whole day i'm fucking busy only get few money

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

the urge to download bad mobile games whenever you're slightly inconvenienced and on the brink of killing yourself should be studied

Lay waste to his pussy with torch and sword

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

I have heard a variant on it that I really like: "You cannot hate yourself into someone you can love."

people keep making posts on instagram like "omg look how deep they tried to hide this setting to disallow AI from scraping ur work!!! they rly tried to bury this!!" and its just. in the settings menu under privacy. where you'd expect it to be

just tell people where the setting is without a) a big ass graphic about "THEY REALLY TRIED TO HIDE THIS FROM US" or b) making up stories in the comments about how every time you turn the setting off it turns itself back

I just saw an acquaintance use "👖🛝" in place of the word genocide and. like. at what point are we going to decide that this kind of self-censorship is too degrading to abide anymore.

"grape" "sewer-slide" "the panini" I feel like I'm surrounded by Rugrats who overheard the grown ups talking about the news.

I'm tired of seeing people excuse algospeak because "corporations are making us do it." Why are we all letting them do that. The Internet is real life. Get mad about it.

I have been in multiple situations where a friend group I'm not so familiar with starts making jokes about being into weirdo pervert stuff and there is a slight edge of competition to who is The Most Freakish I know for a goddamn fact that I have everyone beat in the pervert department but I can't say anything because they're probably just talking about light BDSM at most and I like things that are complete social suicide in 90% of spaces

like oh when you like puppyplay and choking its subversive and edgy but when I talk about getting my sexual awakening at 8 years old from the really fucking weird plant vore sequence in the third ice age movie it's WEIRD and EMBARRASSING i see how it is,

oh so this post stops getting notes when I make that addition, i see how it is,

blaseball is a kind of dead wife

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

Kink scene rescheduled because halfway through me explaining the scenario my dom asked a clarifying question that uncovered a howling logical inconsistency and we ended up spending the next three hours workshopping the worldbuilding.

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry