you placed down the pack of biscuits on top of the table.

“What is it by the way?” you asked. 

“Aelia’s daycare center is going to have a field trip here in Seoul next month,” Jake stated. “It’s like a whole family day trip kind of thing and at least one guardian should go.”

“You couldn’t accompany her?” you asked.

“I could, but she wants her mother to come with her,” Jake crossed his arms. “It’s going to be held here in Seoul, and you know how badly she wanted to go in Seoul just to see you.”

“What exact date?” you asked.

“On the tenth,” he answered.

You stopped immediately. That’s the same exact date for your investor’s meeting. This meeting basically summarizes your accomplishments and upcoming future projects. All of the board of executives will be there — this includes your father, mother, and other relatives. This will prove to your family that your company’s stable and earning under your leadership.

“I have an investors’ meeting at that exact date,” you glanced at Jake. “I couldn’t come, can you do it? Or maybe Riki or Rei?”

Jake stared at you for a moment. “As much as I want to, Aelia wants you to come with her.”

You looked at him confused, “why me?”

Jake laughed, “why not? You’re her mother. She wanted her mother, do you even know how many achievements and events in her life have you missed?”

“Jake, I have a life here in Seoul — you know how busy I am with my life.” you explained.

“Of course you do.”

“Jake,” you called out as you flinched at his sarcastic remark.

“You really couldn’t spare time for Aelia in this one?” he asked one more time. His tone filled with disappointment which drilled guilt into you.

“This is an important meeting Jake, my family — investors, everyone will be here,” you stated. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t leave the meeting for a field trip.”

Jake clicks his tongue, a more disappointed expression was written on his face. “it’s not just any field trip y/n, it’s Aelia’s first family field trip and she wants to spend it with you.”

“You don’t understand Jake.”

“I know, and I may not know how running a business works, but you need to understand that the moment you decided to keep Aelia, you should’ve known that she has to be your priority too.”

You were stunned, quiet as Jake’s lips turned thin. He walks over you. Expression serious and arms still crossed. “You had choices y/n. When you were pregnant, you had choices — get rid of it, placed it in an orphanage or something, but you chose to keep her and raise her. I respected that decision of yours and I fulfilled my duties as her father. Now, I care about my daughter and there are some things that she wanted that only her mother could fulfill.”

“I know, but not right now okay? Maybe, next time, I’ll be there —”

“Your daughter is tired of understanding. Aelia is tired of waiting. Do you even know what she told me when you left last Sunday?” he asked and before you could even speak, Jake got you first. “She asked me if you really love her. She asked me that y/n and I don’t know what to say.”

You were flabbergasted. Your heart started to shrill in pain by the thought of your daughter doubting your love for her. Unknowingly, your fist balled, nails digging on your palms as you conceal yourself from crying.

“It was an innocent question y/n, but it hurts me that she had asked that, because it meant that your love wasn’t enough for her,” Jake lets out a deep sigh. “And I’m not going to let her grow up understanding her mother who’s always away and couldn’t be there for her. I am not going to have her adjust to this setup especially when I know that you’re lacking in some ways.”

“What do you want me to do? Tell the world about us? About Aelia? Is that what you want Jake!?” you shouted, but Jake remained unfazed.

“No,” Jake firmly said. “Show up to Aelia. That’s what I want. It’s just as simple as that. I don’t care about us, but I care about my daughter who wants to spend her first field trip with her mother.”

“You’re making me choose,” you told him with an accusing tone. “You’re making me choose between Aelia and my company.”

But Jake scoffed in disbelief. “The choice is yours, just like five years ago, it was also your choice whether to keep Aelia or not. Just because you have a life here and I agreed to keep her in Seonyangdo, doesn’t mean you’d get away with being a mother to her.”

You became quiet for a moment. Heart hurt as you stared at him for a minute, tears started to leak “that’s too much Jake.”

“Truth hurts I guess? I’m just being a good father to my daughter,” he shrugged so casually that you hate him for that — and you hate yourself because what he said was true. “I swore to myself that I’ll make sure that Aelia gets to have the loving parents that she deserves, and I couldn’t do that alone, you know? She needs her mother too.”

“Just this time Jake, please,” you muttered, completely desperate. “I’ll make up to her, I promise.”

“Don’t say that to me, the choice of showing up for Aelia is yours, not mine,” Jake pointed out. “But don’t act surprised if Aelia grows distant to you.”

You weren’t able to say another word when a knock on the door interrupted you two.

“Hey, sorry for the interruption, but your meeting with Mrs. Song will start in twenty minutes,” Sunghoon informed.

With that, Jake looked at you and bitterly smiled, “I’ll be going now, don’t want to have you late on your important meetings.”

“Jake —”

“By the way, Aelia knows I was going to meet you, and she wanted to give you this,” Jake fished out a crumpled, folded paper from his jacket’s pocket and handed it to you. The paper felt heavy in your hold as you only stared at Jake, but he only gave you a smile.

“You know, she wants to be like you when she grows up.” Jake shared. “So I hope you’d think about the field trip, I’m not rushing you. You have a whole month to think about it.”

He didn’t say goodbye to you, he gave Sunghoon a small nod and quick goodbye before leaving your office. 

“What — are you crying? Did he hurt you?” Sunghoon quickly asked as he entered the office. 

“No, it’s nothing serious,” you quickly brushed off, sniffing the tears away as you grabbed the tissue from your box and gently wiped the tears away. “I got it Sunghoon, I just need to compose myself.”

“You sure? We can move it —”

“No, it’s fine, I know Mrs. Song doesn’t want sudden cancellations, inform them immediately, okay?”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything, he just quickly nodded as he left you alone inside your office.

As soon as you felt yourself calming, that’s when you realized that Aelia’s gift to you remained on your hands. As you opened the paper, you saw Aelia’s drawing of you and her.

She drew you and her together. Just you and her. With her scribble that says “I love you mommy!” along with a pink heart drawn by a pink crayon.

It was your final straw. The tears burst out without any warning. Your hands gripped onto the paper tightly as you continued to cry your heart out — filled with guilt, hatred, and disappointment at the thought of rejecting your own daughter’s wish.

-

Jake didn’t mean to guilt trip you.

He slumped onto the soft couch in his friend’s house. Tired from driving back and forth from Seoul to Seonyangdo, Jake felt his body weary and exhausted as he hastily removed his leather gloves.

“You’re here early,” Riki greeted, placing down the cold glass of water at the coffee table which Jake ignored. His eyes closed as he tried his best to regain his energy. 

“How’s Aelia?” Jake asked.

“Watching some cartoons with Rei,” the younger male answered and Jake nodded. 

“Look dude, you can crash in for tonight, we don’t mind. I mean, your house is ten minutes away, but you’re clearly exhausted and Aelia’s probably on the brink of sleeping,” it was almost nine when Jake arrived in his hometown. He didn’t even choose to eat dinner, he was just eager to go home to his daughter.

“Thanks but no thanks, I don’t want to intrude you guys,” the older male answered, making Riki chuckle.

“Since when did you guys ever intrude on us? Come on, we’re here to help and we kinda expect that you’d be arriving late night,” Riki explained. “I already changed the bedsheets in the guest room, so be my guest.”

Jake could only smile as he nodded, “thanks dude.”

“How did it go by the way?” Riki asked out of nowhere, and he was answered with a disappointed stare before he became quiet.

“That’s fucked up,” Riki commented.

“I don't know how to say it to Aelia,” Jake shared.

“Just say it, don’t make up some white lies and have her thinking that her mom could make it, it’ll hurt her that she’ll be waiting for nothing.” his friend advised.

“Better said than done,” he simply shrugged.

“Well, at least you’d be there.”

“I’m always there for her.”

Jake was tired. Tired of being there — not because he’s tired of being a father to Aelia, but because he felt like he had to make up to all your lapses. 

He knew that you’re not meant to stay in Seonyangdo. You were born in Seoul. Grew up with a silver spoon on your mouth. Everything about your future was fixed and planned by your parents, and a pregnancy at a young age shouldn’t stop you from your career and future.

That’s why he agreed with your condition. Jake agreed to take care of Aelia when she was only one and you returned to Seoul to take over your parent’s company.

He remembers those sleepless nights. Aelia’s endless cries and tantrums. Jake had a hard time adjusting her to drink on baby bottles. She was always restless. He remembered the apologetic look he had whenever he drops Aelia in his parent’s house or in Riki’s place because he has to work his shift at the bar, because even though you were sustaining Aelia financially, he doesn't want to rely on your money fully. 

But all his efforts paid off with good results. Jake was there when Aelia took her first steps, when her first word was “dada,” and how as day passed by, she grew up into a cheerful and bright girl who embodied the sun’s brightness.

He was happy that he was able to raise Aelia well. Jake was fine with your setup and he didn’t mind at all. But there were days that Aelia would ask about you, would search for you, and Jake was helpless — and his pure heart couldn’t bear to lie to his daughter.

As Aelia continues to grow, the more she yearns for her — a mother figure, someone she could look up to. Jake knows that Aelia had grown envious of her other classmates. He noticed it by the way Aelia would stare at her classmates who were picked by their mother, because in her class, Aelia’s the only one who gets picked up by her father.

It's the littlest things. The way Aelia may grow without any guidance by a feminine figure in her life. She was adventurous, a bit tomboyish based on his observation. Sure, Jake was great at raising her daughter into a kind and well-mannered child, but it wasn’t enough, she still needs her mother. She still needed someone she could look up to.

When Mrs. Kim announced to her class about the fieldtrip, the first thing Aelia asked was,

“Can mommy come with me?”

After asking Jake that question a few days earlier, Jake couldn’t bear in his poor heart to say no to Aelia. He has to prove to her that you love her and the only way he could do so was for you to show up.

He knows that it was dick move for him to show up to your office unannounced and corner you about Aelia’s request, but he had no choice. He was helping you too — he knows that you have a life in Seoul, but he wanted to remind you that you also have a daughter who’s waiting for you in Seonyangdo.

“Dada!” Jake hugged Aelia as soon as they made contact. Lifting her and swinging her lightly before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Hi sunshine, did you behave well here?” he asked.

“She had some cookies that Mrs. Ryu dropped off earlier, so I guess she’s a bit hyper tonight,” Jake turned to Rei who answered for her instead. “Hopefully it’ll wear off before bed time.”

“Dada, will mommy come?” Aelia asked which made Jake shift his attention to her.

Oh right. That one.

“Aelia, listen,” Jake started before placing his daughter down. “She’s not going to come.”

His daughter’s forehead creased, “Why?”

“Because mommy needs to talk with some important people,” Jake explained carefully as he stared at Aelia who’s sinking in his words. “She’s very busy that day, that’s why dada will come with you okay?”

“But dada, you’re busy that day too,” Aelia pointed out and Jake softly chuckled.

“Yeah, but I’d drop it off for you.”

“Why can’t mommy come? We’ll be in Seoul, she’s in Seoul,” Aelia rebutted and Jake swore internally because why does his daughter have to be this smart.

“Aelia, she’s busy, she’ll make up to you next time —”

“No! I want mommy!” the kid shouted, surprising Jake. 

Aelia rarely threw tantrums. Sure she fusses about things a lot but it never reached this far. 

“Aelia,” Jake firmly scolded. “Stop being so stubborn.”

“No! I want my mommy! Mommy!” she shouted.

“Aelia!” Jake authoritatively shouted and yet, Aelia wasn’t fazed by his father’s voice.

“I hate you! I hate you and mommy!”

Jake was frozen. Eyes wide as he couldn’t sinked into his mind that Aelia just said those words. He wasn’t able to do anything when Aelia struggled out of his hold and ran towards Rei’s bedroom. Ignoring the two other adults inside the house and slamming the door shut.

“I’d take care of it,” the older girl volunteered, leaving a sulking Jake in the living room. He returned to the couch, slumping down as he brushed his hair out of frustration.

“I can’t believe it.”

“It’s alright,” Riki assured, arms patting Jake. “She also has to learn that she won’t be able to get what she wants all the time.”

“I can’t believe she said those words to me.” Jake breathed.

“She didn’t mean it. She’s a kid, I’m pretty sure she’s just sad that her mommy couldn’t go.” Jake knew that, and yet, it still hurt him that Aelia said those words to him. He couldn’t even wonder where she learned to say those words.

“This is all my fault.” Jake groaned.

“No. This isn’t yours. You did your part and there’s nothing she can do about it.”

“I — I shouldn’t have tried harder. Convince her —”

“Jake hyung, just forget about her. Clearly, she’s not going to choose Aelia over her career, because if she did, she’d say yes without any hesitations,” Riki pointed out.

“I have a month, Riki,” Jake rebutted. “I gave her a month to think about it.”

“You think you’d change her mind within a month?”

“I hope so,” Jake said in defeat before glancing at his friend. “I hope so, Riki. This is about Aelia after all.”

-

The view from your office never fails to amaze you.

It was ten in the evening. The whole building was empty — saved from yourself who just finished an international call with an investor.

Now, you stood in front of the glass wall of your building. You could see the whole business district of Seoul — the sky towers, high-rise penthouses, and busy streets. You stared at it for a whole good minute, deeply pondering about your life.

Aelia’s drawing lay inside your desk’s drawer, reminding yourself that you need to buy a frame for it tomorrow. The call with Mrs. Song went through and safe to say, everything was settled and cleared at each other’s party.

Despite the relief in your shoulders wearing off, you admitted that your mind was afloat throughout the rest of the day. Up until now, you’re still afloat. The view in front of you has turned blurry as your focus is departing somewhere.

“Thought I’d find you here,” you were startled by a masculine voice. Turning around, you see your best friend who’s wearing his workout clothes. The bottle in his hands indicated that he just finished his routine.

While you’re still in your office attire, tired, stressed, and hungry. You gave him a small smile before you returned your stare at the view. Sunghoon walks up to you, standing beside you as he imitates your action, he crosses his arms as he looks at the view in front of him. Just like you, Sunghoon was always in awe with the view from the floor.

“She’s not taking it well,” you shared, making him glance at you. Sunghoon didn’t say a word when you showed him the message Jake sent to you.

Jake: She wasn’t happy with the news. You still have a month though, I hope you’d change your mind.

9:36 PM

“What’s your verdict then?” he asked.

“I — just this once can I be a bad mother?” you asked with a defeated tone. “I know she’s my responsibility. I know that Sunghoon! But, not all the time, I’d be there for her — and it could happen with Jake, not all the time, he’d be there for her.”

“Just because you missed one thing doesn't equate you to being a bad mother,” Sunghoon pointed out. “But the thing is, Jake’s been with her ever since she gained consciousness of herself, but you, you’re still not that present in her life y/n.”

“I know.” you admitted, and that thought deeply hurt you.

“So you’re choosing the meeting?”

Biting your lips, you nodded while Sunghoon didn’t say a word. He knows that it’s hard on your part too, that’s why he didn’t comment furthermore.

“I’m doing this for her after all,” you whispered. “Just like what my parents did for me, just like every parent in this world would do for their children.”

“Sacrifices, I guess, are meant to be made,” he commented.

“I don’t like it too, but I have to,” you stated. “Does that make me a bad parent?”

Sunghoon glanced at you. “You’re doing this for Aelia, I’m pretty sure she’d understand it someday — just like what you were with your parents.”

“I always hated this company,” you confessed. “I didn’t even like that I have to inherit our family business, but slowly, I grew to love it. I've come to realize that I was lucky that my parents were able to provide me with stability.”

“Even if they’re emotionally distant with you?” he asked and you could only bitterly laugh.

“I guess parents love in different ways.” you shrugged and the two of you shared a few laughter.

“Hey, you’re different from your parents okay?” Sunghoon assured, tapping your arms as he gave you a gentle smile. “You’re not like them. You don’t have to love Aelia the same way they loved you.”

You stared at him before a bitter smile escaped your lips. “Thank you.”

“Just make up to her after this meeting,” Sunghoon advised. “She’s only four, you have all the time in this world you know? It’s not like it’s the end of the world if you didn’t show up once.”

“But Jake —”

“Jake was just trying to guilt trip you,” your best friend assured. “And I get his part because Aelia’s still his daughter, but he’s acting like you’re leaving Aelia for good. While you missy, are guilty about it because you’re also thinking about disappointing Jake too.”

You chuckled in disbelief. “You caught me.”

“Don’t be so bothered by it, he’d understand, the same way he understands that you have to leave Seonyangdo to take over the company, he loves you.”

“Now you’re exaggerating.”

“Admit it, you wanted to hear those words too,” Sunghoon teased and you only smacked his shoulders out of frustration. 

“Thank you,” you breathed. A deep sigh escaped your lips, knowing that you’re assured and seen by someone who knew what you went through. “Seriously, thank you Hoon.”

“I’m always your ride or die no matter what.” Sunghoon smiled, making you smile back at him. The two of you fall under silence as you shift your attention towards the view again.

“Are you nervous for the meeting?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Not at all.” you commented and he only laughed.

“Of course, you aren’t.”

-

Weeks passed and the investor’s meeting was fast approaching. Between the last minute reports and coffee fuels, the day finally had arrived.

You weren’t nervous per se, but you couldn’t help but to think about Aelia. It’s ten in the morning. They’re probably on their way to Seoul now. Your guilt still lingers, especially whenever you visit Aelia, she would always ask you to accompany her to her field trip.

And between the white lies and “I’ll think about it okay?” you’d notice how every visit, she doesn’t bring it up anymore. She probably had given up, and the way Jake looks at you disappointingly added more to your guilt.

You tried to encourage yourself. Convincing that you’re doing this for Aelia — this is just one day, and after this, you’d make sure to make up to her. Probably let her stay over in Seoul for a week. That would be nice, or perhaps, an overseas vacation. Anything, just for her to be happy again.

“They’re here,” Sunghoon announced.

You only gave him a nod, giving him a signal to escort the other investors towards the conference room, while you stood up to escort your family personally.

“Hi dad, hi mom,” you greeted them with a formal hug which they reciprocated. 

“You look tense,” your mother warmly said. “You’ve been doing this for years, you shouldn’t be worrying about this anymore.”

You gave her a small smile, “I always get nervous whenever you guys are around.”

“Don’t let us down then,” your father commented. Your genuine smile disappeared as you nodded to his words.

“Of course I won’t,” it was the only thing you could say.

They didn’t comment furthermore, both your parents went straight towards the conference room. That’s when you noticed your younger brother trailing them, making you grab him by his arms.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, surprised.

But he only gave you a bitter smile — so much for a fourteen year old. “To learn, they said. It’s better to know these things at an early age.”

Looking at him felt like deja vu. You remembered the first time your parents brought you to a meeting, you were twelve and barely aware of the business world. You doze off midway the meeting and were given a scornful lecture on the way home, leaving you crying inside your room.

It shouldn’t surprise you that they’re also training your younger brother to join the company. You could only loosen your hold on him.

“They got you too, huh?” you joked and your younger brother only laughed at your comment.

The two of you entered the conference room together. He found his seat at the corner, while you went in front wherein Sunghoon was busy arranging the presentation on a laptop.

“You’re ready?” he asked, and you only nod at his words.

With a smile on your lips. Voice loud and clear, you were able to steal everyone’s attention inside the room. Chin up, straight body, and with a confident tone, you started your presentation.

You were not nervous deep inside. You were confident at every report you explained. Detail by detail, you answer every question from the board without even stuttering. Your smile becomes wider and confidence boosting up as you continue your talk. 

The investors were impressed, but your parents — they haven’t said anything, and though it bothered you, you didn’t let it falter your momentum. You continued with your report. Accomplishments, goals, and surveys were shown, your company has improved and its net worth has doubled than last year.

Midway, your parents started asking questions. The type that should have you stuttering, but you didn’t. You managed to compete with it. You had always known that your parents will always be your biggest critic until the day you died. They prepared you for this, and you’re going to show them that you didn’t fail not only as the CEO of the company, but also as their daughter.

Then came the comments. The critics that were useless, unrelated to your reports. The backhanded compliments that will have the whole room laugh while you stood there in silence because you’re used to this. They do this to weaken you, to lower your self-esteem because if you can't handle it, then how will you survive the real world?

But today felt different. The words were heavier and something inside you was churning. You felt sick as your parents continued spewing jokes about how you couldn’t actually lead the company because you’re a female. They even complemented Sunghoon who was put into a more awkward situation.

You burst. A sharp “Please be quiet.” slipped out of your lips. It wasn’t loud, but it commanded the whole room. 

Everyone fell into a deep silence, with a heavy tension brewing as you stood there with your eyes remained on your parents. “Please be quiet if you have nothing good to say.”

“Y/n? What is this?” your mother’s eyebrow raised, you could see the disappointment on her face as your eyes remained on her.

“I am not going to stand here and listen to every back-handed and snobbish comment you throw about my leadership when I have done nothing but to keep it stable and running after you handed it to me,” you told them before a chuckle in disbelief escaped your lips. “You think I couldn’t do it? You shouldn’t have given it to me then. You could’ve just given it to your youngest child because it seems like you’re also preparing him to enter this company.”

Your parents were taken back. Surprised to hear you talk back to them. Your younger brother looked at you with confusion. The tension became more heavy as your expression became cold and sharp.

“I am not going to spend the rest of my day being belittled by my own family when —” your lips trembled, your breath stopped as you looked at them with anger. “When I should be spending this day with my daughter instead.”

A gasp — suddenly, there’s commotion inside the room. Your parents’ jaw dropped but you remained there, calm and easy.

“y/n? What is the meaning of this?”

You stared at your father, “my daughter is in Seoul right now, she’s on this family field trip and I didn’t show up because I chose this company over her! And now I am regretting my decision especially when you couldn’t even see all my efforts and hard work for this company! Three years and I’ve done everything to keep this company stable and reputable when it was on the edge of bankruptcy when you handed it to me.”

“You’re so ungrateful!” your mother shouted, making you glance at her, eyes prickled with tears as the years of their absence had finally gotten into you. “We poured all our hard work just so you could have a bright future! We shouldn’t have given this company to you!”

“Like you have another choice,” you sarcastically remarked. “I saved this company and yet, it’s not enough for the two of you — and I am saying this as your daughter, not as the chief executive officer of this company, but you two will never ever be satisfied with everything I do and I had enough of it.”

“Are you telling us that you’re quitting!?” your father angrily pointed his fingers at you.

But you only chuckled at his words, “no. This is my company. I am just not going to let any of you control my life and leadership here.”

You threw down the papers on the table. Letting it scatter as your parents stood there appalled by your action. You gave them a smile before you glanced at Sunghoon who only nodded as an assurance.

“I’ve done my part in this meeting. I won’t be entertaining questions anymore, especially stupid ones,” you stated. “Now if you excuse me, I am late for my daughter’s field trip. My executive assistant will continue from here on, since you like him better than me anyway.”

“Don’t you dare walk out of this room y/n,” your father ordered as you walked your way towards the glass door of the conference room. “The moment you stepped out of this room, you’d be completely out of this company.”

You looked at him, dead in the eye as you heaved out a sigh, “after giving it to me, you’re going to throw me away suddenly? I guess you never treat me as your daughter at all. Thanks for enlightening me with that one.”

“Don’t you ever talk to your father like that!” your mother shouted. “After everything we’ve done, this is how you're going to repay us? A child? Is this why you stayed in that cheap town years ago!?”

“Yes,” you answered. “And believe me, for the past three years I managed to balance being a mother to her and running this company, something you two couldn’t do to the two of us.”

You left the room. The place fell under a commotion. Your parents were filled with rage and disappointment as their heads ached, your other relatives started gossiping about your secret daughter, while the rest of the investors were left confused by the sudden scene.

Sunghoon cleared his throat loudly, looking at everyone who turned their attention towards him, he only smiled as he stared at the paper that you left for him, “now let’s settle down please, we still have a few documents to report, shall we?”

-

Aelia’s huge gasp was all Jake could hear as she looked through the telescope inside the Namsan Tower.

He watched her daughter with a smile on his face as Aelia tries to lift the device but it doesn't even budge.

“What do you want to see, sunshine?” he asked.

“Mommy’s house,” Aelia answered. “Maybe I could see it from here!”

Jake, although felt bitter at the mention of you, only laughed. “Seoul is pretty big sunshine, you couldn’t find mommy’s place here.”

“Is it far?”

Jake wasn’t sure either. “I guess, I’m not familiar with Seoul yet.”

That’s when Aelia removed herself from the telescope, glancing at Jake with a pouted expression. “I wish mommy’s here.”

Jake brushes her hair, with a bitter smile, he softly said, “next time okay? She’d be with you.”

The day drifted in bliss. Wandering Seoul was a bit tiring but Jake was still amazed by the city nevertheless. After lunch, they found themselves by Love Padlock where Aelia was curious about the written messages on each lock. Reading it out loud as Jake trailed behind her.

“Jae…jaeyun! Dada, is this yours?” Aelia pointed out a small yellow lock in the middle of the thousands. 

“Maybe, maybe not,” Jake teasingly replied. “Unless it has mommy’s name on it too, then it’s not mine.”

Aelia creased her forehead before she glanced back, “it’s not mommy’s name! Dada you’re a cheater!”

Jake laughed, “me? Cheating? I would not.”

“Then why is mommy’s name not written there?” Aelia stomped her feet out of anger. Her pout widened and her arms crossed. Jake swears he just wants to hug his daughter because of her cuteness.

“It may be someone else, sunshine, you know that there’s a thousand Jaeyun’s out there,” Jake explained.

“Then prove it!” Aelia shouted.

“What?”

“You have to put a lock there for you and mommy!” 

Jake only stared at Aelia, holding his laughter at his daughter’s silly antics. 

“She’s right.” but his heart stopped for a second when he heard a familiar voice. “You should put a lock here.”

“Mommy!”

Jake was frozen when he watched as Aelia passed by him. He could only turn around as he saw you in front of Aelia — hugging her tight as you were holding a pair of locks. You were still in your office clothes — a black slacks paired with a designer blouse in a neutral shade. Your smile was wide as you squeezed your daughter tight, while your soft hands rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry I was late, mommy’s really, really sorry,” you apologized to Aelia once you broke out from the hug. You smiled as you cupped her cheeks dearly. “But don’t worry now, okay? Mommy’s here now, we’ll enjoy the rest of the field trip right?”

Aelia squealed in joy as she hugged you once again before planting a loud kiss on your cheeks, “you’re the best mommy! I love you!”

“I love you too, Aely,” you whispered to her.

Jake was still appalled as you approached him. Hands holding Aelia tightly as you gave him a small smile.

“You’re here.” It was the only thing he could say, but you could see in his face that he was washed over with relief.

“Sorry I was late,” you apologetically told him.

“No — it’s okay, your meeting?”

“Sunghoon got it covered,” you shrugged. “And I may or may not have told them that I am going to my daughter’s field trip.”

His eyes widened. “What!? How —”

“Let’s talk about it later Jake,” you assured before giving him the lock. “How about you fulfill Aelia’s wish first?”

Jake reluctantly accepted the lock. He stared at you for a second before he moved. Finding a spot where he can write on the orange lock, and returning a few minutes later. Your names were written with his messy handwriting but Aelia was excited to find a spot for it and had it locked along with the thousand others.

“Mommy can you keep it?” Aelia asked, handing you the key which you accepted without a beat.

“Of course baby, then we’ll return here after a few years, what do you think?” you suggested.

“I want that mommy!” she excitedly answered, jumping out of joy as she tugged your hand. “Mommy, I want to go there!”

You only laughed as you let your daughter pull you to wherever she wants. “Alright, slow down Aely, we have the whole afternoon for this.”

The three of you had moved to the nearby park. With Aelia walking first, you and Jake trailed behind her, quiet yet the seeping tension between the two of you were starting to leak. Jake was wary, while your eyes were focused on Aelia who’s following a trail path, careful to not step onto the grass.

“Some are staring,” Jake opened up and you only hummed.

It shouldn’t surprise you. In broad daylight, you’re walking beside Jake — an unknown man in your life while following a four year old who’s the splitting image of you. It was a brewing scandal for your image, but you only smiled as you continued your walk.

“I don’t care,” you shrugged. “Unless you're conscious by the stare, we can leave this place for your safety.”

“I’m alright,” Jake immediately answered. “But Aelia’s privacy.”

“Don’t worry about it, I got it covered okay?” you assured. “But for now, let’s just let Aelia enjoy her field trip."

The weight on Jake’s shoulder loosened. He only gave you a nod as you smiled back at him.

The afternoon was filled with nothing but warm happiness. The two of you let Aelia wander around the place. Her curiosity beamed in that she kept on running around. It did stress Jake especially in crowded places, but you only laughed at him as you tagged along to your daughter’s adventures. 

The three of you met with the rest of the class at a nearby spot where the daycare center’s teacher, Mrs. Kim, held a small picnic for her class. There were parents and familiar faces there too, you only greeted them with a smile and had small talk before you returned to the bench where Jake and Aelia were waiting.

“How did you even find us?” Jake asked as he held the half-bitten sandwich.

“I asked Mrs. Kim about your location,” you confessed. “Do you know how huge this place is? I was looking for almost fifteen minutes before I found you two!”

Jake only laughed, “thank you, for showing up.”

“I was late though.”

“Still, you show up,” Jake justified. “She’s been talking about you the whole trip.”

You gasped, leaning against your daughter who only squealed at your action, “did you baby? Oh! Mommy’s so, so happy to hear that.”

“We tried looking for your house mommy!” your daughter shared.

“Really? It’s a bit far from here, you know,” you answered, making her gasp in excitement.

“Can we go? Dada, can we please go to mommy’s house?” Aelia pleaded, looking at Jake with her sad eyes and pout making her father freeze.

“I — I don’t know baby, we have to return to Seonyangdo after this —”

“Actually,” you laughed at his words. “I already asked Mrs. Kim, if you two could stay here in Seoul.”

Jake’s eyes widened along with Aelia’s gasp, “really mommy!?”

“Wait, y/n, we don’t want to intrude —”

“Jake, I live alone, don’t worry,” you assured. “You’re not intruding on me, you two are my family.”

Jake wasn’t able to say anything. He only nodded and returned to his snacks. He seemed flustered by the thought and you only stared at him with soft laughter escaping your lips before you returned to your snacks. 

The whole afternoon felt tiring for you, stressful at first especially when you walked out of the conference room — but you’ve made up your mind. You knew the consequences and you were confident that you won’t be removed from your position.

Sunghoon’s message from you a few minutes later was a confirmation that your position will remain, removing the relief from your shoulders before you sent him your thanks for saving your life there. You closed your phone and let the fresh breeze of the afternoon ease your mind. 

It didn’t take a minute for you to feel Aelia’s head bumping against your arms, you looked to her side and her eyes were half-closed.

“She’s on the verge of sleeping,” you laughed as Jake stood up from his seat and carried his daughter in his arms.

“She’s tired now, we should get going now,” Jake suggested while he rubbed Aelia’s back.

“I’ll inform Mrs. Kim about it, just wait there alright?” Jake nodded at you before you went towards the teacher and informed her that the three of you will be leaving now.

“I’m really glad that you arrived for Aelia,” the old lady smiled. “I know how busy your job is, but I am really happy that you’re here. Aelia looks up to you a lot.”

Her words warmed your heart. You could only give Mrs. Kim a hug as gratitude for her words. Breaking from the hug, the old lady glanced at Jake who’s standing cluelessly as he swayed his body to comfort his sleeping daughter.

“You’re lucky with Jaeyunnie too,” Mrs. Kim stated. “Keep him, alright?”

You only chuckled at her words, “of course. There’s no way I’m gonna let him go.”

You bid goodbye to her before you returned to Jake with a smile on your lips.

“We’re good to go,” you told him.

“Alright,” he smiled at you. “Let’s go home.”

You stopped for a second. Heart beating fast as Jake’s smile felt warm against the golden afternoon.

Right. Home.

It made you smile, “of course, let’s go home, Jake.”

-

The door of your penthouse floor swung open. Revealing a huge living room that felt like the size of Jake’s whole house.

“Woah, it’s huge!” Aelia excitedly shouted as she ran towards the couch, standing there and jumping in joy. Seeing her all hyper once again after napping on the drive home only made you laugh as you walked inside while Jake closed the door.

“Aelia! Get down there,” Jake shouted as soon as he noticed his daughter was still jumping on the couch.

“It’s okay Jake,” you said as you dropped off your shoes on the racks. “Feel at home.”

Jake watched as you approached Aelia, sitting beside her who immediately sat down with you.

“This is so pretty! And huge!” Aelia exclaimed.

“You like it here?” you asked, and your daughter eagerly nodded.

“Yup! I want to live here!” she excitedly replied.

“Do you want to see the view outside?” you asked before grabbing her into your arms and carrying her towards the huge windows of your penthouse.

Aelia’s eyes widened. A soft gasp escaped her lips as she pressed her hands on the window. Gazing at the golden afternoon of Seoul city. Skyscrapers and buildings stood tall against the busy city as the whole sky was painted in pink and orange skies. 

You didn’t even notice that Jake had stood beside you. He stared at the view outside. Unsure and somehow, small even though it was mesmerizing for him. Jake knew couldn’t compete. This is the place you grew up with. This was your view for years of living here in Seoul — far from the small house he rents in his hometown. 

Jake wondered, what could he even bring into your life?

“Dada, can we live here?” Aelia excitedly asked Jake who snapped out of his thoughts.

“I — actually, if y/n want to,” he insisted and you only stared at him before a smile formed on your lips.

“Aelia, could you go sit on the couch for a while? Mommy wants to talk to Dada first,” you told your daughter as you placed her down on the floor.

“Is it important?” she asked innocently and you only brushed her hair.

“Yup, it’s important and for adults only, now, be a good girl and go sit on the couch please?” you answered.

“Okay.” Aelia answered before going back towards the couch. You watched her for a second before you turned your attention towards Jake. 

“I’m sorry,” Jake blurted out first, catching you off-guard. He looked at you embarrassed as he darted his stare at the window. 

“Look, I know how important your career and company is, and I didn’t mean to ruin your meeting and future. Now that I think of it, it was stupid of me to guilt trip you into attending Aelia’s field trip, but at the same time — how could I not do it? I did it for her too.” Jake explained before a deep sigh escaped his lips. 

“Jake, don't apologize,” you assured. Hands grabbing his, you lightly squeezed it which made him look at you. “I’m the one who should say sorry. You’re right, I should’ve been more of a mother to Aelia. I should’ve known better when I chose to keep her.”

Jake nodded. An assuring smile forms on his lips as he squeezes your hands back.

