Orphan tweets

No America, I didn't get you anything for your birthday this year. Look at how the fuck you've been behaving.

[Image description Tweet from @liv_thatsme "What if Gandalf were a real guy, and not just in the bible?"]

[Image description Tweet from @joelmuchai "When someone out of your league starts flirting with you." Attached image is of a person sticking their tongue out at an uncomfortable-looking statue of Gollum from Lord of the Rings.]

[Image description Tweet from @trgrrl "the story so far: george lucas made a film in 1977 titled "star wars" with the help of many talented VFX artists and editors. this has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."]

[Image description Tweet from @devonpalmers "Well I officially just got layed off of my job at Redbox so Im finally allowed to say yes there is a person inside the Redbox I was one of them and I loved it"]

me reading academic journals; God this sucks when do they kiss

a whip is just a boneless sword. none of you will rt this because you are cowards that hate god

the idea that the "ideal beach body" just means being thin or buff is so unimaginative, surely the ideal beach body would have a powerful lobster claw, arm flaps to act as a windbreak and a sand repellent anus

I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.

ME WITHOUT MAKEUP: the setting is Paris in 1813. I am an old wrinkled hunchback beggar with a wooden leg. My hair is full of spiders. Noblemen spit on me.

What's with this dude that keeps saying "Turn around" in "Total Eclipse of the Heart"? Man, shut the fuck up, she's trying to sing a song.

MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I'm speaking

Tim Burr: “I have an idea…”

hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes...their causes are very good

MOSES: Literally three of them just say that you're God.