maybe he’s just too easy to love.

you can’t help it, can’t help but see traces of him in everything that surrounds you. the faint squeaking sound of gym shoes on wooden floors as you walk past the gym pulling at your heartstrings, your keys jingling on their keychain like his used to whenever he had that excited bounce in his step. warmth blooms in your chest as the sakura trees blossom and fall, imagining how pretty he’d be, smiling at you amongst the pink sea.

a simple glance sends you spinning, a hint of a smile driving you into a frenzy. the effect he still has on you is undeniable still, even after you’d both parted ways. sometimes you lie in bed into the early hours of the morning, wondering how it still could’ve been, if only you’d done more, been more, moulded yourself to suit him better. if only you’d just accepted the flowers he’d offered you with a boyish grin without so much apprehension as you did, with all the worries you’d had about the future and the simple possibility of staying together and simply lived in the moment.

love is blind, yet the mind is not. blossoming feelings cannot always withstand harsh winters, you’d come to learn the hard way. you’re both busy people, him with volleyball and you being equally as involved in your own studies.

“it goes sports, my pretty baby, and then school,” he’d told you in all seriousness as you walked home hand in hand on one of the rare days he didn’t have practice, autumn leaves crunching under your feet. you’d laughed, chastising him for prioritizing someone like you over school.

“you’re forever,” he’d retorted, nose crinkling adorably, “and so is volleyball. but not school. no way.”

you’d thought it was dumb of him to think you would last past high school, but his words made you smile nonetheless.

you were right. it was a whirlwind romance that lasted only several months, yet countless firsts were shared and he’d touched your heart like no one before ever could. it was high school, after all—you both knew you’d end up hating each other if you’d given up your dreams to be with together.

and yet in hindsight, he was right too. the pure adoration you held for him and the little burst of energy you get whenever he’s brought up is still as fresh as the day you’d realized you loved him, the blooming warmth that had taken root in your heart only continuing to flourish and grow. there’s a special place in your heart that belongs to only him, and always will.

“hey.”

you still see him in the hallways sometimes. it’s inevitable—you were schoolmates, after all. you wave back, smile unconsciously making its way to your face as he mirrors your gesture, fingers brushing against yours as you walk past each other in your respective directions. his hands are warm as always, melting your frigid fingertips for a fraction of a second. there’s a tingling where you touched, the simple gesture bringing so much comfort that you’d missed.

he tilts his head back to glance at you, just within earshot, “love you.”

you smile, “love you too.”

paranoia agent: an awesome single-season show thats perfect to binge-watch imo. it follows the interwoven stories of several victims of the phantom figure known as shonen bat who takes the form of a child in rollerskates and attacks strangers with his beat up baseball bat. the only thing that seems to connect these victims is that they are visited by him in a moment of absolute desperation, and somehow their lives seem to improve after being attacked. to say anything else would ruin the mystery. give it a shot. this series owns and the intro music is iconic.

perfect blue: i feel like everyone who likes animated horror already knows about perfect blue but if not, you absolutely should. a suspense heavy, brain-breaking thriller about an ex-pop-idol who quits to become an actress, only to be haunted by a mirror version of herself who is less than happy with her decision. her grasp on reality starts to slip as the pressures of her new job and a string of violent murders slowly chip away at her sanity. definitely mind the content warnings for this one.

yamishibai: an anthology series of short scary stories presented with fun, simplistic animation. every episode is fairly short iirc so its very easy to just plow through the whole series. especially good if ur the type to enjoy a classic ghost story.

serial experiments lain: sort of hard to explain. this is another like Classic. it is about a highschool girl so i am sort of breaking my own rules here but like the vibe is entirely different then what you might expect. its a trippy, deeply weird series from 1998 about the ways technology may begin to encroach on our lives and shape our identity. i really love older media that speculates about the ways our relationship with tech might develop in the future. if you like scifi and psychological aspects to your horror, you will probably like this.

pet shop of horrors: i havent actually seen the anime so i dont know how well it holds up but i was obsessed with the manga as a Youth and id recommend at least giving the series a look. anthology-like with a connecting thread of a spooky pet shop where rare exotic and sometimes deadly creatures are sold.

lily c.a.t.: its alien except its not. scifi horror about the crew and passengers of a spaceship whos interstellar journey is thrown off course by a shape-shifting alien invader. literally if you like alien or the thing or anything like that, this is that but animated. i think the strongest thing about this one isnt necessarily the horror of the alien itself but the horror of being stranded, far from home and trapped in a confined space with a bunch of near strangers and a massive yawning void just outside your window. there are some moments in lily cat that just made me think about how huge and unforgiving not only space but the passage of time is and im honestly still a little freaked.

akira: i mean, obviously. i dont know what i could say about this that hasnt already been said except this is the movie that made me start getting into body horror. its beautiful, its horrific, its a fucking staple of dystopia fiction. i guess you could argue its more scifi/action than traditional horror in a lot of ways, but some of the stuff near the end (that i def saw when i was too young to be watching this) taught me a whole new definition of fear so. do with that what u will i guess.

there are a couple more i cant remember the names of right now so ill come back to this if my brain ever decides to start working again. almost all of these contain some really heavy subjects so be careful and seek out content warnings if you need to.