“The truth is, I kept her because of you,” you confessed, and immediately, Jake’s eyes widened out of shock. “I kept her because she has a part of you and I don’t want whatever we had that summer to just be a passing time for me.”

“It may be indecisive and too rash for us. I wasn’t expecting you to take responsibility for her but I was still glad that you did,” then, you laughed bitterly. “You’re even a greater parent to her than me, and I thought that our setup was fine and alright. I mean, I sustain her and visit her weekly but when we had that talk, I realized that what I am doing isn't enough.”

He didn’t say anything. Jake let you explain everything, watch as the soft smile on your face turned bitter.

“I guess I thought it was okay because that’s just how I was raised, my parents weren’t that present when I was a kid either, so I thought it was okay, because I convinced myself that they’re doing it because they love me,” your lips trembled as your hand started to become cold. “But I knew that I could show my love to Aelia differently, and I want to make it right. So, thank you Jake for knocking some senses on me.”

His forehead creased. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m going to tell the public about our relationship,” you admitted. “I don’t want to hide it anymore, I don’t want any weekly visits and poor attempts at becoming a mother. I wanted to be there for Aelia — that is, if you want it too.”

“You’re okay with that?” he asked you back.

You nodded. “I don’t want Aelia to think that I am ashamed of her — of us, I want to give her a bright future too, and if I could, I should be more present in her life, you know?”

“But your company, your image —”

“What? You think I couldn’t multitask? They aren’t going to kick me out of my position just because of it,” you laughed. “My parents were already mad at me, but I was planning to cut them off since I’m tired of them controlling me.”

But Jake’s face remained soft and scared, “you’re okay with it? I have nothing to give you. They’d think you’re reckless, having a baby with a town boy, it doesn’t sound good —”

“He is a great father to my daughter, that’s what matters,” you whispered. “And I love that town boy, I couldn’t see myself with anyone other than him.”

Jake wasn’t able to say anything. His lips turned into a thin line as he looked at you who only gave him an assuring smile. 

That was his signal. He lets go of your hand and reaches out for you, who instinctively melted into his touch.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say that,” Jake confessed, thumb caressing your cheeks. “From the moment we had Aelia — us, when we were raising her peacefully in Seonyangdo, I wanted that. A family, but I don’t want to trap you, so I stayed in a corner, contented with us.”

“You did it for me?” you asked, appalled.

“I was scared — and I don’t want to dwell on my insecurities, but — why me? You could do much better.” he told you.

“Because you’re you, there’s no other explanation other than that Jake.” you stated with a smile on your face, your words were light and genuine that something inside Jake’s neverending insecurities was eased. “I just know, from the moment I first saw you, I don’t want anyone else other than you.”

He stared at you, eyes almost watery as a deep sharp of exhale escaped his lips — almost a sigh of relief, the only thing he could do was to pull you closer to him. Jake had trapped you in his arms, warm and tender as he pressed a deep kiss on top of your head.

“I love you,” he confessed. “I love you so much and we’ll make this family work, alright? Us and Aelia, I’ll make sure that we’d be a happy family.”

“Thank you too Jake,” you answered. “I love you too, I’m sorry, if I made you wait for too long. You don’t know how much I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I was just scared of ruining what we have.”

“I understand don’t worry, but I’m here now, I will always be here,” he then breaks out of the hug and faces you. “If things go wrong, I’ll be here, I won’t leave your side, and — there’s always a place for you in Seonyangdo.”

“It’ll always be my safe haven.” you told him.

“It could be your home too.”

Right. Because your home is where Jake and Aelia are. Whether in Seoul or Seonyangdo, as long as you’re with them, you’re home.

A teary smile was all you could do before you nodded eagerly. “Of course — I love that, I would love that Jake.”

“Don’t cry now, pretty,” he chuckled. “We’d be okay, right? Should we go tell Aelia about this?”

You nodded at his words. Jake gave you a quick kiss on your temples before he guided you towards Aelia who’s actually watching the two of you.

“Why is mommy crying?” your daughter asked, making you burst into tears further.

“Those are just happy tears baby, okay?” Jake assured before he pulled her close to him. “Listen Aelia, mommy and I discussed something very important, and we would like to hear your thoughts.”

“Are we going to get a puppy?” she asked innocently. 

“Depends on your answer,” Jake laughed. “But, mommy wanted Aelia and Dada to move here in Seoul with her. That means we get to live together forever. What do you say sunshine?”

Aelia’s eyes widened. Her mouth went agape before she jumped in joy. “Yes! I would love that! Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course baby, but are you sure? We’re going to live here forever now,” you clarified, making her stop, eyes wide. 

“Here? Forever? What about Uncle Riki and Auntie Rei? And my friends! And grandpops and mama? Wouldn’t I be seeing them anymore?” she asked.

“We could still visit Seonyangdo Aelia. It’s just, we’ll move here so that we can see mommy everyday, not during weekends anymore. If that’s okay with you, alright?” Jake explained further and your confused daughter thought about it deeper.

“Can I sleep with mommy if we move here?” she asked, and you only chuckled.

“Sure baby, we can share the bed, and dada will take the couch,” you teased.

“Hey!” Jake called out.

You only laughed at his defeated face along with your daughter. That’s why it surprised you that before you could even move, Jake had his arms wrapped around you already, lifting you in his arms which made you yelp out of fear while Aelia’s squeal and laughter echoed inside the whole place.

“I can’t wait for what the future awaits for us,” Jake confessed as he looked at you dearly. His arms around your waist while you place yours on his shoulders. 

“So do I,” you softly confessed. “And I’m glad that it’ll be you Jake.”

Jake could only smile before he leaned close for a kiss. You quickly reciprocated it but it was cut short when Aelia made a fake gagging sound.

“Ew! No kissing in front of me!” she shouted, crossing her arms like a diva.

Jake laughed before he removed his arms from you, “how about a hug instead?”

Aelia ran towards the two of you. Jake had carried her in his arms, warm as Aelia wrapped her arms around Jake’s neck before she leaned on his shoulders. Meanwhile Jake pulled you close to them, his free hand around your waist as you hugged him along with Aelia. Planting a kiss on your daughter’s back before leaning on it. Jake’s hold on you tightened making you sigh in relief.

“I’m so happy,” Aelia mumbled, making you and Jake glance at each other.

“We’re happy too baby,” you told her.

“And we’ll make sure that you’ll be happy forever, alright?” Jake assured before looking at you once again.

You only gave him a smile as you answered, “of course.”

-

Your ex-husband is getting married.

A model. The new face of beauty brands and high-end clothing lines. Her face was on every mall establishment and billboard in your country. Thin, pale, a bit shorter than Heeseung, but she was tall nevertheless, but most of all — younger.

Younger than you. Six years younger than you. A fresh face that seems to be at the peak of her career — something guys would love to have. A rising star that would vanish all of the sudden and become a housewife for their hardworking, business-minded husband. A beautiful, younger wife who eventually, will end up as a trophy wife for husbands to brag during company dinners and important events.

Something your ex-husband couldn’t do to you, because in the spotlight of your relationship with Heeseung, the public has always seen you two as equal to each other.

Having the same age as your ex-husband used to have a lot of pros. Both of you relate and understand each other. Given that you two run a company, you assumed that you and Heeseung will always be on the same page.

The public called you the power couple, your relationship was always on the public’s display. Marriage, future, and company collaborations were always on the line. There was peer pressure for you, but you love him. You were sure that he’d be the one you want to spend your forever with. That’s why it was easy for you to marry Heeseung

It was a small and intimate wedding. No press or reporters, just you, him, and people who had witnessed your relationship grew. It was filled with happiness and love, and you found yourself secured. Everything in your life was perfect — you have a loving husband, a famous company, and your reputation’s in good hands.

But that didn’t even last a year. 

You noticed it immediately. The way Heeseung wanted more than just marriage — a family. A happy one that’s picture perfect from the public’s perspective.

Heeseung didn’t ask you to step down from your position, but he wanted you more to be his wife. He wanted domesticity and the simplicity of marriage. Not a penthouse that’s big, cold, and lacked any colors, and perhaps, your cold and quiet personality was too suffocating for him. Both of you were busy, but in his mind, you were busier. You couldn’t spare time for him and feelings started to fade. You didn’t notice that little by little, your marriage was crumbling.

Maybe Heeseung couldn’t handle the fact that he couldn’t control you. You didn’t want to be controlled by him either. Serious arguments came a few months after the marriage. It wasn’t the type that you two were shouting at each other and throwing things out of rage, the arguments came cold and rational, logical like a debate wherein no one wanted to lower their pride. Heeseung always ended up defeated, because all he could see was how cold you were when you looked at him — like you don’t love him at all and he wasn’t your husband. 

It probably hurt him. You’re a tough cookie to break, and believe me because Lee Heeseung, who’s always oozing with charisma and had learned the art of persuasion, wasn’t able to manipulate his own wife. That probably hurt his ego.

Divorce papers were sent not even ten months after your marriage. Signed immediately. The divorce was settled and you two decided that maybe, you two aren’t just compatible. Your four-years relationship with Lee Heeseung vanished all of the sudden.

Of course, the news spread out like wildfire. Comments about your marriage and divorce came left and right — mostly about you, unfortunate to your side.

How Lee Heeseung couldn’t even get you to settle down. How heartless you were and Heeseung probably didn’t love you completely. You were a workaholic, you’re married to your company instead. Every name they could think of was thrown to you and despite everything, they still quiver when you're in their presence. Your reputation never faded and your company stood strong despite the criticisms on you. After all, you didn’t care about what they said, since they didn’t even care that the divorce was just a matter of fallout.

Now, it’s not even less than five months since your divorce, and your ex-husband’s getting married. It surprised you at first, but when you saw his fiance, it didn’t surprise you anymore. She looks like something straight out of a men’s magazine — every guy’s fantasy, and all you could think of was that Heeseung probably found a girl who he can control. Good for him though.

It was Heeseung who’s getting married, and yet, in some ways, the press had managed to find a way to drag your name in his articles. 

Comparisons between you and the fiance were the topic. The public wasn’t surprised that Heeseung replaced you with someone younger and prettier. Someone who’s kind at heart and bubbly. The fiance was on the trend now, the nation’s sweet darling, as what everyone calls her. She’s smart and media-trained. Her answers and words were articulated and well-spoken, as if she was in a beauty pageant.

She was the complete opposite of you. She’s what Heeseung deserves, they say. Praises were given to the new couple while you were thrown into the pit of shame, because you may be the CEO of the biggest magazine publishing company in your country, you’re the one who’s ex-husband divorced due to your cold personality.

If only. They say. If only you weren’t cold or evil or too much, then maybe, Heeseung wouldn’t have divorced you. If only you weren’t self-centered who only thinks about herself, then maybe, you could’ve had the happy marriage that was supposed to last forever. 

Still, you didn’t care nonetheless about it. You thought that maybe, marriage and love wasn’t just for you. You could read all the hateful comments and opinions from the public all day, but not a single sting could be felt on your heart. 

That’s when you decided to close your phone, realizing that maybe, you’re just a heartless monster just like what everybody says. You placed your phone on your table and focused once again at your monthly due dates for the month when you heard the door open.

“Hey chief, I hope a bun of cinnamon roll would cheer you up,” you looked up and saw Sunoo standing in front of you. Holding a paper bag wherein a faint smell of freshly baked pastry filled the air. 

Talking about right timing, Sunoo came in with your favorite pastry. He placed down the paperbag and you only grabbed the box out of it. Your best friend sat on the chair in front of you as he took a sip on his strawberry latte.

“You’re done with the article I sent you?” You asked as you took a bite on the bread.

“I did, I guess you haven’t opened my email yet because you’re too busy reading Heeseung’s article.” Sunoo teased.

You only chuckled in disbelief, “people are funny you know? My ex-husband’s getting married but somehow, I’m still the one getting all the negative comments.”

That made your best friend groan. Rolling his eyes as he spoke, “Right? Not even a what if Heeseung and that girl were having an affair while you two were married — I mean come on now! Five months? Not even a dating article or rumors? It’s been five months since you two divorced and he’s getting married already? What’s the rush?”

Now that you think about it, five months was indeed too fast, as if you and Heeseung didn’t have a long-term relationship before getting married. It never crossed your mind whether he had an affair while you two married — you didn’t care about that thought. Perhaps, Heeseung really just wanted to settle down and have a family. If he couldn’t do it with you, he’d find someone else for sure.

“He has certain goals that he wanted to hit before turning thirty, so it’s not a surprise he’s a rush.” you commented.

“I bet my next bonus that the girl’s pregnant,” Sunoo joked.

“Already? That’s a shame for the girl,” you mumbled before taking a bite on the bun. “Imagine, you’re at the peak of your career and you had to throw it all away just to become a wife and a mother.”

“Something you don’t want to do.” your best friend teased.

You smiled at him, “Yeah, that’s why he divorced me.”

“I don’t know if I should feel bad for you or not.”

Before you could even speak, a knock on the door interrupted you two. Both looked towards the direction wherein the door opened revealing one of the company’s interns.

“Good morning Ma’am — and Sir Kim, Sir Kang asked me if I could get your comments regarding the articles of your ex-husband’s marriage.” she asked, voice almost timid and unhearable for you.

You crossed your arms as you looked at the intern. “Why?”

She flinched at your tone. Looking up to see your icy gaze that sent chills to her spine. “He — Sir Kang just instructed me to, it’s for the press release Ma’am, everyone’s reaching out to him for your statement regarding Mr. Lee’s marriage.” 

Of course. Your statement will just add fuel to the fire. Everyone loves drama, and what’s a good mess if there’s a statement from the ex-wife?

“Tell him I don’t have any comments about it,” you stated loud and clear. “And next time, if he wanted my statement, he’d come up to my office instead of sending you. Tell them that to him.”

The intern nodded frantically. “Of course, thank you Ma’am. Thank you so much —” 

“You may go.”

She bowed one last time before leaving the office. You took another bite on your pastry while Sunoo only gave you a side eye.

“You’re scaring all of our interns,” he remarked.

“I have to,” you let out a sigh. “If I’m all bubbly and happy-go-lucky, no one will take me seriously.” 

“Maybe a smile wouldn’t kill you y/n.” Sunoo suggested

“There’s nothing to smile about.” you mumbled.

“Gosh, and here I am wondering how I was able to put up with you.” Sunoo rolled his eyes while you only smirked teasingly at his snarky remark.

“You’re the only one who could put up with me.”

“Heeseung used to, but now he’s not here anymore.”

“Maybe love isn’t for me Sunoo,” you stated. “I don’t care nonetheless, what good will it give me, right?”

Sunoo didn’t agree to your statement. He only took a sip on his latte, watching you take a bite on your pastry as he deeply pondered about whether you’re greatly affected by your ex-husband’s marriage or not.

And as he looked at your dead eyes, filled with nothing but ice-cold stares and blank expressions, he wondered if there would come a time that there would be someone who’d be able to melt your heart — someone who’s completely the opposite of your ex-husband.

-

Your company’s PR officer advised you to stay out of the public’s eyes for a moment. 

Unknowingly, you followed their advice. It’s not like you’re the type to follow someone’s instructions, it just happens that you didn’t have any schedule that required you to go out. Next month’s issue is coming by and you spent most of your days inside your office, evaluating articles, photoshoots, and contents for the magazine like a good CEO would do.

Your “no comment” on your ex-husband’s marriage was still a statement that the public bought. It caused some drama, people love to stir the pot after all. They thought you were bitter about it but didn’t want to show it to the public, while others think that you’re just a heartless and workaholic CEO who doesn’t care about her ex-husband. The comments never stopped just like how you never stopped working.

It’s been two weeks since the announcement was released. You spent your days hiding in the shadows of your office and in the comfort of your house. Your family couldn’t reach out to you and the only person who you talked to was Sunoo. You’ve done this when your divorce was publicized, it’ll eventually pass — hopefully, because you’re tired of dealing with the press and drama.

The elevator bell rang, and everyone stopped when you got out of the elevator. Greetings were given left and right while you strutted your way towards your office, not even bothering giving a glance to your employees. Everyone could feel the cold aura you emit — powerful and overbearing. Not a single word was spoken by you and as soon as you’re inside your office, everyone sighed in relief. 

You haven’t even sat in your chair when the door opened once again, revealing Sunoo who’s holding two cups of coffee. 

“Thank fucking god it’s a Friday,” you stated as you received the coffee from Sunoo.

“You know how Taehyun advised you to not go out in public for a while,” Sunoo started and you only stared at him.

“What about it?”

“Well, there’s an art gallery in the Aphrodite Hall today. The painter’s making a name in the art industry, and he had held exhibits around the world and wanted to finish the last exhibit here,” Sunoo explained. “What if you look into it?”

“Why me? Are our writers incompetent now that I have to do it?” you asked with an irritated tone.

But your best friend only laughed. “Well, you’re our biggest critic.”

“Art’s not even on my forte.”

“Well, I just want some good drama, the cold and heartless CEO l/n at the exhibition of Nishimura? It’ll draw attention.” he suggested.

“You’re just convincing me for your entertainment’s sake?” you raised an eyebrow.

Sunoo lets out a sigh of defeat. “You know, sometimes, you just have to be petty and play with the fire Heeseung started.”

That’s when you laughed. “There’s no fucking way that I am going to stoop on my ex-husband’s level.”

“Oh come on now, I heard Mr. Nishimura’s fine as hell.” he convinced.

That’s when you gave him a judging expression, “are you trying to set me up with someone? You know that I’m done with love and dating.”

“I am not trying to set you up, I’m just trying to convince you to go out and touch some grass rather than lock yourself here in the office.” Sunoo elaborated.

You stared at Sunoo for a good minute. Friday’s are usually your lazy days, tasks aren’t that heavy at the moment, so perhaps, you do need some time outside your office.

That’s what made you grab your bag and coffee. “Fine, I’d do it for your entertainment, if I found the gallery ugly and boring, I’m blaming you.”

“You’ll thank me.” Your best friend winked at you and you didn’t say anything. Knowing Sunoo, he’s not just going to suggest anything if it wasn’t to your standard.

You left the building and drove your way towards Aphrodite Hall. Arriving there after twenty minutes, you parked at the underground parking and rode the elevator upwards the hall.

The outside layout of the exhibit’s entrance was already touched with the artist’s brand. It didn’t look cheap at all which tells you that he isn’t just a novice artist. Every detail and layouts felt like a welcoming notion to know the artist before entering the exhibit itself. Impressive. You thought. 

There were a few people around, given that it was ten in the morning and a Friday. No reporters or photographers around, you found the right time to visit the place.

“Ms. l/n!” you looked to your left and saw a woman approaching you. She gave you a smile while you only stared at her.

“We’re surprised to see you here! Please, allow us to guide you through the exhibit —” 

“You don’t need to. It’ll just distract me from my work,” you halted her words. “I’d prefer to be alone and see the gallery for myself. Thank you.”

She was left stunned. It took her a minute to recover before she nodded. “I understand Ma’am — I hope you enjoy the gallery.”

Still much enthusiasm left on her even though she was stuttering through her words. You eyed her one last time before entering the exhibit. 

A display of portraits and paintings welcomed you. It was a mixture of avant-garde and contemporary art. Bright and vivid portraits against dull and muted backgrounds. The artist had a vision in every painting. More or less, every painting spoke, and you couldn’t help but to be in awe at how he perfectly used the vivid colors to tell a story. 

You pass by every painting, stopping one by one to observe every description of the paintings. Every painting was given two sentence descriptions. You noticed that it was intentional — perhaps it meant that it’s up to the audience to interpret what it means.

“Ms. l/n, a pleasure to see you here,” a deep voice startled you. Turning to your left, you saw a tall man standing in front of you. 

Sharp, refined visuals, he looks boyish nevertheless, alongside his youthful grace with sophistication. He wore something custom-made. A suit that perfectly captured his body proportions. Nice skin, with moles scattered on his face, he looked foreign yet familiar for you.

He looked at you like he’s happy to see you, with milder enthusiasm compared to the woman earlier — just something that will show you that he’s used to known public figures in his exhibit.

“You must be Mr. Nishimura,” you said as you stretched out your hands. “You seem to know me.”

“It’ll be a shame not to know you Ms. l/n,” he chuckled before accepting your hand. But the next thing you knew, he pulled it towards his lips, landing a perfect kiss on your knuckles which immediately startled you — retrieving your hands from him.

“You’re too bold,” you commented, shaking off your right hand.

“That’s what everybody says to me,” he said without batting an eye. “That’s what brought me here.”

“Would a little humbling keep you grounded?”

“If it’s from you, I don’t mind.”

He’s flirting. You’re not dumb to notice it immediately. He didn’t also hide it from the way he looked at you. The sparks on his eyes, it faintly ignited something fiery from him — and that made you curious yet wary about him.

“I’m not someone who humble strangers Mr. Nishimura.” you pointed.

“You can call me Riki, Mr. Nishimura is too formal.” he chuckled.

“I prefer formality,” you crossed your arms. “I’m just here to look into your gallery.”

“Well, I do hope you’re enjoying the gallery.”

“I do, until you decide to show up.”

Riki laughed, a bit loud enough to draw attention from the people around. Your gaze at him remained, brow raised with your arms crossed. You weren’t supposed to draw attention but it’s the total opposite for him. He seems to be feeding off the attention because all eyes were on you two and you knew what it meant for your image. You’re already dreading the articles that’ll be released today or tomorrow.

“It seems like you did, I noticed you loved ‘At the right time’ the most,” Riki explained.

“I didn’t certainly love it, but it caught my attention the most,” you clarified. “Care to explain it further?”

“Just like what the title says, at the right time,” he casually explained. “Everything has its own right time. Maybe for you, now’s not the right time, but somewhere in the future, there will be. I used the bold colors of orange and yellow because it shows hope and warmth. It gives hope against the blues and gray. Dull days happen but you don’t have to make it everyday either.”

His words were shallow. Not depth nor critical. It was simple, yet it left you impressed. He’s not those snobbish painters that paint the most sub-standard paintings and slaps a deep meaning behind it. Riki paints to tell stories and encourages it. A fresh face in the industry, you understood why he’s a rising name too.

That’s why you look around. Seeing the public enjoy his paintings, the smiles and nods, everything about the exhibit makes sense that Riki’s gallery perfectly captured the public rather than a specific group of people. 

It amazed you, and yet, you kept a blank expression throughout. “You seem satisfied with the outcome of your gallery.”

“It’s my first,” Riki shared, tone filled with pride. “I did have a lot of doubts about it, but seeing how the public was able to interpret every painting in their own perspective, it leaves a lasting impression on me. If they were able to understand it, then it satisfies me as an artist.”

“What about your perspective then,” you asked. “You’re a painter. I’m pretty sure you made some paintings with a clear message. What would happen if they understood it in a different message?”

“There’s no clear intentions for me, we have different perspectives, and it enlightens me — that my paintings can be interpreted that way aside from mine.”

“You really are a rookie,” you commented. “That doesn’t surprise me at all.”

“But did it impress you?”

“I have a fair share of rookies like you. Some are too goal-oriented, some are hungry for success, while others like you — are people pleasers.”

“I don’t please people. But for you, I would be very glad to do so.” he jabbed and one more flirty remark, you’re going to turn around and walk away.

“Flattery won’t give you a good article, Mr. Nishimura.” you stated.

“Who says I’m doing it for a good article?” he taunted

“What is it for then?”

“Oh come on, am I not that obvious?” he chuckled, and that was your answer. He was definitely flirting with you.

“You are,” you started. “But I am simply ignoring it Mr. Nishimura.”

Yet, the smirk on his face only widened. Riki chuckled softly before shifting his gaze at the painting in front of him.

“Do you know the meaning of this painting?” 

You gazed at the painting in front of you. Red streaks, bold and seem rushed. Streaks of gold and orange hues can be seen. The title of the painting, ‘per chance’ meant that everything just didn’t simply happen because of fate or destiny, some just took the chance and got away with it.

It meant that the moment Riki saw you, he took the chance to approach you and talk — flirt with you. If he had noticed that you stopped at one of his paintings for too long compared to the others, it meant that he had been inside the gallery the whole time.

With that said, he approached you perfectly when you were at this painting in front of you, which meant that he perfectly took that right time to approach you.

What a brave heart, you think. Bold and courageous just like any man who assumed they found the one for them.

You already know these patterns. Approach them, start with small talks with subtle hints of flirting until you two could go on a date. Fall in love, think that this will be a happy ending, and then expectations will fall — part ways.

“I do, and chances are, there are no chances for you Mr. Nishimura,” you immediately stated, before looking at your watch. “It seems that I have spent too long in this exhibit. I will be going now.”

“I’d be happy to walk you out Miss —”

“There’s no need, I don’t need tabloids dragging my name along with yours, I’ve already had enough with it for the past few weeks.”

“I don’t care about them.”

You simply chuckled in disbelief. “I do, and for a rookie like you, ignorance may seem like a bliss, but it’ll eventually eat you out as you stay longer in this industry.”

But the smirk on Riki’s lips never faded. He simply gave you a bow, his eyes still dark and desireful remained on you. No matter how many jabs or cold statements were given to him, he never faltered.

“Have a safe drive back to your office, Ms. l/n.” he bid, eyes still gazing on you.

You didn’t say a word but instead, turned your heel and walked out of the hall — you didn’t even bother turning around one last time to glance at the young painter, afraid that it might give him the wrong intention.

The moment you reached your car, you turned on the engine and reached out for your phone first. Looking at the notifications, there weren’t any important or urgent messages for today. You only let out a sigh before you decided that instead of going back to the office, you opted to go home instead.

On your drive home, all you could think about was Riki. The tall height, deep voice, and never faltering confidence. He was a newbie, yet he wasn’t afraid of you — he even had the guts to flirt with you, which bugged you. Why?

You’re used to being feared, knowing how powerful your words were. You can twist his image in just a snap, but he didn’t care about that, and instead, continued to throw those chill-sending words that if you were a normal teenager, you would’ve been flustered.

But you weren’t. You’re a divorcee who’s sick of love and happiness, and yet, the younger remained in your mind when he should’ve been out of it the moment you left the hall.

Maybe because, and as much as you wanted to deny it, Riki reminds you oddly of your ex-husband. The way he acted around you, his words and actions —  it was like Heeseung when you two started dating.

Perhaps that’s the reason why you couldn’t get him out of your mind — and that thought scared the hell out of you.

-

As expected, the cheap tabloids took the opportunity to link you with Riki.

“I hope you enjoy it,” you teased Sunoo who’s reading the article. The same cheap tabloids who were calling you names are now insisting that you were meeting someone new, which was unfortunate to you, was Riki.

Coincidentally, someone managed to capture Riki kissing your hand, and of course, they started to speculate things with it. But you know the truth — you were there for work purposes.

“He’s good-looking,” Sunoo commented, scrolling through his phone as he took a closer look at the pictures. 

“And young,” you pointed out, eyes locked on your screen. After finishing your draft for the review article, you decided to look up Nishimura Riki.

Twenty-four years old. Born December 9. Sagittarius. He studied in a famous art school in Tokyo, Japan, moved to South Korea at the age of seventeen and was an apprentice to one of their famed painters for seven years before debuting his own exhibit.

Aside from that, he seems to be secretive about his private life. His family lives in Okayama and no details about them were disclosed either. No scandals nor issues but maybe because he’s just a rising name in the industry. Most of his articles were about his current exhibit, and just like Sunoo mentioned, he debuted it in different countries. 

There were also some short articles about his fashion style and choices, aside from his artistry, it seems like the public is swooning over his looks and enigmatic aura.

“You’re making it sound like it’s a problem,” Sunoo laughed.

“It is,” you stated. “Younger guys are immature, older ones are manipulative.”

“And same-age guys?”

“Are a mix of both.” you joked, making your best friend laugh.

“So, you’re just going to stay single forever?” Sunoo asked.

“I think that’s fated to me,” you shrugged. “I couldn’t care nonetheless.”

“Hey, you’re still young you know? Who knows, maybe you’d meet him at Mr. Young’s dinner party this Saturday”

That’s when a groan escaped your lips. “Do I really have to go there?” “You’re invited by Mr. Young  himself, you had no choice.”

“Could you at least accompany me?”

“As much as I want to, I have plans that night, so good luck chief — oh, and don’t get caught in another gossip okay?”

“Sounds hard, they’re the one following me after all.” you joked, earning a hearty laugh from your best friend.

-

Dinner parties and charity events under the disguise of money-bragging are the things you hated the most.

But there are things called decency, and some business people still think that it’s decency to invite you to their expensive yet cheap-looking dinner parties just for the sake of impressing you. 

An hour had passed and all you could do was plaster fake smiles and kisses, indulging in their egoist comments as you chugged down the tasteless wine they served.

Seriously, you could’ve just spent your Saturday night watching the latest series in your watchlist, but here you are trying to understand their next projects and vision which you utterly don’t give a fuck about.

Bored of the conversations, you looked at your watch and thought that it was too early to leave, so you excused yourself from a circle and wandered around the venue. Looking for something interesting when someone caught your attention. 

Coincidentally, he caught yours too. With a soft smile from the people he was talking to, he excused himself and approached you who only stood there frozen.

“It’s a surprise seeing you here,” your ex-husband started.

“A surprise?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Still a pleasure,” he smiled, the same boyish smile you fell in love with years ago. “It’s been a while.”

“You must be busy, with the wedding preparations and everything,” you commented. “Congratulations by the way, sorry it took me weeks to tell you that.”

“I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic,” Heeseung jabbed.

“Of course not,” you smiled at him. A genuine one. Not a fake one that’ll show him that you’re fine and not a bitter ex-wife. “You deserve it, you deserve someone who’d put up with all you want.”

Heeseung didn’t say a word. He knew what you meant. An apologetic expression shifted in him. “You know that that’s not the reason why we separated.”

“I know,” you agreed and yet, it didn’t hide the bitterness in your tone. “But let’s not dwell in the past. I’m tired of hearing about us Heeseung, the public wasn’t very nice to me for the past few weeks.”

“Yes, the public wasn’t really nice,” Heeseung commented. “Although, I’ve heard some interesting things lately from the tabloids.”

“I didn’t know you read cheap tabloids Mr. Lee.”

“The headline caught my attention — a rising painter trying to swoon Ms. l/n? He seems a charmer to me.” he teased.

“He’s bold,” you pointed out. “But young. Tabloids love to speculate things, I was just doing my job there.”

“Of course you are, when were you not doing your job?” Heeseung joked.

“Tonight supposedly, binge-watching some series,” you replied with a shrug. “But here I am.”

“Here you are,” he raised his glass and you only toast to his wishes. Your eyes were on your husband’s hands as you took a sip on your wine. The gleaming gold band of his engagement ring stood out. It was a sudden reminder for you, he’s going to marry someone else while you’re here single, and oddly, having a conversation with him.

“You’re happy with her?” you couldn’t help but to ask.

“I am,” he admitted and you only smiled at him.

“Good.” you said with diction.

“One day, you’d experience this kind of love too,” Heeseung told you and that made you laugh in disbelief.

“I did experience it once, four years ago,” you stared at him for a second. “It’s a frightening feeling now that I get to experience it. I think once is enough for me.”

“Really? Not even a change of heart?” he mocked.

“You know me Heeseung, I never changed,” you answered.

“Then it’s a shame.” he bitterly smiled.

“For you it is, but I’m fine with it.” With that, you looked at your surroundings. Of course, all eyes were on the two of you. Whispers began to be loud and all you could think about were the gossip articles that were to be released tomorrow morning. So you took a small sip on your wine again and glanced at Heeseung one last time.

“I think it’s time for me to go, don’t want to cause any chaos in your soon-to-be married life,” you bid.

“It was nice talking to you,” Heeseung softly spoke. “Genuinely, I miss you.”

“Goodbye Heeseung,” you answered instead. “And to answer your invitation, I’m not going to your wedding, I don’t want to ruin your soon-to-be wife’s wedding day.”

You gave him one last smile before you left him standing there. The stare became more and more obvious, but you ignored it as you walked with confidence towards the champagne table wherein you got yourself another glass. 

You decided that socializing more will drain the energy out of you, that’s why you opted to go to the veranda for some breather. The cold air welcomed you as you pushed the door open. Placing down the champagne glass on the corner table, you leaned against the railings as the silence swallowed you whole.

You let out a deep sigh as the loneliness felt comforting. This is what you needed. You’re on your own, yet you’re in your own peace. It deeply moved you found yourself more relaxed and having fun staring at the stars rather than conversing with the people inside.

“Thought I’d find you here,” but your fun faded when you heard the glassdoor open. At first, you ignored it, but you turned around when you heard a familiar voice. Raising an eyebrow as you look at Riki who’s smiling ear to ear.

“Wine?” he offered and you only glanced at the glass on the corner table.

Riki seemed to understand what you meant, he placed both glasses he was holding on the table and stood beside you.

“What are you even doing here?” you asked, still staring at the view in front of you.

“Mr. Young bought two of my paintings, and he invited me as a form of gratitude too.” Riki answered, tone filled with pride which made you roll your eyes.

“Not that,” you clarified. “Here, what are you —”

“Thought you need some company.” the younger male grinned.

“I don’t need company Mr. Nishimura, I am fine with my own solitude.” you told him.

“I told you, Riki would be fine,” he insisted.

“Would it offend you that I call you kid instead?”

“You’re acting like I’m way too young,” he sounded offended with your words.

“Five years, I’m older than you by five years,” you heave out a sigh.

“That doesn’t stop me though,” he smirked and you could only scoff in disbelief.

You didn’t answer him, but you glanced at him. Riki was wearing the usual boring suit and tie just like any other gentlemen out there. He had his hair pushed back and cleaned, probably drowning in hair gel meanwhile the small rectangular glasses enhanced his visual. — a charmer overall, you noticed how despite wearing boring clothes, he makes it up to his accessories and jewellery.

Truly, this kid is a casanova. That's one thing you should be careful of. People are now watching you two since he’s romantically linked to you, it didn’t help that your ex-husband’s marriage is still being the talk of the town.

It’s an avoidable scandal. Just tell him to back off, you’re not interested and move on. It should’ve been easy but Riki seems to be the type to persuade you more the more you reject him — a casual act from your ex-husband during his younger years.

“Mr. Nishimura, I am going to repeat myself. I am not interested in any bullshit you have in your sleeves,” you told him. “I had enough of scandals and cheap gossips on my end due to my ex-husband’s marriage, I am not going to let my name be dragged down by a mere rookie like you who couldn’t take a fucking hint.”

“That wound me,” he teased, acting like you shot him in his heart. “Your ex-husband was an asshole for letting you go.”

“Don’t disrespect my ex-husband like that, people divorce for a reason, we weren’t just compatible.”

“Maybe, just like him, you need someone younger, you know?” he suggested.

There was silence for a minute. You only stare at Riki whose eyes never left you. You could feel your cheeks red, ears warm as the blood rushed on your body like you were a teenager.

Yet, there’s a hint of annoyance in your face. A sigh of disappointment before grabbing your wine glass. “I’ll let you know this one last time Mr. Nishimura, if there’s one thing about me that you should know, I am not going to lower myself to any man, especially my ex-husband. So give up now, and find someone your age to charm.”

“It’s a shame, when I have my eyes on someone, I am very determined to have it.” he stated with a disappointed tone.

“You’re playing with fire Mr. Nishimura.”

“If it’s you who I am playing with, I don’t mind.” Riki casually shrugged, taking a step forward wherein he’s just an inch close to you. 

It deeply frightened you and yet, you didn’t move. You’re not one who’d backed out of fear, especially in front of a guy? You’d rather die.

“I’m not going to play with your childish games,” you whispered to him, eyes cold at his burning ones. “I’m too old for that bullshit.”

“But not too old for me.”

“Goodbye Mr. Nishimura,” it was the only thing you could say. “I hope this is the last time we see each other.”

“I’m afraid this is just the beginning of our many wonderful encounters, Ms. l/n.” he smiled, a charming one which stunned you for a split second.

Riki watched as you went back towards the hall, closing the door of the veranda, you stared at him through the glass door. He stood there, with wine on his glass, a toast for you and a smirk forming on his lips.

You could feel your heart beating fast. Scared and unable to process anything that you two had exchanged, you left the place with a wondering heart and mind about the younger who seems to have his goal set to have you.

-

Another article. Another speculation about you and Riki. Of course, it was news worthy that you and Riki were talking alone on the veranda.

Your PR officer is now lecturing you for not being careful which annoyed the fuck out of you. It was Monday morning and he’s already waiting in your office, sitting on the chair in front of your desk while Sunoo was on the couch, scrolling through his phone and reading all the comments the public had left for you.

“I told you to be careful,” Taehyun said with an annoyed look.

“I am being careful,” you rolled your eyes. “It’s not my fault that he’s insistent about me —”

“Insistent?” he breathed. “You two are having a private moment at the veranda of Mr. Young’s hotel, and dare you say, insistent?”

“You think I am doing this on purpose?” you asked with a cold tone, standing up from your seat as you stared at Taehyun, your gaze dark and powering that your employee flinched. 

“You think I want to be linked to an immature painter who doesn’t know how to accept a rejection? You think lowly of me Taehyun.” you smiled at him, a taunting smile that kept the male shut. “You think, after all the names that were thrown to me because of my ex-husband’s marriage, I wanted the public and media to be their money-maker with this baseless rumor? I am busy running an empire here, I don’t have time to deal with all of this bullshit.”

The whole room fell into utter silence. Taehyun looked away, embarrassed, meanwhile Sunoo’s stare at you never faltered. A proud expression written on his face despite the tense atmosphere.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to accuse you of such things,” Taehyun said. “As your PR officer, I am doing my best to clean —”

“I only want you to take care of my company’s image, not mine. Let the public speculate, no matter what statements we release, they don’t even listen,” you rolled your eyes heavenwards. That’s when Taehyun stood up from his seat, brushing off the dust from his suit as he looked at you, pissed yet defeated.

“Right, just doing my best. Have a nice day Ms. l/n.” Taehyun excused himself and you stood there, watching him leave your office with the door closing in a soft thud. You couldn’t help but to take a sip on your coffee before heaving a deep sigh.

“How do I even get rid of the kid?” you asked, glancing at Sunoo who only smiled at you.

“Asking the same question four years ago,” he observed. “Feels like deva ju right?”

“A nightmare you could say,” you sat on your chair before opening your desktop computer.

“Does Mr. Nishimura scare you?” Sunoo asked and you only quipped a smile.

“Not really, he’s like a pest that no matter I step on, he’s still alive and beating.” 

“Well, maybe that’s your sign to just play along with his games.”

“I don’t have time to deal with his bullshit Sunoo.” you complained.

“You’d say that right now, but knowing you, you’d end up doing it too.” Sunoo pointed out.

“Please kill me if that happens.”

“I’d have my hitman ready then.”

Sunoo stands up from his seat, you didn’t bother raising your head to bid goodbye to your best friend, eyes already focused on your work when you hear the door closed.

It didn’t take a minute for it to open once again.

“You left something Sunoo?” you asked, eyes still on your computer.

“Chief, you have a visitor,” Sunoo said, voice filled with excitement and teasing which made you glance at him — immediately halting you.

“So, this is what the office of Ms. l/n looks like,” Riki’s eyes wandered around your office before glancing at you. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“I don’t entertain unwanted visitors,” you coldly said. “I am busy if you couldn’t see it.”

“I can see and I apologize for disturbing your working hours but I have a concern, deeply regarding the article you wrote about me,” Riki flashes a smile and you scoff.

“You have the nerve to say that Mr. Nishimura, you should be thankful that I spare time to write an article about you and your gallery.” you stated.

“I am honored Ms. l/n, but you missed a small piece of information about me.” he insisted.

You smiled at him. That smile that tells people who you are and they shouldn’t have opened their mouth. 

You’ve seen hundreds of reactions to your smile. Wide smiles fading, the fear in the eyes, and avoidance of contact — some even shook in fear.

But Riki? He only stood there, hands on his back with his head held high. Smiling and waiting for your answer, and that’s when you felt deja vu. 

Not again. You thought as you stared at the younger man. You swore to yourself. No more, not anymore. Especially when this young man in front of you scarily reminds you of your first love.

“What piece of information could I possibly have missed about you?” you asked, trying to shake off that feeling of yours about the young painter. 

“That I am single, and very ready to mingle.” he proudly said.

You wanted to laugh out loud. You couldn’t believe it. You’d think that he’s joking but he remained his cool expression as you stared at him, lips thinning as you let out a sigh. 

“That piece of information is irrelevant.”

“The public loves to dive into every personality’s lovelife, you probably know that right?”

“Right,” you smiled, knowing what he meant. “But I am not your PR officer, I am just a writer who writes articles about trending topics, and while you may be a rising painter, I think you haven’t made any noise in this world, don’t you think?”

He tilted his head amusingly, “I don’t know Ms. l/n, lately my name’s popping out in every article and media page, along with a pretty familiar name, don’t you think?”

“You know your way of words kid.”

“Just want to swoon a woman, is that bad?”

You blink for a minute and then smile. “Just fucking tell me your intentions before I call security, there are enough articles about us and I am not going to double it up especially when you just fucking walked into my office without any notice.”

“Too bad, I was planning on tripling it.”

You didn’t say a word but instead, you picked up the telephone on your table, glancing at Riki who only chuckled.

“I’m just kidding Ms. l/n, you’re too tense.” Riki teased. “But I am actually here regarding the article you wrote — how do I say this without offending you? It’s too shallow.”

You raised an eyebrow, “shallow?”

“Well, we might’ve started on the wrong foot but your article isn’t good.”

“And you can do a better article than what I wrote?” you raised an eyebrow.

“No, but there are some ways that you can get to know the painter and his art aside from scouring through the internet for his information and visiting his gallery.”

Riki has a point and that infuriates you. As much as you want to scrape off the article that you wrote about Riki and his art because it’s too shallow compared to your other articles, you must push through it to avoid the rumors of you two. It was your stunt to prove that you were just at the gallery because you were doing your job. 

Deep inside, you were unsatisfied with what you have published and found the article cringe. Riki was right with his point but of course, you’re not going to say that to him. Showing your weakness to a man only inflates his ego.

“Then what do you suggest Mr. Nishimura?” you asked, crossing your arms especially when you knew what he’s going to say. 

“An interview, a more in-depth conversation with the painter for more than an hour or maybe two.”

“Is this your way of asking me out?”

“No, of course not,” he sarcastically smiled. “But if you insist I wouldn’t mind.”

You only rolled your eyes before leaning back against your chair, since it's in your lapses, you must comply with it. It’s just a mere interview, a conversation with Nishimura Riki. Surely, you could handle an hour or two with this eager kid who wanted to score a date with you.

“Fine,” you said in defeat. “I’ll send you the details of the interview along with the venue and time and date. Don’t be late Mr. Nishimura.”

“Can I pick you up?”

“It’s an interview Mr. Nishimura, not a date,” you clarified. “If you don’t have any questions, you may leave now, I still have things to do.”

“Can I bring you flowers?”

“Leave.” 

-

A hotel cafe was your choice for the interview venue.

Late lunch. Wednesday. A fifteen minute drive from your company. Located in the business district, the cafe was filled with influential people who, just like you, have set a meeting with their clients or business partners.

You took a sip on the chamomile tea that you ordered before glancing at the glass wall wherein the hotel’s garden could be seen. Spring has arrived, and you could only stare at the bright and pastel-colored flowers blooming against its green bushes and plants.

Indeed, it was beautiful weather to go outside. You could’ve spent the hours inside your office, helping with the gala ball preparations but unfortunately, you’re mentally preparing yourself for your interview with Riki.

Speaking of the kid, he immediately caught your attention when he was walking towards you. Your eyes went wide at the huge flower bouquet he’s casually holding. 

“Hi.” he greeted with a smile which made you stand up from your seat.

“What is this?” you asked, eyeing on the flower.

“Uhm…flowers?” Riki stated the obvious, raising the bouquet to give you a clearer look.

“Mr. Nishimura, this is a formal interview, strictly professional,” you lectured.

“I know, take it, as a token of appreciation.”

“That is not necessary.” you told him, and despite your words, you still accepted the bouquet as an act of decency.

“Anything you want Mr. Nishimura?” you asked the moment he sat on the chair in front of you.

“A glass of water would be fine, I ate lunch before going here, how about you?” he said casually, leaning against the chair.

“Skipped one,” you nonchalantly replied, opening your small notebook which you use whenever you do an interview with someone.

“What? You should’ve — wait, let me order you some food —”

“I am fine with my tea Mr. Nishimura,” you stated, clicking your pen open. “Let’s formally start this interview.”

“You know, you need to loosen up a little bit,” Riki commented and it made you glare at him. 

“There’s no need to loosen up in a formal interview — look, do you even want an article or not, I could throw away my article if you keep acting like a kid.” you threatened and your words only had him forming a teasing smile.

“Do you have any drag on me other than calling me a kid?”

“That’s all I could think of,” you answered sternly. “After all, I barely know you.”

“Would you like to get to know me more?” he asked, his tone hinted with flirtiness that you lightly scoff.

“Sure,” you gave him a fake smile. “Let’s start from the very start, I’d like to know when you first discovered your love for painting.”

Riki chuckled in disbelief as he leaned against the chair, legs crossed as he looked at you. “Fine, if that’s what you want, Ms. l/n, I’d happily oblige.”

For the duration of your talk with your Riki, you have learned so much about him. 

Riki’s well-spoken and his answers were articulate and formal. If he didn’t open his mouth to flirt with you, you would’ve taken him seriously.

You observed that he’s also a sentimental person, most of his answers about his art and passion were influenced by his mentor and family, which you found quite impressive.

You were half-glad that Riki didn’t drop some flirty remarks and jabs throughout the interview — if he had done it, you would’ve walked out of the cafe without any hesitation. 

“When will we expect your new exhibit Mr. Nishimura?” you asked as you continued jotting down some notable answers from him.

“That’s hard to identify Ms. l/n,” Riki laughed, there’s a hint of bitterness in his words, which made you glance at him.

“Artist block?” you asked. 

He only nodded to your question.

“Would it be hard for you? You’re at your momentum at the moment, disappearing in the spotlight all of the sudden will ruin it.”

“I know, but for me, I shouldn’t rush art, and my last exhibition was mentally and physically exhausting for me, that I couldn’t think of another collection at the moment,” he lets out a deep sigh as he looks at you. “I am lacking a muse, you see.”

“A muse huh?”

“Yes, a muse — my last exhibition's muse was my journey and my hometown, but right now, I wanted to paint something — someone perhaps.”

“You’re looking for a muse,” you mumbled mindlessly as you wrote it down in your notebook.

“I am actually looking at her, right now.” That's when you stopped writing. Looking up, you noticed how Riki’s staring — no, gazing at you like a predator that had found his own prey. His eyes darkening, lips stretching into a smirk as his arms rested casually on the armrest of the chair. 

You felt your heart skip a beat. Eyes never faltered as you two held an intense staring contest. 

It snapped in you within a few seconds, eyes shifting to a bored one.

“I think you should keep on searching for your muse, Mr. Nishimura,” you coldly said.

“Not going to help me out?” he taunted.

“You’re a grown man, you can do it.”

“Funny, because you just called me a kid earlier.”

“And here I thought, you’d take this seriously.” you whispered.

“I take things seriously Ms. l/n, maybe try and change your perspectives on the people you meet — seems like you’re the one who doesn’t take me seriously.” 

You stopped. His tone was serious. A bit defensive on your end but when you looked at him, he gazed at you with a small smile, teasing like he’s right about what he said.

You’d admit to him that he’s right. Why on earth would you take a twenty-four year old rookie seriously when he had done nothing but to fuck around whenever you’re around him and act like a kid chasing after his favorite toy? Unless he shows a deeper motive about his intentions to you, that’s all you could see of him.

You find him impressive as an artist, you’re not going to deny it, but it’s hard to avoid that he’s clearly a love-struck fool to you. He seems to be enjoying every bit of it, and it had you wondering — was the game you two had talked about during Mr. Young’s event had already started?

No wonder why. Riki seems to be enjoying playing games with you who haven’t made a move yet. 

“I think we’re done with this interview Mr. Nishimura, do you have some last words to say before we part ways?” but you’re not one who loves to play games. That’s why you chose to ignore his words, closing your notebook as you looked at Riki who clicks his tongue before glancing at you once again.

“Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are beautiful?” he asked with a genuine tone.

“Yes, my ex-husband said that same thing four years ago and I am not falling for that same bullshit again,” you explained to him before standing up from your seat. Riki followed shortly, and before you could speak another word, he snatched your notebook and jotted something on a page.

“Well, your ex-husband is no painter,” he stated before returning you your notebook. “What I meant is, your eyes speak more than what your mouth wants to say. It’s the type of eyes that painters wanted to paint.”

“You artists have such a way with words,” you commented. “I’d be flattered, but only my eyes?”

Riki chuckled. “Of course not, and if you’d let me, I’d prove you the truth.”

You raised an eyebrow, “what? Have me convinced to be painted by you.”

“Seems like you’ve read my intentions.”

“I told you, I had memorized every guy’s moves to swoon a woman.” you stated. “And for your information Mr. Nishimura, a woman like me, could never be a good muse.”

“The artist says otherwise though,” he chuckled. “My offer still stands, if you’re interested, you know where to find me.”

He gave you a quiet bow before he started walking away. You stood there appalled, heart beating at a rapid pace as your eyes locked on him, while your clasped on your notebook tightened. 

So, the game really has begun, and now, you’re wary about what his next move will be.

-

It’s been a week since your interview with Riki and he’s been radio silent ever since.

You had published Riki’s article three days after your interview with him, and best believe that you’re satisfied with the outcome. You’re half-glad that Riki took it seriously and his answers were sentimental enough to give colors not only to his personality, but also to his paintings. 

Four days had passed and Riki hadn't bothered you, and that thought bothered you — you expected his presence afterwards. An unwanted visit with flirty jabs or glamorous gifts he brought to love bomb you. Riki was persistent after all. The type of guy who doesn’t accept rejections. That is why it surprised you that Riki hasn’t made any contact after a week.

The silence was torture — it sinked into you that his silence was much bothering than his loud presence. For you, it wasn’t because you got used to him following you around, but because you felt that there’s something brewing inside — like Riki was up to nothing good again.

You sat on your office chair. The office building has fallen under a dimmed silence. It’s past midnight and usually, around midnight you’d be in your penthouse, relaxing, but you’re stuck in your office, thinking about something — someone perhaps.

The article of your ex-husband’s grandiose wedding filled the screen of your computer. A click on your tongue was all you could do. He looks so happy — even happier than he was during your wedding. Perhaps it was because his new wife really looks like the epitome of sunshine. She looks youthful and stunning — they really are suited for each other.

Yet, it left a distasteful feeling on your heart. It’s not because your ex-husband immediately replaced you, but because he went for someone younger. It made you wonder if age really matters. You wondered if Heeseung had married someone your age or maybe someone older, would there be any difference?

You thought about that rookie painter who has been in your mind for the past few days and the thought of him irritated you — was it necessary for you to fall under the fate as your husband? 

That is, if you cave into your own emotional crave. But Nishimura Riki was too young and reckless for your taste. You curse him for being too young and the thought of you going the same route as what your husband did, bruises your ego and pride. 

You swore yourself you’ll never love again. Not when all you know was that all men are the same and the damage your ex-husband had scarred in your heart could never be mend by the amountful of love Riki could give.

What’s funnier was that Riki reminds you of Heeseung, and if he ever do the same thing Heeseung did — fuck, that would’ve been the death of you.

That’s when you glanced at your notebook, a phone number and address was scribbled along with your notes. His messy handwriting leaves a torturous yearning for you and you knew that this was his move — wait for you to make the next move. 

You hummed quietly, fingernails scraping against the rough texture of the paper. You should’ve been convinced that there’s no need for you to make a move, knowing that you never had any intentions of playing with his games, even though, deep inside you’re curious of what outcome would it be to play along with his game. 

Your thoughts were battling, but your rational side couldn’t bear to be the subject of baseless rumors and gossip once again. You’re reminded once again, why Heeseung divorced you. That’s why you ripped off the page and threw it in your trash bin — that was your move in his silly game.

-

You’ve soon learned that the game’s not over when you bump into Riki at the hotel cafe the next day.

“Ms. l/n, what a surprise,” he seemed happy to see you, bright expression and wide smile while you raised an eyebrow.

“What are you doing here?” you asked instead, your heart beating fast and mind being burned into panic especially when you threw away the very last piece of his presence in your life.

“Just sent a painting to a client,” he answered. “You? Another interview.”

“I thought you had an artist block.” you asked

“It’s a commissioned painting, I still need money,” Riki laughed. “There’s no way I’m going to be a starving artist Ms. l/n.”

You blinked at his words before nodding. “That’s good to hear, at least you managed to pick up your brush.”

But Riki shakes his head as a form of disagreement. “You didn’t witness how many times I crashed out and suffered before finishing the piece.”

“Is that how you process when it comes to painting?” you asked.

“Depends, if I’m inspired or not — for that? Well, money’s big, I just have to suck it up and paint,” Riki explained. “But with a muse? It’s easy to pick up a brush and paint.”

“Still lacking a muse I see.”

“I wasn’t able to see her for week, it was torture to be honest.” 

“There you go again.”

“You know Ms. l/n, my offer still stands.” he said instead, which completely caught you off-guard. You never expect that those were the things that he’ll say next. 

You glanced at him, his words filled with temptation that made you stare at him longer than usual. 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, they say. Riki seems to love playing with the fire he started, and you wondered, what more if he found you playing along but — he’s currently on the losing streak.

It was tempting. Something inside you was burning, an odd feeling that you’ve been ignoring for days ever since you walked into his museum. Should you just throw every rational thought you had and play along?

“What’s in for me then?” you asked and you noticed the way Riki’s eyes widened.

Yet, you remained calm and cold. Icy gaze staring at his hopeful one.

“What do you want?” he asked, voice deeper than usual.

It felt luring, like an angel asking for your prayers. His words plead with temptation and desperation. It felt as if you had asked him to be on his knees and beg, he’d be happy to do so.

The thought made you dizzy. You wondered about it —would he be no different than your ex-husband? Was there a reason why Heeseung chose a younger wife? You knew that your answer would only be answered by no one other than you. 

“Take me to your studio.”

-

Riki’s studio was clean. It smelled oddly like oil paint and old newspaper. Nevertheless, it was spacious, with a lot of empty canvases on the side and painting tools compiled on a corner.

Riki watched as you looked around the studio before glancing at him. His breath halted. He couldn’t believe it. You’re here in his studio. After weeks of chasing after you, and flirting with you, you walked into his trap. Now, all he wants is nothing but to just grab his materials and draw the most beautiful painting he could ever do.

“Your studio looks nice and clean,” you wondered, glancing at him who kept a casual appearance even though deep inside he was sweating hard. “It doesn’t look like someone suffered painting a piece here.”

“I keep my things clean post-painting,” Riki shrugged. “I don’t like unorganised things.”

You only hummed at his words. “You want to paint me right, Mr. Nishimura?”

“Of course, if you’d let me.”

You smirked for a second, until it formed into a vixen smile as you stared at him for too long, you could see how his throat bobbed.

“Well, there’s one thing that has been one of my interests for years,” you pondered. “Having a nude painting.”

Riki choked on his own saliva and you faintly chuckled. “Flustered?”

“Surprised you said that,” he cleared his throat, watching you wander around his studio, he could feel himself getting nauseous at the thought of you.

His eyes never left you, watching every movement you do, he couldn’t help but to hold his breath as you stopped in the middle of the studio wherein the lights highlight you as the masterpiece in the whole room.

You looked at him as your hands reached out for the zipper on the side of your dress, slowly you pulled it down and without missing a beat, let it drop on the floor.

You stood there in your glory — naked and vulnerable, left with your black seamless panty as your eyes locked on the young painter who was left stunned. If it wasn’t enough your fingers traced the hem of your panty and slowly slid it down to your feet.

Riki stood there frozen as you only approached him with confidence. Alluring and tempting like you’re the greatest sin he could ever commit. He could feel the oxygen leaving his body as you stood an inch closer to him, hands strumming his chest which made him gulp out of nervousness.

“Would you guide me, Mr. Nishimura?” you asked softly yet seductively.

“You’re driving me crazy Ms. l/n,” he chuckled.

“Scared?”

“Of my own urges? Would it scare you if I say yes?”

“But I do want a painting by the end of the day,” you smiled at him and Riki could only compromise.

Riki led you to a long couch in his studio wherein the sun gleamed in the afternoon — which completely kissed your skin as you lay there naked, hair sprawled on your shoulders. You had one arm resting on your stomach while the other one lay above your head. Closing your eyes, you breathe into the cold air as you lifted one leg while the other one lay flat on the couch. 

Riki was a few steps away from you, in front of his easel stand where a canvas board was placed, prepared to be filled with your colors. The younger man had his palette on his right hand and a brush on his left hand, eyes darting at you who only relaxed at the warmth of the sun.

“You seem nervous,” you mumbled, eyes still closed as the position felt comfortable and relaxing.

“I have to make sure that everything’s perfect.” Riki answered, he dabbed his brush on the oil paint, mixing colors together before he started to paint on the canvas. Careful as his eyes kept on darting on you at every minute. He holds on his palette tight as he dabs his brush back in the oil paint. 

The studio fell under a serene silence. All you could hear was the faint hum of the air conditioner along with the subtle strokes of Riki’s brush against the canvas. You almost fell asleep on the spot — you failed to notice how relaxed and safe you were in your most vulnerable skin, in front of the man you swore was a walking pest for you.

Your hands drafted on your chest, palms closed near your heartbeat faint and soft, Riki didn’t say a word when you moved but instead he kept on going. He glances at you minute by minute as his talent did everything to capture the view in front of him.

“Have you tried realistic portraits?” you couldn’t help but to break the silence in the middle of the session. “Seems like you’re having a hard time painting a portrait.”

“This is my first time,” Riki confessed, and yet his hands never stopped. “Don’t worry about me, art takes time nevertheless.”

“Should I be scared?” you asked.

“No, of course not, there’s no way I am going to let this be imperfect,” he assured and you didn’t answer for a second. 

“But what if your subject itself was imperfect?”

Riki stopped. He looked at you whose head had turned away, eyes darted on the window, staring at the view of the studio’s front yard, your lips formed thin as you wondered why those words came out of your mouth.

“That’s such nonsense,” Riki scoffed. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I see you are perfect — beautiful in such ways.”

“Then you think highly of me,” that’s when you glanced at him. “Should I remind you that I’m only human too? I am still flawed Riki, and you look at me as someone who’s perfect in everything — then, you don’t know me at all.”

Riki became quiet for a moment. A part of him was angry. How can someone like you could think of lowly of herself. If only, if only you could see yourself from his perspective, Riki hoped nothing more than to show you that you’re more than what his eyes could speak.

“Come here,” he dropped his palette and brushed, as he walked towards you, helping you stand up from the couch before carefully guiding you towards his canvas.

Riki didn’t say a word. He let you take a glance at the unfinished painting of his. There were no backgrounds nor props. It was just you — only you, naked yet divine. Your eyes closed and body at ease, hands on your chest just like earlier and how Riki managed to capture the change in your position shocked you.

“It’s —” you couldn’t even say it. Your pride got in the way. You didn’t like how Riki painted you so beautiful that you’re in awe of it. 

“How?” you asked instead.

“Muses keep the artist alive,” Riki answered. “whether worshipped or admired or inspired — an artist’s creativity never falters.”

His words cut deep through your heart. You weren’t able to say another word when you looked at it one last time before Riki had walked you back towards the couch. You’re suddenly hyperaware of him. How his hand brushed against your back and his figure behind you — so huge yet comforting in some ways.

“I told you,” Riki smiled, making you glance at him. “I see you’re perfect in such ways.”

“And just like I said,” you smiled back at him. “You think highly of me.”

“Maybe, because not even the goddess of beauty could match your beauty.” His hands darted on your face, fingers brushing against your cheeks, careful not to touch your bare skin as the two of you held a staring contest.

The tension was thick, you could feel it as you stare at Riki’s eyes — dark, hungry, and something inside him was fighting against his urges.

What he didn't know was you’re also holding back too.

“There you go again with your exaggerated compliments,” you taunted.

“You think I’m joking?”

“We’re playing a game aren’t we?” you asked.

He tilted his head amusingly, “We were? I thought you’re too old for stupid games.”

But you stepped closer to him. An inch close that Riki was taken back, despite the undeniable height gap between the two of you, you couldn’t help but to feel how you’re still in power between the two of you. It surprised you, but you suddenly felt the urge — to feel more of that power.

“Supposedly, but now, I am curious about the price of playing games with you.” you whispered.

“Why don’t you fuck around and find out?” he teased and you only chuckled at his answer.

“Maybe I do want to.” you smiled and immediately, Riki’s teasing smile faded.

You gave in.

The moment your lips landed on Riki’s lips was the moment you gave in. You’re now playing to win.

Riki’s back landed on the couch, almost stumbling back to sit while you bravely straddled on his lap, naked as his painted-smeared hands held the soft plush of your skin. His kisses were rough, eager, and loud, while yours were aggressive yet testing. Moans began escaping on his lips like he hasn’t touched a girl before —

That’s when you stop, looking at him who stared at you like the goddess of beauty herself offered you to him. His eyes glistened like millions of stars in the sky. That’s when your hands trailed on his face, tracing it softly as your red-painted nails caressed his cheeks.

“You want this right?” you asked, tone low and seductive.

“Ever since you walked inside my gallery, I knew that I wanted to have you,” he confessed, like a sin, and it gave you nothing but chills in your body. He looked at you like you were his greatest desire and that deeply burned you into your chest.

“Then you have to earn it.” you said to him before you locked him into another deep kiss — lustful and greedy, completely breaking down every wall you had built against him.

The studio became hot as you two continued making out on the couch. Sweat started to bead on your forehead as your lips travelled down on Riki’s jaws towards his neck which made him throw his head back with a breathy groan. Your hands busied itself on unbuttoning Riki’s blouse shirt, which made his hands tighten on your waist. You pushed it open and broke away from him.

“Hands down, you can’t touch me unless I told you so,” you ordered. “You want me right? Follow my instructions and I'll give you all.”

A whimper escaped on the younger’s lips before he nodded, removing his hold on you and placing his hands on his side, palm flat against the soft surface of the furniture. He watched as a faint smirk formed on your lips before your finger began tracing his sturdy chest, trailing it down to his refined abs that clenched against your feather touch, until you reached downwards to the obvious bulge in his slacks. 

Your soft hands ghosted against it, and Riki could only make soft moans from his lips as the first press sent shivers down his spine. He was breathless as you started to palm it. Squeezing every inch your hands could hold, you looked at the younger male whose eyes shut tightly, the smirk on your lips widened as you unzipped his slacks before pulling it down enough to leave him on his boxers.

His cock was straining underneath the garments. Without any second thought, you pulled down his boxer, revealing his hard length, already red and leaking with pre-cum. You spat on your palm before wrapping your hands around his shaft, earning an airy whimper from Riki which made you stroke his cock at a fast pace.

“Fuck — fuck, fuck!” Riki lets out a string of curses as your hand does wonders around his cock. He tried to thrust upwards, but you straddled his hips down. Firm hands pushing his chest to relax as you squeezed his tip gently before stroking his cock once again.

“Stay still,” you commanded and Riki could only nod as another groan escaped his lips. He couldn’t do anything but to feel your hand stroke his dick faster then suddenly, slower — then proceed to stroke it fast once again. You were a fucking tease, squeezing his tip, thumbing his slit, and using his precum to lubricate his length more. 

“Shit — please,” he stuttered, making you glance at him. He’s sweating hard, eyes shut as his tearline was already wet. You wanted to laugh at him. He was flushing red which amused you. Where did the confident and flirty Riki go? 

There was an undeniable greed and lust brewing inside you as you watched Riki fall under you. You knew he was desperate to have you. But you didn’t think this would be the outcome — to let you control him in everything. 

“Open your eyes,” and he was quick to obey too. Teary eyes staring at you while you fasten your stroke against his cock. His mouth was opened apart, only breathy moans and soft whines escaped his lips which only made you smile wider.

“Please,” he begged and you only cooed, your free hand cupping his cheeks as the tears strolled down from his eyes. Wiping the tears away as if you’re not the reason he’s a crying mess.

“You want to cum?” you asked so sweetly that it felt chilling. Riki feverishly nodded. You could feel him too, his body shaking and dick twitching. He’s about to cum. Any moment now, and he’s about to give in, he’s just holding back because of you. 

“Fuck — I — god —” Riki wasn’t able to finish his words when you removed your hands. A choke cry left his lips as his dick stood there red, denied, and twitching. 

“Look at you,” you hushed, gripping his face to look at you upwards. “You look so pathetic Riki, do you really want this?”

“Please! I’m begging you,” he pleaded as his desperation could be seen in his stare. 

You chuckled darkly before you reached for his cock once again. Riki whined loudly as you stroke his dick all of the sudden. His head fell onto your shoulders, like he was seeking for your warmth as your hands continued its pace.

His hands could do anything but to form into knuckles on his side. Afraid of disobeying you, Riki could only do nothing but to feel your hands fuck his dick, his stomach tensing and breathing becoming unstable. He could feel it again, his orgasm coming —

“Fuck!” his voice echoed inside his studio as you removed your hands once again. The soft laugh escaping your hands before placing a kiss on his cheeks. Riki whimpered at the thought of being denied once again and yet, he remained from where he was seated.

“Poor boy, couldn’t even try to cum because of me,” you teased as you planted a kiss on his lips. Soft and tender as you separated, you caught how Riki reached for you. 

“Relax, I’ll take good care of you, don’t worry,” you assured before you pushed him to lean against the headboard. Clean hands cupping his cheeks softly, that you could feel his soft breathing relaxing against your touch.

Riki watched as you fixed your position, hips up enough before you grabbed his hard shaft. He watched as you lined his tip on your entrance and slowly sank down on his cock. The stretch was new for you, he’s big and girthy that it burned against your walls.

“Fuck — you feel so good,” you moaned as your tight pussy swallowed him whole, making you full as squirm around his cock. Adjusting to his size as soft exhales escaped your lips.

Riki couldn’t help but to reach for your body, in a snap, you swat it away and placed it on his side.

“No touching.” you reminded him coldly.

“But —”

“Riki.” you warned, staring at him who looked at you with pitied eyes.

“How could I not, when you look so beautiful in front of me?” he muttered and though his words had your heart skip a beat, you only stared at him deadpan.

“Flattery won’t take you anywhere,” you whispered to him. “But obedience will.”

You started moving. Grinding against his hard dick meanwhile the only thing he could do was watch you use him. Taking everything you give him, your pussy sucking his dick hard that it got him holding his breath, his hands turning red against his knuckles as he fights himself from cumming inside you. 

“There you go, good boy,” you whispered darkly against his ears before you started bouncing onto his dick. Your wet pussy squelched against his hard shaft, the sound echoing inside the studio along with Riki’s whimpering cries. 

“Y/n — fuck —”

“What?”

“N-noona, please,” he breathed and his begging only had your pussy twitching. The way he stuttered his words, calling you that word — something inside you was triggered.

So this is what it feels like to have control of your partner? It’s no wonder your ex-husband chose a younger significant other. They’d fall under your command in just a snap.

You thought that Riki was a different case. He was a man. You thought he was so desperate to have you that he’d do everything to dominate you — but instead, he’s desperate to have you so that he’s willing to submit himself to you.

That’s why a chuckle of disbelief escaped your lips. Men have never been nice to you. You were a woman and the only place that you had dominated was your company and its industry. Never in your life had you dominated Heeseung, and it never crossed your mind to even dominate a man.

But now, seeing how Riki beg, whine, and choke under everything you do, thrilled you — in the end, you still have power even outside your work.

“Hold it.” you ordered and it only made him whimper as you took all of him, harder and harsher. His cock kissing your cervix as you moans become more louder than before. Your right hand grabbed a fistful of his hair, tilting his head upwards to make him look at you.

“Shit.” Riki groaned loudly and the next thing you knew, you felt warm liquid spilling inside your pussy. You stopped your actions as his hot cum continued spurting inside you, filling your insides all of the sudden. 

“Fuck! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Riki begged, tears flowing from his eyes as your hold on his hair loosen up.

“I told you to hold it,” you stated with a cold tone.

“I tried — I’m sorry, I just — you just feel so good,” he excused but a click on your tongue was the only thing you could do.

“And here I thought you’d do anything for me.” you said with a disappointed tone.

“I do, please, I’m sorry! I’ll do anything please.” Riki pleaded. His cries became loud while your gaze remained on him. 

“Anything you said?” you asked, and without any second thought, Riki nodded.

