matthew!

they always fight over the air conditioner in andre’s car, switching it from high to low or cool to hot a million times. andre bullies cal for wearing hoodies and long sleeve shirts all the time, and cal nags him for wearing shorts even when it’s snowing outside.

there are some times it’s nice, though. at night they hold onto one another. andre gets a nice chill from cal’s icy skin, and cal puts his hands in the crease of andre’s neck and under the brunette boy’s armpits, the warmest parts of him. when they’re simply lying around the house, they’ll hold hands. it doesn’t do much to regulate temperature, but it feels nice. one time, when andre was sick and overheating, cal came around to put his cold hands all over andre’s warm forehead.

it’s dark in andre’s brother’s house. his wife is asleep alone in their king bed, and his kids are unconscious in their own rooms. he sits by the window so the moonlight can shine into the house.

there’s a small cupcake in front of him. he didn’t buy it specifically for andre’s birthday, but it was in the house and it fit the occasion. it has a lit candle in it that’s dripping wax onto the pink frosting, leaving little dots of color that look like sprinkles.

listen, andre’s brother isn’t a religious man. he left all that shit behind a while ago, yet he finds himself saying a prayer before he goes to blow out the candle. there’s no need for wishes; none of his could come true anyways. his brother was never coming back despite how many times he wished for it. still, he could pray that andre was doing okay wherever he was, afterlife or reincarnation or simply decomposing in an unmarked grave.

he lets out a soft breath to extinguish the flame and sits in silence for a moment before softly saying to himself, “happy birthday, dre.”

after letting the moment sink in, he stands and moves to the trash. he throws the cupcake away. he feels too sick to eat it. maybe his wife will ask him about it in the morning if she looks in the garbage can, but he’ll just brush it off.

before going to his room to lay down with his wife, he stops by his kids’ rooms and gives them all a soft kiss on the head. he’s been doing everything he can to prevent them from following in andre’s footsteps, to be a better parent than his parents if that’s even possible.

andre knows cal from school. they aren’t close, but he sees him in the hall sometimes. andre is in higher level classes that cal doesn’t qualify for, and andre finds that funny.

what he doesn’t find funny, though, is when cal walks into the pizza shop andre works at. he’s not there to eat; andre can tell because he’s wearing the restaurant’s uniform. andre sinks a little at the idea of working with him.

he ends up training cal, which consists of telling cal what to do and getting annoyed if he asks any questions or for andre to repeat any instructions. cal’s a slow learner, and it drives andre nuts. it doesn’t help that cal doesn’t care for the job either.

the only reason cal applied for the job is because he needed money. his parents had stopped giving him money unless it was christmas or his birthday, and he could barely do anything. he couldn’t even buy weed anymore. a job was the only choice.

the boys end up avoiding each other. well, andre tries to avoid cal, but the blond boy finds every chance to get in his way.

thank you so much!! it means a lot!

on new years, mr. kriegman receives an email with animated fireworks and ‘happy new year!’ written in a fancy font. he checks who it’s from, hoping it’s not a joke email from someone bullying him because of what his son did. it’s not. it’s from cal’s mom.

on valentine’s day, the kriegmans get small cards in the mail, the type kids give out in elementary school. when sorting through the mail, mrs. kriegman notices the name gabriel on one envelope. she almost throws it out.

on andre’s birthday, the gabriel family actually calls the kriegman’s home phone. andre’s parents don’t answer. they just listen to the voicemail of the entire family singing happy birthday to andre. they wonder how the gabriel family even got their number. they don’t know that it’s from a sticky note cal hung by his nightstand with the words ‘kriegman’s #! in case of emergency’ scrawled onto it.

on christmas, andre’s parents receive a specialized card in the mail with pictures of cal’s parents and siblings as well as an old photo of cal when he was younger playing in the snow. it says ‘with love, from the gabriels!’ and it almost makes mrs. kriegman sick.

he and andre had been chilling on the couch for a couple hours, watching random television shows before popping in one of their favorite horror movies. their night began with them sitting upright next to each other, but now they both lay flat on the sofa with their bodies facing one another. their feet are intertwined, and cal can feel one of andre’s clothed feet rubbing a circular pattern into the back of his calf.

the film is dark, but cal can still see the outline of andre’s body. he can spot the limited light from the movie dancing around in andre’s pupils. he notices the sharp contrast between the light blue hue of the television and the dark brown color of andre’s eyes.

andre turns to face cal after a minute. he felt cal’s eyes on him and wanted to know why the other boy was staring. he still doesn’t stop rubbing small circles on cal’s leg.

cal blinks when he realizes that andre is looking back at him, but he doesn’t look away. they stay like that for a bit, staring into each other’s eyes until a girl screams on screen which catches andre’s attention. he laughs a little at the scene and gets invested in the movie once more.

cal feels a weird twinge in his stomach at the sound of andre’s laugh. he also notices a sense of disappointment inside himself when andre stops staring at himself. these feelings have been happening often, and cal hates it.

every time he feels nervous or weird around andre, he wants to slap himself for thinking anything romantic about his best friend. recently, he’s gone to bed reciting prayers to a god he doesn’t believe in, a god he has heard can make these feelings go away if he just prays hard enough. he has even gone back through old prayer journals he used to keep. he’s stuck on a certain page, though. it’s about a specific sin: homosexuality.