whole day i'm fucking busy only get few money

never forget that you are someone’s most legendary fumble

one day i will crack my back in a way that will solve all my life problems

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

i can’t die but thank you :) im sure this information will be useful for someone who can

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

the urge to download bad mobile games whenever you're slightly inconvenienced and on the brink of killing yourself should be studied

Lay waste to his pussy with torch and sword

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

I have heard a variant on it that I really like: "You cannot hate yourself into someone you can love."