So you began moving your body once again, you felt Riki stiffening beneath you. His cock was still rock hard despite having to cum.

“W-wait, what are —”

“Don’t fucking move, I haven’t get to cum yet,” you stated before moving up and down. Grinding against his cock as Riki started to shake against your hold.

“Stop —”

“You said you’d do anything right? Now don’t move and let me use your dumb cock.”

Riki could only whimper. Your hands rested on his shoulders, nails digging on it deep as you bounced on his cock, eager for it to brush against your sensitive spots. Your pussy’s wet and loud, mixed with both of your juices, you continued your ministrations, trying to chase after your high.

“Slow down please,” Riki begged. He could feel his dick twitching and aching, hard as your warm walls engulf around him.

You brought your clean hands to muffle his mouth, dark eyes staring at him as your hips fastened its movement.

“You know what I like in a guy? When they’re quiet and don't tell me what to do. You’d do that for me Riki? Stay pretty and quiet like a doll while I use your dick to get me off?” you asked with your most rotting sweet tone. You watch as Riki’s eyes gleam with desire and mercy, nodding eagerly, making you smile. 

“Good, let’s put you to use don’t we? You’re fucking me good baby, my good, good boy,” you taunted as you could feel your body becoming more sensitive. Your stomach’s curling and movement getting sloppy. 

You removed your hands from his mouth before locking it with your lips which he reciprocated with much aggressiveness, both leaving hefty moans against the wet kisses as you quickened your pace, chasing after your orgasm as you felt Riki’s heavy breaths against your mouth — he’s near too.

“You’re going to cum?” you asked against his lips.

“Please — I’ll be good — fuck, please let me cum,” he begged and you only kissed his lips one last time.

“Cum with me baby, fill me good with your cum,” you ordered, and with a harsh thrust, you squeezed on his cock tight that it triggered Riki’s orgasm along with yours.

Both of you could feel the overwhelming sensation of the high, louder moans filling the studio, but that didn’t stop you from bouncing on his cock, you continued moving until Riki’s became messier underneath you. You’re eager to milk his shaft dry as you continued to fuck both of you into your highs.

The studio was warm and smelled like sex once you stopped. You lean on Riki’s shoulders as both of you are catching your breath. Riki couldn’t help but to rest his head on the headboard, tired and fucked-out, as his hands finds itself around your waist, in which you didn’t mind as you snuggled closer to his body.

“You alright?” he asked, strong hands rubbing warmly your back meanwhile a soft exhale escaped your lips.

“Yeah.” you shortly replied.

“Did I do a good job?” he asked once again, making you lift your head, looking at him, you only smiled as you planted a kiss on his lips. 

“You’d do good if you help me clean up.” you teased.

Riki didn’t hesitate. He helped you get off his lap, mixtures of liquid spilling out of your pussy, which only made the younger blush hard. 

“Noona — if you let me —”

“Hmm? What is it?”

“I’d clean you up,” he offered. “If you let me.”

Before you could say another word, he laid you down on the couch, kneeling in front of you as he spread your legs wide.

“Riki —”

“I want to make you feel good, please,” he requested, hands already on your thighs which left you with no choice.

“Fine.”

With that, Riki didn’t hesitate to lick a strip on your pussy. Tasting both his cum and yours, he didn’t care about the odd taste as he licked gently, moaning against your pussy as his tongue flicked against your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuck,” your moans began to fill the studio and Riki hold onto it like his pride that’s why he cleaned off your pussy fast and eager, slurping at every liquid his tongue could taste. Eager like a dog in heat, he buried his face close to your cunt.

“Right there Riki — shit! You’re doing good baby,” you cooed, which only earned a strong lick from him. His tongue doing wonders in your pussy, licking your entrance and swiping right on your clit. Giving it much attention makes you shake underneath his touch. His hands gripped on your thighs tightly, spreading your legs wider as he continued his ministrations.

You couldn’t help but to hold onto Riki’s hair as your hips started to thrust upwards to meet his tongue, you could only shut your eyes close as your curses escaped your lips. 

“Cleaning me good like a good boy you are, fuck Riki —” you softly said as you could feel your body shaking because you’re all over sensitive.

Riki didn’t stop, but instead used his tongue deep inside your entrance, protruding and sucking your pussy clean. He continued bobbing his face to meet your thrust, his nose bumping on your clit on purpose which only left you moaning and shaking in pleasure.

“Oh my — gonna cum — ah!” your legs began shaking, toes curling and body twitching as your second orgasm came crashing down, you were a crying mess as Riki continued sucking your pussy harshly, drinking every juice it emits, his hold on you tight as you whine in pain for the overwhelming sensation.

With a harsh tug, you lifted Riki’s face from your core. He looks at you with his glistening eyes and mouth and chin filled with your slick.

“Get up,” and he only did what you told him. 

“Did I do good?” he asked once again. 

A breathy chuckle escaped your lips, “it was perfect.”

Riki only smiled at your words before locking his lips on your once again. You kissed him back without any hesitation, tasting yourself on his lips as your arms wrapped around his neck and tugged him closer to your warmth.

-

“Something’s inaudibly different about you,” Sunoo pointed out.

You looked at him, before darting your stare back at your computer desk. “What are you talking about?”

Sunoo was quiet for a second. He was observing you like you’re a criminal in an interrogation room. “You had that glow in your face, the same one you had when you first started dating Heeseung. It’s also the same as when you two got married.”

“You’re talking nonsense.”

“You look relaxed, lighter, and happier — did something between you and Riki? Oh my god, you two had sex didn’t you!? That’s a post-sex glow!” he shouted.

“Oh my — office volume please,” you warned but Sunoo clapped insanely as the smile on his face became wide. “So you let the kid bang you.”

You scoffed, but the smirk on your lips was obvious. “More like the other way around.”

“Oh? Oh — you? I mean not surprising though,” Sunoo thought for a moment. “You ended up doing what I told you.”

“Which is?”

“Doing what your ex-husband did.”

“Went to the younger one?”

Sunoo nodded, and that stopped you for a second. 

“It’s just sex — not marriage with all the scandals.” you looked at him. “I know what I am doing.”

“So you’re just fucking around.” your best friend clarified.

“Am I not allowed to?”

Sunoo shook his head as an answer. “No, no, of course not, just be careful — situationships are hard, and I am telling you this as a best friend who's concerned about your feelings and image. You don’t want the public to criticize you more, right?”

“Of course,” you breathe. You’re not a reckless person. You knew what you were getting into when you started to play along with Riki. “Thank you, I understand where you’re coming from.”

“Right, just be extra careful and you know, enjoy whatever setup you and Riki have.” your best friend advised one last time.

Sunoo’s words got into you throughout the whole day.

You didn’t even notice it — but Riki did.

“Care to share what you’re thinking of?” Riki asked, his hands never stopped on your portrait while you lay on the same couch where a lot of things happened a few days ago.

“It’s nothing that should concern you,” you brushed off.

“But it concerns you,” Riki rebutted. “Come on, we have all night here.”

“You’re dropping me off at my place at eleven.”

“That’s too bad, I wanted to keep you here.” he smiled.

You only rolled your eyes at his words. The room fell into silence once again as Riki continued his work, he didn’t pry further and it made you wonder how he’s so observant about you. 

“Have you always been like this?” you asked.

“Like what?” he asked back, still focused on his painting.

“Observant.”

Riki chuckled. “It’s not hard when my subject’s expression is off.”

“My expression you say?” you hummed at his words. “That’s odd. People always say that I am cold. I always wore a neutral expression and the only expressions I could make were annoyed and disgusted.”

“Maybe you don’t show much of yourself to others, you only show your true self to the people you trust.” Riki pointed out.

“You think I’ve shown my true self to you just because I show an off expression?”

Riki stopped. He peaks over his canvas and stares at you for a minute before smiling. You stopped your trances when Riki places down his palette and paintbrush on the side. He walked towards you who sat up on the couch immediately.

Instead of sitting beside you, Riki squatted in front of you, head up looking at you observingly before he traced your face.

“It’s a pleasure to see that you’ve shown different expressions when it’s just the two of us.” he stated.

“Such as?”

“Bothered, relaxed, satisfied —” his stare darkened. “Pleasured.” 

You hummed to his answer. “Which one do you like the most?”

“I haven’t seen it yet.”

Your forehead creased.

“I haven’t seen you happy yet,” Riki confessed, and you only stared at him, stunned with his answer. 

“Maybe someday,” you told him, even though you’re unsure when it will happen. “Will you be patient?”

Riki stands up and leans a kiss on you. Something short and sweet that happened in a blink. “If it means waiting for eternity, then I would be happy too.”

You only blinked at his words. It was a hypothetical question which he answered with a promise. He left you there deep in thoughts as returned to his work, making you shift back to your old position before the room fell into utter silence once again.

It was past eleven when you decided to call it a night. After a takeout of ramen and gyoza, you’re getting ready to leave his studio when you open your bag and remember something.

“Here,” you handed Riki a small red envelope, thick and faintly smelled like rose.

“What is this?” he asked as he accepted the envelope.

“An invitation to the Metro Gala Ball,” Riki heard of it, "The Metro Gala Ball is the annual gala ball held by your company. A private yet public event that’s exclusive and knit-tight. You’re the host of the ball and there’s not a year where you exceeded last year’s event.

Every celebrity would die to receive an invitation from you. You hand-picked the guests yourself. Powerful names in the business industries, celebrities from different categories — films, music, fashion, and even sports. You’re selective and weren't the type to hand out invitations to anyone.

With Riki receiving one, it means that his name is known to you. 

“Woah,” it was the only thing he could say as he opened the envelope and grabbed the thick paper inside that contained the details and dress code.

“Be in your best behavior there Riki,” you told him and he quipped his head at you with an offended look on his face.

“Why would you say that to me?” he asked, appalled.

“Because my ex-husband will be there.” you informed.

Riki’s forehead creased. “You invited your ex-husband?”

“He’s a well-known businessman, and his wife is the current trending idol-model, it’ll cause a stir if I don't invite them,” you shrugged. “For formality.” 

“Should I keep you company then?” he suggested, and you only smiled.

“No Riki, this is an opportunity for you to mingle with potential clients and sponsors,” you told him. “I am doing you a favor.”

“But I want to dance with you there,” he whined, like a kid asking for candy and the act only made you roll your eyes.

“The ball doesn’t require any dance.” you pointed out.

“Well, will I still see you there?” his hands crept onto your hands, fingers intertwining as the warmth immersed between the two of you. Something about his gesture felt soft and gentle — quickly, you could feel your heart’s betrayal due to its rapid beating.

You blinked, looking at him as you only nodded slowly. “Of course.”

-

The night of the gala ball had arrived.

Photographers, reporters, and hosts are on the entrance of the convention hall who took pride in hosting your annual ball. 

You arrived last. Stepping out of the limousine, you exit the vehicle alone. You wore a vintage gown lent by one of your sponsored brands. A fiery red gown that perfectly shaped your figure. You wore it along with your hair down and clean makeup.

You were welcomed by the cameras flashing, the photographers screaming your name, and reporters announcing your arrival. You only flashed your professional smile as you did a few poses before arriving inside the hall wherein guests stopped what they were doing the moment you entered the place.

All eyes were on you — the most powerful women not only in the hall, but all in the media and publishing industry. Your words hold every weight and power. For years of running your magazine, you have done nothing but to be brutally honest that everyone either hates you or respects you.

Sunoo guided you towards the stage where you gave your welcoming speech. A small smile and eloquent words were given throughout your speech, not a single word stuttered out of your lips. With a glass of wine in your right hand, you raised a toast to officially open the event.

Then came the socializing part. A lot, of course — a lot of people would love to strike a conversation with you. You knew that you’re in for the whole night. The fake smiles and backhanded compliment, you continued putting your senses on every conversation you had from different strangers, hoping that you wouldn’t end up bored or annoyed. 

You had escaped a few strangers when Sunoo had dragged you to talk to you. Thankfully, your best friend knew when you shut down and from time to time, he would drag you to converse with him along with your secretary. 

“Excuse me,” the three of you stopped when a masculine voice interrupted your conversation.

To your shock, it was your ex-husband who’s standing in front of you. Looking lavish in his navy blue suit and tie — it looks custom-made especially when it’s hard to not notice the entranced details on his suit. 

“Can I borrow y/n for a moment?” he asked.

“Only if she wants to,” Sunoo sassed.

“It’s fine,” you answered. The two of them who only nod at your request, leaving you and your ex-husband alone in that place.

“Congrats y/n,” Heeseung started. “Extravagant yet polished as always, just like the way you like it.”

“Thank you, I do hope you’re enjoying the ball, I heard you just got back from your honeymoon,” you said.

“Santorini was a beau, you should go there sometimes,” he laughed.

“Maybe when I retire from this industry,” you joked and Heeseung merely laughed.

“Your wife’s not clinging on you tonight, a shocker,” you quipped.

“She’s talking to some model friends of hers,” Heeseung turns to his right, glancing at his younger wife who’s sharing laughs with her same-age friends. You noticed how clear her glass was compared to the rosy tint of pink wine of the ball.

“She’s pregnant,” Heeseung announced, and that made you glance at him. “A month pregnant.”

You nod. You could feel your heart palpitating at the news. It felt bitter in your heart but the only thing you could do was click your tongue and nod as you stare at Heeseung, a proud yet small smile on his lips.

“Congratulations then,” you told him, trying hard not to sound bitter at all. “You got what you want. I hope you’re happy now.”

“Thank you,” he quipped. “I don’t see your boyfriend around, afraid to show him to the world?”

You laughed, a sarcastic one. “He’s not my boyfriend Heeseung.”

“Really? What is he to you? Some kid you play with?” he mocked. “I guess you really had a change of heart and went for the younger ones.”

“He keeps following me around, the more I push him the more he wants to be in my life,” you answered. “Does it ring a bell?”

“Sounds like your type of man,” Heeseung teased and you only rolled your eyes.

“More like you guys couldn’t accept rejection.”

“Hey, you rejected me once but look what led us,” Heeseung laughed and you chuckled in disbelief.

“Yes, divorced,” you took a sip on the wine. “If I had known this would be our outcome, then I shouldn’t have given you a chance.”

“You know the divorce wasn’t just my fault,” Heeseung stated with a serious tone.

You stared at him a second, a bitter smile forming on your lips. “Right, because I am incapable. If not, cold and heartless who wouldn’t comply with your wishes.”

“I thought I could change you, but you’re just stubborn.” he answered back.

That’s when you laughed, “change me? With what? The traditional bullshit of being a housewife? I run a company Heeseung, I have a reputation and my name’s something people quiver when heard. You think I’d exchange all of that to become a submissive housewife of yours?”

“That’s not what I want you to do.”

“That’s how I felt.” That's when you heave out a sigh. “What’s the point of arguing this? You’re married Heeseung, and your wife’s fucking pregnant, do we really have to talk about this all over again when this is the reason why we divorced.”

“See, that’s the problem with you, you avoid the problem instead of facing it, you never listened to me nor acknowledge what I feel because you only care about your feelings.” Heeseung argued, his tone becoming higher and angry. “You’re not cold nor heartless, you’re selfish too.”

You only stared at him deadpan. “Maybe I am selfish, and maybe I am incapable of loving someone. It doesn’t matter to me though.”

“You just proved my point,” he breathed. “And just like what you did to me, you’d throw that boyfriend of yours in just a snap, once you see him useless in your life.”

“Throw you away? Like it wasn’t you who delivered the divorce papers in my office —”

“Is he bothering you?” you felt a figure shadowing you from behind. That’s when you realized that it was Riki and it had only sinked into you that this was the first time you saw him in the ball — you didn’t seem to notice him or maybe, you were just too overwhelmed with everything that you failed to look for him.

And talking about right timing, he just happened to show up during your argument with your ex-husband. The scene made Heeseung laugh, “oh look, prince charming’s here.”

“Dude fuck off,” Riki barked and it only made Heeseung chuckle harder. 

“I’m older than you, have some respect, dude.” the older man ordered.

“I don’t respect you when clearly you’re bothering y/n.”

“Where are your manners kiddo? Did y/n teach you proper decorum before attending this ball?” your ex-husband taunted.

“Shut up.” 

“You fuck off dude, we’re having a conversation here and you’re interrupting it, acting like her boyfriend or something —”

“Heeseung, shut up,” you couldn’t help but to butt in, glaring at your ex-husband before giving the younger one a stare. “Riki, calm down please.”

“Can’t tame your boy toy y/n? Look at him barking at me, when I’m just talking to you.” but Heeseung didn't listen, and instead, he continued with his words.

“You’re insulting her, I could see it,” Riki defended, stepping in for you who was pushed behind his back.

“You’re too protective for someone who’s not even her boyfriend.”

“Heeseung, stop it.” you warned once again.

“Like you didn’t say to me earlier that he’s not your boyfriend,” he cornered before taking a sip of his wine. “Word of advice kid, from man to man, don’t live to your fantasies of y/n.”

“You don’t tell me what to do.” Riki angrily spoke.

Heeseung smirked before glancing at you. “Just saving you from the heartbreak, kid, she’s incapable you know? Her words, not mine, by the way.”

Riki’s forehead creased, “the fuck you mean?”

“Oh? She hasn’t told you, I guess she doesn’t trust you enough.”

“Shut up.” You gritted your teeth, glaring at your ex-husband who fell deaf to your warnings.

“Take it or leave it man, the rumors of her being a coldless monster is true —”

Heeseung wasn’t able to finish his sentence when Riki’s fist landed on his jaw, earning a commotion from the crowd. The older man laughed as he stumbled a few steps. Remaining on his balance, he only stared at the younger man whose fists were red.

“I guess someone forgot to tie a leash on their pet,” Heeseung mocked. 

“Take it back —”

“Riki that’s enough,” you told the younger, blocking him from taking another punch on your ex-husband. Heeseung didn’t move either, his wife was already holding his arms too. 

The crowd gathered on the four of you. Whispers and words began to spread meanwhile some had the nerve to take out their phone to take a picture. You couldn’t help but to heave out a sigh, leaving with no choice but to pull Riki away and leave the venue. 

-

The door of your penthouse closed in a loud slam, you dropped your bag on the couch before proceeding towards the kitchen. Riki was behind you, quiet yet pissed as all he could think of was that he wasn’t able to punch your ex-husband enough after insulting you.

You opened your fridge out of frustration, grabbing a bottle of water and chugging on it. Riki remained at a distance, staring at you who wore nothing but a disappointed expression.

“Noona —”

“You ruined the party Riki, you were careless,” you lectured. 

Riki didn’t say a word, he watched as you took another large chug on your water bottle before placing it down on the kitchen counter.

“This gala ball is important to me. It’s my image and reputation — I expect you to behave well, I put my trust in you —”

“You’re making it like I was acting like a fucking kid back there,” Riki defended

“Because you are,” you crossed your arms. “You let Heeseung’s words get into your mind —”

“He’s insulting you.”

“And I don’t care about what he said.” 

“I care, everything he said to you — it’s insulting not only for you, but for me too.” Riki pointed out and as much as you wanted to be flattered with his words, you remained quiet because deep down — Heeseung was right.

“He’s not insulting me Riki,” you stated. “Heeseung was just telling the truth.”

“What truth?”

“That I’m incapable.”

“You’re confusing me.”

The weight on your shoulders became heavy. You only stared at him as you leaned at the counter, looking for support. Your lips turned thin as the aching feeling on your heart started to grow.

“Do I really have to tell you about it?” you whispered.

You noticed how Riki’s forehead creased.

“What do you mean?”

“Riki, I am infertile.” you confessed. 

Silence took over for a whole minute. Riki stood there frozen as your confession replayed in his mind on a loop.

“What?” he asked, trying to process everything you just said.

“I can’t have kids Riki, my body’s couldn’t — I could never, not even second options could help me,” you told him, crossing your arms like what you just said was nothing heavy. “You think Heeseung and I are incompatible? We divorced because I couldn’t bear children.”

“And you let him get away with it?” Riki asked, almost offended.

“Rather than have him tied up in a childless marriage, what else could I do?” you shrugged. “There are things you’d do for love —”

“Love? Fuck, you still love him right? That’s why you let him insult you, step on you because you still love him.” he accused.

“And if I do? Will it change how you see me? Are you going to stop pursuing me now, knowing that my heart still beats for my ex-husband?”

“You’re fucking kidding me? You still love him despite insulting you? What am I then? You’re fooling around with me!?” Riki lashed out.

“I told you many times, that I am not interested in love anymore, and to answer your question, no, I don’t love Heeseung anymore,” you clarified.

“Then what’s stopping you from being with me?”

“I told you Riki many times, you’re too young for me. You’re a rookie in the art industry, you have a long way to go, I am not going to let your career be ruined by me.” you explained

“Ruined by you? If it means being with you, I don’t mind.”

“You’re fucking pathetic.”

“Damn right I am,” he looked at you, smiling like a madman he was. “And I don’t fucking care if you can’t have kids, that’s your body, it’s your choice to have kids. I just want you.”

You became quiet for a minute. Deja vu rushed and damn, it made your heart shrill in pain.

“You’d say that right now, but then there will come a time where you’d think of having a family, having your own children and blood, and I’m telling you right now, if that’s what you want, I can’t give you that.” you softly said yet your tone was pricked with bitterness.

But Riki reluctantly shook his head. “That’s not what I have in my mind right now, all I care about is you.”

“Of course you don’t,” you interjected immediately. “But time will tell, people change and the next thing you know, you’d want kids and I’d repeat myself for you. I can’t give you that.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you pushing me all of the sudden?”

“Because you reminded me so much of Heeseung,” you admitted. A cold statement that you hated so much as your ex-husband’s name slipped out of your lips. 

Riki’s eyes widened. Your clasp on your arms tightened, nails digging on your skin as you kept yourself composed.

“You are just the same as my ex-husband when we first met. He was a charmer, a flirt — a man of persuasion that god damn, I had fallen for him without me knowing.” you started and you hated how memories came crashing down like tsunami. Every moment with your ex-husband felt so right that you were assured that he’d be the one for you.

“I told him about my situation, I couldn’t bear his children and he was okay with it.” You confessed. “When we got married, suddenly, he wanted a family. I felt betrayed because I thought he was content with just the two of us.”

“I’m not like him,” Riki gritted his teeth. “It's insulting for me that you think that I am like your asshole of an ex-husband.”

You shake your head in disagreement. “You two are just so alike that it scares me to fall for your charm — but here I am and now I’m scared that if I let you in my life longer, there will still come a day where you’d betray me the same way he betrayed me.”

“You think lowly of me then.”

“I must be,” you admitted. “Because you’re young and free and persistent, but once you mature and decide for yourself, you’d realise that you could’ve done better.”

Riki stared at you. For a minute no one talked, only your eyes spoke for each other. Riki noticed it, the way your eyes softened out of piety and desperation. He understood what you meant. He was defeated by the fact that you think lowly of yourself just because of your past — yet, a part of him was hurt, because no matter how hard he tries, you couldn’t take him seriously. 

“When are you going to see me as your equal? Not some kid fooling around and charming his way to be your significant other? When are you going to realize that I am serious when it comes to you and I may have sounded pathetic and foolish through my words, but I am telling you, I like you from the very start — I may be in love with you right now. If that’s not enough for you, then what do you want me to do to prove my love for you?”

You remained quiet due to Riki’s confession. Your heart stopped as all you felt was how speechless you were hearing those words that came out of his lips.

You should’ve been happy hearing those words. It felt assuring despite the desperation on his tone. Riki was willing to fight for you, but all you could feel was deja vu. The same confessions, same sentiments four years ago — and now, you’re scared that it might happen all over again.

Your lips moved, because the longer you stay in whatever you two had, the more you’re going hold Riki back to a future that he deserves. 

“Nothing Riki,” you mumbled to him. “Nothing could ever make me look at you the way you want me to.”

“You’re just giving me reasons to walk away,” he pointed out.

“I am really giving you reasons,” you bitterly spoke. “I can’t love you no matter how much you try, I am a heartless monster, just like what the public portrays me to be.”

“Don’t say that —”

“I am telling you this as someone older than you,” you told him. “Just not me. You could never change me nor had me settle down. I am married to my company and love will never be my priority. Just give up now.”

“No.” Riki firmly stated. “I don’t want to let you go. I can prove to you that you can still love —”

“Just leave Riki.” you ordered. “Please.”

“You’re really decided?” he asked once again, almost inaudible.

“In the first place, I never had the intention of loving you,” you confessed. “You played with your own flames, Riki.”

Riki bitterly smiled, he glanced at you one last time before speaking, “just so you know, everything about us wasn’t a game for me.”

The door closed after a few seconds. You stood there frozen as you tried to process everything that just happened. A blink and two, you grabbed the water bottle and threw it in your trash can.

You returned to your bedroom, stripping off the gown all by yourself, you left it creased on the floor as you made your way towards your bathroom wherein you removed your makeup and took a cold shower to wash off tonight’s exhaustion.

You went to bed an hour later after finishing your nightly routine, covering yourself in your warm blanket, you couldn’t help but to curl into a fetal position as the silence deeply devoured you.

The first tear dropped not a few minutes ago, then came the broken and held-back sobs — not until it burst. You cried so loud that it echoed inside your room. You felt pathetic as you curled closer to your own skin, crying in your cold bed which felt huge for you, as the only thing you could think of was how lonely your life is.

-

The fight was all over the news but you didn’t bother acknowledging it.

Your ex-husband made a statement. Of course, along with the scripted words and sorry face as if he wasn’t the one who pushed Riki’s button. Meanwhile, Riki remained quiet on his own, which relieved you. You’re scared that the media might be harsher to him compared to Heeseung.

All you did was bury the news, especially when the ball was tied to your name and in the years of hosting the gala ball, this was the first time a fight occurred. What's funnier was that it was because of you.

Great. You should’ve removed Heeseung from your guest list and you should’ve pulled Riki away the moment Heeseung opened his mouth.

But then again, why are you the one who’s going to fix the mess those dumb guys started? You could only shake your head as you finished your statement. Stating that everything happened because of a small misunderstanding. Small misunderstanding my ass, if only you could say that your ex-husband was an asshole and Riki was immature for getting it inside his head, then you could’ve been having a peaceful post-gala ball week. 

Nonetheless, it didn’t even tip off your crown nor did it ruin your image for a bit. For the public, it’s even a more juicy detail; two men fighting over you, a love triangle in the making they say, which sounded more stupid than you’d imagine. 

You remained quiet for the past few days. Focused on other priorities and next month's issues. You kept your mind distracted with the hundreds of tasks and meetings, hoping it’ll drown away the loneliness you’ve been feeling.

But it doesn’t help going home to an empty penthouse — so huge and cold with you living alone, it only shows you how you may be everything, but couldn’t have everything. Days passed by and only did it cross your mind whether this is the fate of other female CEOs like you. Powerful, independent, and charismatic in public — yet, lonely deep inside.

“Sunoo you got to be honest with me,” you started.

You convince yourself that your loneliness wasn’t because of him. You had enough to accompany you — your family, your best friend, maybe you need time off from the office and just talk to them in hopes to fill your emptiness.

That’s why you ended up in a quiet bistro with your best friend, sharing plates of steak and red glass of wine.

“What is it chief?” Sunoo asked.

You became quiet for a moment, eyeing on your wine glass before saying, “Am I useless? Just because I can’t have kids.”

“Well, do you want to have kids?”

“I don’t actually. I was twenty-one when they told me about my condition, from there, I had accepted that I could never have kids,” you casually explained. “It’s just, I hated how no matter how powerful and reputable I am, it’s all useless because I couldn’t be a wife and mother — it's like that’s the standard of my womanhood.”

“Since when have you thought of that? That never crossed your mind,” Sunoo raised an eyebrow. “Unless, you’re thinking about settling in.”

You shake your head, “I don’t know, I thought I’d be satisfied with my job and company. I like how people respect me, I even like it when they’re scared of me, but still — I feel like it will never be enough for me.”

“Do you want to resign?” your best friend asked.

That made you chuckle as you took another sip. “Fuck no, I spent the last five years running this company, there’s no way I am giving this up.”

“Then where does this conversation lead us?”

“Nothing, just a random thought — blame it on the alcohol,” you merely chuckled. “I just thought about whether things would’ve been different if I wasn’t like this.”

“Like what? Cold? Heartless? Infertile?” Sunoo dramatically sighed before massaging his temples. “Y/n, don’t you ever think of having a change of heart just because of your past mistakes when it comes to guys. Do I really need to give you the pep talk about this?”

You only stare at him for a second before laughing, “if this pep talk is about an hour long, then I don’t need it.”

“Good, because I am not going to be that best friend of yours who wanted to see you getting hurt by those assholes.” Sunoo smiled and although his comforting words eased you, it didn’t help any of your worries at all.

Maybe this time, companionship isn’t what your heart is desiring.

“Sunoo, am I unlovable?” you asked and the question made your best friend stop.

“Why would you even think of that? Is this because of Riki?”

You shook your head as an answer. “No, it’s not just about him — it’s — nevermind, forget I said it.”

“Y/n, you deserve to be loved, and to be loved, they need to accept everything, I meant everything about you. You’re not unlovable because you’re lacking something.” Sunoo’s hands reached for yours, holding it lightly, your best friend gave you a fond smile which you found serene. “I know that someday, you’d find that person.”

“I thought of that same thing. Heeseung accepted me despite everything — then suddenly, he needed something I couldn’t give —”

“Y/n, Riki isn’t Heeseung, not all men are like Heeseung. I know that they may seem alike, but holding onto your ex-husband and your burden of not being able to have kids will be a hindrance for you to have another chance when it comes to love.”

“I’m just scared,” you admitted, and you hated how you’re suddenly vulnerable in front of Sunoo.

“Love is a risk chief,” Sunoo smiled. “Love is never an easy thing, and I just hope that if you meet him again, you’d open your heart instead of closing it.”

It was what you needed to hear. You nodded at Sunoo’s words as you quietly took a sip on your glass. Sunoo’s hands squeezed yours one last time before he shifted his attention to his own drink.

The rest of the night was filled with tranquil silence, your heart remained heavy with thought, but all you knew was that maybe this time was not for you.

-

Surely a month passed by would help you realize that you’d be contended with what you had, right?

Your name has slowly been out of the tabloids and articles. Thankfully, you pray for times like this. Every issue involving you had died down and although the past few weeks weren’t hell for you, you’re just glad that you’re not going to deal with any bullshit from gossipers and pot-stirrer websites.

It was Monday morning. You just parked your car in your usual spot when you hear a familiar ringtone. You quickly grabbed your phone and saw that it was Sunoo who’s calling you. 

“What is it? I’m in the building already —”

“Stop, don’t go here, go to Aphrodite Hall, Ms. Miyawaki wanted to have a personal meeting with you about the upcoming event with the Park trades,” your best friend informed you.

Your forehead creased, “wait, that was today? I could’ve swore that it’ll be on Thursday.”

“Adjustments! Her secretary informed Wonhee last night about it, and she reached you through your email but also informed me because she knows that you don’t open your emails on Sunday,” your best friend explained.

“Suddenly?”

“She’d be leaving for Milan later in the afternoon and won’t be back until Friday, that’s why it was best to talk to you before her flight.”

“Fuck, I hate Mondays,” you complained.

“Take care on the way there chief~” with that, your best friend hung up the call and you had no choice but to turn on your car’s engine and drive away from your company building.

Deja vu came crashing into you as you arrived at the said hall. Parking in the underground parking, you sat there for a minute as you thought about Riki. This was the first place where you two first met. A funny yet annoying encounter for you. You wondered how he has been now — he’s been on radio silence ever since that night.

But you had enough dwelling in the past, you have moved on with your life and you wished that he’d do the same too.

Entering the elevator, you pressed the closed button and as the elevator went up, your heart skipped faintly as your anxiety started to heighten up. 

The entrance of the hall was empty the moment you stepped outside the elevator. It was relatively quiet and oddly, you’d anticipated that your client would be welcoming you. But there were no people inside, not even their receptionist or guard — was Sunoo pranking you?

But the lights inside the main hall were open, you assumed that Ms. Miyawaki’s inside. You followed your instincts despite your nervous heart palpitating like it's on a race.

You pushed the glass door open and your jaw dropped on the floor. You were frozen from where you were standing at the sight of the painting in front of you.

The first thing you saw was you. Your painting — no, it wasn’t the nude painting you requested Riki. It was something else.

It was you during your visit to his first gallery launch, back shown but clearly, the outfit says that it was you because funny enough, you remember the outfit you wore that day. You stood there astonished as it had sinked into you that the gallery wasn’t that filled much with paintings, but was filled with all of you.

Your feet started to move. Looking at each painting one by one — some were portraits of you during your encounters with Riki while some are just portraits of you. Just you. As if the painter was painting you from his memory. 

You remember how Riki doesn’t like to paint portraits but you couldn’t believe how ethereal his paintings were, it didn’t sink into you that all of these paintings were too beautiful to have you as its subject. 

The moment you walked further into the room, that’s when you noticed a figure standing in front of a painting — your nude painting. You stopped — your mind went haywire and your heart stopped beating. You were frozen as you stared at the back of the man that you thought you were over now.

Riki was staring fondly at your painting. He had finished it all by himself and the result only left you appalled as you stared at the painting. What you’re seeing right now is his view every time you lay there on the couch. It’s soft — you looked relaxed and calm, a complete contrast to his other portraits of you. It shows vulnerability, and a sight that was only for him and you. 

You couldn’t help but to move, hands clutched on your purse tightly as you stood beside Riki. Your heart started to beat in a rapid manner. You ignored the way Riki glanced at you for a second before returning his stare at the painting. The two of you stood there in silence, not knowing how to address each other nor wanting to acknowledge the suffocating tension between the two of you.

“I thought about what you said,” Riki started, breaking the ice. “You’re right. I was blinded by your image and everything. I was desperate for you, and hope I get recognized by you.”

“I did everything, even if it means ruining my image for you, I didn’t care that you’re cold and would push me away — heck, I was even thrilled to play games with you because for once, you noticed me and I am not going to stop until you looked at me the same way.”

Riki shifted his stare at you at the same time you looked at him. You noticed it immediately, how his eyeglasses couldn’t hide the eyebags underneath his eyes, he had aged in less than a month and poor boy, he had grown thin as his cheekbones started to pop out.

“That’s not love Riki, that’s obsession.” you stated.

“You’re right. I was pathetically obsessed with the idea of you, and now, it felt wrong — about us back then, felt wrong.”

