bliss lane
@theartofmadeline
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
titsay
Cosmic Funnies
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
almost home
Fai_Ryy
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
🪼
Cosimo Galluzzi
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
ellievsbear
macklin celebrini has autism
hello vonnie
todays bird
Mike Driver
seen from Bangladesh
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@osha-cafeteria-worker
Out of Character: Okay pinned post time
Alright everyone, this is the blog for the Osha Cafeteria Worker, Mike. Character and blog runner's pronouns are both he/him/his.
Generalized Content Warning for unreality, some morbid themes and some violence.
Feel free to send asks, regardless of whether you are or are not also an OSHAverse blog, anon is open but I will not hesitate to close it if people can't behave themselves.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"hey there was wondering if I could get access to your left over food... see I'm a house fly based being and well I can take your expired food off your hands and make use of it"
Tobio TEL Engineer from @rainbow-of-teams
"Nonsense, you can have fresh food. Here."
Mike simply reaches under the counter and pulls out an unusually large banana, setting it on the table.
"Free of charge. This stuff just kind of appears here whenever I need it."
"um thanks but not really what I was asking. Basically I was offering to solve any food waste issues you have"
"Ah, well, I'm not sure it's possible to waste food here. Any food that doesn't get eaten sorta vanishes into the ether after a certain amount of time."
Mike thoughtfully scratches his beard, "This place is strange and curious, and I may never truly understand its mysteries."
"...You can still have the banana if you want it, though."
"hey there was wondering if I could get access to your left over food... see I'm a house fly based being and well I can take your expired food off your hands and make use of it"
Tobio TEL Engineer from @rainbow-of-teams
"Nonsense, you can have fresh food. Here."
Mike simply reaches under the counter and pulls out an unusually large banana, setting it on the table.
"Free of charge. This stuff just kind of appears here whenever I need it."
Could we get the bricken recipe?
Bricken: Take 1lb brick of ground chicken, do absolutely nothing to it, toaster oven at 350 for 30 minutes
Beans and Bricken: Drop portions of bricken into a Progresso Southwest Bean Soup.
They vtube because it’s fun not because it makes bank.
Ok Flork told me you should season it, but Male told me you don’t maybe seasoning undos his macros or something idfk
you absolutely should season it.
ideally mix in breadcrumbs and egg and make a meatloaf, it'll stretch it a bit further, make it taste better and make it less dry since the breadcrumbs will absorb the moisture lost from the ground chicken as it cooks.
So I used to sometimes at night reblog pictures of fungi that I liked, but then I stopped because I was taken over by a fungus (it's okay I'm fine now—well, this me is fine; there's a me out there that's still controlled by the fungus; but that's okay), and so I don't know it seemed a little weird to be reblogging pictures of fungi after having such a perilous experience with a fungus myself.
But I shouldn't hold all fungi responsible for the crimes of one. (Not literal crimes; I do not know if it is actually illegal for a mold hivemind to take over someone's body; but I am not an expert in wizard law.) I'm going to start occasionally reblogging pictures of fungi at night again.
Strictly speaking if a fungus is taking over your body that's probably aggravated battery and/or unlawful restraint so yeah that fungus did literal crimes to you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i've been dead for 4 fucking years can someone finish my arc
Pspsps hey, hey! Look!
Pull over! pull the fuck over, now! NOW! NOW!
So overall, even if I weren't a slime, I definitely would not want to be a vampire (this is something I have thought about). But then just now I was kind of tired and I was thinking, well, at least vampires have one advantage, because as undead they probably don't have to sleep and don't get tired.
And then I realized, wait yes of course they do (as previously mentioned I was tired and not thinking completely straight). They sleep in their coffins all during the day. They are the one kind of undead that very famously does get tired.
So, okay, one more reason to definitely not want to be a vampire.
(I am not trying to insult any vampires reading this. It is a matter of personal preference. Although if you are the type of vampire that kills people (is there a type of vampire that doesn't kill people?) then I guess I do have to say that I'm not really in favor of that.)
It's much easier to keep people alive and willing to give you their blood instead of just killing randoms! You don't even have to chain them up in the basement or anything! It's great if annoying to keep a healthy amount for your habits, but usually they'll just kinda form a polycule and do their own thing to keep busy.
