i often think about how the cast doesn't drive (maybe mammon, he has a damn car in his room) and how fucking annoying they'd all be as passenger princesses, so here's
the obey me brothers as passenger princesses
puts his seat belt on, sits quietly and doesn't distract you
definitely a backseat driver though OH GOD. then it might get distracting
always thinks y'all are gonna die
"the speed limit is 35(mph, american sorry), you're going 42."
"you need to press on your brakes earlier, we almost hit the car in front of us" (you're a tractor trailer length behind them)
he doesn't know how to work the aux but if he did it would be either classical music or divorced dad rock
doesn't like going fast. if you're in a rush, just leave earlier
doesn't engage with road ragers; he's above that
but sometimes. someone will get him. how dare that pest treat you like this; putting your life in danger over a moment of irritation? karma may not be immediate, but it is inevitable.
the longer you stay in the car with him, the more it feels like you're in a driving lesson with your parent. get him out asap
8.5/10 for behavior. -1.5 points for becoming a driving instructor
ok maybe not really but he's a TERRIBLE influence. you'll have to force him to wear his seatbelt
thinks stop signs are suggestions
urges you to speed through yellow lights
a HUGE rage baiter. someone cuts you off and he's gesturing to them from the passenger seat. you have to reach over and smack him in the arm to cut it out
someone giving you a hard time on the road? they have to pull over because there's suddenly a murder of crows surrounding their vehicle
"WE'RE GONNA BE LATE GO FAST GO FAST GO FAST"
there's a solid chance you'll get pulled over trying to stop his shenanigans
mammon flashes a smile and uses demon manipulation on the officer to let you guys go
you can let it slide this one time
leaves crumbs and wrappers in your car
do not get fast food with him. he will be tasked with holding the food. he will drop the fucking tray
says he 'knows a guy' that can mod your car to make it faster. don't listen to him
3.3/10 jesus take the fucking wheel
thinks he can drive because he plays devil theft auto 5
you can let him drive if you're okay with a totaled vehicle
which you probably aren't, so keep his ass in the passenger seat.
starts sputtering about how embarrassing it is to have to be driven around by a human yada yada yada shut the fuck up man i'm trying to fucking focus on the road
enjoys all your little car decorations and thinks it smells nice in there
his only complaint is there's 'not enough merch'
the next time you drive together, he brings little trinkets for you so you 'always think about him on the road'
he takes the road rage bait so easily man
"ICANTBELIEVETHATFUCKINGNORMIEJUSTCUTYOUOFFLIKETHATTHISISWHYHUMANSARESTUPIDANDSHOULDNOTBELEFTTOTHEIROWNDEVICES"
ok buddy it's not that deep
you're literally in love with a human so what now
it starts raining and you have to chastise him or else he will flood the highway. he seems to think your car is waterproof. it is not.
you arrive either exactly on time or 4 minutes late
5.2/10 no you can't watch an amv while driving
why would you put satan in a metal death machine. it only fuels his wrath.
i know satan's whole thing is this Composed Nonchalant Guy, but you cannot convince me that he's isn't immature asf around mc from time to time. inside an enclosed moving space?? there are no witnesses.
almost blows up road ragers with his mind but you gotta tell him to calm the fuck down
throws rocks out the window at them instead. he manages to do it like 3 times before you notice what's going on
where did he get the rocks????????? great question
i mean at least he uses his seatbelt and doesn't (purposefully) distract you
he goes silent for a while and you look over to see him reading your car manual
satan car guy era when 😭😭😭😭😭😭
if your car is dusty or dirty, he will mention it. remind him of the state of his room and he'll shut the fuck up real fast
not a fan of speeding (but you'll throw rocks at people oh ok)
makes you guys leave 25 minutes early. you arrive right on time because you had to stop the car to let him help a turtle cross the road
gets extremely upset over roadkill
make sure to empty your backseat if you're going on a library trip because his books will take up the entirety of the space
experiments with his curses on cops
7.8/10. minus 2.2 points for mansplaining your own vehicle to you + throwing rocks
his sun visor is open the entire ride. not even to block the sun. just to look at himself.
he makes sure you drive normally only to ensure he doesn't fuck up his makeup application
with how scary he can get in the drop of a hat, it works
you're on your best fucking behavior
asmo will not let you have the aux. yes, it's your car. no, he does not care. let him put you ON SOME BANGERS.
manages to charm everyone ???? in traffic. they let you pass them like you're an ambulance
reapplies his perfume so many times that your vehicle smells like it for the next three weeks. if you have perfume sensitivity you're dead buddy
says he 'knows a guy' that can mod your car to make it prettier. don't listen to him
starts live-streaming the trip and the comments are thirsting over how focused you look while driving
literally dgaf about road ragers 😭😭😭 doesn't even notice there are other people outside of the both of you until like 75% through the trip
which is even scarier because he unknowingly charmed all of 5pm traffic
gets so many candid photos of you. operating heavy machinery while conversing with him? while the sun radiates your features?? asmo needs to lie down. he has a whole album dedicated to Car Photos
8.4/10. -1.6 points for being territorial over aux
they were going to be separate at first but it would be way funnier if way were together
did you think i was going to say that beel would be chowing down on a burger in the front seat while belphie sleeps in the back?
no, they're both in the back seat. one at each window. staring at every other car.
'beel, did you see that jet black 2003 jaguar XJ super v8?'
'belphie, look at that dusty blue 1994 mitsubishi mirage ES!'
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
IT JUST CONTINUES THE ENTIRE RIDE
you completely tune them out within the first 8 minutes omfg
just crank your music and let them entertain each other
people are so confused by these two grown ass men staring intensely out of their respective windows that no one even thinks about messing with you
everyone else is on their best behavior because they're trying to be nosy asf. all like 'the hell are these guys talking about'
why do the twins know scary amounts of information about vehicles? well, lilith always loved human modes of transportation. the way they can come up with so many variations with one formula had always fascinated her
it's not just cars; beel and belphie can infodump about aircraft and sea vessels in just as much detail
turns out satan isn't the car guy in the family...
9.5/10 honestly they're too geeked to cause any trouble. -0.5 points for the first few minutes bc it's annoying asf until you tune them out
