@orangehunchback

George Washington Carver. America’s greatest inventor. Tesla of the Midwest. Some call him the Peanut Butter Genie. Mr. Carver spent a summer learning stenography in the Union Telegraph Building.

The summer of 1885 changed his life and the face of sandwiches forever.

Young Carver was destined to cultivate great thought from the fields of his fertile mind––but even geniuses get hungry.

To prepare for vast mental surveys Carver would often make bread sandwiches. One day while preparing a largely lightweight limp bread sandwich, Carver wondered if the flavor of the bread would be enhanced by a companion.

And so Carver began a great experiment. First he sprinkled pepper on the bread, but it made the sandwiches far too peppery. Second he sprinkled salt on the bread but it made the sandwiches far too salty. Third, he sprinkled a handsome collection of beans between the slices of bread, but it tasted like a dry soup. Slightly depressed and filled to the gills with lackluster sandwiches, he drew the curtain and fell asleep at 7:30.

That night, according to numerous unknown documents, Carver dreamed of a tiny peanut man working very hard in a field. In the dream, a tiny peanut man with a straw hat tilled the soil, guiding a mule and planting tiny seeds along rows that stretched for acres. After mashing the dirt on top of the seeds the peanut man waited for twenty minutes under a tree. After twenty minutes the tiny peanut man discovered rows and rows of peanut plants peaking their green beaks out of the soil.

The baby peanut plants screamed like thirsty babies and the peanut man began to dig furiously in the earth. He quickly unearthed an ocean of tiny peanuts tossing them into a giant peanut bag. The peanuts said, Thank you, thank you, thank you, but with so many peanuts the peanut man didn’t know what to do. He had never taken care of baby peanuts before.

Suddenly, to the horror of the peanut man, Elmer the Mule stepped on about 24 peanuts smashing them to bits. Seconds after the crunching an old farm turtle named Rascal began to lick the smashed peanuts off the ground. The other peanuts saw this and erupted in a chorus of, Eat me, eat me, eat me, we are the delicious ones!

The pencil of epiphany broke in the farmer’s head and the farmer soon bashed all of the peanuts into a peanut butter paste and concealed their essence in jars.