Besides then you don't have to worry about the police, people burning your house down, or getting run out of town! But consider a well secured bedroom just in case one of your thralls gets the bright idea to sharpen a broomstick.
Now not having a spine, I think that's the only part about being a slime I'd actually enjoy. You're on that octopus sliding through one inch hole type shit fr
I mean, okay, it's good to know there are vampires that don't kill people, and good for you and I'm genuinely glad you're enjoying it, but yeah, I think being a vampire is still not for me.
(Although can't you, like, turn into mist to get through one-inch holes, or is that just a myth, or something only some vampires can do?)
It's a common misconception, accidents happen and some of us don't like leaving the house! Like y'know vampires living in castles and shit?? Count Dracula was a fucking count, hence the castle! (But if you've been around for a few hundred years and are still broke, just walk into the sub frrrrr)
And some of us can! The worst thing about the first few years is figuring out what you can do. If you're lucky and have a decent sire, they'll show you the ropes and what they know. But end up with a deadbeat that sires you and fucks off?? Expect to learn you can just fuck off into a bat on a random tuesday 50 years down the line.
Then there's those fuckass vamp wizards, the Tremere. Dorks, the lot of them, they think they're all king shit but have issues talking to a fucking blood bag lmao
Oh, yeah, I get that; a lot of people assume all slimes are the same too. Like, I'm technically a living potion created in a vat by an evil wizard; I identify as a slime because of my semiliquid consistency, but I mean I'm not the same type of creature as a standard dungeon slime. Although honestly I'm pretty sure there are a lot of different kinds of dungeon slime that aren't really related to each other either, but I'm not a blennologist (that is a biologist who specializes in studying slimes). "Slime" is more of a descriptive term; it's not, like, a biological taxon; not all slimes are related.
Oh yeah there are actually vampiric slimes! Some of them are puddles of semi-congealed blood animated with the vitae of a vampire, others are vampires that had very unfortunate encounters with a woodchipper or industrial blender or an extremely powerful solvent or some such other body-destroying thing and were powerful enough to survive but not powerful enough to reconstitute themselves, and one I encountered was just a particularly malevolent bowl of tapioca pudding that had somehow armed itself with a syringe.
I think my right second toe is haunted.
like. is the structure haunted, or just that bit of your substance?
if you just removed that toe and reformed from your goo it would the ghost still be there? or would it be in the goo from the old toe?
I mean, yeah, I thought of that, but then I'm not sure it's a good idea to just leave a haunted toe floating around.
Or, well, a haunted bit of slime; I don't know that it would necessarily keep the toe shape. Although I don't know for sure that it wouldn't.
I could put it in my Incinerator.
That capitalization is deliberate.
I think my right second toe is haunted.
like. is the structure haunted, or just that bit of your substance?
if you just removed that toe and reformed from your goo it would the ghost still be there? or would it be in the goo from the old toe?
@former-evil-osha-secretary
💖💖💖💖
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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RULE NO. 1 OF WOUND CARE: ignore itttt :33
RULE NO. 2 OF WOUND CARE: go swimming!! in a pond or especially a public pool :)
WHO TF ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rule No. 3 of wound care: get creative! it's an art form, there's no penalty for trying something new and bold!
oh i should start wearing shirts like those
embroidery from peacockandpinecones my friends and I have been losing our minds over all morning.
@osha-embroidery-department
Every once in a while I think maybe it's time I should try to do something about the weird portal to a hellish dimension that appeared in the refrigerator, but then I remember that I don't feel like it.
You should invite me over to collapse that, or transport it somewhere where everyone around it will most assuredly be safe!
I promise I can be trusted wjth your weird portal to a hellish dimension that appeared in the refrigerator!
Well, this is @unexpectedly-wizardposting's house, so I don't want to invite people over to mess with portals without her permission, so we'll see what she says about it.
I could use a hellish portal. Send it over to my restaurant.
I mean... I think I personally would be more than fine with sending the hellish portal to your restaurant if it meant getting it out of here; I don't know what you plan to do with it but I think it's really more annoying than dangerous and I don't think you're likely to do much more harm with it than it's already doing; but again it's up to @unexpectedly-wizardposting.
...it sometimes leads to places I actually like, so I can't really be alright with giving it up. I gotta hold onto it.