You only stared at him, and Riki only smiled bitterly.

“It hurt me when you pushed me away that night. I craved for you — for your presence, your touch — fuck, you drove me insane.” he took a deep exhale, lips thinning as his eyes remained on you. “I wanted to remember everything about you because I don’t want to forget about you.”

That's when it hit you. The gallery, the paintings where every encounter was painted. All those paintings of every inch of your body and face were on display. Raw, vulnerable, and imperfect. An act of devotion of Riki to you.

“I didn’t paint all of this to win you back. But you were my muse and you brought me out of my artist block, I painted all of this just because I want to.” he explained and you nodded.

“And how did it make you feel?”

“I feel good, light, and satisfied. I was happy, because I was painting the image of the woman I love.” Riki muttered. “I was painting it during my deepest sorrow but seeing it right now, I was satisfied — the paintings, that’s how I see you, and I hope that’s how you see yourself too.”

“It's beautiful, you made me too beautiful,” you whispered.

“Well, you’re beautiful.”

“Even when I am incapable?”

“Flawed, heartless, or cold. Regardless of that, you’re everything I’d love to be with — for the rest of my life.” he stated and you swore that his words made your heart leap out of joy..

“That’s too much.” You stared at him, trying to remain composed even though you’re on the edge of exploding due to your suppressed feelings for him. “I don’t want you to revolve your life around me Riki.”

“Too late.”

“Riki, I am serious.” you scolded.

“Right, right, I’ll listen.” he chuckled, and you only let out a deep sigh.

“You’re a good man Riki, a talented painter, you have a long way to go and —” you stared at him for a minute before your lips moved. “Are you sure about me?”

“The moment you walked into my gallery, I wanted to have you,” he confessed. “But the moment you told me everything about you, all I wanted was to love you, to show you that you’re still worth loving despite all the flaws you had.”

You didn’t answer him immediately. You waited for more, because something inside him was holding back. Riki was afraid — afraid that even if he prepared a speech to show his love to you — you’d still reject him anyway.

His mind went blank as you stared at you. Expressionless, yet there’s a faint glimpse on your eyes — patiently, waiting for his words.

And that gave him hope. 

“And you may look like the type of woman who doesn’t need a man but, just once, can you please open your heart to love again?” he managed to choke out a few words, Riki himself felt like it was a desperate plea but he couldn’t care less anymore. One month has passed, he’s not going to let you walk away especially when you walked inside his gallery first. 

“What good will I gain from loving you then?”

“Do you need to gain anything when it comes to love? Can it be just something that will give you security and comfort? Someone you can run to? A home? Safety? Because I hate to say this to you, but it must feel so lonely that you’re used to your solitude when you can have more than that.” he subjected which completely dazed you.

Your lips trembled. Heart shaking as your breath became unsteady. You looked at Riki as you could feel your eyes getting wet. 

“This is stupid, I shouldn’t have gone here,” you muttered to yourself, wiping the incoming tears harshly meanwhile Riki softly chuckled.

“You still look pretty even when you’re on the verge of crying.” Riki teased as his hands found their way to wipe away the tears. 

“Flattery doesn’t get you nowhere —”

“I know, I know,” Riki nods. “But I hope my love does, and I am asking you one last time; can you give me another chance?”

“Will I be assured this time Riki? I am giving you a chance to walk away again, think about your future. Think about having kids and —”

“All I can see is you, and I know you’re scared, but I am not going to let you go through the same thing ever again.” he swore to you, and you could nod.

“There’s no turning back here.” you told him. “It’ll be just the two of us — no kids, no tiny riki or tiny me running around. Just the two of us.”

“Sounds like a dream for me,” with that, his hands found the round of your cheeks, cupping it gently as he made you look up at him. “All I need are your words. Everything about us is your choice.”

“I’m already crying, what else could I say?” you whispered.

A teasing smirk formed on his lips. “No, I need to hear it from you.”

“Stubborn kid.”

“You know me well noona.”

“Fine.” you only rolled your eyes. “Yes Riki, I — unfortunately, have fallen for you and it would hurt me to not give you another chance.”

With that, Riki grinned. “Fuck yeah.”

“I can’t believe that’s your response to my confession,” you complained, slapping his arms as he laughed at your words. “If this is what my relationship with you looks like in the incoming years, I’d take back —”

You weren’t able to finish your sentence when Riki leaned down for a kiss. A deep, tender one that had you grasping for breath that moment you two separated.

Riki’s smile was wide, he softly gazed as he said. “No more take backs noona. You’re mine now.”

“I guess you won your game” You stared at him and from there, he only gave you a smile as another kiss was stolen from yours. His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you close to his warmth wherein you feel yourself melting.

“Where’s my prize then?” he teased and you only scoffed in disbelief at how he managed to squeeze in another flirty jab to you.

your coffee. the cup tipped and spilt, liquid soaking through your jeans, spreading sticky and uncomfortable across your thighs. panic hit first, pure and primal, because for a split second all you could think was laptop, everything's gone, hours of work, my entire project. your hands flew out in the darkness, patting frantically at the desk, trying to assess the damage. your chest was so tight you couldn't get a full breath.

then came the anger. fast and hot and overwhelming, rising from somewhere deep in your stomach. you wanted to scream. wanted to grab whoever crashed into you and shake them. wanted to cry from sheer frustration because this was exactly what you didn't need tonight, not when you were already hanging on by a thread.

"oh my god, oh my god, i'm so sorry, i didn't see you, i didn't think anyone else was here, i'm so sorry." the voice came rapid-fire from somewhere to your left. male, young, pitched higher than normal with genuine distress. 

he kept apologising, words tumbling over each other, and there was something in his tone that didn't sound rehearsed. he sounded actually afraid, like he'd just committed some unforgivable sin. 

"i didn't mean to, i couldn't see, the power just went out and i was trying to get to the door and i'm so sorry, did it get on your laptop? please tell me it didn't get on your laptop."

you took a breath, trying to force words past the tightness in your throat, trying to formulate some response that matched the fury still coursing through your veins. your mouth opened, something sharp and cutting right on the edge of your tongue.

the emergency lighting kicked in. not much, just pale green strips along the baseboards casting everything in eerie, insufficient glow. enough to see by. enough to make out shapes, faces.

the guy who'd run into you stood about two feet away, and the first thing you noticed was his hands. hovering in the air between you, trembling visibly even in the dim light, fingers spread like he wanted to help but didn't dare touch anything. he was tall and lean, dark hair stuck up in odd directions like he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly. glasses had slipped down his nose, and behind them his eyes were wide. genuinely panicked in a way that didn't feel performed at all.

"your laptop," he said, voice still shaking with that same desperate concern. "what model is it? did the coffee get on it? the keyboard is the main concern, if liquid got into the keyboard we need to shut it down immediately and flip it over to drain, we need to know if you had everything backed up." 

he was already moving closer, trembling hands reaching toward your desk, and you realised with a start that he hadn't even looked at you properly yet. his entire focus was on your laptop. on the problem he'd created. on fixing it.

"it's fine," you managed, voice coming out rougher than intended. you looked down at your computer. sitting safely to the right of where your coffee had been, completely dry and unharmed. "it didn't get on it."

the relief that washed over his face was so profound you almost felt embarrassed witnessing it. his shoulders sagged. his hands finally dropped to his sides. he let out a long, shaky breath like he'd been holding it since the collision.

 "okay. okay, that's good, that's really good." then, almost as an afterthought, his eyes finally moved to actually look at you. taking in your coffee-soaked lap, your tense posture, your expression which you were sure wasn't friendly. "are you okay? did you get burned? that coffee looked hot, if it was hot we should get you to a sink, run cold water on it."

"it was cold," you said. true, but didn't make the situation better. your jeans were soaked through, fabric clinging uncomfortably to your skin, coffee starting to seep into your chair. you were sticky and irritated and still running on too much adrenaline. but he looked so genuinely distressed that some of your anger started deflating despite yourself.

"cold coffee is still a problem," he said, already pulling his backpack off his shoulder, unzipping it with fumbling fingers. "the sugar content means it'll get sticky when it dries, and it can stain, especially on lighter fabrics. i have napkins, i think, or maybe paper towels, i definitely have something." 

he was rummaging through his bag now, pulling out crumpled papers, a graphing calculator, several pens, tangled earbuds, talking the entire time in that same rapid, anxious way. 

"i'm really sorry, i should have been more careful, i knew the power was out, i should have used my phone flashlight, i just thought i knew the layout well enough to navigate in the dark but obviously i was wrong."

you watched him. something uncomfortable shifted in your chest. you'd been prepared to snap at him, to unleash all your accumulated frustration on whoever had been careless enough to run into you. but he wasn't making excuses. wasn't trying to minimise what he'd done or deflect blame or make some joke to lighten the mood. he was just genuinely, almost painfully concerned about the problem he'd created. the way he kept apologising, kept trying to fix things, made it very hard to stay angry.

"here," he said triumphantly, producing a small pack of tissues from the bottom of his bag. he held them out, then seemed to realise how inadequate they were and let out a frustrated sound. "these aren't going to be enough. we should go to the bathroom, get some actual paper towels. or maybe the kitchen area on the second floor, they have those industrial dispensers that are way more absorbent." 

he paused, finally seeming to register that you hadn't moved, that you were just sitting there watching him. his ears went red, visible even in the dim green emergency lighting. "sorry, i'm sorry, i'm doing it again. my sister always tells me i go into problem-solving mode when i'm anxious and it makes people feel like i'm not actually listening to them. are you okay? like, actually okay, not just physically okay?"

the question caught you off guard. nobody had asked you that in days. maybe weeks. everyone just assumed you were fine because you were handling things, meeting deadlines, showing up to class. but this stranger who'd just spilt coffee all over you was looking at you with genuine concern, waiting for a real answer. something in your chest felt suddenly too tight.

"i'm fine," you said, softer than intended. you took the tissues from him, dabbing uselessly at your jeans. he was right. they weren't nearly enough. but the gesture felt important somehow. "it's been a long night."

"assignments?" he asked. when you nodded he made a sympathetic noise. "yeah, same. i've been here since six. had a project deadline at midnight but then the power went out fifteen minutes before and now i don't know if my submission went through because the wifi died with the electricity." he pushed his glasses up his nose. nervous gesture you got the impression he did frequently. 

"i'm jake, by the way. jake sim. i feel like i should probably introduce myself since i just, like, assaulted you with your own beverage."

despite everything, ruined jeans and exhaustion and broken code, you felt the corner of your mouth twitch. not quite a smile, but close. "assaulted me with my own beverage?"

"well, yeah," he said, looking vaguely embarrassed. "i mean, i weaponised your coffee against you. that's technically assault, right? or maybe battery? i always get those mixed up. my roommate's a poli-sci major, he'd know."

 he was rambling now, words spilling out in that same anxious rush, and there was something almost endearing about how completely lacking in artifice it was. he wasn't trying to be charming. wasn't trying to be funny. just genuinely nervous and dealing with it by talking too much.

you told him your name. he repeated it carefully, like he was committing it to memory. "i really am sorry," he said again, quieter this time. "what were you working on? before i interrupted?"

"data structures project," you said. just thinking about it made your shoulders tense again. "it's due tomorrow and there's a bug i can't figure out and i've been staring at it for hours."

his eyes lit up behind his glasses, spark of interest that transformed his whole face. "what kind of bug? runtime error? logic error? is it a pointer issue? those are always the worst, especially with linked lists."

 he was already moving closer to your laptop, stopping himself at the last second like he'd realised he was being presumptuous. "sorry, i mean, i could take a look if you want? i'm pretty good with data structures. it's kind of my thing. i'm a TA for comp 201 actually, so i see a lot of common bugs. but also totally no pressure, i know i just dumped coffee on you so you probably don't want my help."

you should have said no. didn't know this guy, didn't owe him anything. you'd been managing just fine on your own. except you hadn't been managing fine. you'd been on the verge of a breakdown in an empty lab at midnight. now here was this nervous, rambling stranger offering help without expecting anything in return, looking at you like your problem was genuinely important to him.

it was disorienting. how quickly your anger had evaporated, replaced by something you couldn't quite name. you found yourself noticing details you shouldn't care about. the way he kept pushing his glasses up. the way his hands had finally stopped shaking now that he had something concrete to focus on.

"okay," you heard yourself say. his whole face brightened in a way that made something flutter uncomfortably in your stomach. "yeah, if you don't mind looking at it."

"i don't mind at all," he said quickly, already pulling up a chair. he left careful distance between you though, hyper-aware of not invading your space again. "show me what you've got."

you turned your laptop toward him. he leaned in, eyes scanning the lines with immediate focus. his expression shifted into something concentrated, intense. this was probably what he looked like when he wasn't tripping over people in the dark and panicking about it. he started asking questions about your implementation, your logic, what you'd already tried. his voice had lost that nervous edge. this was clearly where he was comfortable. in the clean logic of code, in problems that had solutions.

you answered his questions. watched as he nodded, occasionally pushing his glasses up, finger tracing lines of code on the screen without quite touching it. the emergency lighting cast strange shadows across his face, highlighting his cheekbones, the strong line of his jaw, the way his brow furrowed in concentration.

you were noticing things you shouldn't notice. but you told yourself it wasn't because you found him attractive. you were just paying attention because he was helping. because he'd disrupted your solitary misery and replaced it with something else. something that felt almost like companionship.

"there," he said suddenly, pointing to a line in the middle of your function. "you're incrementing the counter before you check the condition, but you need to check the condition first. it's causing an off-by-one error. see? you're accessing index n when your array only goes up to n minus one."

you stared at the line he was indicating. slowly, horribly, you realised he was right. such a simple mistake, the kind of thing you should have caught hours ago. but you'd been too tired, too frustrated, too deep in your own head to see it. "oh my god," you said quietly. "that's it. that's the whole problem."

"easy fix," jake said, smiling now. a real smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. "just move that line down two spaces and add the conditional check first. you want me to...?" he gestured at your keyboard, asking permission. you nodded, watched as he made the adjustment with quick, confident keystrokes. "there. try running it now."

you hit compile, holding your breath. for the first time in two days the program ran without errors. the output printed exactly the way it was supposed to. clean and correct and perfect. relief flooded through you so intensely you felt dizzy with it, all the tension you'd been carrying suddenly releasing at once. "thank you," you said, voice more emotional than intended. "seriously, thank you, i've been losing my mind over this."

"it happens to everyone," jake said gently. "sometimes you just need fresh eyes. i've definitely been there." he leaned back in his chair, that nervous energy returning now that the immediate problem was solved. "your code is really clean, by the way. like, really well-structured. that bug was literally the only issue, everything else is solid."

the compliment settled warm in your chest. you realised with a start that you felt calm. actually calm, for the first time all night. your heart rate had slowed. your hands were steady. the overwhelming pressure behind your eyes had eased.

the lab was still too quiet, the emergency lighting still eerie and insufficient, your jeans still soaked with cold coffee. but somehow none of it felt as unbearable as it had fifteen minutes ago. and that was because of him. because jake had crashed into you in the dark and apologised too much and fixed your code and made you feel less alone in this empty building at midnight.

jake was gathering his things, shoving papers and pens back into his backpack with the same energy he'd had while searching for tissues. "i should probably try to find someone about the power situation," he said. "and you should probably change before that coffee stains permanently. there's a campus store in the student centre that's open twenty-four hours, they have overpriced sweatpants but at least they're dry."

"yeah," you said, surprised to find you didn't want him to leave yet. "yeah, i probably should."

he stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, and hesitated. "hey, um. if you ever need help with code stuff again, or if you just want to work in the lab at the same time, i'm here most nights. usually not spilling beverages on people, but, you know. tonight was special." he smiled awkwardly. you found yourself smiling back, a real smile this time.

"i might take you up on that," you said. meant it.

jake's expression brightened again. that same transformation you'd noticed earlier. he nodded. "cool. yeah, that would be cool. okay. i'm gonna go now before i accidentally break something else." he gave you a small wave, started toward the door, then turned back. "your code really is good, by the way. i wasn't just saying that."

then he was gone, disappearing into the dark hallway beyond the lab. you were alone again. but that realisation, that awareness that a stranger's clumsy kindness had affected you so much, sat uncomfortable and warm in your chest as you saved your work and finally, finally, packed up to leave.

you walked into your lecture the next morning running on four hours of sleep and caffeine-induced alertness that felt vaguely hallucinogenic. your jeans from last night were balled up in your laundry basket, probably stained beyond saving, and you'd thrown on the first clean thing you could find. 

you slid into your usual spot next to yunjin, who was already comparing notes with beomgyu across the aisle. they were your people. your safe zone. the ones you'd suffered through intro courses with, pulled all-nighters with, shared desperate pre-exam breakdowns with.

"you look like death," yunjin said cheerfully, not looking up from her phone.

"thanks. love you too."

"late night?" beomgyu leaned over, stealing one of yunjin's chips. "you missed the group chat meltdown about the algorithms homework."

you hummed noncommittally, pulling out your laptop. your code from last night was still open, that perfect, error-free output staring back at you. you'd submitted it at 12:47 am, seventeen minutes after jake had fixed it. seventeen minutes after he'd disappeared down that dark hallway.

you hadn't told yunjin and beomgyu about any of it. the power outage, the coffee, jake. especially jake. it felt somehow private, like explaining it would cheapen it or make it feel less significant than it had been in the moment.

professor kim walked in, and the room settled into that particular brand of restless attention that morning lectures always had. "alright, alright," she said, pulling up a slide that made half the room groan in unison. "i know you're all thrilled to hear this, but it's time to discuss your semester-long project."

chairs scraped against floors as people twisted around to look at their friends. voices overlapped, people already calling out names, forming pairs out of habit and convenience. you felt yunjin's hand on your arm at the same time beomgyu leaned over.

"partners?" yunjin said.

"obviously we're doing a group," beomgyu added. "the three of us, right?"

you nodded, half-listening, your attention already drifting across the lecture hall. you weren't sure what you were looking for until you found it. him. jake was sitting near the back with a small group of guys you vaguely recognised from other cs classes. he was hunched slightly over his notebook, pen moving across the page, taking notes while everyone else was busy forming alliances. his hair was even messier today, sticking up on one side like he'd rolled out of bed. his glasses kept sliding down his nose and he kept pushing them back up with his index finger, that same nervous gesture from last night.

he looked small somehow, despite being tall. like he was trying to take up less space. one of his friends said something and laughed, nudging jake's shoulder, but jake just smiled politely without really engaging. his attention stayed on his notebook.

you watched him for a moment longer than necessary. watched the way his shoulders curved inward, the way he held his pen, the concentrated furrow of his brow. something in your chest did an uncomfortable little flip.

"so we're agreed then?" yunjin was saying. "i'll handle the frontend, beomgyu can do the database stuff, and you can—"

you stood up. the decision happened before you'd fully processed it, your body moving on instinct or impulse or something you didn't want to examine too closely. your chair scraped loud enough that a few people glanced over.

"actually," you said, already stepping past beomgyu into the aisle. "i'm gonna partner with someone else."

"what?" yunjin's voice pitched up in genuine confusion. "who?"

but you were already walking. moving up the steps toward the back of the lecture hall, weaving between people who were still negotiating partnerships and arguing about skill distributions. you were aware of people watching. of yunjin and beomgyu's matching expressions of confusion. of the way conversations paused as you passed.

jake's friends noticed you first. one of them, a guy with bleached hair, nudged jake's arm and nodded in your direction. another one went quiet mid-sentence, eyes tracking your approach with unconcealed curiosity. jake looked up last, following their gazes, and when his eyes met yours he froze. actually froze, pen suspended over his notebook, lips slightly parted like he'd been about to say something and forgotten how.

you stopped at the edge of their row. suddenly hyperaware of how many people were definitely watching this interaction. "hey," you said, aiming for casual and landing somewhere near awkward. "you have a partner yet?"

jake blinked. once, twice. his friends were staring at him now, then at you, then back at him like they were watching a tennis match. "i—what?"

"for the project," you clarified, gesturing vaguely at professor kim who was still explaining requirements at the front of the room. "do you have a partner?"

"i—" jake's hand came up to push his glasses up his nose even though they hadn't moved. his ears were already turning red. "no? i mean, no, i don't, but—" he glanced at his friends, then back at you, looking genuinely lost. "are you—do you mean—"

"i'm asking if you want to partner up," you said, more directly this time. your heart was doing something weird and arrhythmic in your chest. "for the semester project."

the guy with bleached hair made a noise that might have been a strangled laugh. another one of jake's friends just gaped openly. jake himself looked like you'd just spoken to him in a language he only half understood. "you want to—with me?"

"yeah."

"but—" he gestured helplessly toward where yunjin and beomgyu were sitting, both of them now watching with unconcealed shock. "don't you usually work with your friends? i thought—"

"i'm asking you," you said, cutting him off before he could talk himself out of it or before you could overthink what you were doing. "if you already have other plans it's fine, i just thought—" you paused, scrambling for justification that didn't sound insane. "you're good at this stuff. you're a TA. you knew exactly what was wrong with my code last night in like, five seconds. it makes sense. strategically."

strategically. god, you sounded unhinged.

jake stared at you. his friends stared at you. half the lecture hall was probably staring at you at this point. "i—" jake swallowed visibly. "yeah. yes. i mean, if you want to, then—yeah. okay."

"yeah?"

"yeah." he nodded, more firmly this time, though he still looked vaguely shell-shocked. "we can—yeah. that would be—yeah."

his friends exchanged glances that were absolutely loaded with unspoken communication. the bleached hair guy, jungwon you think, was grinning now, looking between you and jake like he'd just witnessed something phenomenal. "well," he said, voice thick with amusement, "this is interesting."

you ignored him. "cool. we should probably meet up sometime this week to go over the requirements?"

"yeah, definitely," jake said quickly, already pulling out his phone with hands that trembled slightly. "i can—do you want my number? or i can get yours, or—we could use email if that's easier—"

"number's fine." you rattled it off, watching him type it into his contacts with endearing focus, tongue poking slightly between his teeth. when he looked up his expression was softer, less panicked. almost shy.

"okay," he said. "i'll text you?"

"sounds good."

you turned to head back down to your seat, acutely aware of the weight of multiple stares following your retreat. yunjin grabbed your arm the second you sat down, eyes wide with questions, but professor kim chose that moment to actually start the lecture and yunjin had to settle for furious whisper-hissing "what the hell was that?" while you studiously ignored her.

you pulled up your laptop, pretending to focus on the slides about project requirements and grading rubrics. but your attention kept drifting. you could feel it, that awareness of jake sitting several rows behind you. you wondered if he was taking notes. if his friends were grilling him. if his ears were still red.

you told yourself this was practical. logical. jake was skilled, focused, clearly knew his stuff. working with him made sense from a grades perspective, from an efficiency perspective. it was a smart choice. strategic, like you'd said.

but the justification felt thin even as you repeated it to yourself. because practical partnerships didn't make your pulse spike like this. strategic choices didn't leave you feeling weirdly breathless, or hyperaware of your phone in your pocket, waiting for a text that might come in an hour or a day. smart decisions didn't come with this flutter of satisfaction sitting warm and dangerous in your chest, the kind that felt unearned and a little reckless.

you'd just chosen jake over your actual friends for a semester-long project. you'd walked across the entire lecture hall in front of everyone to ask him specifically. you'd done it without planning it, without fully understanding why, acting on instinct alone.

your phone buzzed. you grabbed it maybe too quickly, ignoring yunjin's pointed look.

unknown number: hi, it's jake. from the lab? and also from just now. obviously. you know who i am. anyway this is my number. unknown number: we can meet whenever works for you btw. i'm pretty flexible. unknown number: sorry i'm rambling over text now apparently. i'll stop.

despite everything, despite the weirdness of the entire situation, you felt yourself smile. properly smile, which made yunjin lean over and whisper, "oh my god, you're blushing," which you absolutely were not.

you saved his number. typed out a response. deleted it. typed it again.

you: library tomorrow at 6?

his reply came almost instantly.

jake: perfect. i'll see you there.

yeah. perfect. that's exactly what this was.

you'd gotten there ten minutes early, which was ridiculous and you knew it, but you'd told yourself it was just to secure a good table. not because you were nervous. definitely not because you'd changed your shirt three times.

jake showed up at 6:02, slightly out of breath like he'd been rushing, backpack slung over one shoulder and hair even messier than usual. 

"sorry, sorry," he said, sliding into the chair across from you. "my last class ran over and then i couldn't find my charger and—" he stopped himself, ears going pink. "sorry. you don't need the full explanation. i'm here now."

"you're fine," you said, surprised by how much you meant it. "i just got here too."

it was a lie, but whatever.

he pulled out his laptop, a slightly battered thing covered in tech company stickers, and immediately opened what looked like a meticulously organised project folder. 

"so i was thinking we could start by breaking down the requirements," he said, already pulling up the assignment sheet. "if we divide it into modules we can work on different parts simultaneously and then integrate everything at the end. i made a rough outline last night, but obviously we can change whatever you want."

you blinked at him. "you made an outline? already?"

"i—yeah?" he looked uncertain suddenly, like he'd done something wrong. "was that—should i not have? i just thought it would be helpful to have a starting point, but if you wanted to plan it together—"

"no, that's—" you leaned closer to look at his screen, close enough that you could smell whatever soap or shampoo he used. something clean and faintly citrusy. "that's really good actually. you're like, super organised."

"oh." he pushed his glasses up, not quite meeting your eyes. "thanks. i just like having things structured, it makes the actual coding part less chaotic."

you shifted your chair around the table, closing the distance between you under the pretence of seeing his screen better. your knees almost touched under the table. jake didn't seem to notice, already walking you through his outline with the kind of focused enthusiasm that made his whole face more animated. he talked with his hands a little, you realised. small gestures that punctuated his explanations.

it was kind of endearing. he was kind of endearing, in this unpolished, genuine way that made you want to keep watching him talk even though you should probably be paying attention to the actual content of what he was saying.

"—so if we use that framework it'll save us a ton of time on the backend. does that make sense?" he glanced at you, expectant.

"yeah, totally," you said, even though you'd caught maybe half of it. "you're really good at this."

"at what?"

"explaining things. breaking stuff down." you let your voice soften deliberately, the kind of tone you'd use on someone you were interested in. testing. "you must be a really good TA."

jake's expression brightened with genuine pleasure, completely innocent. "oh, thanks! i really like teaching actually. it's really satisfying when something clicks for someone, you know?" he turned back to his laptop. "okay so for the first module, i was thinking we could—"

you felt something deflate slightly in your chest. he'd just. moved on. thanked you politely and redirected straight back to work like you'd commented on the weather.

you tried again twenty minutes later, when he'd finished explaining the database architecture. "seriously, how is your brain even wired like this?" you said, letting your hand rest on the table between you, close enough to his that moving a few inches would mean touching. "like, this would've taken me hours to figure out and you just see it."

"i mean, i've been coding since i was like twelve," jake said, smiling in that self-deprecating way that made your stomach flip. "my dad's a software engineer so i kind of grew up around it. you'd be just as good if you'd had the same exposure." 

he grabbed his water bottle, took a sip, completely oblivious to the way you were looking at him. "anyway, should we start on the initial setup? i can handle the repository if you want to draft the pseudocode for the first function?"

"sure," you said, trying not to sound as frustrated as you felt.

it continued like that. you'd find little ways to compliment him, to touch his arm when he said something funny, to lean into his space. and every single time jake would light up with friendly appreciation and then just. keep going. keep working. keep being nice in this utterly platonic way that was starting to drive you slightly insane.

when you suggested taking a break and offered to buy him coffee, he'd said "oh that's so sweet, but i'm good, i don't want to lose momentum." when you'd asked about his hobbies, trying to find some common ground beyond code, he'd given you a genuine answer about gaming and soccer and then immediately asked about your hobbies with the same earnest interest he gave to literally everything.

he wasn't being cold. wasn't being dismissive. he was just. friendly. sincerely friendly in a way that suggested he thought you were also just being friendly and nothing more. the idea that you might be flirting with him clearly hadn't even crossed his mind.

it shouldn't have bothered you. it was one study session. you barely knew him. but there was something about the way he was so completely unaffected that made you want to push harder, try more obviously, make him see you the way you were apparently seeing him.

which was insane. you were being insane.

"okay i think that's a good stopping point," jake said eventually, glancing at his phone. "we got through way more than i expected, honestly. you're really fast at this."

"we work well together," you said, maybe too much emphasis on the together part.

"yeah," he agreed easily, already packing up his stuff. "this is gonna be way less painful than i thought. usually group projects are a nightmare but i think we're pretty compatible."

compatible. he said it like he was talking about software versions.

you packed up your own stuff, trying to shake off whatever weird frustrated feeling had settled in your chest. this was good. you had a competent partner who was easy to work with. that's what mattered. not whether he noticed when you laughed at his jokes or sat closer than strictly necessary.

the library had gotten dark outside while you'd been working, the early winter darkness that feeking too heavy for eight pm. you pushed through the doors together, the cold air immediately biting at your face.

"which way are you headed?" jake asked, adjusting his backpack.

you pointed toward the east side of campus. "miller hall."

jake stopped walking. just fully stopped and stared at you. "wait, seriously?"

"yeah?"

"i'm in miller," he said, and his face did this thing, this open, delighted thing like you'd just told him something genuinely exciting. "i'm on the fourth floor. what floor are you?"

"third," you said, trying to keep your voice normal even though your brain was already racing ahead. same building. same building. you lived in the same building and you hadn't known. "that's—what are the odds?"

"i know, right?" jake fell into step beside you, and he seemed more relaxed now, less formal than he'd been in the library. "i can't believe we haven't run into each other before. though i guess i'm not around that much, i'm usually either in class or the lab or—" he laughed. "okay i'm making myself sound really boring."

"no you're not," you said, maybe too quickly. "i'm the same way. especially during midterms."

"the worst," he agreed. "hey, at least now if we need to meet up for the project it's super convenient. we can literally just knock on each other's doors."

he said it so casually. so normally, like it was just a nice logistical benefit and nothing more. meanwhile your mind was already cataloguing possibilities. you could time your meals to match his schedule. figure out when he usually left for class. find reasons to be in the common areas when he might pass through. it would look natural, coincidental. just friendly neighbors running into each other.

you were already strategising.

the realisation made something uncomfortable twist in your stomach. this was. this was too much maybe. you were thinking about him too much, cataloguing details about him like you were studying for an exam. getting frustrated when he didn't respond to your flirting even though you had no actual reason to expect him to. you'd had one late-night interaction and now one study session and somehow you were already rearranging your mental map of campus to accommodate his presence in it.

"you good?" jake asked, and you realised you'd gone quiet.

"yeah, just tired."

"same." he smiled at you, easy and warm. "thanks for picking me as your partner, by the way. i know you could've worked with your friends and i'm—i'm really glad you asked me instead. i think this is gonna be fun."

fun. he was looking forward to the project because he thought it would be fun. because he liked coding and teaching and he probably thought you were a cool person to work with. he was just. happy to have company. happy to make a new friend.

meanwhile you were over here planning imaginary coincidental run-ins and getting weirdly possessive over someone who didn't even know you liked him.

god, you were pathetic.

"yeah," you managed. "me too."

you reached miller hall, and jake held the door open for you, still talking about some technique he wanted to try for the project. you half-listened, watching the way his hair flopped over his forehead, the animated way he gestured when he got excited about something.

the elevator ride to your floor felt too short. jake got off with you, said he'd just walk up the extra flight of stairs for the exercise. "text me if you think of anything for the project," he said, already heading toward the stairwell. "or honestly just text me whenever. i'm always on my phone."

then he was gone, and you were standing alone in the hallway outside your door, feeling weirdly deflated and wired at the same time.

your phone buzzed before you'd even gotten your key out.

jake: forgot to say this but your idea for the UI was really smart. i think it's gonna make the whole thing way more intuitive. jake: ok NOW i'm done bothering you. have a good night!

you stared at the messages, that dangerous warm feeling spreading through your chest again. he'd texted you immediately to compliment your idea. with absolutely no prompting.

you were smiling at your phone like an idiot.

yeah. you were definitely pathetic.

"i'm just saying, he's clearly not interested," yunjin said, stabbing her salad with more force than necessary. "like, you've tried everything."

you were sitting in the dining hall, picking at your food while yunjin and beomgyu conducted what was essentially an intervention about your jake situation. an intervention you hadn't asked for and definitely didn't want.

"maybe he's just shy," you said, defensive.

beomgyu snorted. "shy guys still notice when someone's flirting with them. they just get weird about it. this guy sounds like he genuinely has no idea."

"which means he's not into you," yunjin added, gentler now. "and that's fine, you know? you can just be project partners. you don't have to keep torturing yourself."

except the thing was, you weren't entirely convinced jake wasn't interested. or maybe you just didn't want to accept it yet. because he texted you unprompted sometimes, sent you memes he thought you'd find funny, always smiled when he saw you in the hallway. that had to mean something, right?

"i'm not torturing myself," you muttered.

"you've mentioned him like fifteen times in the past hour," beomgyu pointed out.

"have not."

"you literally just told us about how he holds his pen. his pen."

okay. maybe you were torturing yourself a little.

you left the dining hall feeling irritated and restless, your friends' words circling in your head. he's not interested. he has no idea. you're torturing yourself. maybe they were right. probably they were right. you should just focus on the project, get a good grade, and move on like a normal person.

you were cutting through the student centre, not really paying attention to where you were going, when you passed the community bulletin board. the usual chaos of flyers and posters, study abroad programs, club meetings, someone selling a barely-used microwave. your eyes skimmed over it automatically, not really looking.

then you saw his name.

