Hi hello. I just got out of the bath. Me cheeks are still hot and flushed. I'm drinking miso soup I just made from miso paste cuz my throat is a lil scratchy because I went out and danced two nights in a row (I know!) and now my immune system is a bit flared. So I'm drinking this soup as I write this so just imagine me stoping to take sips here and there.
It's the year 2024 and it is June. I am alive. Like alive. Like trying to feel the abundance and the blessings and the thankfulness that I'm living well while we witness some of the most evil and unimaginable circumstances on earth in our lifetimes. We are slipping deeper and deeper into apocalypse. Into despair. It's hard to breathe sometimes. But yeah life is good!
So here we go. I'm writing. I'm trying to write again. I've somehow become so fearful of what I want to say and how to say it and how everyone will react to it that my 50 million ideas of things I'd like to say swim around in my head all day long with no outlet, except the occasional friend I can confide in about my current obsessions.
I want to write about my art practice and bio fashion work. I want to write about what is going on in Palestine and the polarizing algorithms on social media. I want to write about being Jewish and tracing my lineages. I want to write about being a witch. I want to write about leaving my dream job in 2020 to pursue my dream life. I want to write about how I made my own self-guided academic program. I want to write about turning 35 this year and what that means to me! Okay let me sip my soup.
( BTW I forgot how fun it is to add gifs and images to these posts. I'm finding it delightful. )
So where should I start? How to start? How to write without getting self conscious about who will read it before you even write anything?
Okay I think I'll stop here. And comeback for the others. Thank you for coming.
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Caption: The most recent (almost) completed project of mine: bubble wrap basketball shorts.
[Image ID: An arm in a black hoodie with a hand with multi colored nails rest on top of blue bubble wrap basketball shorts.]
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been a while since I’ve had a regular schedule. These days I’m going to bed late and waking up late and before I know it the day is gone. It’s raining right now dark and gloomy. The new variant of Covid Omicron is raging and spreading quickly and lots of people are sick and testing positive. I was sick for a while, I tested negative twice but maybe I had it. We’re also seeing a rise of fentany lacing deaths — it’s been reported as the No. 1 cause of death for people between the ages of 18-45, yet getting fentanyl testing trips are not widely available or destigmatized. That on top of the rest of the general U.S. bullshit. This is the state of the world we are in at the end of Dec 2021.
After finishing my sneakers back in early September I fell off my regular study schedule. I was loosely working on a proposal for my old job — a dream proposal of how I envision the intergenerational technology and design center moving forward — which I finally completed earlier this month. I got good feedback and I’m submitting a final draft before the end of the year so I should get working on it.
In September I finished making my blue bubble wrap pants and showcased them along with my chaps at an Oakland Style Lab event. I also released a cool fashion art project called Hot Mask Summer where I made old masks into a bikini. In October I made a cute top out of an old crocheted blanket for my friends wedding. In November I worked on my ancestor altar for Dia De Muertos.
It’s the end of December now. I think for this new year I really want to put myself out there more, in ways that feel comfortable and natural. Im realizing that people who get seen and recognized the most are people who appear to be the loudest (or most frequent on social media). I hate social media but I’m going to try and see it as more of a tool and window and less as a horrible space filled with sadness and fakeness. I want to get recognition for my work. I want to design clothes that are in photoshoots or worn by artists I like. I want my work to be exhibited in gallery spaces. I want to start selling custom sneakers. I always feel weird about monetizing or placing a $$ value on my art but I do want to sell it or have it be seen on others. Maybe it’s not about selling my work as much as exhibiting it in the way I want it to be seen. I wanna feel less precious about everything I put out.
I’ve been tired every morning and have a hard time waking up. Even now it’s 1:35pm and I still feel like I have no energy. Im very vitamin D deficient (in multiple ways). Everybody is talking about NFTs now and I don’t get why we should all buy in. Anyways I’m giving myself a headache lol. I’ll get off here and work on something else.
A top I created out of an old granny square crocheted blanket that was falling apart. For my friends wedding party where the theme was “Dress to Impress Us.” I found the blanket in my parents house — it was made by my moms best friend’s mother. My cousin crocheted the straps in the wavy/scalloped style that I wanted. Turned out great and worked perfectly with my pants and shoes. Feels so good to make your own outfit versus spending hella $$ on something just for one look. Love it!
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Picture ID: a journal entry dated 1/14 in red ink that says: I’m so bored with the internet. And having a presence on the internet - why? I feel like I don’t want to be on the internet at all. No face on the internet. Like why have a journal on the internet unless I really really want people to know how cool I am.
I found this when I was rereading old journal last December, reflecting and gearing up for my Saturn return. This is from when I was just on tumblr and Facebook, Instagram hadn’t even permeated my life yet. So I decided to listen to myself and deleted Instagram without checking it for two months. And then had very minimal involvement with it since. I think I’ve finally come to a comfortable place where I just log on to post and get off as quickly as I can, because I become sucked in quickly. I have all apps (aside from my baby tumblr) deleted from my phone.
The passages I underlined or stared in Pleasure Activism. All quotes are by Adrienne Maree Brown unless otherwise noted.
“Pleasure Activism is the work we do to reclaim our whole, happy, and satisfiable selves from the impacts, delusions, and limitations of oppression and/or supremacy…Ultimately, pleasure activism is us learning to make justice and liberation the most pleasurable experiences we can have on this planet.”
“When I’m happy it is good for the world.”
