okng

There's this drive to find out the "why" when someone has done something to hurt them. It's as if figuring out someone's motivation to hurt them gives the hurt more meaning—as if, if there is a good enough reason, the hurt was deserved.

Knowing why won't give closure. Chasing the "why" from the Asshole That Hurt You (ATHY) isn't going to produce the answers you want to hear. Truth be told, they probably don't know the answer themselves.

Was it because they are selfish? Short-minded? Narcissistic? Stupid? Lacking a sense of self-awareness? Probably. Maybe. Most likely a dumb combination of all of the above.

Does that make you feel better? (Nope, you're still hurting.)

The idea of finding closure is just wanting a confrontation that ends up with the ATHY changing for the better—to never hurt you like that again. Running on hope that you are worth enough to that person to change the entire makeup of who they are for you..

We are geared with access to so many therapy buzzwords and phrases without the means to apply them to our lives. We throw those words into a blender with a Hollywood script to make things more digestible and think there's a neat and tidy happy ending to the trauma that was bestowed upon us.

So what's the point? Do you not deserve to know why? Do you not deserve closure? You do, but you also have to come to terms with the fact that you may not get it. You have to come to terms that no matter what reasoning/excuse/"WHY" the ATHY has, none of those will ever be good enough.

If there ever was a reason that could possibly exist to make the hurt deserved, you wouldn't obsess over closure in the first place.

Closure isn't something that someone else can give you. You're not entitled to it, because it'll never be handed to you neatly with a bow on top.

Closure is something you have to manifest for yourself. It's a choice you make for yourself to put down the book after going through one bad chapter after another, knowing you'll never know the ending.