TUTORING AVAILABLE - COMP 101, 201, 301

patient, experienced, flexible schedule

contact: jake sim

there was a row of little tear-off tabs at the bottom with his phone number. several were already missing. the flyer itself was simple, almost plain. you stared at it. people flowed around you, conversations and footsteps and the ambient noise of the student centre, but you just stood there staring at jake's handwritten flyer.

you didn't need tutoring. your grades were fine. good, even. you and jake were in the same advanced class, for god's sake. he'd probably seen your test scores when he was TAing. this would be…obvious. wouldn't it? taking a tab would be transparent and desperate and—

your hand moved before you'd fully decided. the paper tore with a soft sound that felt too loud. you stared at the little strip in your palm, jake's number printed in his neat handwriting even though you already had it saved in your phone.

what were you doing?

you shoved the tab in your pocket and walked away quickly, like someone might have witnessed you doing something incriminating. your heart was beating too fast. this was insane. this was transparent. he was going to see right through it.

but.

but it was also legitimate, wasn't it? people got tutoring all the time, even when their grades were fine. wanting to understand the material better, wanting a different perspective, wanting to be extra prepared. those were all valid reasons. normal reasons. and yeah, maybe you had ulterior motives, but the cover story was solid enough that you could maintain plausible deniability. to him. to yourself.

you made it back to your dorm before you pulled out your phone.

you: hey! i saw your tutoring flyer in the student centre. do you still have availability?

you hit send before you could overthink it. then immediately started overthinking it anyway. he was going to ask why. he was going to point out that you clearly didn't need help. he was going to—

your phone buzzed.

jake<3: oh hey! yeah i have some slots open. but wait, aren't you doing pretty well in class? i've seen your test scores when i'm grading and you're like, consistently in the top range jake<3: not that you CAN'T get tutoring obviously! everyone can benefit from extra help jake<3: i just want to make sure you actually need it and aren't just being nice or something

god, he was even considerate about this. checking in to make sure you weren't wasting your time or money on something you didn't need. being thoughtful and genuine while you were over here manipulating the situation to manufacture more time with him.

you felt a twinge of something uncomfortable. guilt maybe. but you pushed it down.

you: i mean yeah my grades are okay, but i feel like i'm just memorising patterns without really UNDERSTANDING the concepts you know? like i can solve the problems but i couldn't explain WHY you: i just want to make sure i actually get it. especially since the material keeps building on itself

it wasn't entirely a lie. you did sometimes feel like you were pattern-matching your way through assignments. and deeper understanding was always good. these were reasonable concerns. the fact that they weren't your primary motivation didn't make them untrue.

jake<3: oh yeah that makes total sense actually. i see that a lot with students. they can execute but the underlying logic isn't solid jake<3: okay yeah we can definitely work on that! my rate is $20/hour but honestly for you i'd be happy to just do it for free? since we're already working together on the project anyway

you: no way i'm paying you. you're already helping me so much with the project

jake<3: the project is a two person thing, you're helping me just as much jake<3: but okay we can argue about payment later. when works for you?

you felt that warm, dangerous flutter again. he'd offered to tutor you for free. just casually, like it was no big deal. like spending extra time with you was something he actively wanted to do, even without compensation.

you: i'm pretty flexible. whenever you have time

jake<3: thursdays at 7? we could do the library again or somewhere on our floor if you want somewhere quieter jake<3: also i promise i'll actually TEACH and not just fix your code for you like last time lol

you smiled at your phone. somewhere on your floor. which meant his room or yours. which meant private, just the two of you, no other students around.

you: thursdays work for me! 

jake<3: cool! we can switch off. i'll bring snacks jake<3: this'll be fun :)

he'd sent a smiley face. an actual emoticon. it shouldn't have made your heart skip but it did.

you locked your phone and sat on your bed, that satisfaction settling warm in your chest. you'd done it. you'd created a legitimate, recurring excuse to see jake outside of project work. an hour a week, minimum, where you'd have his complete attention. where you could sit close to him in the privacy of a dorm room, help him help you, let those boundaries get just a little bit blurrier.

it was harmless. he was offering tutoring anyway, you were just taking him up on it. and yeah, maybe your motivations weren't entirely pure, but you weren't lying to him. not really. you did want to understand the material better. the fact that you also wanted to be around him more was just. additional context. secondary reasoning.

you were being smart about this, honestly. creating opportunities without being pushy. letting things develop naturally within structures that already existed.

you ignored the small, quiet voice in the back of your mind that whispered this was too much. that you were engineering situations and manufacturing proximity and maybe that wasn't as harmless as you wanted to believe. that jake was offering to help you in good faith while you had an agenda he knew nothing about.

you were good at ignoring that voice.

your phone buzzed again.

jake<3: btw i've been thinking about the database structure and i had an idea

and just like that you were smiling again, typing back, that uncomfortable feeling dissolving into something easier and warmer and more immediately gratifying.

it was fine. everything was fine. this was just tutoring. just spending time with someone you enjoyed being around. there was nothing wrong with that.

nothing wrong with it at all.

you'd been doing the tutoring sessions for three weeks when your roommate officially moved out. well, not officially officially. her stuff was still there, her side of the room still technically occupied. but she'd been spending every night at her boyfriend's off-campus apartment for the past month, and one day she just stopped pretending she was coming back.

"i'm still paying rent," she'd said, shoving clothes into a duffel bag. "so like, it's still my room. i'll probably crash here sometimes. but you basically have the place to yourself."

you'd nodded sympathetically while internally celebrating. your own space. privacy. no need to coordinate schedules or deal with her boyfriend's annoying habits. it was perfect.

it took you less than a day to realise it was perfect for other reasons too.

the next tutoring session was supposed to be in the library. thursday at seven, like always. but you'd been sitting in your empty apartment that afternoon, looking at your space with new eyes, and the idea had planted itself so naturally you'd almost convinced yourself it was practical.

you: hey, would you maybe want to do tutoring at my place tonight instead? my roommate moved in with her boyfriend so it's way quieter than the library you: totally fine if you prefer the library though!

the response took longer than usual. long enough that you started second-guessing yourself. maybe this was too much. too obvious. crossing some line from study partner into something else.

jake<3: oh jake<3: um jake<3: yeah that's fine. if you're sure? jake<3: i don't want to like. intrude or anything jake<3: but yeah quieter is definitely better for focusing

you: you're not intruding i literally invited you haha you: i'm in 3B. just come by at 7

jake<3: okay! see you then

you spent the next two hours in a cleaning frenzy you absolutely did not want to examine too closely. you weren't trying to impress him. you just wanted the place to look nice and presentable. the fact that you changed your clothes twice and lit a candle that made the whole apartment smell like vanilla and sandalwood was just. coincidence.

the knock came at exactly seven. jake was annoyingly punctual.

you opened the door to find him standing in the hallway looking uncertain, backpack slung over one shoulder, holding a bag of chips. "hi," he said. "i brought snacks. i didn't know what you liked so i just got the variety pack."

"you didn't have to do that."

"i know, but—" he shifted his weight. "i don't know, it felt weird showing up empty-handed."

you stepped back to let him in, watching as he moved into your space with obvious hesitation. he didn't walk in so much as carefully entered, like he was worried about disturbing something. his eyes went immediately to your walls, taking in the art prints you'd hung, the string lights, the bookshelf crammed with novels and textbooks. then to your desk setup, the small kitchen area, the couch that your roommate had left behind.

"wow," he said quietly. "this is. really nice."

"it's just a dorm apartment."

"no, i know, but—" he gestured vaguely at everything. "it's decorated. like, actually decorated. my place looks like a prison cell compared to this." he was still standing near the door, like he hadn't fully committed to being here. "is that an original print?"

you glanced at the framed artwork he was pointing at. "yeah. local artist. i got it at a campus market thing."

"it's really cool." he finally took a few more steps inside, setting his backpack down carefully on the floor like he was afraid it might scuff something. his attention caught on your kitchen counter, where you'd left out the fancy coffee you'd bought yesterday. the expensive cheese and crackers. the fruit you'd pre-cut and arranged in a bowl because apparently you were that person now.

jake went quiet for a second. then he laughed, but it sounded a little uncomfortable. "okay i have to ask. are you like, rich?"

you felt your face heat. "what? no."

"because this—" he gestured at your apartment again, at the candle burning on your coffee table, the throw blanket artfully draped over your couch, the general aesthetic coherence of the space. "this seems like. i don't know. very put together for a college student."

"i just like my space to feel nice," you said, defensive. "there's nothing wrong with that."

"no, definitely not! i didn't mean—" he ran a hand through his hair, flustered. "i just meant. my room has like, a bed and a desk and some clothes on the floor. this looks like an apartment from a magazine. in a good way," he added quickly. "it's impressive. i'm just. you know. mildly intimidated."

"don't be intimidated," you said, softer now. trying for casual. "seriously, make yourself comfortable. do you want something to drink? i have coffee, tea, juice, those fancy sparkling waters—"

"you have fancy sparkling water?"

"they were on sale."

they were absolutely not on sale. you'd bought them specifically because you remembered jake mentioning he liked trying different flavours. but he didn't need to know that.

"um, sure. i'll try one." he was still standing awkwardly in the middle of your living room, like he couldn't figure out where he was allowed to exist.

you grabbed two cans from the fridge, handing him one and gesturing toward the couch. "we can work there if you want. or the desk. whatever's comfortable."

"couch is good," he said, finally sitting down and immediately looking slightly less tense. he opened the sparkling water, took a sip, and made a surprised noise. "oh this is actually really good."

"told you." you sat next to him, closer than you would have in the library. not touching, but close enough that you could feel the warmth of him next to you. close enough that when he leaned forward to pull his laptop out of his backpack, you caught that familiar scent of soap and citrus.

he pulled up the lesson he'd prepared, something about optimisation algorithms, and fell into his teaching rhythm. you'd noticed this about jake before. when he was explaining code, he became more confident. less apologetic. his hands moved as he talked, tracing invisible diagrams in the air, and his whole face became more animated.

you were trying to focus. really, you were. but you kept getting distracted by the fact that he was here, in your space, sitting on your couch. his knee bumped yours at one point and he apologised even though it was barely contact. you told him it was fine. his handwriting was neat when he sketched out examples in your notebook. he had a small scar on his left hand you'd never noticed before.

"are you following?" he asked, glancing over at you.

"yeah," you said, snapping back to attention. "sorry. just thinking."

"it's kind of a dense topic," he said, apologetic again. "we can take a break if you need."

"no, keep going. you're good at this."

something in his expression softened. "thanks. i—i actually really like doing this. the tutoring, i mean. it's nice having someone to talk through concepts with who actually cares about understanding them properly." he paused, looking around your apartment again like he was seeing it with fresh eyes. "and this is. yeah. this is better than the library for sure."

"yeah?"

"the library's always so loud, even in the quiet sections. and people keep interrupting to ask if they can take chairs from our table." he settled back into your couch slightly, his shoulders loosening. "this is way better. i can actually think here."

you felt that dangerous satisfaction bloom in your chest. this is better. i can actually think here. he was comfortable. in your space. comfortable enough to relax, to take up room, to exist without that careful hesitation he'd had when he first arrived.

"we should do all our sessions here," you said, trying to sound casual. "if you're cool with it."

jake glanced at you, then around the apartment again. for a second you thought he might question it. might recognise this for what it was. but then he just smiled, easy and genuine. "yeah, i'd like that. this is really nice."

"cool," you said. your heart was doing that annoying fluttery thing again.

you went back to the lesson, jake's voice steady and patient as he walked you through increasingly complex problems. his knee stayed pressed against yours. he'd stopped apologising for taking up space. he reached for the fancy crackers you'd set out without asking if it was okay first, just casual and comfortable like he belonged here.

and god help you, you liked seeing him like this. liked having him in your space, surrounded by your things, relaxed and focused and entirely unaware of how much thought you'd put into creating this exact scenario.

he was more comfortable here than he should be. settling into your life with an ease that should have alarmed you but instead just made you want to pull him deeper.

you were playing a game he didn't know existed. creating intimacy in careful increments. manufacturing closeness that felt organic to him but was entirely designed by you.

"okay your turn," jake said, pushing your laptop toward you. "try implementing that function we just talked through."

you pulled the computer into your lap, fingers moving over the keys, hyper-aware of jake watching. of his presence next to you, patient and encouraging. of how easy it would be to let this become routine. thursday nights on your couch, just the two of you, the rest of the world locked outside.

professor kim handed back midterms on a wednesday, and the energy in the lecture hall was exactly what you'd expect. nervous shuffling, people immediately comparing scores, that girl in the front row who always cried regardless of her grade already tearing up.

you flipped your exam over and saw the 100 staring back at you. perfect score. you felt a flush of satisfaction that had nothing to do with the grade itself and everything to do with the fact that jake would see it.

"holy shit," yunjin whispered, leaning over to look. "you got a perfect score?"

"apparently."

"that's insane. i got an 87 and i thought i did well." she shook her head, impressed and maybe slightly annoyed. "what did jake think? he must be so proud, that's basically a direct result of his tutoring."

speaking of jake, he was two rows behind you, and you could hear his friends' voices carrying.

"dude, you got a 98," one of them said. "that's insane."

"i missed this one question," jake said, and he sounded genuinely disappointed. "i can't believe i mixed up the time complexity."

you turned around without really thinking about it, catching his eye. he was already looking at you, and his face did this thing, this hopeful uncertain thing. "how'd you do?"

you held up your exam. his eyes widened.

"you got a hundred?" he said it loud enough that a few people glanced over. then he was standing up, moving past his friends, coming down to your row with his exam still in his hand. "holy shit, that's—that's amazing. you—" he stopped himself, looking almost embarrassed by his own enthusiasm. "sorry, i'm like. weirdly excited about this."

"don't apologise," you said, smiling despite yourself. "you sound more excited than i am."

"because i—" he gestured at your exam, then at you. "you understood it. like really understood it. i could tell during our sessions that things were clicking but seeing it actually translate to a perfect score is just—" he ran his hand through his hair, grinning in a way that made your stomach flip. "i'm really proud of you."

the words hit you weird. i'm proud of you. said with such genuine warmth, such unironic sincerity. like your success was somehow his success too. like he was personally invested in your performance because he'd helped you get there.

except you hadn't really needed the help. you'd manufactured the entire situation. you'd been doing fine before the tutoring started and you'd probably have gotten a perfect score regardless. jake's proud smile was based on a false premise. he thought he'd helped you achieve something when really you'd just. used him. used his time and his patience and his genuine desire to help people, all so you could sit close to him once a week.

something uncomfortable twisted in your chest. you shoved it down.

"i couldn't have done it without you," you said, because that's what you were supposed to say. what he expected to hear. even if it made you feel slightly sick.

"i know, i know. it's a good grade. i just hate making careless mistakes." he smiled at you again, softer this time. "but seriously, i'm really happy for you. you worked really hard for this."

"we should celebrate," you said, before you could second-guess it. "both of us. good scores, successful tutoring, whatever. come over tonight? i'll make dinner, we can watch a movie. my treat, as a thank you."

jake hesitated, just for a second. "you don't have to thank me."

"i want to," you said firmly with a smile. "you've been helping me for weeks and not accepting any payment. the least i can do is feed you."

"when you put it that way." he was smiling again, that easy smile that made your heart do stupid things. "yeah, okay. what time?"

"seven?"

"perfect."

...

you went slightly overboard with dinner. not crazy overboard, just. more effort than was strictly necessary for a casual thank-you meal. homemade pasta, the good parmesan, a salad that actually had more than three ingredients. you'd also bought wine, which felt very adult and sophisticated until you remembered you were literally just having your study partner over.

jake showed up at seven on the dot, holding a bag of cookies from the expensive bakery near campus. "i know you said your treat, but i can't show up empty-handed," he explained, handing them over. "it's like, physically impossible for me."

"you're ridiculous."

"i've been told." he stepped inside, immediately more comfortable than he'd been that first time. he knew where to put his shoes now, where to set his bag. he went straight for the couch like he belonged there.

dinner was easy. conversation flowed naturally, jumping from classes to campus gossip to a debate about whether the dining hall pizza was underrated or genuinely terrible. jake argued passionately for underrated, gesturing with his fork, getting sauce on his chin that he didn't notice until you pointed it out. he laughed, embarrassed, wiping it away.

"wine?" you offered, after you'd cleared the plates.

"oh, um. sure?" he looked uncertain. "i'm not really a big drinker."

"me neither. but we're celebrating, right?"

"right." he accepted the glass you poured, taking a small sip and making a face. "god, why do people like this? it tastes like someone made juice go bad on purpose."

you laughed despite yourself. "it's an acquired taste."

"that's what people say about things that are objectively bad." but he took another sip anyway, settling back into the couch as you pulled up netflix.

you ended up on some action movie neither of you had seen, the kind with improbable stunts and a plot that didn't require much attention. which was good, because you weren't really watching it. you were too aware of jake next to you, closer than he needed to be, his shoulder occasionally brushing yours. he'd finished his wine faster than you expected and seemed looser now, more animated. he kept making commentary on the movie, pointing out plot holes and questionable physics, his hands moving as he talked.

"—and there's no way that building would still be structurally sound after that explosion," he was saying, gesturing at the screen. "like, basic engineering, you know?"

"you're thinking too hard about it."

"i can't help it. my brain won't turn off." he glanced at you, something warm in his expression. "this is nice though. just hanging out. we're always studying or talking about the project, it's cool to just…exist. without an agenda."

without an agenda. the words hit harder than they should have. because you did have an agenda. you'd had one this entire time. this whole evening was carefully constructed, from the homemade dinner to the wine to the deliberately casual intimacy of it all.

"yeah," you managed. "it's nice."

the movie continued. jake shifted closer, his thigh pressing against yours. you didn't move away. his arm ended up along the back of the couch, not quite around your shoulders but close enough that you could feel the warmth of it. neither of you acknowledged it, but neither of you adjusted either.

"can i ask you something?" jake said during a particularly slow part of the movie.

"sure."

"why did you pick me? for the project, i mean." he was looking at you now instead of the screen, his expression curious and open. "you could've worked with your friends. people you already knew. but you walked all the way across the lecture hall to ask me."

your heart kicked up. "i told you. you're good at this stuff."

"yeah, but." he paused, like he was trying to figure out how to phrase something. "it felt like. i don't know. like you went out of your way. and i've been trying to figure out if i'm reading too much into it or if there was something else."

the air felt suddenly thinner. "something else like what?"

"i don't know." he laughed, self-conscious. "i'm probably being weird. forget i said anything."

"jake."

"i just—" he met your eyes, and there was something vulnerable in his expression that made your breath catch. "i really like spending time with you. like, more than i probably should for someone who's just a project partner and tutoring student. and sometimes i think maybe you. i don't know, feel the same? but i'm also really bad at reading these things so i'm probably completely wrong."

oh. oh.

"you're not wrong," you said quietly.

his eyes widened slightly. "i'm not?"

instead of answering, you leaned in. gave him enough time to pull back, to stop this, but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips soft and uncertain against yours. for a second neither of you moved, the kiss chaste and almost careful. then something shifted. his hand came up to cup your face, thumb brushing your cheekbone, and you pressed closer, your fingers curling into his shirt.

jake made a soft sound against your mouth, surprise or maybe pleasure, and kissed you back with more confidence. his other hand found your waist, tentative at first then firmer, pulling you closer. you ended up in his lap somehow, his hands spanning your back, your fingers threading through his hair. he tasted like wine and something sweet from the cookies he'd brought.

"is this okay?" he whispered against your lips, breathing hard.

"yes," you said, and kissed him again before he could second-guess it.

his hands moved under your shirt, warm against your skin, and you felt him shiver when you rolled your hips experimentally. "god," he breathed, sounding almost pained. "we should—are we really—"

"do you want to stop?"

"no. god, no. i just—" he looked up at you, pupils blown, lips kiss-swollen. "i didn't think this would happen. i'm not. i don't usually."

"it's okay," you said softly, meaning it. "we don't have to do anything you don't want."

jake didn’t stop you. instead, he seemed to melt into the contact, his hands trembling as they slid further up your back, skin hot through the thin fabric of your shirt. when you moved to guide him off the couch and onto the rug, he followed with a sort of dazed compliance, his glasses slightly askew on his face.

you knelt between his legs, and the shift in atmosphere was immediate. the movie was still playing—some distant sound of tires screeching—but all you could hear was the ragged, uneven hitch of jake’s breath. when you reached for the button of his jeans, his hand flew to your wrist, not to stop you, but just to steady himself. his knuckles were white.

"are you sure?" he whispered, his voice cracking. "i—i'm not... i don't want to mess this up. our project, the tutoring... i don't want to make things weird for you."

"jake," you said, looking up at him through your lashes. "shut up and let me."

he let out a shaky, half-strangled laugh, his head hitting the base of the couch as he let go of your wrist. "okay. okay, yeah. shutting up."

as you eased his jeans down, you realised the lanky, awkward way he carried himself in the halls was a massive deception. he was built with a surprising, heavy sturdiness that the oversized hoodies always hid. his legs were long, his thighs thick with the kind of muscle that suggested he actually did play soccer as more than just a hobby. and when you finally freed him, you couldn't help the small, sharp intake of breath that escaped you.

"jake," you breathed, your eyes widening. "holy..."

he groaned, the sound vibrating deep in his chest, and covered his eyes with his forearm. "don't. don't look at me like that. i know. i'm sorry, is it... is it too much? i can—"

"it's perfect," you cut him off, reaching out to touch him. his skin was searing, and the moment your fingers closed around him, his entire body jolted like he’d been hit with a live wire.

when you leaned forward to take him into your mouth, jake’s reaction was explosive. he arched off the floor, his fingers tangling desperately in your hair, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. he was so sensitive, so completely overwhelmed by the sensation that it felt like he was losing his grip on reality.

"oh god," he choked out, his voice high and strained. "wait, wait—that's—you’re so... the pressure, i can't—"

you didn't slow down. you liked the way he lost his composure, the way the articulate, logical TA was reduced to incoherent stutters. you used your hands to keep him steady, your tongue swirling around the head of him, and jake’s hips began to move in a frantic, uncoordinated rhythm. he was trying to keep some semblance of control, trying to stay "polite," but the sheer intensity of it was breaking him.

"i'm gonna... i'm actually gonna..." he gasped, his hands tightening in your hair, pulling you closer until he was practically burying himself in you. "please, don't stop. don't stop, just like that—right there—"

he hit his limit with a loud, guttural shout that was muffled only by the back of his hand as he bit down on his own knuckles to stay quiet. his body went rigid, muscles in his arms and chest standing out in sharp relief as he came, the force of it leaving him limp and shuddering against the couch.

it took him a long time to come back down. for several minutes, the only sound in the room was his heavy, labouring breath and the flickering light of the tv. you pulled back, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, feeling a fierce, glowing sense of triumph. he looked completely wrecked—hair a disaster, glasses hanging off one ear, chest heaving.

you felt powerful. you’d spent weeks engineering this, calculating every move, and seeing him like this—totally undone by you—was better than any perfect exam score.

"you okay?" you asked, leaning your chin on his knee.

jake let out a long, shaky exhale, finally moving his arm to look at you. his eyes were hazy, his face flushed a deep, beautiful red. "i... think my brain just short-circuited," he whispered, a small, dazed smile tugging at his lips. 

"in a good way?"

"in the best way." he reached out, his fingers trembling as he tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. "thank you. seriously. i don't—i don't even know what to say."

you smiled, leaning into his touch. the apartment was warm, the air still smelling of vanilla. "you don't have to say anything. you should just stay."

the words were soft, natural. it felt like the obvious next step. but the second they left your mouth, you felt the shift.

it was subtle at first—the way jake’s fingers went still against your skin. then his pupils, which had been blown wide with pleasure, suddenly constricted. he blinked, the haziness clearing as his internal "problem-solving mode" kicked back in with a vengeance.

"stay?" he repeated, his voice sounding suddenly small.

"yeah. it's late, and it's cold out. just stay over. we can... i don't know, wake up and have coffee. maybe look at the project again."

jake’s eyes darted toward his hands, then to his backpack, then to the door. the relaxation in his shoulders vanished, replaced by a rigid, frantic tension. he looked like he’d just realised he was standing in the middle of a minefield.

"i—" he started, scrambling to pull his jeans up. he was moving so fast he almost tripped over his own feet. "i can't. i mean, i should... i have that grading to finish. for kim. and i—i didn't bring my toothbrush. or my meds. and my roommate, he—he'll wonder where i am. he gets worried."

"jake, it’s fine, you can borrow—"

"no!" he said, a bit too loudly. he was fumbling with his belt, his fingers shaking so badly he could barely loop it through. he wouldn't look at you. his face wasn't flushed with pleasure anymore; it was pale, his expression twisted into something that looked dangerously like panic. "no, i really should go. i’m sorry. i just... i realised the time. i have to go."

you stood up, feeling a cold, hollow pit open in your stomach. "did i do something wrong? was it... was it too much?"

"no! no, it was... it was amazing," he said, finally getting his shoes on, not even bothering to tie the laces. he grabbed his backpack, clutching it to his chest like a shield. "it was too amazing. that's the... that's the problem. i'm—i'm not good at this. i think i need to... i need to think. logically. about the implications."

"the implications?" you asked, your voice rising with a sharp, hurt edge. "it was just a night, jake. it doesn't have to be a 'logical problem' to solve."

"i know, i know. i'm sorry. i’m just... i'm a mess." he backed toward the door, his hand fumbling for the handle behind his back. "i'll text you? about the project? we still have that deadline on tuesday."

"jake—"

"goodnight! thank you for dinner. the pasta was really... the texture was perfect. okay. bye."

he practically fell out of the door, the sound of his hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway as he sprinted toward the stairs.

the click of the door closing felt final. you stood in the centre of your perfectly decorated, candle-lit apartment, surrounded by the remnants of the dinner you’d spent hours on. the half-empty wine glasses, the bag of expensive cookies, the rumpled rug.

you felt a hot, stinging prickle behind your eyes. you’d done everything right. you’d been strategic, patient, and kind. you’d gotten him to open up, to trust you, to want you. and yet, watching him run away like you were a bug in his code—something to be deleted or fixed—hurt more than any midterm failure ever could.

you sat back down on the couch, the silence of the room suddenly feeling just as oppressive as it had back in the computer lab. you picked up your phone, looking at his last text. this'll be fun :)

you threw the phone onto the cushions and buried your face in your hands, the smell of his citrus shampoo still clinging to your skin, mocking you.

jake didn't text.

you stared at your phone for the entire next day, watching the screen like you could will a message into existence. the "i'll text you" he'd thrown over his shoulder before fleeing felt increasingly like a polite lie. by saturday afternoon you broke first.

you: hey, you okay?

the message sat there. delivered, but no response.

you tried again sunday morning, going for casual.

you: still on for project work this week?

still no response.

by monday you'd moved past confusion into something that felt uncomfortably like panic. this wasn't how things worked. people didn't just. stop responding to you. they didn't ignore you or avoid you or remove you from their orbit like you were some problem to be managed. you were used to being wanted, pursued, the one who had to let people down gently. this reversed dynamic was unfamiliar and honestly humiliating.

you saw him in the dining hall on tuesday. he was with his friends, laughing at something one of them said, looking completely normal. like nothing had happened. like he hadn't been on your couch four days ago falling apart under your touch.

you started walking toward their table before you could think better of it, but jake's eyes flicked up, met yours for a fraction of a second, and then he was standing, gathering his tray, saying something to his friends. they all got up and left. just. left. walked out the side exit while you stood there holding your lunch like an idiot.

yunjin grabbed your arm. "okay, what the hell was that?"

"nothing," you said, but your voice came out wrong. 

"that was not nothing. did something happen with you and jake?"

"no. i don't know. it's complicated."

it wasn't complicated. it was actually pretty simple. you'd pushed too hard and now he wanted nothing to do with you.

wednesday he wasn't in his usual spot in lecture. you spent the entire class scanning the room, finally spotting him in the very back corner, a place he'd never sat before. he kept his eyes on his laptop the entire time, didn't look up once. when class ended he was the first one out the door.

thursday was supposed to be tutoring. seven pm, his room or yours, the standing appointment you'd had for weeks now. you waited in your apartment, laptop open to the half-finished project, telling yourself he'd show up. he was responsible and dedicated. he wouldn't just bail without saying anything.

seven came and went. then seven-thirty. by eight you accepted he wasn't coming.

you: are we still working together on the project? i need to know so i can plan accordingly.

again, no response.

friday morning you were walking to class when you saw him ahead of you on the path. for once he hadn't spotted you first. you sped up, closing the distance, and watched in real time as he seemed to sense your presence. his shoulders tensed. then he took a sharp left turn down a path that definitely wasn't toward any of his classes. he was actively avoiding you. taking different routes. altering his entire routine just to not run into you.

something hot and humiliated burned in your chest.

by next week, you'd had enough. you knew his schedule. knew he had algorithms right before lunch on mondays, in the engineering building, third floor. you positioned yourself outside the classroom before class ended, ignoring the curious looks from other students filing out. you spotted jake immediately when the doors opened. he saw you at the same moment and actually stopped walking, causing someone behind him to bump into his back.

"we need to talk," you said.

"i have—i need to get to—"

"jake." your voice came out sharper than intended. "five minutes. please."

something in his expression shifted. resignation maybe. he nodded once, following you to an empty study room down the hall. you closed the door. the small space suddenly felt suffocating.

"you've been ignoring me," you said.

"i know."

"for a week. you didn't text, you didn't show up to tutoring, you're literally avoiding me on campus."

"i know," he said again, quieter. he wasn't looking at you, his eyes fixed somewhere around your shoulder. "i'm sorry. that wasn't— i should have communicated better."

"so communicate now. what's going on?"

jake was quiet for a long moment. when he finally spoke, his voice was careful. measured. "what happened last week. that crossed a line for me."

"we both wanted it."

"did we?" he looked at you now, and there was something in his expression that made your stomach drop. "because i've been thinking about it a lot. about how we got there. and i feel like. i don't know. like maybe i missed something."

"what do you mean?"

"the tutoring," he said. "you didn't actually need it, did you? your grades were already good. and the project. you had friends you could have worked with. people you actually knew. but you picked me." he paused. "why did you pick me?"

the question hung in the air between you. you could lie. deflect. but something about the way he was looking at you, patient and a little sad, made it feel pointless.

"i liked you," you said finally. "i wanted to spend time with you."

"okay." he nodded slowly. "so the tutoring was. what. an excuse? a way to manufacture time together?"

"it wasn't like that."

"wasn't it though?" there was no anger in his voice. just. tiredness. "because from my perspective, i thought i was helping someone who needed help. i thought we were becoming friends. and then suddenly we're… doing that. and i'm trying to figure out when the shift happened and i can't. because maybe there was no shift. maybe that's what you wanted the whole time and i just didn't see it."

"i did want to be your friend," you said, defensive now. "i wasn't. it's not like i was using you."

"weren't you?"

the words hit harder than they should have. because he wasn't wrong. you had used him. used his kindness, his eagerness to help, his complete inability to see through your motivations. you'd engineered situations and manufactured proximity and told yourself it was harmless.

"i like you," jake said, and somehow that made it worse. "i really do. but i feel. god, i don't even know how to explain it. exposed? like you saw something in me that made me an easy target and you just. went for it. and i didn't even realise what was happening until it had already happened."

"that's not—"

"and the thing is," he continued, talking over you gently, "you're so far out of my league. like, objectively. you're smart and pretty and confident and you have your shit together. and i'm just. me. i'm awkward and i ramble and i spend friday nights debugging code for fun. so the fact that you were interested never made sense. i kept waiting for it to click, for me to understand why, and now i think i do. it wasn't about me. it was about. i don't know. the chase? the conquest? i was a project to you."

"no," you said, but your voice came out weak. "jake, that's not true. you weren't a project."

"then what was i?"

you didn't have an answer. or you did, but it was complicated and messy and saying it out loud would mean admitting things you didn't want to admit.

jake sighed. "i'm not trying to be cruel. i'm really not. but being around you right now makes me feel uncomfortable. like i can't trust my own judgement because i didn't see any of this coming. and that's. that's my issue to work through. but i need space to do it."

"what about the class project?"

"we can do it over email. divide up the work, combine it at the end. we don't have to see each other."

"and tutoring?"

"i think we should stop. you don't actually need it anyway."

each sentence felt like a door closing. practical, reasonable, and completely final.

"i'm sorry," you said, and meant it. "i didn't mean to. i wasn't trying to hurt you."

"i know," jake said, and he sounded sincere. "i don't think you set out to do anything malicious. i just think you didn't really consider how it would feel from my side. and now we're here."

"so that's it? we just stop talking?"

"for now, yeah. maybe later we can be normal around each other. but right now i need. distance."

he moved toward the door, his hand on the handle. you wanted to say something, anything that would fix this. some argument that would make him see you differently. but looking at his face, at the quiet certainty there, you knew there was nothing you could say. he'd made up his mind. he'd set a boundary. and you had no choice but to respect it.

"i really am sorry," you said again.

"i know," jake said. "me too."

then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him with that same horrible finality. you stood there in the empty study room, staring at the space where he'd been.

you couldn't even argue with his reasoning. everything he'd said was true. you had manufactured situations. you had used his kindness and his obliviousness to get what you wanted. you'd told yourself it was harmless, that your feelings were real even if your methods were questionable.

but intent didn't matter when the impact was someone feeling manipulated and exposed.

you left the study room feeling hollowed out. the campus looked the same. people laughed and talked and went about their days. somewhere out there jake was probably headed to lunch with his friends, relieved to have finally said what he needed to say.

and you were just. alone. with the sharp realisation that you'd ruined something before it even had a chance to be real.

the party was exactly the kind of loud, chaotic mess you needed. bass thrumming through the floors, bodies packed into every available space, the air thick with sweat and cheap alcohol and too many competing perfumes. yunjin had dragged you here, insisting you needed to "get out of your head" after moping around for two weeks straight.

so here you were. red cup in hand, smile fixed in place, laughing at jokes you weren't really hearing. performing normalcy while your brain kept circling the same thoughts on loop. jake's face in that study room. the careful way he'd said i need space. the hollow feeling that had taken up permanent residence in your chest.

"you good?" beomgyu asked, leaning close to be heard over the music.

"yeah, great," you said automatically, taking another drink.

you were on your third. or fourth. you'd stopped counting. the alcohol sat warm in your stomach but hadn't managed to quiet your thoughts yet. maybe if you drank enough you'd stop replaying every conversation with jake, analysing every moment for signs you'd missed, evidence of how thoroughly you'd fucked everything up.

"i'm gonna get another drink," you said to no one in particular, pushing through the crowd toward the kitchen.

that's when you saw him.

jake. standing near the makeshift bar someone had set up on the counter, red cup in hand, talking to a girl you didn't recognise. and he was laughing. actually laughing, head thrown back, completely at ease in a way that made something hot and ugly twist in your chest.

because he never looked like that with you. even before everything went wrong, even during those tutoring sessions in your apartment when you'd thought you were building something real, he'd always been slightly careful and polite, like he was containing himself. but now he was loose and animated, gesturing with his free hand while the girl laughed at whatever he was saying, her hand resting on his arm.

her hand was on his arm.

you watched as she leaned closer, saying something that made jake grin. that specific grin, the one where his eyes crinkled at the corners and you could see his perfect teeth on display. you'd thought that smile was special. something you'd earned. but apparently he was just like this, with everyone who wasn't you.

the jealousy hit so hard it felt physical. burning through your chest, turning your vision sharp and focused. you were moving before you'd decided to, weaving through people, your jaw clenched so tight it hurt.

jake saw you coming. his smile faltered, something uncertain crossing his face. "hey—"

"who's this?" you said, gesturing at the girl. your voice came out sharper than you'd intended, heavy with something you couldn't quite name.

the girl looked between you and jake, confused. "i'm mina. jungwon's sister remember? we just met like ten minutes ago."

