달님.

[U.S.A., Illinois, Springfield March 23, 2013 11:00AM]

You know what’s strange? 

This feeling I have constantly in my chest. It’s like drowning with your lungs full of water and that inability to push ad pull. You are slowing dying by yourself but not on your own terms. It is never on your own terms. 

I don’t want a partner, I don’t want little kids running all over the place. At least not anymore. I’m too old to keep on trying to reach out for childish dreams. And that’s what they are: meaningless fantasies of a younger self, who didn’t know better. So, sometimes, you just need to remind yourself that it’s time to grow up and stop with the façade. 

However, I wonder if this is the real reason behind my decision to move out of my own Country. Maybe I thought that escaping would have made things a little bit different, but it seems like I still haven’t regained the capacity to breathe.

I’m still suffocating.

Ah, wasn’t there a song by U2? Something like “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for~”. I think it suits my most recently activities just fine and it makes me laugh, too. Ah, but look at me sniggering at my own misery. Am I not a fool? I suppose I am.