IN A CROWD OF THOUSANDS

“I don’t even use that many, not compared to some. I’m not actively trying to get hurt. I know, but I meant more physically. They can shoot me for all I care, but if they lay a finger on you… I’ll kill them myself” it was really that simple. As long as she and Tia were safe, then he would go through anything. The minute either of them got injured… oh that would not be a sight that anyone would wish to see. “You’re going to go out, half naked, to buy peanut better? Damn, you are committed”. 

“I’m a pessimist, what are you expecting” and how could he really be happy? He had never deserved it, and his father had made damn sure he never felt it. “Is there a choice?”

“Honey, I think you just have an issue with swear words. It’s actually really cute. Maybe it is, but hey if it’s me they hurt and not you, then I don’t really care” that was the worst thing he could imagine. Her ever getting hurt. “Look I just really like peanut butter” he joked. But it was going to be easy for her to win any argument if she was going to kiss him like that. Then again, it was probably easy for her to win anything with him. “You’re the one complaining about peanut butter”.

“I am pretty sure your father wants to kill me, also think mine wants to kill me… maybe it’s just me they wanted dead” he joked… was it a joke? He wasn’t sure he actually knew at this point. “Well that is never going to happen. Ah… well.. because that spot is taken by peanut butter, though you do come second to it”. He smirked at the question, “your apartment isn’t cold, so yes, clearly we do need to check it if you’re cold here” he countered, moving away for a second to actually remove his trousers, and kick them and the shirt out the way. “God damn, think I missed a trick” he replied jokingly, “yeah, even if I could, that doesn’t stop the fact I fell for you. Doesn’t mean I am less shallow, just means you are my exception”. 

“Your funeral” he replied with a shrug, even if he knew that it very well might be. “Has nothing to do with your hugs, I don’t like physical contact full stop”. He shrugged, “done it before, no doubt will end up doing it again. That’s what having rich parents does”.

“That’s your choice, don’t say I didn’t warn you” about what he wasn’t sure. But he knew what happened when people got close to him, it was why he tried to avoid it.

“Yes, but on the plus side no one died because of what we did. Least I don’t think anyone has died. Although think some people did want to kill us. Olivia… light of my life… let it go” he replied, rolling his eyes as he spoke. “I say it because you’re the only one who seems to think anything else is true” and he wished it didn’t bother him so much, but he had been raised to believe that appearance was everything, it was hard to shake. “Perhaps, still probably do need to check that it’s true” he replied with a smirk.  “I’m not perfect. No one can be, it’s subjective isn’t it? I was the perfect son remember… and that was shit. A little? I was very shallow, probably still am”.

“Romeo and Juliet wasn’t love though, that was just two lustful teenagers. Unconventional maybe, but it’s ours, and hey meant we got to skip all the messy bits” and maybe part of him wished that things could have been easier, but at the end, if it had been any different things might not be this perfect. “I will. Thank you. I know my relationship with my parents has affected a lot of things between us. Guess I’m just not as strong as Dan is when it comes to handling their shit” he still didn’t know how brother had that side of things under control, the whole thing seemed to have simply controlled his entire life. “Well you know what they say, two bodies share heat so well” he teased, any worries about the security far from his mind at this stage. “I’m biased because of how I feel, and we know that when we first met I was shallow. I was right back then, you are beautiful. It was only after that I realised you were beautiful inside as well”.

“That’s in your head” he replied with a shrug. He didn’t do friendships, he didn’t deserve people in his life. “I don’t need it”.

“That might be pushing it a lot. I just do my preparation well, that’s all. Maybe… and most likely it would have ended with us splitting up and regretting the whole thing. Instead we had Tia, and we had a way to actually fall in love without all the other crap” no, he couldn’t regret or wish anything had been different. Not when this had led to a happy ending. “Honestly, not really. Yeah, I do still care, which is why I’m not trying to fix this. I need to know if they care enough about me to be the parents for once and come to talk to me. After everything, the least I deserve is seeing that they care, and it just won’t happen if either of us go to them” though his hope in that happening was fading, and fast. Seemed he really was just the spare child. “Mmm? See I’d say this was much better” he replied, moving to remove her top. “Nah, I am perfectly sane. You are just incredibly beautiful”. 

“And you’ve known me long enough to know that I don’t do friendships” perhaps that was cruel, but surely she realised that by now. He was a monster, he didn’t deserve to have any, but he could never admit to that either.