"oh right." you focused on jake, ignoring her entirely. "you look like you're having fun."

"i—yeah?" jake's eyebrows drew together. "it's a party?"

"funny how you can make time for parties but couldn't respond to any of my texts about the assignment."

"i told you we could do it over email—"

"is that what you're doing right now? project work?" you knew you sounded irrational, accusatory, but you couldn't stop. the words kept spilling out, poisoned by alcohol and jealousy and two weeks of feeling like you'd been the only one affected by any of this. 

"or are you just. moving on? found someone new to—"

"okay, i'm gonna go," mina said, backing away with her hands up. "this seems like. a thing. nice meeting you, jake."

she disappeared into the crowd. jake stared at you, his expression shifting from confused to something harder. "what the hell was that?"

"you tell me. you've been ignoring me for two weeks and now you're here flirting with random girls?"

"flirting?" jake's voice pitched up slightly. "flirting? i was literally just talking to her. she asked where the bathroom was and then we started chatting about the music. that's—that's not flirting, that's called being polite."

"she had her hand on your arm."

"so?" jake looked genuinely baffled now. "people touch arms when they talk. that doesn't mean anything. and even if it did—" he stopped himself, jaw tightening. "i don't owe you an explanation. you don't get to. we're not together. we're not anything."

the words hit exactly where they were meant to. "right. because you decided we're not."

"no, because you decided we weren't, like a month ago when you started playing games instead of just being honest." his voice was rising now, frustration bleeding through. "and now you're mad because i'm talking to someone else? you don't get to do that. you don't get to manipulate me into something and then act possessive when i try to move on."

"i'm not—" you started, but stopped. because he was right. you were being possessive and irrational. reading intent into a harmless conversation because you wanted there to be something there. wanted confirmation that jake was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.

but he wasn't. he was just living his life. talking to people at parties. laughing easily with strangers. completely unaffected while you spiralled.

"i wasn't flirting with her," jake said, quieter now. tired. "i was just being friendly. that's what normal people do. they don't engineer entire relationships or manufacture situations. they just exist around each other."

"i know," you said, your voice coming out smaller than you wanted. "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have. that was out of line."

jake nodded once, already turning away. "yeah. it was."

you watched him disappear back into the crowd, leaving you standing alone by the kitchen counter. your hands were shaking. you downed the rest of your drink in one go, the burn doing nothing to quiet the noise in your head.

you'd just proven everything he'd said about you. possessive. manipulative. unable to let go. you'd projected your own feelings onto a completely innocent interaction and made a scene because you couldn't handle seeing him okay when you were so thoroughly not okay.

you'd been so certain. so sure he was flirting, that the girl meant something, that you'd caught him in some kind of lie. but you'd been wrong. completely, embarrassingly wrong. because you didn't actually know what jake was thinking. you never had. you'd just assumed, projected, filled in the gaps with your own narrative.

and now he was probably telling his friends what a psycho you were. probably regretting he'd ever let you into his life in the first place.

you grabbed another drink.

…

the party had devolved into that late-night haze where everything blurred together. people you didn't recognise, conversations you weren't part of, music that had gotten somehow both quieter and more invasive. you'd lost track of yunjin and beomgyu somewhere around drink number six. or seven. the room tilted slightly when you moved too fast.

you were trying to find your jacket, ready to call it a night, when you spotted him. jake. sitting alone on a couch in the corner, looking absolutely exhausted. his head kept drooping forward like he was fighting to stay conscious, then jerking back up. his eyes were half-closed, his usual careful posture completely abandoned.

you should walk past him. nothing good could come from another interaction tonight. you'd already embarrassed yourself once. but your feet carried you closer anyway, some magnetic pull you couldn't quite resist even knowing it was a bad idea.

you were almost past him when his hand shot out, fingers wrapping around your wrist. "don't," he said, not looking at you. his voice was rough, slurred slightly. "don't leave."

you stopped. "jake—"

"been trying," he mumbled, his grip loosening but not releasing. "trying so hard. but you make it impossible."

"what are you talking about?"

he finally looked up at you, and his eyes were unfocused, glassy with alcohol. "you. i'm talking about you. can't stop thinking about you. it's driving me insane."

your heart lurched. "you're drunk."

"i know but so are you," he said, like that explained everything. "that's the only reason i'm saying this. because sober me knows better. sober me has self-control and boundaries and all that shit." he pulled gently on your wrist, making you stumble slightly closer. "but drunk me is tired. so tired of pretending i don't want you."

"you said you needed space."

"i do need space. because when i'm around you i can't think straight. i can't trust myself." his words were coming out uneven, tripping over each other. "you think i was avoiding you because i was mad? i was avoiding you because if i saw you i'd—" he made a frustrated noise. "i'd do something stupid. like this. this is stupid."

you sat down next to him, his hand still wrapped around your wrist. "jake—"

"you're so pretty," he said, almost accusatory. "and you smell good. and you're smart, like actually smart, not just good at school. and when you laugh it's. it does things to me. and i hate it. i hate that you have this much power over me when i don't even know if you actually like me or if i'm just… convenient."

"i do like you," you said quietly. "i've liked you the whole time."

"but do you?" he turned to face you more fully, his eyes searching yours even though he seemed to be having trouble focusing. "or do you like the idea of me? the nerdy guy you can manipulate? your little project?"

"that's not—" you stopped. "it wasn't like that. it's not like that."

"then what is it like?" he was still holding your wrist, his thumb pressing against your pulse point. "because i've been trying to figure it out for weeks and i can't. i can't understand why you'd want me. what you get out of this. and maybe i'm just stupid but i need you to tell me. plainly. what do you want from me?"

"you," you said, the word coming out more honest than you'd intended. "just. you."

jake laughed, bitter and tired. "that doesn't make sense."

"i know."

"i'm not interesting. i'm not cool or funny or—"

"you are though," you interrupted. "you are all of those things. you just don't see it."

he went quiet for a long moment. then, so quietly you almost missed it: "i've been trying so hard not to want you back. because i knew—i know it's not good for me. but i can't stop. and i'm so tired of trying."

his hand slid from your wrist to your hand, fingers threading through yours. the touch was so much gentler than you expected, almost reverent. "i deleted your texts without reading them," he admitted. "because if i read them i'd respond. and if i responded i'd end up right back where i started. wanting you. letting you in. getting hurt."

"i don't want to hurt you."

"i know. that's what makes it worse." he leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closing. "you don't mean to. you just. do."

you didn't know what to say to that. didn't know how to fix the damage you'd done or convince him that your feelings were real when your actions had been so calculated. so you just sat there, holding his hand, feeling the warmth of him next to you.

"i missed you," jake said, so quiet you barely heard it over the music. "i fucking missed you and i hated myself for it."

"i missed you too."

"yeah?" he opened his eyes, looking at you with something raw and unguarded. "you missed manipulating me?"

"that's not fair."

"isn't it though?" but there was no heat in his words. just exhaustion. "god, i'm so tired. tired of being angry. tired of trying to stay away from you. tired of pretending i don't want you so badly it hurts."

the confession hung in the air between you. jake was looking at you like he was waiting for something, permission or rejection or maybe just confirmation that you'd heard him.

you leaned in. gave him time to pull away, to remember all the reasons this was a bad idea. but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips crashing against yours with none of the careful hesitation from before. this was messy and desperate, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. he kissed you like he'd been holding back for too long, like all that careful control had finally snapped.

you shifted closer, practically climbing into his lap, and he made a sound against your mouth that went straight through you. his hands were everywhere, spanning your waist, sliding up your back, gripping like he was afraid you'd disappear if he loosened his hold even slightly.

"been thinking about this," he mumbled against your lips, barely pulling back enough to speak. "every night. hated myself for it but couldn't stop."

"me too," you admitted, kissing along his jaw. "i couldn't sleep. kept replaying everything."

"i lied about the texts i didn't respond to," he said, tilting his head to give you better access. "i read them. all of them before deleting. at like three am. read them over and over."

"why didn't you answer?"

"because i wanted to say things i shouldn't say. like how much i missed you. how i kept going to the lab hoping you'd be there. how seeing you at the party tonight fucking destroyed me even though i pretended i was fine." his hands tightened on your waist. "how i've been so fucking miserable without you."

you kissed him again, harder this time, swallowing his words. he responded immediately, pulling you fully into his lap now, and you could feel how much he wanted this, wanted you. it was overwhelming. intoxicating. the desperation in every touch, every small sound he made.

"we should," he said between kisses, "we should probably stop."

"do you want to stop?"

"no. god no." he pulled back just enough to look at you, his pupils blown, lips swollen. "but i'm drunk and you're drunk and tomorrow we're gonna regret—"

"i won't," you said firmly. "i won't regret this."

something shifted in his expression. softened. he touched your face with a gentleness that made your chest ache, thumb brushing across your cheekbone. "you're gonna break my heart," he said, not quite a question.

"i'm not."

"you will." but he kissed you anyway, softer this time. slower. like he was memorising the feel of you. "and i'm gonna let you. because i'm weak and pathetic and i want you so much i don't even care anymore."

"you're not weak."

"i am though." he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closing. "i'm so weak for you. it's embarrassing."

you could feel his exhaustion creeping in, the way his body was getting heavier against yours, his movements slowing. "come on," you said softly, standing and pulling him up with you. "let's get you somewhere you can actually sleep."

"don't wanna sleep," he protested, but let you guide him anyway. "wanna stay with you."

"you will. i'm not going anywhere."

you found an empty bedroom on the second floor, the door unlocked and the bed mercifully unoccupied. jake collapsed onto it immediately, pulling you down with him. he was asleep within minutes, his arms wrapped around you, face buried in your neck. his breathing evened out, deep and steady.

you should probably feel guilty. taking advantage of his drunken honesty, letting him confess things he'd normally keep locked away. but you were too tired, too overwhelmed by everything he'd said. i want you so badly it hurts. i've been so fucking miserable without you. you're gonna break my heart and i'm gonna let you.

you didn't have answers. didn't have promises you could make. didn't know how to fix the fundamental imbalance between you, the manipulation and hurt that had gotten you here.

but for now, in this quiet room with jake's warmth pressed against you, you could pretend tomorrow didn't exist. could pretend this was simple. just two people who wanted each other, tangled together in the dark, nothing more complicated than that.

you fell asleep still wearing your shoes, jake's arms tight around you, his heartbeat steady against your chest.

you woke to pale morning light filtering through unfamiliar curtains and the warm weight of jake still wrapped around you. for a disorienting moment you couldn't place where you were. then it came back in pieces. the party. the confrontation. jake's drunken confessions. falling asleep tangled together.

jake stirred against you, his breath catching as he woke. you felt the exact moment awareness returned, the way his body went tense. slowly, carefully, he pulled back just enough to look at you. his hair was a disaster, sticking up in every direction. his glasses sat crooked on the nightstand. his eyes were cautious but clear.

"hi," he said quietly.

"hi."

he didn't let go of you. didn't immediately scramble away or apologise or retreat into panic like last time. he just looked at you, searching your face for something.

"i said a lot of things last night," he finally said.

"yeah."

"i meant them." his voice was serious, steady despite the embarrassment colouring his cheeks. "i know i was drunk, and i probably shouldn't have said half of it, but. i meant it. all of it."

your heart kicked up. "jake—"

"i like you," he said, cutting you off gently. "i've liked you since that first night in the lab when you were stressed about your code and i got to actually help you with something. and it's been killing me trying to stay away from you because every time i see you i just. want you. so much that it scares me."

"why does it scare you?"

"because i don't know how to want someone this much and still protect myself." he shifted slightly, propping himself up on one elbow so he could see you better. "last time i didn't protect myself at all. i just. gave in. and then i panicked because it felt too big, too fast, and i didn't know how to handle it."

"and now?"

"now i'm still terrified," he admitted. "but i'm more scared of not trying. of walking away and spending the rest of college wondering what could have happened if i'd just. been brave enough to give you a real chance."

you felt something tight in your chest start to loosen. "i want that. a real chance. i want to do this right."

"yeah?"

"yeah." you reached up, brushing his messy hair back from his forehead. "i'm sorry. for all of it. the manipulation, the games, not being honest about what i wanted. you deserved better than that."

"i know," jake said simply. then, softer: "but i also know you were scared too. just in a different way."

he leaned down, kissing you with a gentleness that made your chest ache. different from last night's desperate intensity. this was slow, careful, almost questioning. you kissed him back, trying to pour everything you couldn't quite say into it. apology and promise and want all tangled together.

when he pulled back his eyes were dark, pupils blown. "i want to try again," he said. "properly this time. but i need you to be honest with me. about what you want. about what this is."

"i want you," you said. "not as a project or a conquest or whatever i convinced myself it was before. just you jake."

something in his expression softened. "okay," he said. "okay. we can work with that."

he kissed you again, deeper this time, and you felt his weight settle more fully over you. "i want to make it up to you," he murmured against your lips. "for running away before. for making you feel like you did something wrong when i was just scared."

"you don't have to—"

"i want to." he was already kissing down your neck, hands sliding under your shirt. "let me. please."

there was something in his voice, almost pleading, that made you nod. he smiled against your skin, helping you out of your clothes with more confidence than he'd had before. when you were bare beneath him he just. looked. taking his time, hands mapping your body like he was memorising every detail.

"you're so pretty," he said, almost reverent. "i thought about this. about you. so many times."

then he was moving lower, pressing kisses down your stomach, your hip bones, the inside of your thighs. when his breath ghosted over where you needed him most you couldn't help the small sound that escaped.

"tell me if anything's too much," he said, glancing up at you. then he lowered his mouth to you and your brain short-circuited.

he started slowly, almost tentatively, like he was learning you. his tongue moved in careful strokes, testing what made you gasp, what made your hips shift toward him. when he found the rhythm that had your fingers tightening in his hair, he made a low, satisfied sound against you that you felt everywhere.

"jake," you breathed, and he looked up at you through his lashes, pupils blown wide, lips glistening with your arousal.

"tell me," he said, voice rough. "tell me what feels good."

"that—" your words cut off as he did it again, tongue flicking over your clit with that same perfect pressure. "right there. just like that."

he was a quick learner. always had been. he catalogued every reaction, every sound you made, adjusting and refining. except this wasn't detached or analytical. this was hungry. desperate. he sucked your clit into his mouth and you moaned, loud and unrestrained, your thighs trembling on either side of his head.

"fuck, jake—"

"god, you taste so good," he mumbled against your pussy, barely pulling back enough to speak. his chin was wet, his glasses fogged slightly. "been thinking about this. wanted to do this right last time."

he was getting lost in it now, the careful control slipping into something messier, greedier. he alternated between focused attention on your clit and broad, indulgent strokes through your folds, like he couldn't decide between making you fall apart and simply savouring you. his tongue pushed inside you and you keened, your back arching off the bed.

"oh my god," you gasped. "jake, your mouth—"

he moaned against you, the vibration making your thighs clench around his head. he didn't seem to mind, just gripped your hips harder, pulled you closer, like he wanted to suffocate in your pussy. when his fingers joined his mouth, sliding through your wetness before pressing inside, you nearly sobbed.

"so wet," he murmured, almost to himself.

he crooked his fingers, finding that spot inside you that made you cry out, and worked it mercilessly while his tongue circled your clit. the dual sensation was overwhelming, pleasure building so fast you couldn't catch your breath. your fingers tightened in his hair, probably painful, but he just groaned and doubled his efforts.

"jake, i'm—fuck, i'm gonna—"

"i know," he said against you, his voice wrecked. "i can feel it. let go for me."

his fingers thrust deeper, faster, his mouth sucking hard on your clit, and you shattered. your orgasm hit like a shockwave, your whole body going taut as pleasure whited out your vision. you were dimly aware of the sounds you were making—high, desperate whimpers and moans—but you couldn't stop them.

jake moaned against you, the sound vibrating through your core, and he didn't let up. he worked you through it with devastating patience, his tongue lapping up everything you gave him like he was starving for it.

"jake," you gasped, trying to push at his head. "too much—"

but he just whined—actually whined—and gripped your thighs tighter, keeping them spread. "please," he mumbled against your pussy, his words muffled and desperate. "please, just one more. need to feel you come again. please."

"i can't—" but your protest died as he sealed his lips around your clit again, sucking gently, his fingers still working inside you. the overstimulation was almost painful but it was already shifting into something else, something that had you gasping and arching into his mouth instead of away from it.

he was making sounds now—desperate, needy whimpers and moans that vibrated against you. he was rutting against the mattress, you realised dimly, seeking friction while he lost himself in eating you out. his hair was a mess from your fingers, and he looked absolutely wrecked.

"so good," he whined between licks. "taste so good. could do this forever. please let me—need to make you come again—"

he was babbling now, drunk on you, his movements getting messier and more desperate. his tongue worked your clit in frantic circles while his fingers curled inside you, and the pleasure was building again impossibly fast. you were so sensitive that every touch felt electric, overwhelming.

"that's it," he gasped, feeling you start to tighten around his fingers. "yeah, give it to me. please, please—"

your second orgasm hit even harder than the first, ripping through you with an intensity that had you crying out his name, your thighs clamping around his head. jake moaned like he was the one coming, his hips jerking against the mattress as he worked you through it, tongue lapping up everything, fingers gentling but not stopping until you were actually sobbing from oversensitivity.

only then did he pull back, and when he finally lifted his head he looked completely gone. his face was flushed and wet, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his lips swollen and red. he looked drunk on you, his eyes unfocused and dark.

"fuck," he breathed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "you're so hot when you come. the sounds you make—"

you pulled him up into a kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue, feeling the way he groaned into your mouth. his cock was rock hard against your thigh, leaking and desperate.

"your turn," you said, reaching down to wrap your hand around him.

he hissed at the contact, his hips jerking forward. "you don't have to—"

"i want to." you stroked him slowly, base to tip, feeling how hot and heavy he was in your palm. precum leaked from the slit and you used it to ease the glide. "you're so hard, jake. does eating my pussy turn you on that much?"

"fuck—" his voice broke. "yes. god, yes. you have no idea."

"tell me." you tightened your grip slightly and he whimpered. actually whimpered. "tell me what you were thinking about."

"i was thinking—" he gasped when your thumb swept over the sensitive head. "thinking about how good you taste. how you were shaking. how i could feel you clenching and i wanted—wanted to be inside you—"

"yeah?" you stroked him faster, loving the way his abs tensed, the way his thighs trembled. "you want to fuck me, jake?"

"so bad," he choked out.

you guided him between your legs, not quite inside yet, just letting the head of his cock slide through your wetness. he made a strangled sound, his whole body shuddering.

"we should—do you have—" he was trying to think through the haze of arousal, being responsible even now. "condom?"

"pill," you said. "i'm on the pill. and i'm clean. tested recently."

"me too. clean, i mean." his cock twitched against you, smearing precum through your folds. "can i—fuck, can i feel you bare?"

"yes," you breathed. "want to feel all of you."

he positioned himself at your entrance, the thick head pressing against you, and even that felt like too much. he pushed in slowly, so slowly, and the stretch was intense. you were wet enough that he slid in smoothly at first, but the sheer size of him was overwhelming.

"oh fuck," you gasped, your hands flying to his shoulders. "jake, you're so—you're so big—"

"i know, i'm sorry—" he froze, only halfway in. "am i hurting you?"

"no, don't stop," you urged, your legs wrapping around his hips to pull him deeper. "just—go slow. need to adjust."

he sank in another inch and you both moaned. he was splitting you open, stretching you so full you could barely breathe. when he finally bottomed out, buried completely inside you, he dropped his forehead to yours.

"oh my god," he choked out. "you're so tight. so fucking tight and wet and—i can't—"

"don't move yet," you managed, clenching around him involuntarily. he was so deep you could feel him everywhere, pressing against spots that made your toes curl. "just let me—fuck—"

"you feel incredible," he said, his voice shaking. "i've never—nothing compares to this."

you tightened around him experimentally and he swore, his hips jerking forward. "sorry, sorry," he gasped. "i'm trying to hold still but when you do that i want to—"

"want to what?" you rolled your hips slightly and he groaned, deep and guttural.

"want to move," he admitted, his control clearly fraying. "want to fuck you."

"then do it," you said.

something in him snapped. he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in hard, the force of it punching a cry from your lips. he did it again, and again, finding a rhythm that was deep and relentless. the bed creaked beneath you, the headboard hitting the wall with each thrust.

"yes," you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders. "just like that—don't stop—"

"god," he panted, his voice wrecked. "you feel so good."

you looked down between your bodies and moaned at the sight—his thick cock disappearing into you, glistening with your wetness, stretching you obscenely. "jake, oh my god—"

"feel how deep i am?" he thrust particularly hard and you keened.

"yes—fuck yes—"

he wasn't being careful anymore, wasn't being gentle. he fucked into you with abandon, each thrust hitting that spot inside you that made sparks shoot up your spine. the sounds were obscene—skin slapping against skin, the wet slide of his cock, his grunts mixing with your moans.

"wanted this," he said against your neck, his breath hot. "wanted you. for so long."

"tell me more," you demanded, loving this unfiltered version of him.

"thought about this constantly," he admitted, his thrusts getting harder. "thought about having you like this. making you feel good. hearing you say my name."

"jake—" you were getting close again, that familiar tension building low in your belly.

"touch yourself," he said. "want to feel you come on my cock. need it. please."

you slid your hand between your bodies, finding your clit, already swollen and sensitive. the added stimulation made you clench around him and he swore, his rhythm faltering.

"that's it," he encouraged, his eyes fixed on where your fingers worked. "fuck, that's so hot. you're so hot. make yourself cum. let me feel it."

you worked your clit in tight circles, the pressure building faster with each thrust of his cock. he was so deep, hitting all the right spots, the slide of him inside you absolutely perfect. you were making sounds you'd never made before—high, desperate whines and gasps.

"close," you managed. "so close—"

"come for me," he urged, his voice strained. "squeeze my cock. want to feel your pussy milk me. come on, baby, let me feel it—"

the orgasm hit you like lightning, sudden and intense. you cried out his name, your whole body convulsing, your pussy clamping down on him rhythmically. waves of pleasure crashed over you, so intense you forgot how to breathe.

"oh fuck," jake choked out, his hips stuttering. "you're—i can feel you—i'm gonna—"

he tried to last, you could see it in the tension of his jaw, the way his arms were shaking. but your pussy was still fluttering around him, still clenching in aftershocks, and it was too much. he buried himself deep with a broken moan, his cock pulsing inside you as he came. you felt the warmth of it, felt him fill you up, and the intimacy of it made something in your chest crack open.

"fuck," he gasped, collapsing on top of you. "oh my god. that was—i've never—"

you wrapped your arms around him, both of you breathing hard, hearts racing in sync. he was still inside you, softening slowly, and you could feel his release leaking out around his cock.

"that was amazing," you said when you could finally speak. "you were amazing."

he lifted his head to look at you, his expression soft and vulnerable. "i think i might be falling for you," he said quietly. "is that okay? am i allowed to say that?"

your throat felt tight with emotion. "yeah. that's okay."

"good." he kissed you gently, sweetly. "because i don't think i could stop even if you told me to."

he pulled out carefully and you both hissed at the sensitivity. immediately he was gathering you into his arms, pulling you against his chest like he couldn't stand not touching you. you fit there perfectly, your head tucked under his chin.

"we should probably talk about this," you said after a while. "about us."

"we will," jake promised, his fingers tracing patterns on your spine. "but can we just stay like this for a bit first?"

"yeah." you pressed closer, breathing in the scent of him. "we can stay like this."

and you did. stayed tangled together as the morning light grew stronger, as the sounds of people leaving the party filtered up through the floor. his cum was still leaking out of you, making a mess on your thighs, but neither of you moved to clean up. you just held each other in this new, tentative peace.

jake changed almost overnight once you started dating. it was like giving him permission to want you openly had flipped some switch in his brain. suddenly he was everywhere.

he'd show up at your door before your 9 am lecture with coffee, your exact order memorised, his hair still messy from sleep because he'd woken up early just to see you. he'd kiss you goodbye and then text you five minutes later with some random thought he forgot to mention. did you know that octopuses have three hearts? just learnt that. thought you should know.

in class he'd sit next to you instead of in his usual back corner spot, his knee always pressed against yours under the desk. sometimes his hand would find its way to your thigh, just resting there, his thumb tracing absent patterns while he tried to focus on the lecture. you'd catch him staring at you instead of his laptop, and when you'd raise an eyebrow he'd just smile, unashamed.

"you're distracting," he'd whisper.

"i'm literally just sitting here."

"i know. it's very distracting."

study sessions became impossible. you'd be explaining a concept and he'd lean over to kiss your shoulder, your neck, the corner of your mouth. "jake, i'm trying to help you."

"i know, keep going," he'd say, already doing it again.

"you're not even listening."

"i am. you were talking about. um." he'd grin sheepishly. "okay i wasn't listening. but you're just so pretty when you're focused."

your friends noticed immediately. yunjin had taken one look at jake's arm slung around your shoulders at lunch, the way he was playing with your hair while talking to beomgyu, and pulled you aside.

"okay so he's like. obsessed with you," she said. "it's actually kind of cute. in a golden retriever kind of way."

"he's not obsessed."

"babe, he just offered to carry your bag even though your apartment is literally three minutes away. and he's been smiling at you for the past ten minutes like you hung the moon. it's obsessed behaviour."

but she said it fondly, and later you caught her telling beomgyu that she'd never seen you this relaxed before. "she's not performing," yunjin had said. "she's just. being."

and she was right. with jake you didn't have to strategise or calculate or perform anything. he wanted you. obviously, openly, without games or subtext. when you showed up to his place in sweats and no makeup, he'd light up like you'd dressed up specifically for him. when you stole his hoodies, he'd just buy more so you could steal those too.

"i like seeing you in my clothes," he'd admitted once, pulling you close. "makes me feel like. i don't know. like you're mine."

"possessive," you'd teased.

"is that bad?"

"no," you'd said, kissing him. "i like it."

jake's friends had their own reactions. you'd been nervous meeting them properly, remembering that disastrous first encounter at the party. but they'd welcomed you easily, even if they did give jake endless shit.

"dude, you're so whipped," his roommate said, watching jake immediately get up to refill your drink without being asked.

"and?" jake had said, completely unbothered.

"and nothing, it's just funny. remember when you said you'd never be that guy who drops everything for someone? and now you're literally—"

"finish that sentence and i'm not helping you with discrete math anymore."

but he was smiling when he said it, and later his roommate told you that jake talked about you constantly. "it's honestly annoying how happy he is."

the thing was, you were happy too. unexpectedly, overwhelmingly happy. jake made you sharper somehow, more focused. when you studied together you actually retained information because he made learning feel collaborative instead of competitive. he celebrated your successes like they were his own, staying up with you before big presentations, bringing you stress-relief snacks, sending you encouraging texts.

and you did the same for him. learnt his patterns, his tells when he was overwhelmed. you'd show up at the lab with dinner when you knew he'd been working for hours. you'd run your fingers through his hair when he was stressed, and he'd melt into your touch, all that tension draining away.

"you make everything easier," he'd told you once, late at night when you were both too tired to filter. "like the world's less heavy when you're around."

"that's the cheesiest thing you've ever said."

"i know. i mean it though."

weeks blurred together in the best way. stolen kisses between classes. jake's hand always finding yours. the way he'd kiss you goodbye at your door and then text you goodnight five minutes later even though he lived one floor up. movie nights that turned into makeout sessions on your couch, jake's glasses getting in the way until you carefully removed them, setting them aside so you could kiss him properly.

he got clingy when he was tired, wrapping around you like a koala, mumbling into your neck. "don't leave."

"i'm just going to get water."

"too far. stay."

"jake, i'll be gone thirty seconds."

"thirty seconds too long."

you'd laugh, running your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, and feel something warm and settled in your chest. this was what it was supposed to feel like.

the beach had been jake's idea. "there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight," he'd said, eyes lighting up behind his glasses. "and i know this spot that's perfect for stargazing. barely any light pollution. we could bring blankets, make a whole thing of it?"

so here you were, sitting on a blanket in the sand while the ocean crashed softly in the background. the sky was impossibly clear, stars scattered across it like someone had spilt diamonds. jake lay with his head in your lap, one of your hands playing with his hair while he pointed up at the sky.

"okay, so see those seven stars there?" he traced a pattern with his finger. "that's the big dipper, which is part of ursa major. but if you follow those two stars at the edge, they point directly to polaris. the north star."

you hummed, only half listening to the actual words. you were too busy watching him. the way his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, how animated his expressions were when he talked about something he loved. the moonlight caught on his features, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw, the soft curve of his lips.

"and that one—" he was still going, completely absorbed. "that's cassiopeia. she was a queen in greek mythology who bragged about being more beautiful than the sea nymphs, so poseidon punished her by placing her in the sky upside down. you can see how the constellation kind of looks like a W? that's her throne."

"jake," you said softly.

"oh, and if you look over there, that really bright one? that's actually venus, not a star. common misconception. planets don't twinkle like stars do because—"

you leaned down and kissed him, cutting off his rambling mid-sentence. he made a surprised sound but responded immediately, his hand coming up to cup the back of your neck. when you pulled back he followed your lips automatically, trying to chase another kiss.

"you were saying?" you teased.

"i—" he blinked up at you, slightly dazed. "what was i saying?"

"something about venus."

"right. venus. because of the. um." he lost his train of thought as you leaned down again, kissing him slower this time. "you're distracting me from the meteor shower."

"am i?"

"yeah. very effectively." but he was smiling, pulling you down for another kiss.

you shifted, moving to straddle his lap properly. jake's hands immediately found your waist, sliding under your shirt to rest against bare skin. 

the kissing turned heated quickly. jake made these small, needy sounds that drove you crazy, his hands roaming over your back, your sides, anywhere he could reach. when you rolled your hips experimentally he gasped into your mouth, his grip tightening.

"fuck," he whispered. "you're gonna kill me."

you kissed down his jaw, his neck, feeling his pulse racing under your lips. his hands had moved to your hips now, guiding your movements, and you could feel how affected he was. "still thinking about the stars?" you teased.

"what stars?" he pulled you down for another bruising kiss, one hand tangling in your hair. "can't think about anything except you."

you ground down harder and jake made a sound that was almost a whine, his head falling back against the blanket. "please," he gasped. "please, i need—"

suddenly, the loud, insistent beeping of his watch interrupted the moment.

you both froze.

jake's face went bright red as he fumbled with his wrist. "oh my god. oh my god. it's my fitness watch. it thinks i'm exercising because my heart rate—" another beep. "make it stop."

you couldn't help it. you burst out laughing, burying your face in his shoulder while his watch continued its concerned beeping about his elevated heart rate. "it's not funny," jake groaned, still trying to silence the watch. "this is so embarrassing."

"it's a little funny."

"my watch just cockblocked me. there's nothing funny about that."

you kissed his jaw, still giggling. "i think it's cute. your heart rate got that high just from kissing me?"

"you were not just kissing me, you were—" he made a frustrated noise. "yes. okay. yes. you have that effect on me. are you happy?"

"very." you settled against his chest, feeling his heartbeat still racing under your ear. the watch had finally stopped beeping. "for what it's worth, my heart's doing the same thing."

"yeah?" he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close.

"yeah."

you lay there together, the ocean providing a steady soundtrack, the stars scattered above you. jake pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "i love you," he said softly. "in case that wasn't obvious from the way my watch literally staged an intervention."

you lifted your head to look at him. his eyes were soft, open, vulnerable in the moonlight. "i love you too," you said, meaning it completely.

he smiled, that full, genuine smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. then he kissed you again, sweet and unhurried, his hands gentle on your face.

"we should probably head back soon," you murmured eventually. "it's getting late."

"five more minutes," jake said, pulling you closer. "just. let me hold you for five more minutes."

you settled back against him, his arms wrapped securely around you, both of you looking up at the vast sky. you'd come here to watch a meteor shower but you'd been too distracted by each other to notice if any had passed.

somehow, you didn't mind at all.

"hey," jake said softly. "thank you."

"for what?"

"for giving me another chance. for being patient with me while i figured my shit out. for. this. all of it." his arms tightened around you. "i know i was difficult at first."

"you weren't difficult. you were protecting yourself. i get it now."

"still. you could have given up on me. but you didn't."

"of course i didn't," you said, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "you're worth it. you've always been worth it."

jake made a soft, overwhelmed sound, burying his face in your hair. "i'm gonna marry you someday," he mumbled. "just so you know."

"jake—"

"not now. obviously not now. but someday. when we've graduated and figured our lives out and i can actually afford a ring. i'm gonna marry you."

you felt your chest go tight with emotion. "okay," you whispered. "someday."

"yeah. someday."

you stayed like that until the cold started seeping in, until you were both shivering despite being pressed together. finally, reluctantly, you packed up the blanket and headed back to campus. jake held your hand the entire walk, occasionally pulling you close to kiss you at random intervals.

"what was that for?" you asked after the third surprise kiss.

"just because," he said, smiling. "because i can. because i love you. do i need more reasons?"

"no," you said, kissing him back. "no more reasons needed."

if you liked this please comment or reblog to give me your feedback! <3

Jungwon shuddered. It was the middle of summer. Even when it was late in the depths of night, beads of cold sweat managed to find their way back onto Jungwon’s neck. Sitting up on his bed, his knees pressed against his chest, Jungwon’s heart pounded in his ribcage, so loud that he could hear it in his ears, yet his fear was so quiet in his heart.

His eyes flickered around his dark bedroom. He needed to call you, he thought. Images of your dying face, choked sobs, and teary voice flooded his memory. It made Jungwon’s eyes line with hot tears, as they always did whenever this nightmare returned to him. He needed to call you, to make sure that you were okay, that his greatest fears hadn’t come true.

Jungwon's hand, still trembling, reached out for his bedside table. If he ignored the empty coffee cups cluttered on it, or the way he had hundreds of ignored messages and call notifications, he would have slowed down. And just as he searched up your name in his contacts, his shaking fingers about to call you, he stopped.