“Pleasure is not money. Pleasure is not even related to money, at least not in a positive way. Having resources to buy unlimited amounts of pleasure leads to excess, and excess totally destroys the spiritual experience of pleasure.”
“What would I be doing with my time and energy if I made decisions based on a feeling of deep erotic, orgasmic yes?”
“…multi-gendered communities of possibility” - Alexis Pauline Gumbs
“Your orgasms are medicine and magic, use them well”
“Be a lifelong lover to yourself, let others join you.”
“Now I’m only into people who are worshipful with my body and my heart and who inspire that in me.”
“We are all responsible to find a way, a moment, an opening, or a set of relationships that allow us to grow as interrupters of despair.” - Malachi Garza
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Here is the final, official schedule of the classes I took this past semester! Now we are in July and officially on Summer Break from my own school. Life is grand.
How to copy a sweatshirt to create a sweatshirt pattern:
Supplies:
- A big piece of paper. I used butcher paper with a sticky along the top so it can easily stick the to the table. You can use pattern pattern paper, wrapping paper, or tape printer paper together.
- a tracing wheel
- flat and clear ruler
- curved ruler to finish curved edges (recommended but not required)
A captured screen shot of Slow Factory's lecture on the History of Plastic led by Dr. Theanne Schiros.
[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The captured screen shot slide reads:"What are plastics? And where do they come from?" Underneath, it has a description of Plastic, Polymers, Natural Polymers, and Synthetic Polymers. There is a graphic next to the descriptions that show the genetic sequence of a wood log, a beetle, and oil. The subtitles on the slide read: "So the story of plastic is kind of the story of how oil got into everything." ]
I was incredibly excited to watch this Slow Factory lecture on the History of Plastic because it tied in so well with my independent project, where I saved all my garbage from December (mostly plastic) to turn into a wearable of some sort. I wanted to learn more about how plastic became the most common material that ends up almost everything we use.
History of Plastic...Or the story of how oil got into everything.
What you should really do is watch this lecture. The main thing I took away is that the plastic industry was so profitable that the government spent lots of time and money to convince Americans that disposable was better, even though they knew from the beginning that plastic would only lead to more waste. It was a huge thing in the 1950's. And then since the 70's they've been trying to convince us that it's our fault that there is so much plastic waste and that its our job (the consumer) to fix it. While the fossil fuel industry just continues to make billions and fuck up the planet.
Screenshot of a slide from the History of Microplastics lecture with Slow Factory. [IMAGE Description: the slide reads: "Microplastic Definition: A plastic particle measuring less than or equal to 5mm in diameter is a microplstic. Shows an image of multicolored pieces of microplastics on top of black and white grid.]
The History of Microplastic
Following the History of Plastic lecture, Slow Factory had a lecture on The History of Microplastics led by Madeleine MacGillivray. This lecture also blew me away because it talked about how we consume plastics everyday -- it's literally everywhere -- including in our bodies...
The slide above says: "We get [microplastics in our bodies] from eating fish, drinking bottled (2x more than tap) water, breathing air, wearing synthetic fibers. 2 main pathways: Microplastics themselves, and toxins attached." The image on the slide shows a illustrated picture of a baby in placenta and the caption reads: "Although only 3 percent of the tissue from each placenta was sampled, scientists found 12 microplastic fragments in four out of six placentas they analyzed."
So even before birth we consuming plastic.
The lecture also talked about the myth of 'bioplastics' and basically said that even if these alternative plastics are made from natural materials like feedstock, that has nothing to do with the compostability/biodegradability of the product -- and most of these bioplastic products don't go back into the earth. So it's not that it's biodegradable, its just that it's plastic made from natural materials.
The lecture went on to debunk the myth that plastic is supposedly recyclable if it has the "recycling symbol" on it. The chasing arrows symbol that we see on plastic containers DOES NOT MEAN IT IS RECYCLABLE. Plastic companies use this symbol because they know we associate it with recycling, but instead what is means what classification of plastic it is. Only 9% of plastics actually are recyclable, commonly plastics listed with 1 and 2 in the middle of the chasing arrows symbol.
Plastic is Poison
At the same time I was going through these lectures I also came across a passage that stood out to me in book I was reading at the time, Adulthood Rights, the second book in Octavia Butler's Xogensis Series aka Lilith's Brood. The passage was was when Akin, the then first human-looking child from human and Oankali (alien) parents, was living among his human captors. The child sensed things through his tongue, could story history and information of objects that he could then pass on to his Ooloi (non-gendered alien) parent. One day he stumbles across a picture, a lenticular plastic photo of Jesus, found in a junk yard that he puts in his mouth only to spit it out. I've highlighted below the text of what happens.
Akins says: [The picture] was...more poison packed tight together in one place than I've ever known. Did Humans make it that way on purpose?"
He discovers that the shuttle which could eat anything had not eaten the plastic.
"Plastics used to kill people before the war." A human woman tells Akin. "They were in furniture, clothing, containers, appliances, just about everything. Sometimes poisons leached into food or water and caused cancer, and sometimes there was a fire and plastics burned and gassed people to death."
"Why did people use it so much if it killed them?" Akin asked
"Most of them didn't know how dangerous it was," Gabe [Akin's captor] said. "And some of the ones who did know were making too damn much money selling the stuff to worry about fire and contamination that might or might not happen...That's what Humans are too, don't forget. People who poison each other, then disclaim all responsibility."
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