Sorry, @archmaguseirving and @evilconcoctionboy; you heard @unexpectedly-wizardposting. I guess the portal in the refrigerator stays.
I admit I'm kind of worried that someday something is going to reach out of that portal and grab me and pull me into some kind of horrible nightmare dimension, but I guess if that happens there'll be plenty of other mes still around, so it won't be a big deal.
...Come to think of it, I guess I don't know for sure that hasn't already happened to another copy of me.
Something most assuredly will grab you. You are not safe - I am your best bet for survival!
But maybe I could just come look at it - just a quick peeksies - an ol’ in n’ out operashun!
I mean, like I said, this is @unexpectedly-wizardposting's house, so it's her decision. I'd definitely be interested in learning more about the portal, like where it came from or where it connects to, but I don't feel like I can really have you come over and look at the portal without her permission.
So you live there, but it’s not truly your own dwelling then? You poor miserable slime… you deserve so much better. Cannot even have your own company over, you may consider petitioning for slime rights!
I mean, I don't need much and honestly I'd probably be fine just living out in a forest or swamp or cave somewhere, but @unexpectedly-wizardposting invited me to stay at her house and sometimes it's kind of nice to be under an actual roof and have, like, air conditioning and convenient internet access.
Although the HOA here is kind of a pain in the neck.
god doesn't count hoas under "thou shalt not kill" so if you dissolved them you could still go to heaven
You may be surprised how many people have tried to convince me to murder the HOA.
i'll only be surprised if the number is low.
Every once in a while I think maybe it's time I should try to do something about the weird portal to a hellish dimension that appeared in the refrigerator, but then I remember that I don't feel like it.
You should invite me over to collapse that, or transport it somewhere where everyone around it will most assuredly be safe!
I promise I can be trusted wjth your weird portal to a hellish dimension that appeared in the refrigerator!
Well, this is @unexpectedly-wizardposting's house, so I don't want to invite people over to mess with portals without her permission, so we'll see what she says about it.
I could use a hellish portal. Send it over to my restaurant.
I mean... I think I personally would be more than fine with sending the hellish portal to your restaurant if it meant getting it out of here; I don't know what you plan to do with it but I think it's really more annoying than dangerous and I don't think you're likely to do much more harm with it than it's already doing; but again it's up to @unexpectedly-wizardposting.
...it sometimes leads to places I actually like, so I can't really be alright with giving it up. I gotta hold onto it.
Sorry, @archmaguseirving and @evilconcoctionboy; you heard @unexpectedly-wizardposting. I guess the portal in the refrigerator stays.
I admit I'm kind of worried that someday something is going to reach out of that portal and grab me and pull me into some kind of horrible nightmare dimension, but I guess if that happens there'll be plenty of other mes still around, so it won't be a big deal.
...Come to think of it, I guess I don't know for sure that hasn't already happened to another copy of me.
Something most assuredly will grab you. You are not safe - I am your best bet for survival!
But maybe I could just come look at it - just a quick peeksies - an ol’ in n’ out operashun!
I mean, like I said, this is @unexpectedly-wizardposting's house, so it's her decision. I'd definitely be interested in learning more about the portal, like where it came from or where it connects to, but I don't feel like I can really have you come over and look at the portal without her permission.
So you live there, but it’s not truly your own dwelling then? You poor miserable slime… you deserve so much better. Cannot even have your own company over, you may consider petitioning for slime rights!
I mean, I don't need much and honestly I'd probably be fine just living out in a forest or swamp or cave somewhere, but @unexpectedly-wizardposting invited me to stay at her house and sometimes it's kind of nice to be under an actual roof and have, like, air conditioning and convenient internet access.
Although the HOA here is kind of a pain in the neck.
god doesn't count hoas under "thou shalt not kill" so if you dissolved them you could still go to heaven
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
*booktok voice* Do you want to read a gay story about two guys who speedrun enemies to lovers, go against their designed nature by being together, who become unstoppable fighting side by side to much dismay of the gods who created them? Do you want to see one of them eaten alive by the grief for his lover when he dies from a godsent sickness? A book about someone fighting so hard for a chance at eternal life that he doesn't notice he is throwing away the precious time he has got, filling it with agony? Well, in the 2100 BCE poem of Gilgamesh-
@groundskeeperosha
Putting on a good face
