matthew!

I relate to niall so badly I get pissed off when people hate on him.. like yes its a toxic trait that I get mad when my favorite character gets criticized. But most of them dont even try to understand his character, I just get so mad. Especially since in a way I understand half his crashouts, and his entire speech in the hospital. I would've been envious too that the person who had ruined my life was living better than me, ignoring me while I was stuck living with the trauma he had given me. The envy he had, how self destructive he was, the emotionally unavailable mother, how awkward he was, how he never fully accepted nor understood why he always felt there was something missing inside him since he was born. There was just so many things that hit close to home. Especially that one scene with Maura and Lori where Maura couldn't stop tickling him and he got so scared.

"Idiots," I say, referring to the characters I have spent hundreds of my real life hours contemplating.

randy and benson going to a shitty, kind of questionable zoo while on the road, its $5 admission and they have nowhere else to be. its hot and its kinda of sad looking at the animals that should definitely Not be in the New Mexico climate, but its cool seeing all sorts of things. randys never been to a zoo, though he thinks hed prefer the aquarium - until they get to the safari section and he cant take his eyes off benson who forked out a few bucks at a stand selling cups of fruit to feed the animals. hes all crinkled eyes and soft smile, sweat glistening on his forehead as he out stretches his hand to feed a baby giraffe a chunk of apple . hes laughing at its long purple tongue, nodding along as it slobbers all over his hand. randy watches him grimace at his hands as it loses interest when the fruit runs out and wanders off, watching it go back to its mom. He smiling again, wiping his hand off on his thrifted shorts chuckling, "yeah, still fuckin cool"

was it casual when he stabbed you in his kitchen, a place no different than his own personal shrine, and embraced your bleeding body thinking it could be the first and last time he was doing so? was it casual when he slashed your daughter figure's throat next, in front of you, letting her bleed out and die in a kitchen; where she was always meant to die, her father's kitchen? was it casual when he realised it was too late and that you had already changed him, you wanted the rare gift he gave you, but he didn't know that?

happy pride month to Randy and Benson! !!