hng

I just mowed my 88 year old papas lawn and when i came back inside he lifted my arm to reveal a bug that was attempting to hitchhike into the house. At which point he said "you will NEVER escape my garden." And flicked it back into the grass

Garden of Eden Good Ending AU

So I don’t play the sims super often so I didn’t know that evil sims can do an “evil workout” which seems to just be a normal workout except sometimes they pause to laugh maniacally.

i like when a piece of media says that an all-powerful character "sees humans as insects" because that really could mean a lot of things. maybe they view us as insignifigant and will squish us under their boot. maybe theyre actually studying and cataloguing us for their thesis paper. maybe theyre campaigning for human protection because we're an important part of their ecosystem. maybe they see a human and go "ew ew ewwwwww someone get the cup and get that FREAK out of my house." .

if I were a fish id be enjoying the fuck out of those dusty little fish food pellets. imagine a life where you can fly and every day wet food begins raining from the sky. such is the life of the humble pet fish

lorem ipsum is a lesbian and shes dating etaoin shrdlu

i’ve been so well-behaved i deserve to light things on fire now

​Time to googl[remembers i want the cool leftist mutuals to like me] duck duck go something [remembers that bragging about activism is performative and virtue signaling] i mean search something somewhere [remembers that it’s gonna be 34 degrees celsius tomorrow] i mean move into a cold dark cave to live with the isopods

hey sorry i can't come out tonight i have a thing

see when people try and nitpick me because i call my dog "my dog" when it's technically "the family dog".......well first of all i still call my brother "my brother" and not "the family boy". although maybe that should change. second of all sorry i'm still thinking about the family boy. btw i fell asleep while making this post last night and i think you can tell

I’m sorry my lovelies but the reason you hate yourself is because you treat you like shit. If you came up to me and then told me I was a fuck up who could never do anything right I'd fucking hate you too.

if you didn't let me go to bed until after midnight because you'd rather watch Netflix than let me rest, and then got mad at me for not being productive the next day I'd be PISSED

if my liege lord looks at another soldier vassal in fellowship I'm going to *remembers suicide is an affront against the almighty* take a common grain rat as a wife

can someone please please make his tail wag thank you