whole day i'm fucking busy only get few money

Hey sorry if I’m kinda weird I was supposed to be dead by now

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

do not ever slander the beautiful goddess carbs around me

“empty carbs” don’t you dare talk about her like that. you’re empty. how do you like that.

it's mud and sludge and guts and gore and violence and death wednesday everyone give it up for mud and sludge and guts and gore and violence and death wednesday

dreamt that walmart was doing some kind of sale where they partnered with a company called "freevaginaphotos.com" and when i bought something they also printed out a picture of someones vagina and gave it to me

you do not get to destroy other peoples bodies

thank you for reminding me, i was about to destroy someones body until i saw this

i love narcan i love plan b i love cross sex hormones I HATE almond milk it's too thin for most vegan drinks and baking yet too fucknasty flavored for a lot of cooking you'd want something thinner for so what's its deal exactly

sometimes you just want to coat your mouth with a film of bitter slime.

That's why I go to your dad's house.

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.

I'm not saying it's a guaranteed solution, I'm just saying we ought to at least try crossdressing if we haven't yet

It worked for me!

And it could work for you!

Ok, I did it. And the microwave door is still broken.

"incurious" still GOAT insult. You could be better but you're not. You could learn but you won't, and for no good reason, just a base dispositional apathy. Get fucked