Sporadic Material

-- the sweet stranger who asked if I was taken today at the parking lot. Super respectful and made me feel validated.

I woke up feeling dejected somewhat and ugly. Greasy haired and bloated and I forgot my perfume and my makeup was sloppy. But I got to work because there's many things I need to prioritize right now. So I just focused on the dirty parking lot.

As I cleaned that lot thinking about Luke, almost crying because he hasn't reached out to me at all much since coming back home— this man saw me twirling and cleaning and trying to keep my dignity. And thought I was super cute and attractive (in his own words) and couldn't help but let me know.

I was embarrassed and flattered. And when he asked 'are you seeing someone?'

Am I?

Holding Luke's hand two nights ago, letting my heart race out of my chest, seeing him yesterday but how he seemed embarrassed about me hugging him in front of all of his old co-workers.... It hurt me a bit. Like Sandy from Grease. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe I'm too crazy about him. I feel like I'M seeing him but he's not fully seeing me... I don't know.

And yet.

When this boy asked me, I said yes. I said I am seeing somebody. And that no one's ever made me feel like this in my life. And he respected that so much.

And said, profoundly, 'I hope you feel as beautiful as you look.' as if somehow God knew I was feeling ugly and clingy and annoying and like no one else in the world is going to make me as happy as Luke does.

But God said- you are not ugly. And you are not like everyone else.