Oh right. He’s not with you anymore.

6 months is a long time.  Apparently not long enough for Jungwon to forget his feelings for you.

If his chest wasn’t already aching, it was now. It was him that broke up with you.  It was him that chose to break your heart. It was him that chose to leave you crumbling to your knees, tears spilling from your eyes as you silently begged him to stay.

And maybe that was his biggest regret.

Jungwon stared at his hands. He gazed each callous on his palm, every single scar and scratch still evident on his skin. His eyes glazed over the black spider-like veins on his wrists.

No, there was no time to mull over you. Not when there was an imminent threat in this city. Slapping his cheeks awake, Jungwon huffed before climbing out of bed. There was no way he would be able to fall asleep anyway. He might as well distract himself with something productive. Start early.

His eyes fluttered back to his moonlit window. Ah, fuck it.

Jungwon had a secret.

A secret that he kept guarded day in and day out, like his life depended on it. And the truth was, his life did depend on it.

Ignoring the way the red and blue spandex felt particularly uncomfortable as it stuck to his still-sweaty skin, Jungwon shot a sticky white web at a building. He gazed at the web that had ejected from his wrist, before peering over the ledge. In this busy city, it seemed like no road was ever going to be completely empty, not even in the depths of night. There were still people roaming the streets, noisy cars honking at one another with their tires screeching.

You hated heights, was the resounding thought that clouded his head as he looked down to the city below him. Once again, Jungwon's heart tightened in his chest, and he shook his head.

He needed to stop thinking about you. You probably already stopped caring about him anyway. You're a pretty girl, even before you and him broke up there was already a line of guys waiting for you to be single. Jungwon wouldn't be surprised if a girl like you already found someone else.

Someone better. Someone that wasn't a damn coward like Jungwon was.

Jungwon let his eyes fall shut, relishing in the way that the cool summer night air brushed against him. It's hard. To let you go, to accept that what once was his could be someone else's.

He looked back down to his gloved hands, the same hands that have been fighting crime for the past 6 months, the same hands that were responsible for the safety of this city, the same hands that touched your pretty face, the same hands that have brought criminals to justice.

It was all blurring together. Jungwon dug his teeth into his bottom lip. He needed to let you go, before his mind devoured him. He needed to let you go, before his identity as Spider-Man, the number one crime-fighter in this city, gets inevitably revealed, and he has to witness you die for the hundredth time. But for real this time.

"Damn, you look like shit."

Jungwon rolled his eyes at his friend's comment, sighing loudly as he flipped through the pages of his textbook. "Didn't get much sleep last night."

Look, Jungwon is a college student. Although his Spider-Man gig was pretty good at paying him, he wanted to contribute to his community in another way. Like through tutoring the local kids.

"Why are you even studying basic elementary algebra?— you're a film major!" Jungwon's good friend Sunghoon Park was a great guy. A little rambunctious, but still a good friend. But not right now.

Jungwon had agreed to have a quote un-quote "study date" with Sunghoon at the coffee shop below Jungwon's apartment complex. Jungwon was a little proud that his friend suddenly wanted to study with him (such intellectual vitality!), but seeing as all Sunghoon has been doing for the past 30 minutes is scrolling on his phone and looking around conspicuously tells Jungwon otherwise. Sunghoon didn't even order a coffee or soak in the scent of warm coffee beans in the coffee shop. He just sat there.

Jungwon shot a look at Sunghoon. "This kid that I'm tutoring, apparently he's not very good at math."

Sunghoon nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing as his thick brows quivered.

"Okay..." he said slowly, his vowels drawing out. "But why do you need to study for it? Don't you like—" the man made a face— "Already know how to do basic math?"

Jungwon opened his mouth to explain that he's not necessarily trying to review elementary math, but moreso trying to figure how to teach it, but he was cut off by Sunghoon's continued rambling.

"—Like shouldn't you know how to add apples? Like if Sally has 2 apples and she gets 3 more, how many does she..." Sunghoon trailed off when he saw Jungwon's completely vacant, unamused expression. Jungwon clicked his tongue, going back to his very informative reading. However, he could practically feel Sunghoon staring at him, to the point that it felt like he was burning holes into Jungwon's person.

Jungwon let out another annoyed sigh. When he looked up to Sunghoon very obviously staring at him, his friend comically looked away. As if Sunghoon was fooling anyone.

"Do I have three heads?" Jungwon asked bluntly.

"What?"

Jungwon huffed, leaning back in his seat. "You keep looking at me. What is it?"

Sunghoon blinked. Jungwon watched as his older friend's Adam's apple bobbed. The once relaxed, though awkward, expression on Sunghoon's face wiped almost immediately, being replaced with a deeply uncomfortable and uneasy one. He squirmed in his seat, his dark eyes darting around the coffee shop in silence.

"Are you okay?"

But instead of answering, Sunghoon just shoved his face into his hands, muttering something under his breath that Jungwon couldn't make out.

Finally, Sunghoon finished his mini-mental breakdown and looked at Jungwon. Somehow, in the span of a few minutes Sunghoon went from looking perfectly fine to looking like he just went through hell.

"Jungwon." Sunghoon finally said, his voice solemn. Which was weird, because when is Sunghoon ever serious? To add to Jungwon's bewilderment, Sunghoon reached across the table, taking hold of Jungwon's hands. His expression was so comically somber that Jungwon thought he was joking. "I have something to tell you."

Jungwon rolled his eyes, the corners of his lips lifting. "Yeah, yeah, get on with your little bit—"

"I"m serious." Sunghoon looked around again, as if he was making sure that no one was listening. He leaned in closer to Jungwon, his voice dropping to as low as a whisper. "It's serious."

Jungwon's brows knitted together, his expression pinching in pure confusion. "What are you talking abou—"

Sunghoon squeezed Jungwon's hand from across the table. His friend took a deep breath, before earnestly facing Jungwon. "What I'm about to tell you, you didn't hear it from me."

"Just—" Jungwon's scowl deepened. "Just tell me already, dude!"

Usually Sunghoon would react, but he just shook his head solemnly. Sunghoon took another deep breath, before he opened his mouth and let words tumble out: "She has a blind date. This weekend."

Jungwon blinked slowly. "Um. Who?"

Sunghoon looked like he was going to shit himself. "You know...."

Jungwon didn't know. Jungwon literally does not talk to anyone except a select few of his friends. And none of them are girls. "I don't, though...?"

Sunghoon sucked in another sharp breath, his tongue darting out to swipe over his bottom lip. "Your... Your girl."

Oh. Jungwon's heart sank to his stomach. That's not... what he expected. Not in the slightest. And the way that Sunghoon physically flinched as he revealed such information didn't make Jungwon feel any better.

"Who... told you that?"

Sunghoon pressed his lips together, forming a line as thin as paper. "You know my coworker? Wonyoung? She's [Name]'s good friend and she's been boasting how she hooked her up to this guy."

But Jungwon tuned Sunghoon out after that. Maybe if Jungwon had a better grip he would have calmly explained that you were not his anymore. It’s not like your breakup was a secret, and if there was anyone who had to bear witness to Jungwon's abject gloominess, it would be Sunghoon. Jungwon couldn't understand why his friends still referred to you as his, even when they were well-aware of the fact that you two were separated.

"C'mon, man, we all know you still want her," was a sentiment echoed by all of his friends.

And they were right. As if they could see through Jungwon's quiet exterior, his robotic composure so keen on hiding his true feelings.

Sunghoon's words fell upon deaf ears. If he did listen, he would hear Sunghoon pleading Jungwon to let go of this act, to stop putting up walls, to finally admit that he was wrecking himself from the inside out by continuing to act like he no longer cared for you.

Jungwon stared blankly at the coffee shop table. The pain in his chest no longer felt new. It felt more like a constant.

In his pencil case he still had the expensive mechanical pencil that you gifted him. Its silver ridges were practically molded to the curves of his fingers. The capsule of lead that came with the pencil only had a few pieces left. When he studied he still listened to the same songs that you introduced to him, the same songs that you and him kissed to as the two of you laid in his bed, and—

Jungwon thought he was okay. And for the first few weeks, he really was just fine. After all, he'd convinced himself that it was all for the better. But Jungwon knew that he'd break sooner or later. And it would be now.

It seemed like in every waking moment, you still managed to consume his thoughts.

All roads led back to you.

As Jungwon swung from building to building, he tried his best to clear his mind. As he always did.

After his little coffee chat (disaster?) with Sunghoon, Jungwon had excused himself to go to some "work." When really, he was just reporting for duty as Spider-Man. Feeling the wind against him as he swung around the city, the thrill of nearly flying through the air, was always useful whenever Jungwon had a lot on his mind. Like always, Jungwon checked his usual stops: banks, daycares, financial and business centers, just to make sure that no one was rumpling with civilians' safety.

Lately, it hasn't really been working. But what did he expect?

The bright summer sun, blaring its orange-yellow light, was now dipping into the horizon. The air smelled like gasoline and peaches, and yet, Jungwon couldn't even relish in the tranquility. Jungwon didn't know why he kept thinking about you. The thought of you going on a date at all with someone else made him feel sick to his stomach. His gut twisted as images of you laughing and smiling flashed through his mind. It hurt so bad, so damn bad.

A few more times of helping kids cross the road, or giving an elderly person some directions, and Jungwon felt like his legs were going to give out. Which was strange.

As Spider-Man, Jungwon was cursed with enhanced senses and incredible regeneration abilities. Ever since he got bitten by that spider, Jungwon never had to experience feeling physically worn out.

Not until right now. Jungwon slumped against the wall in the back alley, the cool stone pressing against his cheek. He looked down at his hands— was he sick? Losing his abilities? Seriously, what was wrong with him? His body was feeling uncharacteristically warm, like he was burning up from the inside. His eyelids felt heavy, while his legs felt like jelly.

And maybe Jungwon would have passed out in that alleyway if it weren't for the god-awful sound of his cellphone ringing.

Kriiiing! Kriiiing! Mindlessly, he picked up the call. "Hello?" Jungwon breathed, pushing nearly all of his body weight against the cold wall for support. He laid his head back, exhausted in ways that he couldn't explain.

A familiar voice greeted his ears. "Hey, it's Sunghoon."

Jungwon gritted his teeth. Not again. "I'm not interested—"

"Listen." Sunghoon said, his voice earnest. "I'm sorry about what I said today, but—"

Jungwon's lips pressed together. How shameful. It must be so shameful, the fact that everyone knew that Jungwon was suffering so much, that it was so obvious.

"—Me and the guys are going out this weekend," Sunghoon's gravelly voice said over the phone. "And we thought that you should really come with us."

Without even realizing it, Jungwon's breath got caught in his throat. He swallowed the lump, his voice coming out so much weaker than he wanted it to, "Like I said, I'm not interested—"

"Jungwon," Sunghoon pleaded. "You... You haven't been yourself lately. We know that you're struggling right now—we're worried about you. Please, just let us be there for you."

Jungwon felt so humiliated. Ashamed even, at the way Sunghoon's voice was filled with so much sympathy. So much pity.

Jungwon wanted to scream. He wanted to shout at Sunghoon and all of his friends for not minding their damn business, for treating him like he was some charity case.

But as Jungwon's eyes traced his shadow on the road, his phone to his ear, Jungwon wanted to shout at himself, for being so weak, for being a coward, for pushing people away, for having an ego so fragile that he felt threatened by his own friend caring about him.

How pathetic. And Jungwon has the gall to call himself a hero?

Jungwon clicked his tongue. "Okay, I'll be. there."

Jungwon wasn't stupid.

He knew exactly why his friends called him out tonight. It was to distract him from the fact that on this same night, you'd be going on your date.

The plan was to all meet up at Jake's apartment, and then go to the club from there. The moment that he arrived at Jake's apartment, he scurried to the bathroom.

Jungwon stared into Jake's bathroom mirror. The entire cramped bathroom smelled like strong fumes of manly cologne and hair spray. From inside, he could hear the muffled bantering of his friends, probably arguing about who would be driving.

His eyes glazed over the tight black compression shirt that clung to his chest, the dark-washed ripped jeans hanging from his hips. It's been a while since Jungwon utilized his pierced ears, and he figured that he'd put in some simple flat black studs before the piercings inevitably closed up. On his wrist, Jungwon had mindlessly slipped on the braided tassel bracelet that you made him; it was still hanging around his room, and he had forgotten that it was from you. Despite that, he didn't have the heart to take it off and shove into his pocket.

Jungwon couldn't recognize himself. It wasn't just the breakup that ruined him.

Sure, losing you was probably one of the greatest losses in his entire life, he was sure of that. But since then, Jungwon has also purposely distanced himself from his friends. He stopped responding to their messages and going to big group outings.

He could hear Jay's howling laughter and Jake's shouting, all sounds that should be completely familiar to him. And yet, there he was, feeling awkward.

He felt like staying in this bathroom until someone noticed that he was absent.

Click! But that wasn't what Spider-Man's do.

Jungwon cracked the bathroom door open, and the moment that he stepped into the hallway, revealing his blank expression, all of his friends whipped their heads. Jungwon could feel their eyes on him, staring at him like he was some anomaly, and for a second, he regretted even agreeing to hang out with them.

He hadn't seen these guys all together in so long. In fact, Jungwon hadn't been in a personal group setting for months now. He wasn't going to lie and say that showing his face to the friends that he strayed away from made him feel uneasy.

But almost immediately, his friends' faces cracked with large grins, whooping his name.

"Jungwon!" Jake delighted as Heeseung threw an arm around Jungwon's shoulder, pulling him snugly to the side of him.

Jay's sharp features morphed into a big, boyish smile, his lips forming a curve. Jay brought up a hand to dap Jungwon up, and Jungwon received it. "Hey, man."

Sunghoon followed behind him, his sharp canine teeth revealing as he chuckled. "Glad you could make it, Jungwon."

Jungwon felt unnatural. Out of place, like a fish out of water. When was the last time he was around people that enjoyed his presence? Other than the group of middle schoolers that cheered him on when he dashed through the air, or the middle aged women at the local library club that doted on him, Jungwon couldn't remember clearly.

For all the months that Jungwon tore himself away from his friends, he didn't know what was more surprising, that his friends still wanted something to do with him, or that nothing had changed while he was gone.

Sunoo's eyes still pressed into thin crescents as he threw his head back, laughing at something stupid Riki said. Heeseung still pulled Jungwon into a headlock, aggressively scruffling his head and ruining his hair despite Jungwon's complaints. Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon still liked to argue loudly, their voices reaching volumes so high that Jungwon was sure they'd get a noise complaint before even leaving.

And as Jay and Sunghoon wrestled, falling onto Jake's couch, the room erupted with the same familiar howling laughter and quips that Jungwon had forgotten how much he loved.

As Riki jumped in to join in the pseudo-wrestling match, Sunoo chanting "fight, fight, fight!," and Heeseung and Jake acting as refs, Jungwon gaped at the scene.

The boys that he's grown up with, the boys that had seen him grow from a wimpy little middle schooler into a strong adult, the boys that never failed to make him laugh— have stayed the exact same.

And for the first time in a while, Jungwon felt his lips lift up, soft giggles erupting from his chest as his eyes squeezed shut. It was such a foreign feeling, and an even more foreign sound.

His friends seemed to think the same. In an instant, the room fell silent. Once again, Jungwon felt all eyes on him.

But before Jungwon's mind could play tricks on him, Riki dashed over to him, throwing the older boy over his shoulder and throwing him on the couch.

"You son of bitch, Jungwon!" Riki laughed affectionately, beginning a tickling assault on him.

Once again, Jake's apartment was engulfed in chaos and laughter.

Well, after being tickled so hard that he almost started crying, as well as a well-deserved noise complaint from Jake's neighbors, Jungwon and his friends finally decided to go to the club. Which was their plan all along, but it wasn't any of their faults that messing around in Jake's home was more fun. And plus, Jungwon accidentally used too much of his spider abilities and body slammed Riki so hard that they all needed a momentary time-out to get Riki an ice pack for his head ("How the hell did you get so strong?!" was what Riki was more concerned about than the giant red mark on his forehead).

Bright strobing lights, the smell of sweaty bodies and alcohol, and the sound of techno music filled all of Jungwon's senses.

And with the encouragement of his rowdy, unruly friends, Jungwon sucked in sharp breath.

Fuck it.

Whatever worries he had now, or whoever was breaking his heart, he was going to forget it. He was going to pretend that it never existed, that it never hurt him, that he was okay.

Just for tonight, just for his friends.

"C'mon!" Jake pulled Jungwon by his arm to the bar. The older boy ordered the two of them a few shots. As they waited for the bartender to prepare their drinks, Jake and Jungwon sat on the barstools. In the corner of Jungwon's eyes, he could see his other friends fucking around like they always did.

"Would it hurt them to have some class?" Jungwon muttered playfully, unable to hide his amusement when Heeseung slipped and fell on the dance floor.

"Nah, class is a foreign concept to them." Jake let a bashful smile spread on his face, his gelled hair falling over his eyes. The older man tapped his fingers on the bar counter to the electric music loudly blasting.

Jungwon grinned, and the two sat in a comfortable silence, before Jake opened his mouth again.

"We missed having you around, you know."

Jungwon whipped his head over to his friend. He quirked a brow. "Really?"

Jake put a hand on the back of his neck, a soft chuckle falling from his lips. "Yup." Jungwon followed his eyes, back to their friends that were now teasing Jay for his wild dance moves. "I think you're the smartest out of all of us."

"That's not true."

Jake shook his head. "Nah, you should have seen us. Me and Sunoo were trying to figure out how to do taxes. Never again."

As the bartender served up their drinks, Jungwon turned back to Jake, who continued, "I know you're having a hard time, but just know that we're here for you."

Jake raised the shot glass filled with a golden brown liquid— "Cheers."

Jungwon smiled.

Clink! Their shot glasses collided.

"Cheers." And with that, Jungwon threw the shot back, the bitter taste on his tastebuds burning so hard that it reached his nose. Almost immediately, Jungwon's expression turned sour, his nose scrunching at the taste. "Blegh— How do you drink this?!"

Jake shrugged. "You'll get used to it if you drink enough."

Jungwon hunched over the bar counter, his elbows on the counter as he held his hands in his head. He shook his head. "Never again. That's nasty."

A few moments of silence pass. Jungwon slid his empty shot glass over. "Give me another shot."

Despite being an adult, Jungwon had forgotten what it felt like to party.

The thrumming of the techno music that filled the club felt like it was stringing directly through Jungwon, droning through his head. After a few shots and buzzed laughs with Jake, Jungwon was tipsy enough that his body felt weightless. Weightless enough to find himself on the dance floor.

As his strong body moved to the music, Jungwon felt the rhythm of the music. His mind was hazy, nebulous as the alcohol in his system began to take over. Jungwon's head felt warm, and his vision despite his spider senses was more blurry than usual. But that didn't matter.

Blood was rushing all over Jungwon's body. His cheeks felt warm, and he couldn't tell if it was his enhanced spidey-senses or if the music was just that loud that he could physically feel the hum in his chest.

Then, the music switched from an upbeat electronic sound, to a slower, more melodic one. Jungwon swore he recognized the song, but he couldn't name it. Jungwon felt the multiple bodies of the room brush against him, before he felt one directly press up against him.

It was clearly a woman. Jungwon let his eyes shut as he let his body take reign.

Swaying to the gradual beat, Jungwon found his hands on this new woman's body. As his chest pulsed to the song, he took in her scent, he could smell sweet, floral nodes. He could barely feel his feet below him, and for a few moments, he felt like he was going to float off of the ground. And just as Jungwon thought he was going to ascend, he felt two manicured hands on his chest. His hands slid down to her hips, squeezing them, which earned him a sultry giggle.

If Jungwon weren't drunk, he may have jumped away the moment he realized that a woman was practically grinding on him. But the alcohol was too deep in his system, and he was too far gone. Even with his eyes closed, Jungwon could feel everything so intensely. He felt fingers reach for his belt loops, pulling him along.

As the music slowed to a stop, momentarily invading the usually bumping club in a hushed silence, Jungwon felt the woman lean into his ear.

"So handsome," she rasped, her warm breath brushing against his skin.

And as the chills trickled down his spine, the music finally came back on. And strangely enough, even though they were, in fact, inside a partying club, the music that blasted from the speakers was the complete opposite.

A slow piano, rich and deep vocals, and a romantic cadence.

Even in his drunken state, Jungwon immediately recognized this song at the first lyrics. Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Preseley. Without a doubt, it was this song.

How did Jungwon know? Because this was the song that you and him loved to slow dance to on your kitchen floor. And just like that, Jungwon's mind drifted into the deepest pits of his mind, the parts that he'd locked away.

In his mind, he saw you and him swaying to this song. You and him both wearing matching aprons, giggling as you attempted to slow dance. He saw the way you'd look at him, with those beautiful eyes that he could never refuse. He saw the way you said his name with a smile that he could never forget, not even in a million lifetimes.

Then, he saw flickering images of you and him: you and him holding each other in the winter to keep each other warm, you and him crying into each other's arms, you and him arguing over something so silly that you just ended up bursting out laughing.

And for a moment, it felt like you were there. Another body up against his, dancing so rhythmically that for a split second, Jungwon could pretend that it was you.

And in the depths of his heart, he prayed that it was you.

He hoped that when he opened his eyes, this nightmare would end, and he would get to see you. He hoped that when he opened his eyes, he would see you, staring up at him with those same beautiful, glossy eyes. He hoped that when he opened his eyes, this song would end, and he could scoop you up and bring you home, to show you all the love that he desperately wanted to give you.

But as Elvis Preseley's resonant voice sang earnestly, Jungwon's eyes slowly peeled open to not see you, but another woman.

A woman that was not you.

"N-Not her," Jungwon's lips quivered, his body instantly pulling away. His feet stumbled, in an attempt to tear away from her grasp. Jungwon ignored the way the woman attempted to pull him back, calling out to him.

In his intoxicated state, Jungwon felt hot tears line his eyes as he staggered away.

Not you. She wasn't you. It didn't matter, in fact. No one was you.

It didn't matter what Jungwon tried to do, his heart kept going back to you.

His head was spinning. Jungwon could barely control his body as he bursted out of the doors of the club, and even less, he couldn't control the tears that were now staining his cheeks. The expensive bottle of water that the club had at the entrance was completely chugged down in a single swish, minus Jungwon's struggles to manage his soft sobbing.

Even with water in his system, Jungwon's head was still spinning. His vision was swirling. Finally, after faltering for a few moments, Jungwon found himself sitting on the stairs at the entrance of the club.

As his vision cleared up, the alcohol in his system slowly washing away, Jungwon brought his hand to his mouth, to muffle the sounds of his crying.

Maybe he was just drunk, but the tears were just not stopping. Jungwon's chest heaved up and down, labored and stammering breaths rising from his chest. His hot tears were beginning to burn his eyes.

Even from outside, he could still hear Elvis Preseley's vocalization.

Damn it, did he have to ruin tonight? Jungwon pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face into his knees. His jeans were getting wet with his tears, and the late-night breeze was getting chilly.

In fact, everything was hurting.

Why couldn't he just forget you? Why couldn't he just let you go? Why did he still yearn for you?

Jungwon lifted his head. He could see his hunched figure in his shadow on the ground. How pathetic of him. He hasn't cried in a long time. It felt weird. It didn't feel like him.

Jungwon looked at the spider-like black veins on his wrist. Why was he cursed? Why did it have to be him? He wasn't worthy, he would never be worthy of being Spider-Man. Jungwon didn't ask to be bitten. He didn't ask for that stupidly rich and ignorant scientist to come to him and urge him to use his powers for good. He didn't ask for this responsibility. He didn't ask for anything, except you.

"With great power comes great responsibility," was what he was told the moment the scientists found him. And Jungwon really believed in it. He used his strength to help the weak, he gave others the power that they couldn't have, he protected the love that others cherished.

But couldn't keep any for himself.

After Jungwon's initial honeymoon phase with his newfound spider abilities, he realized something that changed his entire life forever. That he was no longer safe, and even more, everyone that he loved was no longer safe. And Jungwon thought he was strong enough; he thought that he could let you and all of his friends go slowly to protect you all. But he simply wasn't.

And Jungwon felt so damn selfish. He felt like a greedy bastard, someone who couldn't sacrifice himself for the good of others. Why was he even crying? There were people in danger right now, and here he was crying because he missed the girl of his dreams? How pathetic.

But he wanted you so bad.

Jungwon never wanted anything in life. All his life, he was obedient like a dog. He did everything that others asked of him. He always tried his best, always valued his righteousness, always did what was right.

But now, all he wanted was you.

He's never wanted anything, but the moment that he wants you, he couldn't have you.

Here he was, crying like some idiot all alone while you were probably still on that date. God, he wished Sunghoon never told him. He tried his best for the past few days to just not think about it, but now Jungwon had to truly face the fact that you've already moved on. His chest felt like it was going to burst.

Jungwon sunk his teeth into his fist to muffle his sobs even more. Maybe he should just go home. It's cold, it's uncomfortable, it's unsanitary, and most of all, Jungwon felt like shit.

As Jungwon stumbled to his feet, he sucked in one more breath. It still smelled like alcohol, with a scent of cigarettes. Then, he looked at the bustling road across the street. Somewhere out there, you were laughing with another man. Probably kissing him, calling him the same names that you'd call Jungwon.

God, it made him physically ill. Jungwon brought the back of his hand to wipe his nose one more time. He was going to go home. He'll leave a call for Heeseung or something later.

But before he could even take another step—

Boom!

Jungwon looked up at the sky. Even when it was dark, he could see a large cloud of black smoke. And now, he heard police sirens in the distance and the screaming of civilians.

Shit.

You fiddled with your fingers, bouncing your knee in anticipation to the beat of the 2010's pop song that your taxi driver chose.

Damn it, Wonyoung, you thought. You glanced down at the dress that your best friend chose for you. In the reflection of the backseat car window you caught your made up face. The blush on your cheeks, your curled lashes, the lip gloss. You thought you looked pretty.

Your eyes fluttered to your phone resting in your lap. The latest notification was from Wonyoung, telling you good luck and that you looked pretty. You couldn't help but smile.

It's been 6 months since your boyfriend Jungwon broke up with you. And frankly, it's probably been the worst 6 months of your life.

Words could not describe the types of pain and downright suffering that you went through. You cried for weeks straight, and up until recently, you hadn't had the motivation to really do anything.

The breakup was so unexpected, too. One day you and Jungwon were laughing, the next he left you. You couldn't understand why, and it wasn't like Jungwon gave you a succinct reason either. All he had said was that he was sorry, and that he had no other choice.

And the worst part was, you still weren't over your ex.

All that pain for nothing, you thought as your eyes followed the cars that passed your taxi. Your best friend, Wonyoung, on the other hand, had had enough.

"I don't like seeing you like this," Wonyoung had told you one night, as you cried into her shoulder. Despite what she showed others with her bubbly personality, her voice was stern. "It's not fair to you."

And you knew she was right. Which was why you let her set you up on a date with one of her colleagues. You figured that it was time that you stopped mulling over a man that couldn't stay anyway.

It's been so long in general since you even considered looking at someone else that wasn't Jungwon. And for a reason that you couldn't explain, it didn't feel right. And yet, you pushed it to the back of your head as you stepped out of the taxi.

The restaurant that your date, a guy named Haruto Watanabe, chose was a semi-formal one, called Bisco's Palace. You thought that name was a little bit corny, but you brushed it off. Thick stone walls, yellow-orange moody lighting, and an elegant grassy hedge at the entrance. It looked like a fairytale, and because of the beautiful dress that Wonyoung made you wear, you felt like you were in a fairytale.

When you arrived, you were met with a tall man with sharp features.

"Haruto?" you asked. He turned to look at you. You watched as his eyes widened, before he gave you a once-over.

"[N-Name]?" he spluttered. You recognized the look on his face. It was the look on a man's face whenever he found a woman attractive, and unfortunately, you were no stranger to it. "You look— You look beautiful."

If you were someone else, maybe you'd feel flattered. It's not every day that a good-looking man calls you beautiful. But all you felt was a sense of unease. Not that it was his fault; there was nothing intrinsically wrong with him. You just didn't know why you felt so uncomfortable.

You fought back the urge to make a face, and you instead forced a tight-lipped smile.

"Thank you." Now it was your turn to look him over. He was wearing a crisp button-up with slacks. He looked well put-together. "You look great too."

Haruto visibly turned pink, and he muttered something under his breath as he averted his gaze. Finally, he cleared his throat, extending his hand out to you. "Shall we go in?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, before you took his hand curtly. "Of course."

The two of you were quickly seated, and after being greeted by a cheery waitress that was clearly still in high school, your food was ordered and served in a timely manner. If you were to be honest, you weren't exactly too invested in tonight's date. Even if you agreed to it to get over Jungwon, you knew that your heart wasn't there yet.

Not to say that Haruto wasn't a sweetheart. He was polite, had very good manners, and was very respectful toward you. He tried his best to keep a flowing conversation with you, and in recognizing his efforts, you simply just went along with him. He was handsome and a well-natured guy. And, the food was great. Everything was to your taste, from the appetizers to the drinks to the dessert. The wait staff were also on top of it. As a whole, the restaurant was just perfect. The lights, the music, even how cushioned the chairs were.

Like a fairy tale. Everything was perfect. Perfect man, perfect food, perfect night. But it just wasn't good enough.

You felt nothing for Haruto, not even an ounce of interest. And as much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew why you were like this: Because he wasn't Jungwon.

There was nothing "Jungwon" about this date. Haruto certainly wasn't Jungwon, but everything about this date was nothing like how you liked to be treated. You liked to laugh and to get into dynamic discussions about silly topics, ones that didn't even matter. Haruto was so sweet, but he couldn't match your level of wit. While the food was tasty, you didn't want something so stringent and formal. You'd rather do something together with your date, to get to know each other better rather than sitting at a candle-lit restaurant.

Who would have known all of this? Who would have allowed you to do all of these things regardless of the environment? Who did your heart still stubbornly belong to?

Jungwon.

You let out a forced laugh at one of Haruto's jokes before excusing yourself to the washroom.

Shhhhh! As the sink water ran, you stared at your reflection. Even your makeup was done in a way that you knew Jungwon liked. The lipgloss in your purse was the same one that he bought you all those months ago. You didn't even know if you had the heart to use it up.

You thought that you were doing better. But it seemed like time and space only made your heart grow fonder.

It was getting later into the night now. And against your better judgment, you wondered what Jungwon was doing. Maybe he's playing video games. Or reading all of the superhero comics that he loved to collect.

Then, your mind wandered. What if he was with another girl? Your chest overwhelmed itself with unimaginable hurt. He never gave you a real explanation as to why he wanted to end things, and seemingly, his closest friends couldn't either. You'd be lying if you said that your mind didn't betray you, wandering to all of the darkest places.

Your eyes traced your own face in the mirror. Would Jungwon do that to you? Was he really the type to be unfaithful?

You knew the answer: no. Never. Jungwon was many things, and a cold-hearted unscrupulous cheater was not one of them. But then again, you thought you knew him to be the type to never spring a breakup on you. But he did. Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought he did.

You took a deep breath. Not right now, you thought. You were on a date with another guy. It would be disrespectful to think about your ex, wouldn't it? Even if Haruto was most definitely not the one for you, you should have some courtesy.

You quickly rinsed your hands, dried them, and reapplied your lipgloss. And as you were ready to step back out, prepared to brave your tight-lipped smile and kind words, a large crashing sound pierced your ears.

Boom!

In the blink of an eye, the tiled bathroom floor below you rumbled, low growls rolling from under your feet. You froze. Your hand jerked out to grab the counter, the wall, the bathroom door handle— anything— to keep you stable.

"W-What the—"

Another deafening roar thundered through the air, enough to make your ears ring. At that instance, the floor below you ripped open.

What the hell was going on? Was it an earthquake? That would explain why the ground tore open. And yet, in the distance, you could hear booming thumping sounds.

Almost like the footsteps of a humongous being. Almost like the footsteps of a supervillain. Shit.

You're well aware of the state of your city. In the past few years, there has been a strange phenomenon of evildoers and mutants alike, appearing throughout your city to wreak havoc and torment civilians. And with that came the rise of even more bold crimes. Bank robberies, arson, kidnappings, pretty much everything.

Luckily, in the past 6 months, a new hero has appeared. The red and blue masked hero; the friendly neighborhood superhero himself; Spider-Man.

Your apartment, located near the center of the city, was awfully close to all of the commotion, nearly all the time. Which was why you couldn't help but admit that Spider-Man was quite the gem, for taking out all of these ne'er-do-wells and eccentric supervillains. And yet, here you were, probably in the middle of a supervillain attack.

All of the past villains have been eccentric but petty. But as the tiles below your feet literally cracked with each booming thrum, you were sure that this new villain, whoever it was, was worse.

Much worse. Probably worse than you could ever imagine.

And before you could react to the way that you tumbled to the ground, the cold floor hitting your knees so achingly, you heard a shriek from outside the bathroom.

"It's Baron von Fizzlebang!"

.... Who?

Baron von Fizzlebang?

What kind of shitty villain name is that—

Boom!

The smell of smoke filled your nostrils. You didn't know where it came from, but from the way that civilians screeched and screamed outside, you figured that it couldn't be far from you.

Boom!

Okay, this is urgent, you needed to get out!

Your heart rate picking up, you breathed slowly to keep yourself calm. You pushed yourself to your feet, ignoring the way your soon-to-be bruised knees ached. As you reached for the bathroom door handle, the lights flickered, followed by the sound of explosions. Even though you were definitively inside the bathroom, with all sides of the room still intact, the dust seeped through the cracks, filling your lungs. With a strained gasp for air, you clamped a hand over your nose, squinting.

You pressed your ear against the bathroom door. Now the entire restaurant blared with fire alarms and smoke detectors. Police sirens also sounded. The large footstep-like thudding in the distance came closer and closer. You had no choice but get out of this damn bathroom and book it.

Your heart was now pounding so quickly that it felt like it would fall out. Your legs felt so weak, your head feeling too heavy. Who the hell is Baron von Fizzlebang? And more importantly, why did it have to be tonight? Without even realizing it, your palms had become sweaty, and with all the blood rushing to your head, you were mere seconds away from sweating.

You shook your head. Focus! You squeezed your eyes shut, your hand wrapped tightly on that bathroom door handle. On a count of three, you were going to open that door and run for your life.