Oliver

me: ayy lmao alien: not in the mood right now man…

hey girl are u from china because im china get the hell away from you

oh, boo hoo, let me blow you a sick smoke ring on the worlds smallest vape

i.e. why when you or someone else gets stabbed or impaled, you should leave the object in the wound until medical help arrives.

i feel like that last comment should be accompanied by a bill-wurtz-style jingle

#I can’t believe this is a real scene#it reads like one of those Incorrect Quotes things as a joke#except it’s real

Otis is actually canonically trans

​this worked last night lets go for round two

I really need some good luck rn

Somebody give this ignoramus a piece of actual shark skin and tell him to rub his face with it, let him find out just how “smooth” sharks really are.

Somebody did. I use it as a pillowcase because it’s so smooth.

Buddy. It’s smooth. The link you sent me led to a website that described how smooth they are. I dunno, maybe you don’t know how to read?

this post is transcendent

I will reblog this until heck boils over and sharks become rough (which will never happen).