Dad Jokes

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!

Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…
’ Dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.